Unfortunately controversial take but you chosing to identify as ace as a way to not deal with something internal isnt the fault of the ace community. I see so many aphobes and exclusionists going “I told myself I was ace when i was younger to not deal with depression so its a harmful label for children!!” or “well i thought I was ace and so I forced myself to shun sex and it harmed me so the ace comminity harmed me!” and every time it kills me more.
Like, having depression or trauma or dysphoria or whatever made you choose to call yourself ace isnt your fault! But its also not aces fault, for accepting you and allowing someone calling themselves ace to be a part of the ace community!! Thats what communities are supposed to do!
When I was younger I just assumed I was a lesbian, and involved myself in lesbian communities. I talked to other lesbians about my disconnect with womanhood (spoiler alert; it was the trans in me making that disconnect), and they told me that thats normal and okay, that I can still be a lesbian regardless. When I accepted the fact that I like boys, I just figured it was on addition and identified as bi. Other bi people told me that my strong preference for guys was okay (it was the gay, actually). Then I realized that I was just trans and gay and now here i am today.
Did I choose to identify with those labels to avoid dealing with my own personal problems? Oh absolutely I did. I clung HARD to both when I was younger, because it was easy. Has this happened to other people? Of course, plenty of other trans people have gone through other sexuality labels! Is this lesbians and bisexuals faults, since they treated us as if we were lesbians/bi? Absolutely fucking not.
Yall need to calm down and actually acknowledge the fact that communities are supposed to help and support people within them! They arent supposed to try to steer you away from them. Do you guys expect every community to disclaim every resource with “but also you might not be this so ://”? Because all that is doing is ostracizing people that arent “cookie cutter” examples in the community, and thats wrong.
I fully understand being upset at trauma or lost time, and I get that its easier to place the blame somewhere for bullshit that you shouldnt have had to go through, but this aint it. Yall need to grow up and realize you are putting blame on a community for treating you as one of their own WHEN YOU YOURSELF SAID YOU WERE ONE OF THEIR OWN. You are vilifying them because of your own personal shit, and what you are actually doing is projecting.
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