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dead-end suburbia nightmares: why the homestuck candy epilogue fails (and why umriss: the leak succeeds) 🍭🏡

"And on this Earth, John is just waiting for the day that feeling finally stops. That feeling that he's still waiting for something, and the even worse feeling that years ago, he missed his only chance to put an end to it. If you stand on a very high hill at dawn, you can watch your shadow move in an arc around you." - Candy Epilogue

"'I think we lost something, that day,' Kris said. 'And kept losing. Like something chewed a hole in our lives and let whatever was in them drain out. I wasn't that surprised when my brother left. The leak had already started.'" - Umriss: The Leak

having read the homestuck candy epilogue myself now, i wanted to explain why i think, though it had potential, it ultimately fails to accomplish its goal of depicting a dead-end suburban "wrong" ending for the cast.

to do so, i will be using another piece for comparison which has a similar goal: umriss: the leak, the deltarune fanfiction by couriernew, which i think masterfully accomplishes the kind of thing candy was aiming for.

(this post assumes you're familiar with the homestuck epilogues, though i'll still recap things for clarity's sake. i'll also try to provide context for the deltarune side of things, though it might not make as much sense if you aren't familiar with the game, sorry)

part 1: "everyone's been all... brainwashed by marriage!"

let's first establish what exactly i mean by "dead-end suburbia nightmare" and how this concept applies to both candy and umriss: the leak.

both pieces revolve around an alternate timeline/sequence of events where the original work's cast end up leading dead-end, painfully unfulfilled suburban lives. they settle into an approximation of typical, heteronormative marriages, they raise children, etc. in a way that is notably and intentionally different from the lives that they would otherwise lead.

"He thought he was over this. That he got his moping out of his system those first few years on Earth C and then started getting his life on track. He got married, he had a kid. That fixes everything, right? He wonders if his intermittent check-ins with Terezi have less to do with her personally and more to do with gravitating toward someone who's still out there. Someone who can still lay credible claim to functioning as an agent of relevance. A person who hasn't entirely forfeited their volitional integrity just yet. Like a guy with a wife and a kid." - Candy Epilogue

in candy for instance, the reason for the timeline splitting off is john turning down his mission to go back in time and kill lord english. he instead chooses complacency (represented by the candy he eats - easy and sweet, but provides no real substance). this leads him to eventually get married to roxy, have a child with her, and try to settle into a "normal" life. but it keeps feeling Wrong to him until he starts to spiral and question the validity of their entire reality.

"John notices his fingers are shaking. He makes a conscious effort to keep them still, and exhales. Come make some sense at me? Good lord. He's got to pull it together, before he blurts out something really embarrassing. He braces himself, as if splashing an imaginary glass of cold water in his own face, and reminds himself once again that he has a wonderful life. A perfect life. He's HAPPY, god damn it." - Candy Epilogue

in umriss: the leak, the inciting incident is that kris and susie had their first adventure in the dark world together, but then the next day it was gone and things went back to normal. instead of susie and noelle getting together like intended, everyone undergoing their character development, etc., kris & noelle and susie & berdly respectively both end up settling into unfulfilled, unhappy marriages. eventually the supernatural darkness returns and starts slowly consuming their lives.

"'Kids are resilient. Up to a point.' They toyed with their shirt buttons. 'Anyway, Noelle knew from the start. The adoption was her idea too. I go along with what she wants, the best I can. She means well. She's doing her best. But I'm not really her spouse so much as her charity case.' Berdly chuckled. 'I can relate to that.' 'In what way?' The laughter died in his throat. Kris had pinned him with that stare again, and this time it didn't relent. He sputtered a little, because in truth he'd been thinking of earlier this afternoon, when he'd watched Susie vegetate on the couch between her TV and phone screens, shiftless, all the tutoring he'd given her wasted - and he could feel that stare pass through him and carry those thoughts away." - Umriss: The Leak

with both stories, the intention is clearly meant to point out the unhappiness and lack of fulfillment that the characters experience from being trapped in these lives. in both there is a pervasive, intentional sense of wrongness, that things were not supposed to go this way.

in both, this wrongness is very intentionally, but not super directly, tied to heteronormativity. for example in candy, dave ends up married to jade but forever longing for karkat and the life they could've had together, and breaks down admitting that he thinks he's actually gay. in umriss: the leak, susie is married to berdly, a man, and her relationship to noelle, a woman and her intended love interest, is now simply one of old school friends trying to bond as wives over dinner with their spouses.

"DAVE: i think i messed up DAVE: i didnt do the right thing a long time ago and now DAVE: even though i love jade DAVE: i feel like im living a lie DAVE: i try not to even think any of this stuff but now that im letting myself not only think it but say it i feel like im panicking DAVE: i dont know what to do DAVE: i dont..." "DAVE: i think He runs a hand through his hair, and looks back down. DAVE: i think im gay" - Candy Epilogue

"'Oh, God.' She bent over her mug until the giggles calmed down. 'And what are you up to?' 'This and that. I did waitressing to help with the bills back when we were in school, but now I'm a lady of leisure.' Susie gestured airily. 'Berdly's been cracking away at this big solo project. Once it's done, he's expecting more folks to start showing up around here. Clients and stuff. Guess I'll be some fancy hostess.'" - Umriss: The Leak

even though in both works not everyone's situation is a typical cishet marriage, it's still tied to ideas of a "normal" domestic life.

with all that established, why do i think umriss: the leak succeeds while the candy epilogue doesn't?

part 2: "why have we all ended up so unhappy and... twisted up?"

one of the most vital differences in my opinion that sets these two works apart is the characterization.

in candy, people act very strangely, in ways they usually wouldn't. or rather, they act "out of character." this is something seemingly intentional, as it's explored a bit within the work itself, but the way it does so is... odd.

at first, it seems like the intention is that due to this timeline being "severed from canon," things start drifting further and further from how they're supposed to be, which includes the behavior of the characters.

i think roxy is a good example of this. she's pretty much normal in the beginning, but as the story goes on she morphs into this unbothered, passive housewife, never really having her own opinions and only going along with whatever john wants. john himself notices this and it makes him uncomfortable and confused.

"...she didn't question him about it. In fact, all she did was tip her head at him and blink a few times, her long eyelashes catching the light, making her eyes look like mirrors. It was disconcerting for reasons that he couldn't put his finger on. It's not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he's married to now. Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too 'in love,' too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general." - Candy Epilogue

john begins to believe that due to him not going back in time and fighting lord english, that's what's caused everything to go off rails and everyone to start acting weird. but this is seemingly deconfirmed when he and roxy have a conversation much later after separating, where roxy explains why she acted the way she did and shuts down the idea that john's actions caused this, asserting her own agency in the situation. this is further emphasized in a conversation with vriska where she laughs at john for thinking that the entire universe revolves around him like that.

the intention seems to be that that these other characters are right, and that people aren't acting strangely because of some supernatural influence from the universe getting fucked up or whatever. (or at least that isn't the main reason.) but that just doesn't seem to really line up with what we see throughout the epilogue.

not only are there instances that seem to pretty strongly be because of an outside influence (things like rose forgetting about the mission she gave john at the beginning), but more vitally - many characters are just wildly out of character in ways that cannot be waved away as just "different circumstances."

this isn't a problem with just the candy epilogue, but it's much worse and far more widespread here than it is in meat. roxy is completely uncaring and oblivious as she makes a funeral into a party. jane is not just a genocidal fascist, but also a deeply abusive wife to jake. vriska fucks gamzee ???

so much insane nonsense happens during candy that it takes away from the central idea. the intent was clearly to have things derail from "canon" and get more and more insane, but the ways it happens here are just so far removed, so poorly built up, and to be frank, so horrible and gross in certain parts that it just doesn't feel believable whatsoever.

i think the problem is that they can't seem to pick whether they want everyone to be supernaturally influenced to act out of character, or if they're fully acting as themselves and are just reacting to the circumstances. it NEEDED to be one or the other, or at least if it was meant to be intentionally ambiguous it should've been done better.

i think both approaches could work. i like the idea on paper of john being the only "normal one" as reality warps around him and all his friends start acting in ways they wouldn't usually, and there's parts where i think that comes across really well.

"JOHN: everyone is also acting crazy! JOHN: i feel like i'm the only sane person left in this entire universe. JOHN: i'm the only one who seems to... care about anything? JOHN: i mean, care about anything... BIGGER. JOHN: bigger than like, what to name a baby, or who's stuck in a terrible relationship with who. JOHN: oh my god, this probably sounds so pathetic. JOHN: terezi, i'm seriously pathetic. JOHN: it's so selfish of me to even be messaging you at all. JOHN: i've got a beautiful wife who loves me, but it's not enough. i can't even talk to her about what we're going to name our stupid kid without it turning into some weird thing where she just goes along with whatever i want. JOHN: even when all i want is for her to want something different than what i want!!!" - Candy Epilogue

^ LIKE THIS IS GOOD! i like john realizing the stasis and wrongness of the dead-end suburbia nightmare, and feeling trapped and alone in this life that he's found himself living in that he's "supposed" to want. but like i said, it's undermined by the story seemingly stating that that isn't actually what's happening.

on the other hand, i think keeping everyone primarily in-character and trying to show how they could realistically end up in these unfulfilled lives could've been really really effective.

for example, i could ABSOLUTELY see jane and jake getting into a wack ass obligatory marriage and having a child. i think that could be really interesting to explore. but then candy makes the circumstances surrounding that so bizarre and adds completely unnecessary elements like jane being a rapist, gamzee getting involved and being super ultra weird, etc. etc.

it would've been far more impactful if it actually explored how this could've realistically happened, but instead it becomes so divorced from the original context that it doesn't feel like it even matters.

this realistic approach is the one that umriss: the leak takes, and is one of its main strengths in comparison. it doesn't fundamentally change any of the characters and keeps as true to them as possible - all developments in the story are within reason of happening, had the inciting incident of the original game's story not happened the way it did in canon.

deltarune takes place in a small town where nothing ever seems to change. everyone feels trapped in the usual routine, unable to do anything but reminisce about better times and march along their set paths. the emergence of the magical dark worlds changes all of that, and the characters are able to grow and break away from that normalcy.

by taking away the dark world adventures, umriss: the leak explores what would happen if the characters never got to grow and instead resigned themselves to the original trajectory they seemed to be on. there are certain developments that may feel jarring (such as kris and noelle's families dying, or susie getting with berdly of all people) but they're all rooted in that inability to escape the set path, the choking suburban mundaneness that is hometown.

"'Like I said, it's hard to talk about. I guess you could say that we saw something extraordinary.' 'In the closet?' 'In the closet. Or what should have been the closet.' Their voice had gone colorless again. 'But that didn't matter as much as what happened the next day. We went back there. To see what we'd seen before. But it was gone.' 'The extraordinary thing?' 'Yes. It was just a closet. Maybe we could have told ourselves that we'd imagined it. But things were different between us after that anyway. She didn't want to treat me the way she used to.' They sighed. 'And after the second day, she didn't want much to do with me at all. I guess it just reminded her too much of what we'd seen.'" - Umriss: The Leak

i can see how the characters could end up in this situation, if things had gone differently. with candy, many of the developments are just so bizarre that it requires much more suspension of disbelief, to the point where it just doesn't feel relevant to anything in any way.

and again, i think if they had gone all-in on "everything is completely off the rails and insane because of supernatural influence of the timeline getting split off from canon" that that COULD have been really interesting as well. but that would require both a more coherent trajectory for the characters to take, as well as a bigger focus on john specifically and his feelings seeing all this transpire.

i don't need to read an entire scene about jane, jake, and gamzee's disgusting weird relationship that serves no purpose other than to be gross. if you're going to make things get super weird, you need to really focus on john's reaction to all of it and how it makes him feel to see things diverge so strangely.

that's not to say that umriss: the leak is devoid of characters being supernaturally influenced. as the story progresses, the ever-present mysterious Darkness underneath hometown manifests more and more, warping things until the end where everything is completely consumed.

it starts with berdly, who gets driven into madness as he shuts himself in his office and paints papers all black in a fervor as the house warps around him. the temperature drops until its freezing, the darkness consumes the rooms of the house until they're nothing but emptiness.

susie leaves him and returns to her old apartment, which becomes subsumed by darkness as well, made into an endless black void that kris and noelle must physically pull her out of. in both of these instances, they are being influenced by the darkness.

the difference here, in my opinion, is that these moments are not meant to just be the characters being Supernaturally Influenced, but rather their unhappiness being emphasized in a sort of allegorical way.

susie originally plans to drive over to kris and noelle's, but finds herself at her old apartment instead. in the story this is of course seemingly due to the reality-warping nature of the darkness luring her away, but symbolically it's susie resigning herself to being alone, to returning to the shitty apartment with her parents that she thought she had escaped.

in candy, there isn't really that same sense that everyone's actions are in service of some greater "point." all of this crazy stuff is happening, but why? it feels like it's trying to explore two separate concepts: that complacency is bad, and characters being influenced by an outside force to act out of character, and they just don't mesh. it's not complacency if they're being supernaturally influenced.

i think umriss: the leak gets a bit of an advantage simply due to the fact that deltarune, in my opinion, is an easier vehicle to use for exploring this kind of concept. deltarune already features these themes of mundane suburban normalcy very strongly. homestuck, on the other hand, doesn't really have much of that going on, so the epilogues kind of have to invent it from scratch. this creates a sort of disconnect in terms of how we get from A to B.

part 3: "well, it's what happens when people get married!"

as i stated before, both works clearly engage with heteronormativity through using the typical, "normal" suburban domestic marriage and home as an uncomfortable and deeply Wrong state of being for these characters.

candy is far more explicit in this aspect, through things like dave's sexuality, roxy's sexuality and gender, etc.

"Something about this doesn't feel... right? Just a few weeks ago, Roxy was happy with Calliope, and now she wants to have his babies? John feels like he's missing something important here, like he went for a bathroom break during the part of the movie where the plot twist happens." - Candy Epilogue

however, this is another aspect that i think candy really fails at. this is the vibe it tries to cultivate, but the problem is that... john's really the only person in a typical cishet marriage?

dave also ends up married to jade hetero-style, but that's only after an entire plotline of him, jade, and karkat all being in a weird unhappy poly situation. jane and jake are married with a kid, but then gamzee gets involved in a totally bizarre fashion. (not to mention that they have a reverse gender roles situation where jane is the abusive ceo breadwinner and jake is the cowering victim holding their child.) rose and kanaya are still lesbian married and honestly don't get that impacted by what happens. etc. etc.

everyone having these non-traditional and non-straightforward situations feels counterproductive to the idea that everyone is trapped in restrictive "normal" lives. i don't think everyone needs to be in totally normal purely heterosexual pairings for this theme to get across, but things are just far too unusual and insane to match up with that cultural idea of what dead-end suburbia looks like.

umriss: the leak manages to do this very well, as even though one of the pairings (kris and noelle) is between a nonbinary person and a woman, both couples' situations are so painfully mundane and realistic that it gets across this concept of a restrictive, dead-end suburban life incredibly strongly regardless.

"The marriage had followed soon after. Noelle understood they wouldn't be anything close to a normal couple, especially in terms of affection - Kris seldom touched her, would even avoid brushing against her accidentally while doing chores or preparing for bed. They were two drowning people buoying each other up, so she tried to accept everything about them, keep them afloat. She bought the piano and the paints and quietly thrilled when they were used, and didn't bring up their coldness, their long silences, her suspicion that they were still waiting for an excuse to sink." - Umriss: The Leak

again, i think this partially comes from deltarune's already more grounded setting, but i don't think the candy epilogue needed to have all this total nonsense inserted into it just because homestuck is generally kind of weird. the meat epilogue, in comparison, has very little of that kind of thing, and it comes out a far, far better piece for it in my opinion.

or, to put it more bluntly: if you're trying to get across a sense of traditional, unfulfilled suburban life, you can't have characters be in a bizarre threeway situation with a clown sipping breast milk from baby bottles. things need to be normal and stifling and utterly, utterly lifeless.

"When everything had drained away from a life, not just hope and joy but horror and pain as well, then what was left?" - Umriss: The Leak

conclusion

i feel like this analysis kind of meandered, but i hope i at least sort of got across what i was trying to say.

overall, i think candy's central issue is trying to tell a story about characters resigning themselves to complacent normal lives, where the characters aren't in-character and the lives they get trapped in are anything but normal.

it needed to commit to being either a story where everyone is living mundane dead-end lives, or a story where everything progressively goes completely off the rails. maybe those two concepts could've been combined in a way that worked, but that is not the case with the candy epilogue.

in contrast, umriss: the leak gets across that feeling of wrongness from the characters living these mundane suburban lives very well by having it be grounded, true to the characters, and incorporating the supernatural element in a way that only serves to emphasize the main concept rather than confuse it.

candy has a lot of potential and i really do think it could've been something good. like i've mentioned throughout this post, there are several moments in candy that i think are genuinely really good and do actually get across this concept well. but it's just completely undermined by the absolutely ridiculous and distasteful nonsense that permeates it.

if you, like me, like this concept and want to see it be done well, i really do highly recommend reading umriss: the leak in its entirety. couriernew is a fantastic writer, and he captures that visceral sense of Wrongness in a way that i can't properly get across via just excerpts and descriptions. (though if you haven't played deltarune i would of course recommend doing that first lol)

thank you for reading <3

"'Concrete and cobwebs. That's all.' They shrugged; there was something helpless in it. 'Which about sums it up, really. The things you hope for, the things you expect. They just drain away. Eventually all that's left is an outline of what you thought life would be.'" - Umriss: The Leak

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You can hold me like a small animal, but NEVER feed me meat!