When he was born, he did not cry. He was a soft, sweet child, five hearts on his arm.
When he’s four, he asks his mother what the hearts are for. She pulls him into her lap and launches into a tale of souls and princes and princesses, and how one day he would be surrounded by five lovely people who would love him for who he was, and they would be together until the end of time. She tells him about how even though his castle was empty now, he would grow and meet his princes and princesses, and slowly his castle would fill up, and no dragons would ever hurt him once he was surrounded.
He likes to think about how he was a prince and his mother a queen, and the ones who would join him would love her as he did. He likes to think and dream about these people, the ones who matched every single heart. He thinks his favorite is the orange one--it was bright, fiery and he thought that this one would be a king. He would care for his prince and his subjects. He thinks the blue one is a sorcerer, full of magic and always making fireworks in the sky. He thinks the yellow one is a ball of sunshine, almost like the girls on the TV show he likes. The orange-red one is a warrior, he decides, and he protects the others with all he has. The green is a princess who likes being outside, and is carefree. He thinks that the king and the sorcerer and the sun and the warrior and the princess will one day find him, and he will be surrounded by their love.
When he’s five, his mother’s heart loses color. It is only a black outline on her skin and she cries at first, but then there is nothing. The Queen of his castle soon becomes a shell, and he can’t understand why she never smiles at him anymore. He tries to tell her about how his hearts will come and love her as much as he does, but she never says anything.
He tried to fix her, to make the Queen smile and laugh as she once had, but now she just stares blankly at him, and he never hears her say she loves him, but he knows she does. He knows his mother is sad and it breaks his heart, but he tries to smile for her. He tells her jokes and puts on her favorite movies and never does anything he’s not supposed to. He tells her not to worry because his hearts will come to save them and they’ll never be sad again.
When he’s six, he thinks his hearts aren’t real. His mother is never happy, and she doesn’t talk to him much anymore. He can’t understand why his hearts have never showed up to save them from the sadness, and he thinks maybe the stories aren’t true after all. His mother packs his backpack one day, and he doesn’t have the optimism to think that maybe they’re going to go somewhere happier. He’s young and tired and sick of seeing his mother sad.
She leaves him on a bench in the rain. The final “I love you” is dull, flat, and he wonders if she actually doesn’t love him anymore, and if it’s his fault that the King and the sorcerer and the sun and the warrior and the princess never came to rescue them. He sits in the rain for such a long time and he cries because he just wants his mother to be happy again. He cries for her happiness and for the rain and the cold and the misery they’ve felt at having nothing be happy anymore. He cries until the rain drowns him out.
When he’s six, a nice man finds him in the rain. He has lots of markings all over his arms and bright blue eyes and he picks him up without a second thought. The man brings them both inside a building, and instructs others to find towels. He thinks that this one is like a King, in charge and taking care of another instead of himself, and wonders if that’s what his orange heart would’ve been like.
When he’s six, another man with a funny accent asks questions while they dry him off, and everything becomes quiet when they dry his arm and see the five hearts in a column down his arm. Things are quiet, and then they explode. The King and the guy with the funny voice are panicking, along with another man. One is yelling at them, a man with freckles and glasses and hair that’s curly, and the final one talks quietly as he continues to dry him off, even wiping the rain from his glasses before handing them back. Amongst the commotion, he feels at peace, even though he’s also sad, and something inside him feels happier now that he’s in this room with five strangers, as if they weren’t strangers at all.
When he’s six, he sees the hearts on the kind man’s arm, and they’re a lot like his, almost all the same color but the yellow one is gone and there’s a darker red one at the bottom, underneath the orange-red one, and when he glances about the room, he can see the freckled man’s hearts and his is missing the orange-red heart but has the yellow and the dark red, and he connects the dots. These are the hearts that had never saved his mother, but they saved him. The King brought him in from the rain, the sorcerer smiled at him, the sunshine dried him, the warrior laughed and the prince (not a princess) laughed in his funny voice.
When he’s six, he leaves his castle and the Queen and goes to live in a new castle with five very nice men with matching hearts and smiles. He stays there, and he realizes he’s finally in the right castle and that no dragons can hurt this one.
And then my soul saw you, and it kind of went “Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
–Iain Thomas
