I want you. I want you more than anything in the world.
Mike Driver

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@wolfnight2012
I want you. I want you more than anything in the world.
the end of project hail mary is such a âjust this once, everyone livesâ moment bc the safety of earth and erid relied solely on grace and rocky meeting. earth would have never retrieved the taumoeba if rocky has not used his engineering skills and xenonite to retrieve it, nor would erid if grace had not made the scientific breakthrough and turned back for rocky. put other people (and sentient rocks) in their place, who may have allied but not had such a poignant connection, and the equation is missing a crucial component. everything truly did depend on them loving each other
"How's your wife, Kinger?"
why is it so distressing for you to think about cas and balthazar? just asking cos you're the only person i've seen with strong feelings abt balthazar at all
I really view Cas killing Balthazar as one of the worst things heâs done because there was no point to it. Cas was feeling horrifically betrayed and decided the correct thing to do was stab his friend in the back.
I think part of this is just... Cas has so many times in which he is attacked or betrayed by his family. Like this is pretty consistent throughout years of his characterisation. He never wanted to kill other angels like that is not something we see him take pleasure in. Consistently, he tries while fighting and killing them to try to get them to stop. This is often while they are an active threat, engaged in combat.Â
Now, we often donât actually see how close Cas and other angels are, but with Balthazar, it is quite noted they are close friends. Not only this, Balthazar clearly knows Cas. He knows Cas in a way that pokes holes in Casâs plans in a way that is actually in fact logical as well (rather than say Dean who is mostly just reacting off feelings of betrayal). Balthazar sees that Cas is lying immediately, when Sam and Dean didnât the entire season or whatever, not being he trusts Cas less, but because he knows Cas, so he knows Cas is a bad liar. Like there is actually a depth of intimacy between the two of them that is quite rare for Cas to experience outside tfw.Â
Balthazarâs betrayal of Cas is not out of malice towards Cas, but honest concern for what Casâs plans are and the knowledge that when (he believes) Cas will fail, it will destroy Cas anyways in the process.
But when Cas kills him, he is working completely emotionally, and in fact, (if anything) misdirecting the emotions. He stabs Balthazar in the back, and he does so after Balthazar has already effectively betrayed him. There isnât any real reason for it, and Balthazar is not expecting it. Like he goes on the assumption that betraying Cas is putting his life at risk and he logically sees how it could end in his death, but he is 100% shocked and not prepared for that reality when it occurs.
I also really do like Balthazar and would have loved to see more of him and Cas interact tbh, but I think the reason itâs so distressing is that Cas really did literally murder a close friend/family for no logical reason, just an emotional response of being hunted and betrayed by everyone closest to him.
You know I love to drag Kripke as much as the next person, but one thing his era did very well was consistently characterizing John Winchester as a terrible father and Sam and Dean's upbringing as abuse.
Seasons 1-5 were not wishy-washy about what kind of father John was. He left his kids alone all the time. He put the care of Sam on Dean's shoulders almost immediately. He used Sam as bait for a Shtriga and let Dean carry the guilt of it for nearly 20 years. He spent his sons' college fund on ammo.
He disowned Sam for wanting to go to college. He drank a lot and disappeared for days at a time. He withheld affection from Dean to the point Dean found his father expressing pride in him anomalous enough to pull a gun on him. He considered his revenge more important than his children's lives or well-being.
He had strained relationships with nearly everyone he knew. He snuck off to take his secret third son to baseball games, leaving his other two sons alone or maybe with a friend. He normalized violence for his sons completely. He is heavily implied to have beaten Dean, who shielded Sam from the same treatment.
He failed to show up when Dean called him, crying and afraid. He failed to show up when Sam called him to say Dean was dying. He ordered Sam and Dean around like soldiers, and Dean visibly shut down around him. He broke promises to his sons. He left them alone with loaded weapons.
All of that and more is established and reiterated throughout Kripke's era. Dean basically calls him a deadbeat dad at one point. Bobby calls him a coward in season 4. Dean calls him an obsessed bastard in season 3. His absence in season 1 (and for periods throughout Dean's childhood) is paralleled to Anna's loss of faith due to God's absence in season 4 and Castiel's fruitless search for God in season 5.
Mary is horrified at the way her children were raised. John himself drags Sam and Dean's upbringing and their father, not realizing he's talking about his own actions. We even find out eventually that Mary's death didn't start the problems, only made them worse. John and Mary were fighting and he left just after Sam was born, leaving Dean trying to comfort his mom at four years old.
He's written at every turn as a man who abdicated his responsibility as a father and abused and traumatized his sons. And to an astute viewer, Sam and Dean's complex feelings about their father, their attempts to justify their upbringing, never read as a refutation of that characterization. If anything, they serve to reinforce it.
Hell, their changing perceptions of that upbringing even mirror their character arcs somewhat: as Dean grows more and more tired and disillusioned with hunting, he grows less willing to justify John's behavior. Whereas Sam, as he grows more enmeshed in hunting and the supernatural, becomes more and more willing to minimize John's abuse and sympathize with him.
It's horrible and sad and beautifully done, like the people writing it really fucking understood how abuse affects people and how Sam and Dean's violent lives and relationships to masculinity are related to the way they grew up and the lessons they learned from their father.
Like we're not supposed to valorize John or romanticize him or believe he did his best; we're literally watching the wreckage he left in his wake unfold tragically in his sons' lives.
And the show keeps that energy through Gamble's era too. It's not until Carver and Dabb's eras that there's this weird back-and-forth retconning of John's character, like they wanted to write Sam and Dean moving past their trauma but this time, the writers didn't understand the material they were working with. Like they didn't know how to let Sam and Dean heal without handwaving the trauma itself.
You donât know anything about my family.
jack turns this in for a school assignment and his teacher calls a parent-teacher conference to ask about it and three beefy dudes and a tiny woman pile into the classroom and introduce themselves as dean, cas, sam, and eileen and the teacher is like (checks family tree) ok that tracks but please misters winchester and mr & mrs leahy can you explain this?? this canât be right, can it? and the four of them pile around it and inspect it and dean hands it back and says âno that looks about rightâ and the teacher fears them for the rest of the year
I love it so much, thank you
like genuinely THEE trio is claire kevin jack theyâre my favorite kids in canon. in the Secret Good Spn obviously theyâre all alive and living at the bunker w sam dean cas. kevin fucking hates it there and he makes it known. heâs a shithead to all three of tfw and when they first bring back claire (in this tfw brings her back directly after the Debacle where dean like kills her shitty father figure or smth. i dont remember dont tell me) anyway when they first bring back claire kevinâs like you bring this child. this shitty little teenager. this high school white trash white girl into my HOUSE but then claire tries to torch one of deanâs shirts out in the yard for unspecified reasons and kevin decides grudgingly he will take her under his wing. theyâre reluctantly tolerant of each other and outwardly snipe all the time but they also just hang out all the time 1) bc theyâre the only ones remotely close to each otherâs ages and therefore each otherâs ONLY hope when dean makes an inane reference to a movie neither of them have seen, will see, or will ever want to see 2) fuck the winchesters type energy 3) underneath it all theyâre the same angry lonely traumatized people and they recognize it in each other and therefore, w mutual understanding and resignation, actually really like each other. sam dean cas watch this play out bemusedly and dean tries to get kevin off claireâs back once ONCE like âhey kevin back off claire will youâ and then claire yells at him to leave kevin alone so for the most part they just leave them to their rituals. kevin spends a lot of time teaching her to play the video games he played in high school.
and oh man once jack shows up he ALSO ends up hanging w them all the time bc they just decide to adopt him. theyâre reluctant about taking him in at first esp in front of each other but heâs just so FRIENDLY that both of them secretly bond with him individually and then like two weeks in kevin walks in on claire teaching jack to sword fight w the katanas on display in the library and from then on theyâre inseparable. theyâll squirrel away in a random room of the bunker w snacks and movies and video games and not be seen for days. cas is the only one allowed in their super secret hideouts bc 1) heâs an angel and he has magic powers and extended spatial awareness and 2) bc heâs jackâs favorite person in the whole wide world and jack always has his location on via father-son mind meld. kevin and claire will let cas play a few rounds of smash bros with them before shooing him back out. anyway thru jack both kevin and claire end up rediscovering a little joy from the lost childhoods they both were traumatically yanked from, and his boundless innocence and Goodness get them to soften outwardly towards each other like theyâll still pick fights but now they have to set an example for their toddler brother so itâs pulling each otherâs hair instead of punching each other in the face. in the end they both just end up fiercely protective of him. kevin bc he never thought he would get to care so deeply abt someone akin to family again, like he definitely resigned himself to a miserable existence in the bunker and hating however the rest of his life would play out and not caring abt anyone ever again bc the ppl close to him ended up dead/getting hurt; claire for much the same reasons but also bc sheâs trying to transfer all the Big Brother energy she gets from kevin onto jack. PLUS also bc heâs her - like heâs technically her brother. via cas. sheâs defensive of cas she doesnât know if itâs residual feelings re: her dad or if cas has earned her legitimate empathy and sympathy but he obvs cares so much for jack that she genuinely ends up seeing him as a little brother. both kevin and claire end up willing to take bullets for him.
they have a kidsâ table in the bunker. they donât eat w the winchesters bc kevin still canât look at dean w/o getting a homicidal glint in his eye (heâs getting better about it! now he lets dean cook him meals. its the effect of found family/found sibling interaction) but theyâll eat in the library and get crumbs on the books which sam bemoans but lets them do bc in all fairness they did traumatize these children in unique and horrifying ways. picture kevin and claire sitting at a table with sandwiches snickering over stupid minecraft plays teaching jack to take the tomatoes out of his sandwich and fling crusts at each other and how to be family, family that chooses each other, family that actually extends beyond blood
Those arenât human things
"and then you went and ruined it"
every now n then i think about how native americans as human beings just dont exist in like 99% of mainstream media. in movies or tv shows or books or video games or you know even in porn like we just arent people. when theres a native character theyre like a wild west indian. like truly to ppl we all died back in the 1900s.
I love jaywalking with another pedestrian lol weâre unionized
fonts will be named shit like viscera antique, 16 bit dreams, doctor's orders, bingo condensed, googly, wish you were here
for your consideration
I think the biggest effect Sense8 had on my life is me saying "I see you, villain" whenever I am dealing with anything that mildly inconveniences me