Oh no not another Spike and Faye analysis.
I drove myself insane for months trying to figure out Spike’s ridiculously cryptic speech about his eyes to Faye in RFB. Why the hell of all things was this the thing he needed to so desperately tell her? My partner who loves the show and who is less emotionally involved than me completely deciphered it in a matter of seconds.
Essentially what they said:
“Spike isn’t a straight forward person who can admit his feelings. What a better way to indirectly compare these two women than to have one be the present and one be the past. Julia is his left eye, Faye is his right eye. Julia is the dream, and Faye is reality. The dream is over, Faye is who he has now.”
That hit me like a fucking truck when they said that.
I also realized that the only two people that Spike talks to about his eyes in the show, are Julia and Faye. He tells Julia in a voice over flash back during JJ and then Faye in RFB. They’re the only two people he tells about his eyes. BOOM, symbolism.
The next thing I banged my head against a wall over was his two speeches about the woman he loves to Jet and Electra.
Jet: When you and I first met, you told me something. You told me that you had died once, that you had seen death. Why can’t you just let it go? Forget the past.
Spike: There was a woman. First time I found someone who was truly alive, or at least that’s what I thought. She was the part of me I’d lost somewhere along the way. The part that I was missing, the part I had been longing for…. She’s back.
Spike: When I was younger, I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t have the slightest fear of dying, no reason for it. I thought that if I die that’s fine with me anytime at all, but then I met a certain woman and it changed. I started to think that I wanted to survive. For the first time the fear of death began to scare me. It was on my mind. I never felt that kind of feeling almost, paralyzed.
Electra: And? Where is she now?
Spike: She… faded off somewhere. Strange you’re the first person I said this to.
Spike never says Julia’s name and it fucking haunts me. He says “I met a certain woman” or “There was a woman”. It felt on purpose that he’s being vague. Why not just say her name? Come on dude you spent a two parter episode arc looking for her. You were very open about what she means to you. Jet of all people knows who you’re talking about!! Why don’t yah just, SAY THAT IT WAS JULIA????
It’s because it wouldn’t be the whole truth.
I’ve read some very convincing essays about how these speeches are about Faye, but that doesn’t feel quite right either.
This is where I connected the symbolism of the eyes, to what he has to say about the woman he loves.
If Spikes eyes are showing him patches of reality, then his speeches are mixed parts of the truth of what he’s feeling. He feels for both women. They both affect him deeply in this way. They are both a part of him. Just like his eyeballs.
Another hang up I had, was how the descriptions of the woman’s actions and past tense language did seem to fit Julia. Why do the speeches seem to outwardly point to Julia and inwardly point to Faye?
Why throw us off like that?
I believe it’s because he doesn’t have to face reality with Julia. What’s done, is done. It’s the past. If he outwardly admits his affections for Faye then that indicates he’s going to begin to do some thing about it. He’s not there yet. The past is easier to control and therefor easier to talk about. The present and future are the unknowns. (Which is why he is dumb ass kid on the play ground level mean to her and keeps her at a distance. He doesn’t know how to handle Faye.) He’s not quite sure he even has a future. And yet, by being vague he gets the satisfaction of catharsis. He can finally say out loud how he feels about Faye. It’s all so tragically high school.
I’m probably going to revise this essay later, but for now I needed to brain dump it into the world. In the meantime I need a glass of wine and a life.
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