I Haven’t put up a video in a long time and that sucks!!!!
But I have this crazy dilemma. On one hand (let’s say, the right hand) I really like making these videos, even if only a few people ever see them.
On the other hand (the left hand) I feel like the direction I was going with the videos is a direction that I never wanted to go in. The mental health week vids are what opened my eyes to the “mental health vlogging” community. I thought I was mostly alone up until that point and I was excited to find others trying to do what I was trying to do. I thought it was great! but then I started realizing maybe it wasn’t so great.
(Before I move on I want to say that I love everyone in the community and that you guys are great. I don’t want anyone to thing this is me hating on you guys.)
The kind of content that people were putting out (the people who were seeing more success) was the sort of clickbaity -- facebook shar-y -- kind of mental health content that I personally originally set out to avoid. So even though these people are each doing good in their own way, that way is not my way. It’s not how I want to go about running my vlog and yet I feel like If I continue down this path of “mental health vlogging” that’s what I would end up doing.
I’ve thought about changing what my channel is about completely, but that’s not something I’m super keen on doing either because of all the re-branding and possible alienation of my small follower base (which is made up almost entirely of strangers, by the way. My immediate family doesn’t involve themselves and I haven’t even told my friends and acquaintances [except for one] what I’m doing), I really care about you guys because I assume you’ve followed me trying to find inspiration for your own problems and I feel changing what I’m doing might really let you down (maybe not. I mean, let’s face it, I am very replaceable as a content creator).
Right now those seem like my only two choices, and I’m kind of stuck trying to decide what to do.
I also have other responsibilities to worry about like fighting my own mental health issues and finding a second job so that I can make enough income to live off of.
Basically the left hand stuff is so overwhelmingly larger than the right hand stuff that I’ve had I really hard time putting up videos lately. I’m not saying I’m giving up, but I am admitting that I may have bitten off more than I can chew. So until I can sort through my mess of a life the videos may have to be put off for a bit longer.
