This literally feels like satire

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@tinylesbianwitch
This literally feels like satire
Apollo, if there were ever a time and a post,
allow me to slip into something a little more… comfortable *removes green ribbon from my neck, screaming ensues*
stop being funnier than me in the notes of my own post
POPEYE?!?!??
Let's not forget this gem
wake up babe new gender just dropped (amphibious)
so that's why nonbinary people keep posting about frogs
Do you ever lie awake wondering how the heck Gimli knows what a nervous system is
Clearly dwarves have medical knowledge far more advanced than that of the other races.
His Majesty Dr. Gimli, son of Gloin, Neurosurgeon, M.D.
gimli trying to explain his studies to legolas, a flat-earther
#*scroll down* #*remember that middle earth is canonically flat for elves and round for everyone else* #*scroll back up & smash that reblog button"
tired: legolas took gimli to valinor with him because they were bffs/in love/etc.
wired: legolas took gimli to valinor to prove the world was flat after arguing with him about it for decades
Sorry it’s what to elves
So, in Tolkein lore, the world was originally flat, with most of the land in the middle (hence Middle Earth). But the Numenorians (men who were rewarded with their own Atlantis-equivalent island for service in the first big war against Melkor, but eventually Power Corrupts etc) tried to invade the uttermost west which was basically Elf Heaven. To put an end to that sort of thing, the creator of the world Bent The World and made it a sphere…but left elves able to treat it like a flat disk. So elves can sail west and reach Elf Heaven, but a man or dwarf or hobbit who sails west will eventually wrap around to the east coast of Middle Earth.
This is why Legolas can see for such great, almost impossible distances. The Earth does not curve for him.
Legolas said fuck the horizon
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this is the oldest post on all of tumblr, posted in october 2006 before the website even launched publicly in 2007.
world heritage post
[TRANSCRIPTION: “Ok I know I need to stop saying Ma’am and Sir to customers at work, it’s bad to assume other people’s gender, but I can’t help it it’s how I was raised. My mother was Southern and my father was a Bottom. Something about it always confuses the customers anyway, it could be the whole ..everything about me, but every time I say “Here you go ma’am here’s your change.” All I get is “Oh, thank you?” (the “you” trails off and ends in confusion.)
Suddenly our little game of social volleyball has turned into three dimensional gender chess and I’m eating all the pieces. I’ve got her fucking money in my hand so she knows that the only way she’s getting it back is if she solves my queer little fairy riddle and I’m not giving her any fucking clues.
Now all of a sudden this Karen is studying me with the intensity of a crime scene investigator. She’s stuck in her Sherlock Holmes mind palace trying to figure out if These are tits or just mosquito bites. Or if I’m a woman or just one of those femboys her kids keep showing around the Tik-Tok.
In the past sixty seconds my customer has thought more about men, women, and the terrifying pit where I lie in between than she ever has in her entire life beforehand. She is stuck in my transgender genjutsu.
Now the customer is always Wrong, because even if her little game of pronoun roulette happens to land in her favour she still stood there for a fucking minute mouth agape, fully admitting that whatever I’ve got going on beneath my jeans is Far beyond her comprehension.
If I’m going to be stuck in this capitalist nightmare for all eternity then every unsuspecting mother who comes in to buy a Roblox card is going to have to suffer through a gender identity crisis with me. /END ID]
Ooh ooh ooh! This looks like an excellent excuse valid reason to talk about one of my favorite topics, matriarch trees!
So, when you see trees in a forest, they stick up outta the ground, some distance from each other, and you're like 'these are unconnected critters,' right? But! The thing is! Just like the trees in the picture are connected above-ground, trees in a forest are normally connected below-ground. There's this whole complicated thing involving a symbiotic relationship with fungi, but we're gonna simplify it to this: trees connect to each other through their root systems.
And they use it to share resources, across the whole forest.
If there's a tree over here growing in soil with a lot of, like, potassium, they'll pull up more potassium than they need, and send it out through the root system to other trees that are living where there isn't much potassium.
And one of the coolest things? Trees communicate their needs. If a tree is sick or damaged or starving, they send chemical messages out through the root system that tell the other trees to send them more food and tree-equivalent-of-immune-system.
Trees will share so much of their resources, they'll even keep trees alive that are almost entirely dependent. Like this tree! The tree above is getting some energy from its leaves, but no other nutrition of its own. And it wasn't able to link up to the shared root system. So the other tree reached out and hooked up to it directly, feeding it all of the nutrients it needed!
You see it more commonly the other way around: in an old-growth forest, where the roots are well-established, you can find stumps where a tree was cut down a century ago... but if you scrape the stump it's still green wood. The tree's still alive, without a single leaf. Because all the other trees in the forest are feeding it.
I promised to talk about matriarch trees, so here's where we get to them.
In a very old forest, you have very old trees. You have some trees that are so very, very old, their own roots cover entire regions of the forest. Their leaves reach up to the sky over everyone else. And after so long, they've developed to where they can take in way more resources than they need.
So what do they do?
They feed baby trees.
Baby saplings in an old forest can't reach up to the sun. There's no light down there. And their roots are too small and shallow to dig down to the nutrients they need. So the matriarch tree will draw energy from its towering canopy, and nutrients from its massive, ancient roots, and feed them to the little trees that are too small to feed themselves. For anything she can't get on her own, she'll act as a central hub, taking in spare resources from the rest of the forest and giving them to the little ones.
And one of the best parts - she won't just do it for her own species. She'll connect to all kinds of trees, because they're all necessary for the ecosystem to work. She'll adopt the whole forest's children.
Sometimes in forests you'll find a spot where there are a lot of small trees in an open space around an old, fallen tree. People generally assume they could find more light there, or maybe the soil's more fertile from the decomposition.
But no.
They're her children, and she's spent centuries keeping the whole forest alive.
Working in retail be like
Oooh yes, it's the "You're not getting bullied" guy with a new banger!
Someone get this guy a record deal!
Apparently this tiktok was deleted hours after I saved it.