Dangerous Dork

[merryhaze]

Two Views of James Potter

The first was written largely in response to smallpotato’s response to my fiction “Liberacorpus”, and examines canon parallels to the actual actions we see James take.

The second re-examines James after Snilysocanon took me to task for being unduly unsympathetic.

“James the Bully: Canon Parallels”

We are privileged actually to view James in action three times. Chronologically in James’s life, they are Severus’s meeting him on the Hogwarts Express, SWM, and his death at Riddle’s wand.

Every action we actually witness James Potter take has a parallel elsewhere in canon.

James says, “Who’d want to be in Slytherin?” Like Draco Malfoy says about Hufflepuff.

James is obsessed by Lily Evans, who rejects him. Like Severus, acto Jo a bully.

James attacks an individual while backed by a gang of three, the most sycophantic of whom is a rat-faced boy named Peter (Piers…) P. One of his cohorts holds the victim immobile while James presses the attack. Like Dudley Dursley.

James uses Levicorpus to hurt and humiliate someone. Like the Death Eaters do at the Quidditch World cup.

And James as a father, presented at his most sympathetic (from the unsympathizing perspective of Tom Riddle) … is shown indulging his son, and trying, unarmed and unsuccessfully, to protect his wife and son from someone armed with magic he can’t possibly combat. Like Vernon Dursley confronting Hagrid.

Everyone, EVERYONE, whose actions parallel James, is presented canonically as a bully.

One can even find parallels between James and Umbridge: using innocuous-seeming spells to torture (assigning lines / using Scourgify to waterboard).

Then there’s one more parallel. James is described to us as a dark-haired, charming boy, “exceptionally bright”, attractive to both his contemporaries and his teachers, regarded with distrust by his Transfiguration teacher but generally receiving such acclaim he makes Head Boy. After years of his gang’s terrorizing other students, and after successfully covering up at least one overt crime he’s involved in—releasing a Dark creature on unsuspecting potential victims. And the headmaster never suspects him.

Like Tom Riddle.

Maybe I’m misremembering. Maybe there’s some scene, somewhere, in JKR’s fiction that doesn’t compare James Potter to the worst of the worst. (Come to think of it, now we have the prequel: anyone come up with any parallels to that?)

One more piece of evidence about James: the dog that spends seven years adamantly refusing to bark in the night. I grew up in a small town of about 10,000 people (about the size of Britain’s Wizarding community per the fabulous Jodel). My father committed suicide when I was 11. For about a year after, no one mentioned him to me. But after that—my father had previously been well-respected and loved, and people told me so. My 7th grade civics teacher tried to talk me into becoming a lawyer, like my dad. The librarian talked about his involvement on the library board. A police officer told me how my dad spent his limited free time researching forthcoming legislation and letting the department know how it would affect their duties. And so forth.

Who ever talked to Harry about his parents? Even Remus wouldn’t, before Sirius. We know for sure that Minerva, Filius, Horace, Hagrid, and Poppy were on staff while Harry’s parents were at Hogwarts; it’s probable that others were as well. And none of them but Hagrid, not a one of them, ever found a good word to say to a hungry orphan boy about his parents? That beggars the imagination, unless it’s a case of “nil nisi”. (Note that Horace, in contrast, won’t shut up about Lily. Which makes one wonder a little why Minerva and Filius did.)

Hagrid managed to snag photos for Harry’s album, presumably from his parents’ old friends, but none of those friends ever once tried to contact the boy. It was the Weasleys who took him in and acted as surrogate parents. When Harry received attention, it was for being the ‘Boy-Who-Lived’—not for being James’s son (except for Sirius), not for being Lily’s son (except for Slughorn). Just how “popular” were Harry’s parents, anyway? Was it the same popularity as Dudley and his gang enjoyed, per Harry—that nobody cared to disagree with them openly, for fear of being hurt?

Minerva, not knowing Harry was listening, did talk about James to Filius, Hagrid, and Fudge. She did NOT confirm Lupin’s sycophantic statement that James and Sirius were “the best in the school in whatever they did” (OOTP) or “the cleverest students in the school” (PoA): she says that they were “exceptionally bright” (note: “bright,” not “the best,” even in her own field, Transfigurations, which was presumably the Animagis’ best subject and James’s wand’s strength, per Ollivander).

What James and Sirius WERE the best at, per Minerva McGonnagall, was at making trouble.

And Minerva was probably at school with Tom Riddle, which is quite a standard of comparison.

We know who did talk of James to Harry: Quirrelmort, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Sirius, Remus under Sirius’ influence, and Severus. As for Severus—for two years Snape DIDN’T throw the despised James in Harry’s face, whatever he might have felt. The first time Snape mentioned James to Harry was when Severus caught Harry returning from a forbidden, hazardous excursion (which the boy had indulged in only for his own entertainment), lying about it, and reveling in having frightened and assaulted a fellow student. Sound like the behavior of anyone Severus had known as a child?

Regarding the assessments of James: the only one who doesn’t have an obvious axe to grind is Hagrid, and we know that Hagrid’s greatest flaw is his absolutely uncritical admiration of “interesting creatures”. With which we can, apparently, class James Potter.

Hoo boy. Does JKR have ANY idea what she wrote? Talk about Bad Boy Syndrome!

The Children of Privilege: Reconsidering James and Sirius as Tragic… Whatevers.

Um, sorry, the word I should be inserting here is ‘Heroes, ’ and I can’t. But it can be argued, as in the Greek tragedies, that James and Sirius brought about their own destruction because of a single tragic flaw. Hubris is the classic flaw of Greek tragedy: that form of arrogance which consists of believing one is smarter or stronger than one’s fate, that one can get away with overstepping the bounds of mortals.

And overstepping is always what James and Sirius were ABOUT. But the thing is, they were the golden boys, the children of privilege: they were raised to think they could get away with overstepping. And for years they did. But eventually….

Did you ever see the short (extremely so) animated film, “Bambi Meets Godzilla”? I’ve seen it several times; once was in a seminar as the example of what happens when one’s fantasies meet reality. As the opening credits roll, we watch Bambi gamboling on a spring meadow, while sweet music tinkles in the background. Then Godzilla’s foot comes down, splat, and the closing credits roll.

One could say that that’s what happened to James and Sirius.

I had a very long exchange with a Sirius fangirl (Nyxfixx) last year which altered my understanding of Sirius. Not that she got me to like him, or to forgive his treatment of Severus. But she did get me to see that his mind worked fundamentally differently from mine in some ways, and that behavior I saw as inexcusable, in fact criminal, was not ill-meant from his point of view.

It was not meant at all.

I may need to extend that charity towards James.

My grudge against Sirius was two-fold. I could wrap my mind, barely, around the thought that sending Severus to Remus in the Shrieking Shack was not attempted premeditated murder. It was hard for me to grasp that idea, because it seems intuitively obvious to me (as it did to Severus himself) that the expected, normal, predictable result of sending a sixteen-year-old into an enclosed space with an unconfined werewolf is a dead (or mutilated and infected) sixteen-year-old. So one would not do it unless one wanted that result. But Sirius was thoughtless and careless; maybe he really was stupid enough to imagine that Snivellus would just get a scare.

But afterwards he must have realized that he’d endangered Snape’s life, and he should have been sorry. And he clearly wasn’t: “He deserved it,” Sirius told Harry.

Similarly, I could see a bunch of reckless teens thinking it was cool and exciting to roam the countryside with a werewolf. Unlike them, but like Hermione at fourteen, my first thought is ‘That’s incredibly dangerous! OMG, what if he got away and bit someone!’ But I could understand, and maybe forgive, a bunch of thoughtless boys NOT worrying about that.

Until the first time it almost happened.

But that they continued to let the werewolf out to play after “many” near misses indicated, to me, that they were near-psychopathic criminals. They repeatedly, callously, endangered the lives of every student at Hogwarts and every villager in Hogsmeade, for no reason but their own idle amusement. They committed the same crime for which Hagrid was expelled and Tommy should have been: loosing a lethal monster in an inhabited area.

What Nyxfixx kept saying and saying until it finally sank in was, ‘But nothing really happened! Why should Sirius be sorry or worry about something that didn’t happen?”

Now see, that’s fundamentally—I do mean, FUNDAMENTALLY—foreign to my mind. I usually think—a lot—about things before I do them. I do sometimes do or say things on impulse or without adequate forethought; and I did that more when I was sixteen than now. But then I think about it afterwards; I have to. Especially if it seemed a mistake or a near-disaster.

If I’d been stupid enough to let a werewolf out to romp in the streets of Hogsmeade or the grounds of Hogwarts, the first time it almost got away and killed a courting couple or old lady out gathering moonlit herbs, I’d have been sick with horror for days. As Lupin apparently was in retrospect. I would have felt, each time afterwards that I let out the wolf, that I was playing Russian roulette—at best, one round closer to an inevitable disaster. Keep playing long enough, and disaster WILL occur.

(Note: speaking as a math major, statistically, letting out the wolf is not strictly the same as Russian roulette, in that each near-miss does not make a fatality next time more likely. But I would have felt it did. Which means that, for me, the only way I could have continued to let out the wolf is if I were a psychopath who put my entertainment above other people’s lives. You know, like Tommy.

You understand, there are times when I’ve put my selfish interests or my feelings above other people’s feelings, if never their lives. So I can understand doing that, putting my interests first. I can’t understand simply not thinking about probable consequences to others, even after having my nose rubbed in those consequences, because I can’t imagine not thinking. Eventually, at least, even if I flew off the handle at first. Sooner or later my mind catches up and starts calculating probable consequences, including ones I seem to have escaped this time, whew! Not thinking of consequences at all? In anyone whose intelligence bests Gregory Goyle’s? Does not compute.)

What Nyxfixx made me realize is that for Sirius, each near-miss had the OPPOSITE effect.

The fundamental thing that Nyxfixx made me realize about Sirius is that he was a child of privilege. He spent his childhood being sheltered from the consequences of mistakes he made. So he grew up believing that any mistake could be put right: he never really BELIEVED in consequences past mending.

And part of that is that Sirius grew up with magic—and intention does matter in magic, except when it doesn’t. What does Bella (possibly Sirius’s babysitter) tell us about the Unforgivable Curses? “You have to really mean them.” But Sirius thinks that applies to everything: if he doesn’t intend a consequence, he’s blind—almost literally—to the idea that it might happen anyhow. Even if it’s much more likely than what he did intend. Like sending another kid to meet a werewolf and sincerely expecting no worse to happen than that the other kid will be scared.

When Sirius said, “He deserved it,” in POA the eavesdropping Severus thought Sirius meant, “Snape deserved to be torn to pieces” for the high crime of trying to garner enough evidence of the Marauders’ crimes to turn them in to the headmaster and get them expelled—as Harry was trying with Draco in HBP. This interpretation is natural enough, I contend, since being torn to pieces is both the most probable result of going down a tunnel with a werewolf, and what would have happened in reality had James not intervened (per James, Severus, and Albus). So I don’t hold Severus wrong for thinking that way, and for being a tad annoyed that Sirius is reiterating his belief that Snape deserves to die horribly for interfering with Sirius’s criminal schemes.

But I think now that what Sirius really meant was, “Snape deserved a good scare”—and that Sirius STILL, years later, didn’t quite understand (or admit to himself) that he almost killed the other wizard.

Further, Sirius (and James) HATE Dark Magic. And they really seem sincere in thinking that so as long as they’re not using Dark Magic, anything goes. As I pointed out in another post, it’s actually worse from the point of the view of the victim to be tortured by a common household spell than by the Dark Arts: if one is to suffer torture flashbacks, which is worse: having the trigger being someone yelling “Crucio” or someone saying “Scourgify”? Which trigger is one more likely to encounter frequently in the WW?

But Sirius (and James) really seem to think that THEY’RE not using Dark Magic, they’re not INTENDING evil, therefore it’s impossible that evil results will occur.

And every time they got away with something—whether letting out the werewolf or torturing other students—for them, it just reinforced that they are golden, that they can control the consequences.

In his heart of hearts, Sirius truly believed that consequences are controllable: that if he doesn’t MEAN harm he hasn’t committed it.

And James is mostly the same. True, James had sense enough to rescue Severus from being killed (and Remus from probable execution, and Sirius from a life sentence in Azkaban). But James, too, is golden; he grew up indulged. As a teen, he got away with criminal behavior (torturing other students, becoming an illegal Animagus, letting out a werewolf in an inhabited area) with no serious consequences. And he successfully fooled the Headmaster, weathering the investigation into Sirius’s attempted manslaughter with Dumbledore getting not the least idea that the Marauders are Animagi who’ve been letting Remus out to play among the unsuspecting villagers and students.

So of course, three or four years later, James would be vulnerable to the suggestion (from Pettigrew?) that if he and Sirius could so easily fool Dumbledore, they could fool You-Know-Who, the wizard who dasn’t take Dumbledore on. Because that’s really what using Pettigrew as the Secret-Keeper relied on—rather than using Dumbledore, who couldn’t be taken or broken unless their whole side had irrevocably lost anyhow, they’d play a shell game with Voldemort. And they were so sure they could pull it off, they had no backup plans at all.

Which, from the point of view of someone who always broods over possible consequences and failures, is unthinkably remiss. From the viewpoint of a golden boy, who’s used to luck breaking for him, it’s natural.

*

Now, to backtrack to myself: I’m the child of an alcoholic and a suicide. Anyone who’s lived in the alcoholic brand of dysfunctional family learns that the drunk always claims the morning after that they didn’t mean anything bad they’d done the night before. And for years the child agrees, it doesn’t count (except it does) because they didn’t really mean any harm. It was the drink speaking and acting; it shouldn’t really count. What COUNTS is what they MEANT, their innocent intentions.

(Translation: being affected by their misbehavior, however egregious, is wrong of YOU. Get over it already; forget it! They have, after all. They didn’t mean to hurt you, so it’s wrong and perverse of you to insist that you were damaged by their words and actions.)

If one ever becomes healthy enough or hardened enough to resist that argument, “I meant no harm” becomes the ultimate red flag.

Which leaves me peculiarly ill-suited to like the Marauders. In tormenting other students, the Marauders didn’t mean any harm; they were just relieving boredom. In loosing the werewolf, they didn’t mean to endanger innocent people; they just wanted to get some kicks. In relying on their own cleverness to fool Voldemort, James and Sirius didn’t mean to make Harry an orphan; they just thought they could pull it off. After all, they’d pulled the wool over Dumbledore’s eyes for years, and he’s smarter than Voldemort.

Even years later, in dragging his feet in taking the Wolfsbane that night, Lupin didn’t mean to almost kill three kids, to allow Pettigrew to go free, and to condemn Sirius to remaining a fugitive; he just wanted to wind Snape up a little.

See, it’s a philosophical or personality difference. I, after watching (and enduring) the damage my alcoholic (but charming and attractive) mother inflicted, find it HARDER to forgive someone who “meant no harm”—but did it, repeatedly, anyhow, and used the pristine innocence of their intentions to insist they should be let off the hook to do harm AGAIN—than to forgive someone who DID mean harm, but who subsequently repented and tried their hardest to make amends.

Sirius and James versus Severus, in effect.

[lilithofpenandbook]

you mentioned lucius malfoy/james potter parallels in the tags of a post... would you be interested in elaborating? 👀

Gladly!

This is more of a vibes thing, really, and a sort of train of thought based from the original message of Lucius Malfoy (or that I took from him anyway).

You don't need to be a good person to love someone.

James Potter was, objectively speaking, not a good person. His entire school life was spent in him bullying people and hexing them if he didn't like them, and it's on official record that he used an illegal hex to swell someone's head up to twice its size (along with Sirius Black). The more you look into him, the worse he looks. Unlike Sirius, who was just as bad if not worse (see: werewolf prank. At least James drew the line with death... which shouldn't even be the bare minimum, dear goodness), James does not have the claim of 'childhood trauma' (even Sirius' claim of childhood trauma may not be as severe as fandom likes to believe) to explain why he's so horrible and give him any sympathy, as oppossed to Severus, who's so traumatised that practically all his characteristics are trauma responses at this point. James had everything he wanted, yet still chose to be a horrible person. His 'maturing' means nothing too, as that's entirely inaction, deciding not to be an arse. Not very difficult for him, you see. And considering the way Sirius was behaving in his mid thirties, especially regarding Severus Snape, and how the two are paired by the narrative, and written as very similar to each other, I do believe James's 'maturity' was limited to him just not actively hexing people (especially regarding Severus, Sirius outright admitted Severus was a 'special case').

Along with the 'not a good person' part, the other thing that aligns James with Lucius is him mirroring Draco. This has been mentioned by many people before, but to summarise, James mirrors Draco almost word for word in his first meeting with Severus and Lily. Insulting Slytherin, with an 'I would rather leave', just like how Draco said 'I would rather leave' about Hufflepuff. There's also them bullying the poor kid (Draco insulted and belittled Ron, and James did the same to Severus) while the other kid stood up to them (Lily stood up to James, Harry stood up to Draco). Both these scenes mirror each other so well they cannot be coincidental- James is intended to be seen as another version of Draco . These mirroring scenes are supposed to establish that without having to go into far too much detail about James.

Okay, so we have James canonically being an awful person, and James canonically being a mirror of Draco. But that's Draco Malfoy. Why then, do I think that Lucius as a parent is what James would have been as a parent, where their parallels come in?

It's in Lucius's message. You can be an awful person yet a loving parent. And while I am firm on the fact that James Potter was an awful person, and I rather obviously do not like him, I also acknowledge the fact that he did love people. He did, after all, welcome Sirius into his home at the age of 16 and was his safe space, and he and the others did become anamagi for Remus (however I can't be sure on how entirely selfless that was, I rather suspect they realised how much mischief they could get into and how much fun it would be for them to run about with a werewolf), and although he was apparently sneaking out when he should have been in hiding with his wife and baby, I don't doubt that he did love them, and I don't doubt that he truly was in love with Lily (even if his methods of courtship were from questionable to downright harrassment and creepy at points). So here we have James Potter, awful person who did love people, a lot like Lucius. That's how I thought of the parallel, as they essentially have that same message of how awful people can still have geniune love for their family.

And I do think if James raised Harry, he would have been a parent like Lucius- or to be more accurate, Harry would have grown up to be like Draco, who is undoubtably the result of Lucius and Narcissa's parenting. And no, I'm not talking about the obvious closeness between Draco and Lucius (although that would also be true) where Draco was comfortable enough to tell his father everything and Voldemort, despite not understanding love, knew that using Draco would hurt Lucius.

What I'm talking about is the arrogance. The entitlement. The way Draco does bad things to people he doesn't like. The spoilt bratty behaviour. That is what the parallels are between Lucius and James. James Potter would have completely spoilt Harry, just like Lucius spoilt Draco. There's also the impression Severus has of Harry; he thinks he's reckless, arrogant, and spoilt, based on what James was like. Again, to me that suggests that James would have raised Harry to be like himself, which is a lot like Draco, who is a result of Lucius's parenting.

So, yes, I do believe Lucius could be what James Potter would have grown up to be as a father, especially in how their sons were raised, with the exception of the blood-purist beliefs. Of couse, James as a person is also a lot like Sirius, but then again perhaps Sirius and Lucius aren't entirely unlike either. They are the same type of people, after all, raised in the same environment, and Sirius's proud pro-muggle beliefs mean nothing when you look at his action. And both Lucius and James do embody the same thing: awful people can be loving parents. Sirius, in a way, does also embody this however he also shows that love isn't enough. Specifically, love isn't enough to be a good parent. It's undenaible that he loved Harry. However that didn't always mean he was the best to Harry (I'd argue he was cruel at times and Harry had to be the adult in that relationship- if Sirius had raised Harry, Harry would have been parentified in my opinion at a very young age- but that's a whole other can of worms, haha). Both love and selfishness can exist, and Sirius was selfish more than not, and love isn't enough to make you a good parent. Nor is being a good person enough to guarantee you're a good parent, as we see from Molly, who loved her kids dearly and was incredibly kind to Harry however she didn't always make the best choices for her children.

And neither is being an awful person a bar to being a loving parent.

But a loving parent is also necessarily being a good parent is debatable too. Considering Draco was still arrogant and bullied other people and looked down on muggleborns, perhaps once again love isn't enough to be a good parent for entirely different reasons than Sirius's love not being enough to make him a good parent.

[samijen]

Minor Spoilers for Project Hail Mary book (kinda??)

Some characters/moments from the book that weren't in the movie

[traumatized-tiefling]

This is peak nerd internal monologue right here

[rylandsgrace]

[naeurisblog]

Yeah, yeah, Cassandra Clare got her start writing fanfic, old news.

Rebecca Thorne wrote She-Ra fanfic before writing Tomes & Tea.

Matt Dinniman wrote GI Joe and Transformers crossover fanfic before writing Dungeon Crawler Carl.

Pierce Brown wrote Greek Mythology fanfic before writing Red Rising.

Andy Weir wrote Ready Player One fanfic that later got canonized by Ernest Cline before writing The Martian.

Fanfic has never been, and will never be inferior to published works, and writing one does not discredit or devalue the quality of your work when writing another.

[evilbookworm]

the Martian vs project Hail Mary is so funny because you’ve got one where they’re very slowly making a spaceship to bring a guy home and another one where they make a spaceship really fast to send a guy into space forever

[stargirl-and-potts]

Still thinking about how Grace was always treated as disposable. Kicked out of his passion field for his honesty—underpaid as a (very good) teacher, to the point he can’t afford a car—left alone in a room full of argon with a sample that might kill him, while all the indispensable guys who put him there stood on the other side of the glass and watched. Shoved screaming into a mission that would kill him. And then, then this bonkers little alien who just met him gladly trades years off his life (via extended return mission) to save him. Runs burning through deadly air to keep him from dying. Chooses finally to weave their lives together forever and recreate Grace’s best dreams of Earth to make him happy. No wonder Grace told Rocky he doesn’t have to get him a gift, he’s given him everything. To one little spider guy, Grace is irreplaceable. That’s love.

[whatevstu]

I said that Odysseus' crew deserves more recognition, and I'm staying true to my word. There aren't many named Cephallenian participants in the poem, but there are a few, so I wanted to come up with designs for them.

I've done as much research as I could, but I can't guarantee historical accuracy for their designs. I allowed myself some creative freedom to make each of them unique in their own way and just to make it comfortable for these guys to move around and exist.

About each one individually (+headcanons):

Odysseus

"Look, if I'd known 'Nobody' was going to become a recurring bit, I would've picked a funnier name." - Odysseus.

I've had several designs for Odysseus before, and I can't say I was particularly happy with them. A lot of them were inspired by third-party drawings that I saw before reading the poem. While I was reading the Odyssey, I was very focused on how I imagined Odysseus' look, and this image came to my mind. Unlike my other designs, he is more equipped with armor and wears a chiton with sleeves covering his shoulders, decorated with wave patterns. The red primary color implies danger, while blue reflects his love for the sea. He is the only one who wears a golden mitra on his forehead and bandaged himantes (because he uses his arms a lot). His attire is slightly worn out after the Odyssey, but he'll patch it up eventually.

Eurylochus

"It wasn't me who killed the cow, it was she who fell on my sword!" - Eurylochus.

Eurylochus was Odysseus' second-in-command. His design was probably the most difficult for me of all. I wanted to make him as much the opposite of Odysseus as possible and at the same time emphasize his cowardly nature. Unlike Odysseus, who wears worn out clothes befitting a king after years of hardship, Eurylochus looks well-groomed since he prefers not to engage in trouble or fights. The abundance of red in his design symbolizes the danger he represents to Odysseus, while the sturdy muscle cuirass symbolizes his physical strength. The scars on Eurylochus' face and neck were unlikely to have been received during the war.

Polites

"If I were given a drachma for every time Odysseus has a stupidly brilliant idea, I would have two drachmas - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice." - Polites.

In my design, Polites can't see well, so he uses a ball lens given to him by Odysseus to look at things up close. He always wears it around his neck and never loses it. The leather belts on his shoulders are a remnant from when he used to be an archer, but after his eyesight worsened, Odysseus made him a therapōn. Polites wears a green chiton - a nod to how often he used to hide in trees and bushes back when he was hunting on the Cephallenian islands.

Elpenor

"What do you mean I'm not allowed to go to the Trojan War? All my friends are going to the Trojan War!" - Elpenor.

Elpenor was the youngest crew member on Odysseus' twelfth ship, who Odysseus described as "not overly brave in battle and not very bright among the others." Nevertheless, I imagine that Elpenor remained a ray of light among the soldiers of the Cephallenian Islands, much like his bright bronze hair. The armor, made of layered linen, was inherited from his grandfather and served him faithfully during the Trojan war. Elpenor also wears an eye patch - he doesn't actually need it, but he thinks it makes him look cool!

Perimedes

"Don't worry, βασιλεύς. My wife and I have done this a thousand times!" - probably Perimedes, when he was tying Odysseus to the mast.

Although Perimedes is mentioned by name only once, I imagine him, according to his name, to be the calmest and most caring of Odysseus' crew. He is the always-relaxed friend who will always help and never judge. That's why I picture him calm, with hair down and a bandana on his forehead. His hands are worn down from ropes because he is the best at tying knots (which is why Odysseus asked Perimedes to tie him to the mast so he could hear the Sirens without throwing himself overboard). Perimedes collects souvenirs in the form of animal teeth, beautiful stones and pearls to give to his wife. He wears a very simple dark brown chiton, while his wrists are bandaged with an abundance of wrappings so that his grip is tighter and he does not accidentally injure his hands even more.

Please keep in mind that those designs have nothing to do with EPIC: The Musical. I'm a fan of Homer's poem, not EPIC.

[ryland-graceless]

I watched the movie. I came home. I stayed up until 3am making new text posts.

I got three hours of sleep. I am now stupid

[kaykayjay2]

I hear ‘would Ryland Grace have trouble eating in public if he returned to earth’ this and ‘would Ryland Grace have trouble looking people in the eyes or hearing human voices if he returned to earth’ that. No. Vastly more important question /j. Would Ryland Grace keep unscrewing bottles the wrong way and get increasingly frustrated about it if he returned to earth. I’m imagining him trying to get a water bottle open for 5 mins before finally turning to someone else to get them to open it, and then when they open in with absolute ease in no time at all, he stands there opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, mutters a curse to the water bottle under his breath once he realizes, and blames it on his old man joints. do you see my vision.

[victoria-pedretti]

RYAN GOSLING London premiere of 'Project Hail Mary' — March 09, 2026

[electropylon]

[deconstructthesoup]

Wait I'm not done with Min-Maxed posting apparently:

I also love how Blumineck was the only person who decided to NOT play a human (and he's a weird elf to boot!), which gives his apparent status as the Idiot Wrangler of the group even more hilarity

Because yes, of course an elf of the Feywild, who probably has at least centuries of more lived experience than everyone else, would have a lot more common sense than a bunch of chaos humans

[randomnerd737]

"there's a saying amongst elves, which is uh, DON'T DO DUMB SHIT!"

"that is very wise."

"there's a saying amongst swashbucklers, do a lot of dumb shit"

"that is very fun!"

this party is amazing I love min-maxed

[wildwrenswander]

When ao3's down but at least you have the first minmaxed episode to watch

[armenelols]

Elrond as viewed by Númenoreans is hilarious. Aristocracy is one thing, and their long kept histories and direct descent from the elves.

But someone lowborn - still educated, still familiar with the stories. Faithful or not. Lifespan lower than the upper class, but longer than other humans - but that doesn't matter - thousands of years is a long time. The Roman Empire was more recent than this guy.

Because imagine the founder of your nation and its first king, who was told to have been born as the son of a bird and a star, lived to be 500, and who died 2000 years ago. Just. Has a sibling. Who is still running around. You can go visit him. You can! He's very friendly. He wrote the medical book your healers study from. He updates it religiously every other decade. You don't hear from him often because he lives fairly secluded from society and seems to prefer a quiet life but every few hundred years something batshit insane happens and he's right there. At the center of things. Pretending to be a background character, as if Sauron didn't look warily at him expecting him to turn into another Lúthien incident. Maybe he's shy?

You are a sailor. You meet him on one of your journeys to Middle Earth.

He's not shy. He's just crown-phobic. He looks like every single painting of Tar-Minyatur you've seen. He glitters under starlight. Literally. His parents are a bird and a star and you keep forgetting that's not a metaphor. Everyone is in love with him. He sings to the birds. He has had a slowburn one-sided romance going on for the past 1000 years. His crush has yet to find out but the king is running a betting pool.