Hilarious Tinder Profile Nightmares

"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares." - William Shakespeare

[tinightmares]

I wonder where Chris is storing his dangly bits in that fashionable bumble bee unitard….it looks suction cupped to the bike seat.

Also, who smiles like that while they workout on a stationary bike?

[tinightmares]

Sud and his doppelgänger.

I feel like it’s the happy smiles.

[tinightmares]

What in the fresh hell is Robert looking at?

[tinightmares]

If Sergey is trying to disguise the fact that he drives a panel van and has a good supply of chloroform, then that frizzy gray skullet isn’t doing him any good.

[tinightmares]

If it’s the constellation of acne pustules on William’s forehead you’re disturbed by, then you obviously missed his kitchen.

Wonder what the rest of the house looks like? 🤮

[tinightmares]

Getting high and interacting with animals is fun and all, but basing your whole dating profile on it while looking like the son of Tarzan is where you’re fucking up Rob.

[tinightmares]

SMH. This looks like a Tinder profile that exists solely to test the limits of human hope.

There really isn’t anything that says “I’m ready for love” like beige undergarments that appear to be issued by the Department of Corrections accessorized with a charm necklace that looks like it came free in a cereal box.

Overall vibe: human jump scare

Absolutely shameful. Tragically unforgettable. Would swipe left with both hands.

[tinightmares]

$100 says James’ favorite movie is Joe Dirt.

[tinightmares]

Joshua’s profile reminds me of the intro to a grooming commercial.

Someone needs to tell him that hitting the beach looking ready to hibernate, is asking for a heat stroke.

[tinightmares]

I’m not loving it Tim. I can’t decide which is more nauseating. The McDonald’s resting on your bare, protruding pot belly or the way you are sucking the remnants of it off your greasy, germ trodden sausage fingers.

[tinightmares]

Dave and his dog are so high they could high five God.

[tinightmares]

First word that came to my mind. Droopy. For multiple reasons.

[tinightmares]

I’m probably going to hell for this.

My eyes read “Chris” but my brain said “Farmer Brown”.

[tinightmares]

I spent a lot longer trying to determine the authenticity of Michael’s dog than I did deciding to swipe left.

[tinightmares]

Dear Chris,

It’s great that you like dogs. Unfortunately, your dog doesn’t appear to like you at all. Perhaps it has something to do with it being a tad obese and in a lifejacket. It’s clear that swimming isn’t its thing.

You might consider focusing on and doing better in that relationship first.

If you can’t read your own dog, then you probably need to press the pause button on human females.

❤️Tinightmares

[tinightmares]

Oh, Dan. Bless your heart.

[tinightmares]

Let’s be honest here Rich. The real reason you won’t pay Tinder to see your likes is because you don’t have any money. On a positive note, I don’t think you have to be worried about missing out on a ton of likes rocking a hairstyle like that anyway. The only thing that would “make it easier” is for you to shave your head and have someone else type your headline to hide your illiteracy. Tinder can’t help you.