TKOs and Tempeh

Vegan, scrapper, writer, reader.

[gaygirlrey]

does anyone else ever forget that men aren’t expected to shave their armpits even though they’re so hairy, and then a guy lifts his arms up and you’re actually fucking shocked because you expect there to be skin but instead you’re greeted with 2 fur trappers, 5 families of elk and an ancient civilization that’s pretty close to inventing flying cars

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

I have an agreement with my partner (who doesn't expect me to shave, and prefers being relatively hairless himself): any part of my body that get's shaved, he's got to shave as well.

[fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment]

I'm writing a story that will have many characters of the lgbt+ community. There's a chance I might kill off a person and there's not much of a chance off that many straight characters. Is it alright to kill off a lgbt+ member if many other lgbt+ characters live?

Hi, I’m popping in to answer a few questions before I vanish again!

We FYCD mods answer excessive amounts of questions following this format: “Is it okay if this minority character does this?” or “Is it okay to have this story with this character even though he/she is a PoC/LGBTQ+/female/etc.?”

Personally, I will always answer yes to these types of questions - with one stipulation.  Yes, you have my blessing (not worth much) to write whichever character into whatever story you please and have the story progress by whatever means you see fit; however, you MUST have a purpose for things being the way they are.  

In this case, your LGBTQ+ character shouldn’t die ‘just because.’  There should be a valid reason for that specific character to die, and if it so happens that the character that is meant to get killed off is one of the LGBTQ+ characters, so be it.

For those of us who get lazy and skip to the end, as long as the event serves the purpose of advancing the plot of your piece, the event may happen regardless of the traits of a character.

-Grammar

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

*coughs* Apologies for the random one-sentence comment before *coughs*

My thoughts- as a queer, non-binary person:

-Questions like this are incredibly uncomfortable- asking for permission to kill an LGBT+ person?  It’s such a YMMV issue, and I think the question of who ‘gets’ to answer is really worth interrogating closely.  LGBT+ people from a range of backgrounds have written extensively about this particular issue- with a range of conclusions- and those are the voices that should be accorded the most validity and respect.  There’s no magic stamp of approval, and if you haven’t been reading LGBT+ folks commenting on this very topic then you need to go out and rectify that.

-As a reader, my ability to tolerate the death of an LGBT+ character is largely tied to why/how they die.  Is it just to create tragedy, drama or conflict?  Is the death being used as a ‘teachable moment’?  Is the death tied to their sexuality (e.g. a hate crime)?  Does it intersect, in a problematic way, with other tropes (e.g. related to race, class, religion etc)?  Who is the killer- are they LGBT+ as well, or are they cishet?  

-The death of an LGBT+ character does not happen in some sort of miraculous vacuum of storytelling.  I have read and watched so many deaths of people who are, in some way, ‘like me’- some handled well (usually those written by people within the community), but most handled poorly- and the message that sends is one of disposability.  Not only that, but you need to consider the wider world: you’re asking this question shortly after Orlando, in a world in which ‘corrective rape’ is a thing, the US has ‘bathroom laws’ and, here in Australia, LGBT+ people are having to listen on an almost daily basis to homophobic and transphobic rubbish associated with an anti-bullying program and marriage plebiscite.  Our suicide rates and murder rates (particularly for trans woc)- not even counting experiences of generic abuse, violence and assorted hate crimes- are obscene.  Why does any author feel the need to add to this?  I can tell you, I read this shit every day of my life- it’s really only cishet people that get to avoid it- so quite frankly I don’t read fictionalised accounts involving the death of LGBT+ characters, unless I really trust the author’s intent and deftness with/respect of the topic.  As a writer, I don’t write them either.

-Who is your audience?  Like...I feel that when questions like this come up, there’s an attitude that the readership is straight, and that objections may come more from allies than actual LGBT+ readers.  If you want, and care about, your LGBT+ readership, then a significant amount of thought, research and reading needs to be behind your writing.

-Are you a member of the LGBT+ community (rhetorical question, BTW)?  If you are, are you a member of the sector of the community that you’re writing about?  That, to me, makes a difference.  There’s no ‘right’ to get, really- I’m not monosexual, and I’ve read depictions of bisexual women by bisexual women that I have totally hated- but I’m definitely more tolerant of other LGBT+ writers than cishet writers.  The reason being: if an LGBT+ author writes a depiction I don’t like, then it’s just a matter of differing perspectives and experiences.  If a cishet author writes a depiction that I don’t like, it’s usually coming from a lack of research/knowledge/personal experience of/empathy with the LGBT+ community.

Uh...this is a long response, but it’s a topic that really needs to be unpacked in depth.

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

If I don't stop checking Tumblr, Sansa has...plans...for me.

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

Let's be clear: a terrorist attack occurred in my country today. That it was perpetrated against the Islamic community, and that no one was injured, makes it no less an act of terrorism. That 'no one was harmed' is intellectually, morally, ethically disingenuous in our current social climate. Acts of hate may not involve death or injury, but they always cause harm: to minds, to hearts. They hurt, they normalise, they compound. Is it any wonder this has occurred shortly before an election in which so many of our parties are complicit in acts of war, in Islamophobia, in peddling the hate and marginalisation of Muslims (not to mention a host of other marginalised communities)? If nothing else, fellow non-Muslim Australians, please do your research before voting on Saturday. Know who you're voting for. Think carefully, even about seemingly innocuous parties. I know that things like this have happened before, but I worry- post-Brexit, with Trump running for President, with the UPF and ALA 'protesting' regularly in Melbourne- that this election result runs the risk of legitimising more of this hatred.

[butterflygrace]

[kentuckyfriednug-deactivated-de]

i feel like ‘passing privilege’ is a term that needs to be replaced by ‘conditional acceptance’ and i want to write about it but i just don’t have the spoons

[sbstewartlaing-deactivated20180]

My family calls it ‘probationary privilege’– like, you can be accepted into the privileged group as long as you ‘know your place’ and act according to their standards and gloss over your actual identity/experiences.

[veganangel]

In case you didn’t know, it’s the Yulin Dog Meat Festival rn. So that means lots of people who eat meat on a daily basis are about to become real transparent as they throw around any number of xenophobic and racists comments all bc dogs are the only animals worth protecting from animal exploitation in European western cultures.

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

Lightning Ridge volunteers bury the dead in town with no undertaker

An opal miner with a bushy beard and muddy boots, Ormie Molyneux lifted the dead woman's thick body and placed it gently in a satin-lined coffin. His son, Timbo, helped. Then they picked up the polished lid and carefully pressed it shut.

This is actually really sweet...though why it’s from The New York Times, using American dollars and temperature measurements is beyond me.

[profeminist]

Source

[mockiato-deactivated20200315]

I want to take a moment to send my love and solidarity to LGBT Muslims in light of what’s going on. I know the pressure on you is already so high. Your faith is not to blame for this, you are not to blame for this. You’re allowed to mourn, too.

[disc80s]

This just in: bisexuals are greedy, untrustworthy, gold-digging from ugly cis white males and lesbians ruin marriages…

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

So...at this point can we actually, collectively start acknowledging that biphobia is an actual, real thing.  One that includes significant elements of homophobia/lesbophobia while also having its own, distinct traits and qualities?  You know, like significant numbers of actual bi people have been saying for...y’know, a long fucking time now?

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

Questions raised, as a non-binary queer person, after going to the barber for a nice, conservative ‘masculine’ haircut:

1.  Is the guy at the cafe flirting with me because he thinks I’m a guy?

2.  Is the guy at the cafe flirting with me because he gives no shits about the gender of potential fuck-pals, and I tick the boxes labelled ‘everything’ and ‘whatever’?

3.  Is the guy at the cafe flirting with me because he thinks I’m a woman?

There is a 2/3 chance that he wound up disappointed.

[benjiscloset]

Reblog if you would be comfortable living in a dormitory with an openly transgender or intersex individual. We’re working on a campaign for gender neutral housing and we could use your support.

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

Working on an aesthetic for one of my main characters, Rat.

[bisexual-books]

DO BI PEOPLE NEED YOU (YES YOU!) TO WRITE US?

This is a guest post from bisexual author Heidi Belleau.  You can visit her at  http://www.heidibelleau.com/blog/

2016 has not been a great year for being bisexual in M/M Romance. I mean, it’s almost never super great to be bisexual (and especially a bisexual woman) in M/M Romance, but this year has been especially nasty. I’m honestly kind of over it. But I’m not here to rehash why I’m sick of blog posts arguing Romance about bi characters who are on-page attracted to more than one gender can’t be called M/M, or that bi women in M/M are the exact same as straight women in M/M and are here for all your lumping in and invalidating needs, or that bi people don’t belong in Romance period due to the fact that we are all incapable of emotionally fulfilling monogamy and other fun stale-as-my-cereal-cupboard (seriously there’s likely a box of Chex in there from the twentieth century) biphobic nonsense. This post isn’t here for the Out and Proud Biphobes who can’t go ten minutes on the internet without undermining us in some way.

It’s for the well-intentioned not-bisexual people who want to do better but still need a bit of guidance, and yes, that includes non-straight people too: gay men, lesbians, pansexuals and other non-bi-identifying MGA people, non-bi asexuals, this one’s for you, too. Read this, give it consideration, and I’ll promise to do the same when you’re talking to outsiders about YOUR experience, too.

I hear Bisexual Erasure is a problem in Romance, as it is in all other media and, oh, yeah, the real world too. You feel it’s up to you, non-bisexual person, to fix it. But is it really? Sure I want more bisexual characters in my fiction, written by people both bi and non-, but NOT if it’s coming from people who are going to include bisexual characters wrapped up in a flakey pastry of biphobic tropes and misrepresentation.

So please, if you are not bisexual* and:

Think bisexuality is “attraction to men and women”, please do not write us.

Think bisexuality means “has SEX with men and women”, please do not write us.

Think bisexuality is rooted in who we have sex with at all, please do not write us.

Think bisexual people MUST be attracted to the so-called “opposite sex” or even our “same sex”, please do not write us.

Think our labels don’t matter or, worse, are a negative thing, please do not write us.

Think bisexuality is transphobic or binarist by nature and thus/also ignore the existence of bisexual transgender and/or nonbinary people, please do not write us.

Think bisexuality is something limited to white, cis, able-bodied, allosexual people and not an identity that includes a multitude of beautiful and varied intersections, please do not write us.

Think our identity politics are silly or quaint or just plain wrong, please do not write us.

Think bisexuals can erase ourselves, please do not write us.

Think bisexuals should have to keep some kind of even ratio of relationships/attraction and be able to recite that ratio on command to validate our identity, please do not write us.

Think bisexuals are only queer when we are in a same-gender relationship, or that bisexual characters only “count” if they are in same-gender relationships in a given text, please do not write us.

Think bisexuals don’t belong at pride if we are in a mixed-gender relationship, please do not write us.

Think the only good bisexual character is one that exists in constant, kneejerk opposition to any and all bisexual stereotypes, please do not write us.

Think bisexuals do not face unique prejudices from within and without the queer community, please do not write us.

Think biphobia is just a form of homophobia or that passing privilege means we’re as good as straight, please do not write us.

Think it is natural and normal for a character to explicitly say they are gay or a lesbian or straight on page in a book but that the word “bisexual” needs to be justified, please do not write us.

Think it’s completely harmless for you as a non-bisexual person to write (YET ANOTHER) apparently bisexual character who “doesn’t need labels” or “would prefer not to put a name on it” or any other (fictionally**) mealy-mouthed excuse not to ID as bi, please don’t write us.

Think all bisexuals cheat OR never cheat, are automatically polyamorous OR never polyamorous, know our sexuality from day one OR are perpetually confused about it, are at the forefront of queer activism OR don’t participate in it at all, kiss when straight boys are looking OR hate straight boys and never perform for them … if you’re either biphobic as all shit or reactionary anti-biphobic to the point of erasing real bisexual people, please do not write us.

Think sexuality is fluid or we’re all a little bit queer and therefore bisexuality as a label, an identity, or a political movement are meaningless/moot, please do not write us.

Think there is such a thing as a “bad bisexual” and don’t understand the difference between that and a poorly drawn bisexual character, please do not write us.

Take the word of ANYONE other than bisexuals ourselves to tell you what bisexuality is, means, or stands for, please do not write us.

Don’t follow bisexual blogs, pay attention to bisexual activism or bisexual organizations, or otherwise bother to learn from us about us, please do not write us.

Do not read or promote books about bisexual characters written by bisexual authors–who are not your friends that you’d read/promote anyway–, please do not write us.

In short …

If you have taken no time or made no effort to engage with our bisexual community or educated yourself on the goals of bisexual activism, then maybe you are not the white knight we need to Fix Bisexual Erasure. Fix your own inner understanding of bisexuality before you try to fix the outer problem of bisexual erasure in our genre.

And if you’ve read this entire post and are now huffing and puffing at your computer screen like FINE I WON’T WRITE YOU THEN YOU UNGRATEFUL POOPJERK!!! … please do not write us.

I’m in no way against writing outside your own experience (ffs I’m a bi cis white woman who writes GBT men, trans people, POC, and everyone in between. I’d be an absolute fucking hypocrite if I seriously suggested anyone else not write outside their experience). I am, however, against doing it if you’re only doing it out of a sense of obligation, or you’re gonna do it half-assed without putting in some homework first.

Ok, thanks.

- Heidi Belleau 

* Bisexual people can write whatever narratives about ourselves that they please, bc #ownvoices has different rules.

** Real people can eschew labels all they want for whatever reason they want and their reasons are always valid to them and their experience. Fictional characters doing the same thing contributes to a harmful bi-erasing trope.

For further reading, check out the awesome list of bi authors and resources at Heidi’s site

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

I rocked this suit at Civil War on Friday. Rocked it so well that a guy coming out of the "men's room" held the door for me, then did a double take when I didn't go in. There was a minute of pure, unadulterated joy- I delight in a bit of gender chaos- before my happiness got spiked with thoughts of bathroom laws, personal safety (my own and others'). So once that hit I had to piss while thinking about how quickly I could escape the "women's room" and whether some cis girl would think I was in the 'wrong room'. Fun fucking times.

[trashbears-deactivated20171214]

The Sleepy Hollow Finale Was So Terrible I'm Still Upset Two Weeks Later

Two weeks. It’s been two full weeks since Sleepy Hollow ended a bad third season with one of the most awful, infuriating hours of TV I have ever watched. It was a finale that blew up the show’s soul (nearly literally!)—and even now, I can’t stop thinking about how much I hate it.

THE DRAG CONTINUES

[tkosandtempeh-blog]

Given Nicole Beharie wanted off the show, I’m happy that she’s free to pursue something that (hopefully) will offer her a true chance to shine instead of attempting to sideline her.  That said, I’m not forgiving the show for putting her in such an untenable position in the first place, given that she was the real hero of Sleepy Hollow.