Love in the time of Tinder

****The Paris Edition ****

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 10 : A French Connection

 " I have never been here " Mike confessed 

" So you don't know every corner in Paris after all !  I teased..." I am so glad it was me who got to show you something new for a change". I replied.

He smiled at me and said: "You did great Miss "

Mike was the Paris advisor kind of man. He knew every corner and every place and really liked to help and guide, which was very unlikely for a parisian: First he tried to help with the Japanese restaurant selection, then he suggested I visit the Saint Jacques tower :

"It's on your way to Pompidou Museum  and has one of the best views of Paris .You should definitely pass by"  he texted earlier this afternoon before heading to Starbucks . 

"So why are you using Tinder on your last two days ?" he asked 

I told him the story about how Audrey got me into Tinder and I added: "I got curious and decided I will try it out and write an article about it  "

"Aha ,and you have many stories to write about already ?" he replied 

"Oh believe me, I feel like a puppet master ! I am getting all the informations I need for that article  " 

" And you are doing pretty well ! Two dates already ! "

"Well, what can I say, you will always be my first "

" I am honoured Miss"  he replied ...

Although we have just met, there was a certain familiarity in our interaction. I really felt like we know each other for a long time, like I can tell him anything I wanted.

"And where are you going to with your second Tinder date " he adds  

Well anything ....except that !

" I am not gonna talk to you about it " 

I already knew, from our online interaction, that Mike asks surprising questions and I was prepared to be bombed with a few ! Yet, live, Mike had this traditional disciplined man look. He seemed like someone who would only ask boring questions which made me totally forgot about the questionnaire aspect of his personality.

" It's the rules of the game and I know them perfectly well ! Believe me , you can talk to me about anything you want "

I looked him directly in his eyes and I replied with defiance : I don't know exactly where we are going , but all I know is that it should be held somewhere near the Opera area"..

He answered looking back  into my eyes with more defiance: " You can go to the Marais street, it has really nice pubs and restaurants   " 

I was in awe mode: " Oh no no no, you are not gonna advice me about that too, Mr  tour guide. "

He was happy I was teased ! He had this amused proud look on his face and I had this huge smile on mine. And I was surprisingly having a good time and definitely not ready to leave his sight anytime soon...Well at least not yet .

I received a message from my friend Habib who was still waiting for my instructions on when and where to go to .I apologised to my date and told him that I needed to answer this urgently  .

I asked Habib to meet us at Starbucks in a desperate attempt to have more time with Mike : " He is so cute , please please please " ! 

" You are crazy girl , he will think we are inviting him for a three some and I will be crashing your date "

" Don't worry, please trust me and just come here ! I want you to meet him " I texted back.

" Ok , ok , I will be there " he answered.

As soon as I finished texting with Habib ,I announced to Mike that my friend is going to join us in a few .

"Yeah sure no problem" he answered calmly .

You could see that Mike was a calm man. He had this soothing energy that was making me feel very at peace.  I was not anxious or moving my hands uncontrollably  like I usually do when I am talking tensed. I was not worried about sharing too much or too little!  I was not even being my shy normal self !! I was so comfortable around him that I asked Habib to join us. I didn't care how weird or inconvenient it would look like. For some reason, I knew that Mike would understand my reasons and not judge me.

And for some weird reason he did : he was happy we had more time !

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 9 : Boy meets Girl

 A Tinder encounter is like any other blind date :  you are not sure how the match looks like, sounds like ,or talks like  . You are meeting a total stranger after all .

 Mike only had one picture displayed on his account . Now a unique picture on an online dating profile could be interpreted in many ways :

1-It could mean that Mike was not good looking....For some reason , I didn't feel that was the case here  ! 

2- It could also mean that his tinder picture is old and  he might have grown mustaches or add a lot of weight or even turned into a woman since .

3- It can also mean that he is not confident about how he looks like which is definitely not appealing  even in the most handsome of men  .

4-It can also mean that he is not a narcissist which is a great thing and which most probably is the case here  . 

5- It can also mean that he is not such a Tinder fan or addict .

While I was lost in my thoughts, dwelling on how he could actually look like , a man was coming my way and looking at me . He was brown , tall and nothing like Mike's picture .Yet for some weird reason he was still heading my way:

"Oh , this couldn't possibly be him, I am sure he is going to the bathroom"  I thought 

But he wasn't  going to the toilets , he was approaching my table and as soon as he got near , I could see his lips  moving .

"Oh no , he is talking to me ! This stranger is definitely Mike  ! I felt so disappointed and deceived .

" Is this seat taken ? he said to me ... I am sitting with my friends there and we still need one chair and I was checking if I can take yours  "...

I was relieved ! He was not Mike !  ...

"I am sorry but I do need the chair . I am waiting for someone"  I replied .

In fact I was still expecting Mike and as time was passing by , I was becoming curious and curiouser by the minute .My heart was beating fast . Any minute now , he could be reaching me, and talking to me .

In an attempt to keep my nerves calm and  myself busy, I began to read a book I carried with me.....As soon as I started  , I heard a voice behind me:

"I am sorry I am late "

He was finally here and got closer to me , he gave me two kisses on the cheeks  and sat on the chair right next to me .

Oh it was Mike, but he looked different. His Tinder  picture eventually turned out to be an old one : he had in fact grown a beard and it suited him perfectly ! His eyes were beautiful : dark with long eyelashes ! The best part of them is that they were sparkly , full of life ! Miked looked very manly , very familiar, very lebanese.

We were both looking at each other .We were both smiling,amused and relaxed  ! There was no awkwardness between us , no silences  .We just clicked immediately! 

Tinder was right : Mike and I were a match ..

And Mike and I had only  30 minutes....

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 8 : Out of trouble

As the day progressed , I realized that I had heard nothing from Felipe. I was actually hoping I would not  again.

Unfortunately , life doesn't always grant us what we wish for. Later on , he sent a text to ask me how my day is going (Oh, how sweet!) and then finished the conversation by saying:

"See you tonight  " .

Those 3 words are exactly what every Tinderella excepts to read from her match for it meant that he has not bailed on her  . Every bone in my body wanted to cancel  that encounter: I was really hoping that Felipe was not the man who keeps his words or his dates( very sane of you Jesse). Yet I refused to listen to that inner voice , so I kept my plans as they were : I was still going to have that drink with Felipe at 9h30.

While I was on my way to finally see Mike, I sent a message to Habib , my lebanese friend , informing him that I had a tinder date at the Opera's Starbucks at 6h30 pm and that I needed him to stay prepared just in case that coffee turned out to be ....a bad idea . Everything was  perfectly orchestrate: I had only one hour  to spend with Mike and logically no heartbreak could come out of this hour ! I was safe, I thought ! 

I got there right on time! Starbucks at the Opera Avenue was surprisingly very different : I was actually blown away when I got inside: the interior decor was like nothing you would except in the coolest modern coffee shop of our modern times.  The contrast was beautiful : People were having the Starbucks products in an old typical french palace!  

Yet there was no sign of Mike .  

As soon as I got connected to the WiFi I received a message from him informing me that he still needs 10 minutes to get there because of a meeting that withheld him .

"Take your time .. I am already there. The table I am seated on is the one next to the toilets " I replied .... 

 I was impressed , Mike has chosen a surprisingly romantic place to meet. 

Except he didn't : a few minutes later , I received another message from him  : "Are you at the Starbuck of Boulevard"? .

As soon as I shared my location with him on whatsApp , he replied : " Oh ! I went to the other one. I am heading your way now. See you in a few " .

As it turned out , there was two Starbucks at the Opera Avenue and  I accidently entered the wrong one ! Whether this turn of event was a pure struck of luck , or a pure struck of typical "messy Jesse " behavior didn't really matter .Life gives you exactly what you ask for, and subconsciously , I wanted to skip that meeting and I almost did by going to the wrong place.

Mike was on his way and with the tight schedule that I had on my last night in Paris , time was not our best ally ...It was passing by quickly and as it turned out to be, our meeting was going to be very brief , 30 minutes brief ! 

 Out of trouble...Check ! 

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 7 : Breathe !

It has been well established that humans are driven by two big emotions : Love and Fear , and Fear my friends, I have noticed, has been keeping me  hostage  .

Truth to be told , it took me so much time to heal from the wounds of a one sided love .It was one of the most painful things I have had to endure . I would not wish that fate on anyone , not even on my enemies ... 

Yes , I was finally over my Ex , but I had nothing more to offer : I was emotionally drained....I was definitely in repair mode....I needed time by myself , for myself ! No boys distractions !

In fact I was happy being single . I had a full schedule everyday ! I was being independent and I was taking really good care of myself and making plans for my future : I was going to continue my studies in London and I wanted to go there as a single person !  I was at a point in my life where I did not need a man but I still needed the company of a man , but only as a friend  .

 For the first time in my life , I was feeling comfortable in  my own company , in my own skin. I was feeling good . I was really happy !

But my fear was becoming more serious and it was obvious for me after a while that I was having a real problem . It all started during this summer while I was still in Lebanon when Rodger and I went for drinks : We got seated in a cozy romantic table . To make things more uncomfortable for me   , the waiter approached us and lite the candle .I was getting very nervous and hot .I couldn't stay seated on that table anymore , so I blamed the hot weather and asked for two chairs on the indoor bar .

But it didn't stop here :My  heart almost stopped when Fares called our  meeting  "a date" . I replied to his disturbing label like any  freaked out woman would do :" This is not a date and please don't use that word again because you are making me feel uncomfortable "  (Way to go Jess, you taught him well !).

And here I am in Paris  , having another episode: .Meeting Mike for a simple  friendly coffee was a lot of pressure ! Meeting Felipe over drinks was weirdly not!

Truth to be told , there was something kind and weird  about Mike and I am really sensitive to this "deadly" combination   ....I don't remember the last time I really liked a boy and I was leaving in 24 hours and there was no point in meeting ! Or was there ?

 I was becoming a cowered and it was really bothering me .

"It is just coffee Jess , not a marriage proposal " I kept telling myself over and over again ..".It is just coffee Jess , not a marriage proposal "

Finally ,the logic part of my brain caught up with that motivational line and it gave the right order to my fingers :

" I will be at the Opera area around 6 " I wrote 

" Starbucks Opera at 6h30 then  " Mike replied 

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 6 : Welcome to the Age of Un-innocence

 That's how Mike and I went from tinder to number .

."I thought my whats App was disabled "  he sends.

" Aw , and you activated it only for me" ..I teased 

"My first  gesture of attention ..welcome to 2014 "..he smartly replies 

" You are such a romantic Mr Mike " :P....

" These times require such romantic gestures "...he adds

After a few back and forth messages between us , I decided I needed to leave : It was almost 2 pm and I was still  trapped between the walls of Audrey's beautiful apartment, answering messages on both Tinder and  WhatsApp....

And I have had it : this social media virtual trap was exactly why I didn't want to be bothered by Tinder : I was missing a real beautiful day in Paris  , my last...

But Magic Mike was already turning into my only and favorite match on Tinder and it was becoming harder and harder to leave him for my favorite city!...I was starting to panic and I felt the urge to flee I just as fast as I can ...So I did : I ended the conversation and said that I needed to go...( Good girl )

And just  when I was heading for the door I received another message.... from Christopher this time ...

Christopher was free this afternoon and wanted to meet me. As for me , I needed to free my mind of Mike ...so I agreed to meet Christopher.... but definitely not Mike!!  (Oh how complicated  is the human mind )

He was pleased  with my acceptance and sent me a text giving me instructions on where he lives and proposed that he would pick me up at a certain station , in his car , so we go back to his place....

Ouch ! I did not see that coming ! Slow down Mr ...What ????? Are you kidding me ??? Was I really going to allow a total stranger to pass by and  take me in his car and straight to his place ?!?! 

"No , hell no " I instantly replied 

"So where do you want to meet ?" he asked

" In a public place.... for a coffee !!!!"

" I will be honest :you are leaving tomorrow and a coffee would make things complicated between us ...That's why I chose and proposed the simpler thing to do ...going to my place...Now if you were staying in Paris , the equation would have been different"

My jaw dropped after reading Christopher's  text ...Has the world gone mad ? When did coffee become complicated ? When did sex with a stranger become easy ?I didn't understand , I was taken of guard here and for the first time , I was out of words ....Yeah me out of words, can you imagine that ?!

After a long pause ,Christopher sends " Are you still here? "  

I didn't want to answer him back, but if there is something I really appreciate ,even in the case of an indecent proposal , it is honesty! Christopher might be a very "sinful "man in my opinion , but I was not here to judge him nor impose my moral views on him .He was honest and he deserved an honest response :

"Then we wont see each other ...sexual hook ups are not my thing ...I am not the type for it" I finally wrote.

"It is not a problem" ,he answers, "although it would have been simpler "

" There is nothing simpler then having a cup of coffee"  I wisely replied.

And as soon as these words got out of my keyboard , I realized I was being a hypocrite : If having coffee was the simplest thing in the whole world , then why was I avoiding meeting Mike over coffee ???

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 5 : Flight !

 I couldn't put a face to Mike's name , so like any respectful  female FBI  agent  ,  I went to his profile : he had only two pictures : one was a Selfie that shows he had a cute face( Good ) and nice eyes (Perfect ), and the second  was a  picture of him turning his back to the camera  …..shirtless (Euh not so good )

 That’s when I remembered him  , because truth to be told ,  I was very indecisive about Mike : his second semi nude picture was not working out for me but his nice cute eyes were saying something else . I remember that I kept switching between the two pictures for a long while- sometimes a few seconds could feel very long -  until I decided to follow my hunch : His nice eyes were winning the debate - so I clicked the “like” button .

And that my friends is the story of how me and Mike matched !

Just when I thought that was the end of my conversation, Mike sends :"Where are you going to diner out of curiosity and if it is not too indiscreet" 

“I am not sure ,  I think to a Japanese street where all the restaurants are”

" You are going to the Saint  Anne street ! If you don’t have any addresses for a restaurant,I would recommend Sanukiya ! They are specialized in Udon ,check them out on TripAdvisor, they are great” …”Damn it , I am getting hungry “ he added.

I couldn't believe what I was reading:  Mike was not only nice, sweet ,determined and asked interesting questions but he was helping me out ,  giving me directions…He was acting selflessly and like a good Samaritan  which was very unlikely In Paris and for a Parisian !  And he liked food ….Japanese food ! 

“I am getting hungry too ”

 I did not have any food since I woke up....Tinder was taking a lot of my time and it was  already noon and I was still home, in Paris , missing a beautiful day !

“You are fun ” he sent … 

“You are not bad yourself “I resumed .

“You are being nice …It is a shame we wont have time to chat live .I hope we would have another chance to do so” He confessed ….”Are you often in Paris ?

“I did Paris 4 times in only a year , Paris is my favorite city  ” I said with pride.

“What about you give me your contacts outside Tinder so we can keep in touch the next time you are here ” he added.

" I have whats App " I replied shyly .

" I don't have whats App, do you have Skype ? he replied ....You know what I have both ..would be please send me your contacts?

And so I did ....

There was something special about Mike , I didn't know exactly what and how and why but I was intrigued  .I was curious about how he actually is and he looks like outside this virtual world .He was a total stranger but I felt he was different and I liked "different " : He was the only Tinder match who really grabbed my attention and I knew that if I would end up meeting him , I would be in trouble ! In big trouble …

So I decided  : I will not see Mike ...This time I will be wise and cautious ...This time I will flight  !

Truth to be told , I had a flight .....in 24 hours ....

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 4 : Then there was Mike

Felipe was not the only pragmatic french match  I had on Tinder.

There was Flo and Mike too and they both asked if I was interested in meeting them for drinks on Thursday ! Talk about timing , that was a little too late : Unfortunately for them, I had a very tight schedule and a few hours to spare and I was not gonna do a tinder dates marathon on my last night in Paris  . 

Flo ,was acting very french, and just implied politely that if my night plans change to contact him  .But they didn't  and that was the end of Flo.

Mike, on the other hand ,was different : "Are you going out with someone from tinder ? ;) " he sent!

 I was out of my mind : Why ? Why would he want to know that ??

I was not good at lying but that was a private matter and my private life .

"The dinner is with a friend but the drinks are with a guy from tinder yes" I uttered !

" Aha ! And how is he like ?"

Uhhhh ! What's with Mike and his weird questions ...I was the questionnaire specialist and this guy was annoyingly similar !

And somehow I couldn't help but think : is that how I sound to people when I start asking questions??? Oh no ! Oh dear Lord no ! 

" I don't know , I have not met him yet " I answered 

"Damn it , I am a late , aren't I? " he deducted  

"I think I am the one who is late on Tinder " I replied ....

That's when I realized that maybe I should have listened to my friend Audrey .Maybe I should have downloaded the app the first day I was in Paris...But the idea, back then, seemed absurd to me : I was in Paris ,I was in my favorite city ! I had places to see , streets to walk in , wine to drink ,cheese to eat and photos to take ...and I was not willing to waist my time on Tinder . 

"So what are your plans for today ? I will be at Opera if you want to meet up for lunch or just to meet up and chat ?" he added 

" I am going to visit the Pompidou Museum , a little far from Opera right ? "(Pfew I was out of trouble , I thought )

" A bit yeah , no worries .If you feel like having a drink or a coffee leave me a message ...and if tonight the Tinder guy doesn't show up (It can happen , you know  ) or your night ends early , send me a message too and I will be right there.."

"  You are such a determined person aren't you?"

For some reason I couldn't stop smiling and Mike was beginning to sound very appealing to me ....His ways were very gentle , sweet and focused .And his questions were very "unusual"..even for someone like me !....

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 3 : The Bachelorette

Tinder was actually very similar to the Bachelor /Bachelorette reality TV.Show .Except it  was not a reality TV show , but a virtual one : the bachelorette(like myself ), gets a few or many contestants (the Matches ) with the purpose of ending up with one ,or none(that is always a possibility on both Tinder or the Bachelorette  ) .

The game really starts when the matches engage in a conversation  : A text  a.k.a the tinder line is what should/would be sent to grab the  perfect match 's attention (talk about pressure ) in which "Romeo o Romeo" would either get a reply from the bachelorette (the rose) or none whatsoever..

And one by one , the number of replies (the rose) reduces to a few matches you click with , then it goes from tinder to number to encounter !

Bear in mind that lots of Tinder users are looking for a hook up ,a one night stand , sexual encounters, nothing serious and if this is your thing , then you are right where you should be .

But what was I , the hopeless romantic , trying to find on Tinder ?

I didn't know ,I really didn't know !

My last 48 hours in Paris were passing quickly and the whole Tinder thing looked,sounded,and was perhaps a nasty move from my part !

While many matches didn't make an effort to keep contact when they found out I was leaving shortly , others made a "Nick scene" , and many others made indecent proposals  : "So you are looking for fun ;)?"

"No!!!!!!  " I have replied ..."It is not my thing " I defended !

And here comes the broken record ..Wait for it ...Wait for it.....

Voila : "But it will be very complicated for you to live a love story with a guy who lives in Paris " concluded Chris .

I don't know which of those two affirmations were more insulting to me ,the hook up proposal or the "it would be complicated " insinuation .

You gotta give Chris some credit for his observation skills but needless to say that he did not get that rose or a reply after his smart reflection !  

Felipe on the other hand  skipped all the drama and the questions and went straight to the solution: "We don't have much time then " he wrote, "let's meet up for drinks tomorrow , I am free after 9 pm"

"I have a dinner  with a friend , I should finish probably finish at 9h30 pm" I replied .

"Ok perfect , see you tomorrow then " he wrote .

This is when I  realized I was heading for my first tinder blind date ....tomorrow !

And as a matter of fact Felipe  would be the only tinder date I would have in Paris .He was actually the one who got the final rose (You gotta give the guy some credits for being very pragmatic)  which was not a problem at all : Felipe was actually exactly my type on a physical level : he was tall(check)  grey hair (check check)  looked like an Italian hunk (check check and check )

What more would a girl ask for on her last night in Paris ? 

[tinderbellsblog]

Part 2 : 48

To my tinder surprise , many gorgeous french single men between the age of 34 and 44 were sending me very cute french messages !

And yes I was out of practice with the language , but it was good to know that deep deep down inside , my french side was not as bad as I thought it would be !

Tinder was already beneficiary for me : I  was practicing my french and I was getting better and better by the message and with the new match.

I can say ,without sounding pretty much full of myself , that many were heartbroken when they would find out that I was leaving in less then 48 hours.

One of them , Nick , had a sweet , sensitive side ! That's what I liked about him , besides his undying love for my homeland : his ex girlfriend was Lebanese and that's why he first came to Lebanon and  fell in love with my country , with the culture , the warm welcoming faces, the food , the sun , the beaches , the women ...The opposite of Paris ! My Lebanese pride was on cloud number 9!

So was my ego : Nick portrayed me as the perfect woman , everything he had wanted and was waiting for !

 Ouch ! Unrealistic  expectations, the killer ticking bomb !

I recovered immediately and announced : "I am leaving on Friday " .

Those five words were enough to turn me from a Tinderella to the Grinch who ruined Loveland . Poor Nick!!

 "But why are you on tinder" he protested." I am trying to find  a love connection and  your departure in 48 hours would make a complicated story" he added ! 

Euh , really ? It would? I never thought about that !

I was fully aware of how hard this situation would be , IF and only If I meet a nice french guy during my last hours in Paris  !  

But my romantic side was not ready to hear that !

A big part of me still expects to meet an imperfect match , ready to fight all obstacles to be with me , and no growth in my character was able to shout that voice in me ! 

Nick was heartbroken but we all know that this will be a speedy recovery : it will last till the next ring tone announces  : YOU HAVE A NEW MATCH !  

As for many others , it was the perfect scenario : I was leaving in 48 hours , they thought I would be only interested in " ;)" if you know what I mean !

I wasn't actually offended in any form or way : I  actually logged in to tinder on my last 48 hours before heading to another country .Their presumptions were perfectly legit! 

What was I thinking ? Was I really going to find true love in 48 hours? 

[tinderbellsblog]

Part one : It's a match !

This story will not start by  classical once upon a time opening sentence .

This story is not fiction , but real .

And while old fairy tales stories included fairies and fairy Godmothers , the modern  love stories included a simple app I would like to refer to as "Tinderbell" .

It all started the day my sweet french Audrey was holding her phone , typing and giggling  .

I approached her to see what she was doing , and I saw she was on Tinder .So I asked her to show me how it actually worked .

As soon as I got familiar with the rules of the games , I turned into this Tindzilla and started matching her with different candidates I have found interesting ,while she obviously didn't....

"But they are cute " I pleaded !

Yes!  I confess : I was quickly  possessed with Tinder .

Miss party popper , not a big  fan of my matchmaking skills,  had to do a quick  intervention to repair the damages I have cost her with all the matches I inflicted on her ....

" Jessus ,  get yourself  your own Tinder" she said to me .

"But ...but ...but" .... I tried to reply !

The idea sounded absurd to me : I was in Paris  , leaving in less then 48 hours to Geneva. Yet I was already hooked , and craving for another round .

And that's how I became a Tinderella.

The game started  and I had these french single  men at a click of an app.

Some were gorgeous ,"right click " , some were not " left click".

Very superficial I know , but hey I am allowed to be one from time to time.

Yes it is true Tinder is based on a physical appearance at first click , just like real life is too .

Let's not kid ourselves and be all beauty is from the inside preachers but appearance is what you notice first in a total stranger !

Check ,check ,check , and boom here is comes the most  awaited word : "It's a match ". And it was my first ! Woop woop woop houray !

Then comes another , and another and another and another !

Then comes the messages one  match after another !

Then after a short while  it started becoming  all chaotic ,messy , fast and you would find yourself talking to many gorgeous men all at once, confusing the conversations, the names , the stories  !

Oupsy Daisy !