Talking to you makes me feel like Iâm drunk without even drinking.
âSeñor Madrid come and join me at my table....Johnny said blablabla.....What else have y-y-youâ GOD DAMMNIT IT.â
Rick stopped his recorder once again.
âIm not even fucking capable of s-s-speaking without stuttering !!â
It always has been a huge complex for Rick. Even if everyone around me said to him that it was nothing, it made him feel like he was dumb or something. And who would hire a dumb man whereas there are plenty of actors that can articulate.
Rick held his head between his hands and tried to not lost it. Again.
He was particularly under pressure these days, he couldnât afford to look ridiculous by not being at 100%.
Rick always liked the booze but ever since Bounty Law was over, it has became a little more than just a like. Rick was drinking way too much and knew it, but deep down, he just wanted to feel less stressed out, less useless and a little more confident. But more than anything, he wanted to keep alive the illusion that his career was leading to something.
So he drank one whisky sour, and another, and another until he couldnât count anymore, or even couldnât do anything that requires him to use his brain cells.
When Rick drinks too much and continue feeding the illusion that his life is amazing, he wants to party. Then he remembers that because of the same drink that makes all his problems magically disappears, it also made magically disappears his driver licence, so if he wants to move he must call someone that can drive him. He knows a person like this, and he also know this person loves to party too.
Rick dialed he doesnât know how Cliffâs number and waited for his friend to pick up with only company the ongoing beeps that felt like hammerâs hits in his ears.
Cliff woke up in a jolt by the Brandyâs barkings which seamed to become louder and louder each second that passed without Cliff being completely woken up.
As soon as he lift his head his neck started to hurt, not so surprising he thought, since he fall asleep once again on his chair.
Itâs just several days seconds after that he noticed that the telephone was ringing. Who could call him at this hour ? The night calls were often bad news and Cliff didnât know at all who could be in such bad situations that a night call would become essential and why he would call him.
But he ,anyway since he was awake, get close to the phone and finally picked up.
âHello ?â Cliffâs voice was confused both
because of his premature wake up and by this phone call.
âCliffffff ! Finally I have the impression that Iâve been trying to call you for hours, youâre harder to join than Steve McQueen.â Was it because of the lack of sleep but it sounded like Rickâs voice, a drunk Rick of course but it still was Rick.
âRick ?â Cliff was scrubbing his eye with
the palm than wasnât holding the phone and even if the answer was a bit obvious, what would a drunk Rick would call him ?
âOf course itâs me buddyyy ! Look, itâs been a while since we drank our asses off so.. I started without you but you can still come and join me.â Rick sounded like a child, a child who did a mistake and was perfectly aware of it, but who anyway tried to onboard his friend with him.
âRick itâsââ Cliff looked at his alarm clock for the first time since he opened his eyes â3:30 in the morning and you drunk called me and asked to get drunk with you ?â
âYou sound like a old man Cliff, Iâve known a funnier you. Iâm disappointed. I just want to have fun.â
âRick.. Im starting to know you and I think that you got yourself drunk to stop thinking about your problems.â Cliffâs voice was resigned, it would not be the first time that Rick drunk to the point he didnât remember why he started to drunk, and it would scared a little Cliff, especially when the day after Rick promised that it was the last time.
âWrong. Wrong. Itâs not to stop thinking about my problems.. Itâs to stop thinking about the fact that Iâm a talentless loser. See ? Itâs about my complexs, not my problems.â Rick tried sarcasm without believing in it himself, he knew it was the bitter truth and that he will have to face it eventually. But not now, or at least not according to him.
âRick.. You put yourself into so much pressure. Youâre a talented actor, I know it and you know it. And Hollywood knows it.â It made Cliff sad that Rick was doubting himself this much. Cliff had always found Rick so talented whether with or without a script.
âI may be talented Cliff but have you ever seen a big star stuttering ? No you havenât because it doesnât exist because itâs lame and nobody wants this so my career will collapse one day or another. Maybe sooner than I expected. So I try to enjoy it for the time I still can, and I enjoy it by making myself drunk to the point that I donât know anymore where by bedroom is my own house.â Rickâs tone was as sour as all the whiskys that he might have drunk.
âIm not allowing you to say that Rick. Because thatâs wrong and you know it. Youâve been thought a rough phase since Bounty Law was cancelled. You think itâs your fault, itâs not. You think youâre a bad actor, youâre not. You think that the fact that you stutter is a problem, it isnât. You have doubts and thatâs normal but donât punish your body with this treatment. You have the right to have a decrease of self confidence, we all have. But instead of poisoning your body, just call me and talk to be about your problems, itâs saner and Iâll be glad to comfort you Rick. Because thatâs what a friend does, and Iâm your friend.â
Cliffâs heart was pounding in his chest, he appreciates Rick a lot, he was his best friend and deep down, he knew that it was more for him, but he didnât think that it was mutual but he doesnât care, he just wanted to be there for him to show his that he matters to someone, to him.
He would contain himself to not saying words that he might regret after. Even if Rick was as drunk as itâs possibly human, he didnât want to say those words out loud, because it would become real, not just some thoughts he have when heâs alone, or the feelings he have when he looks briefly at Rick when stopped at a red spotlight.
âI want you to be here Cliff, with me. I miss you.â Rickâs voice was almost begging. Cliff couldnât refrain a grin on his face.
âIf I come, you put the booze away ?â
âFor you, Iâll drop everything.â It almost felt like a promise.
âIâll be there in twenty minutes. If when I got there, you didinât get rid of all of this, I will not hesitate to turn around and leave.â
âYouâre arenât going to see anything, I promise.â And this time Cliff believed him.
âYouâre Rick fucking Dalton, donât you
âAnd donât forget that youâre the best friend of Earth Cliff.â Cliff could feel at his voice that Rick was smiling and he was too.
âI try and itâs not easy every days with you, youâre a real pain in my ass.â
âI know but what can I do, Iâm an actor.â
âSee you in twenty minutes Rick.â
He hang up the phone and yes it might be 3:40 in the morning but Cliff couldnât be happier. He was the total opposite of being bothered. The more he sees Rick in a day the better the day is, so seeing him since 4 in the morning couldnât be a better way to start a day.
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