I think the most realistic thing about Ed's suicidal behavior at the beginning of s2 is how much he wants to live.
Even as Ed is planning his suicide, he's longing so desperately for a life and a love he thinks he cannot have. It's not that he wants to die, necessarily, it's that he wants to live a life that is full of love and where he can feel more like himself.
And in the gravy basket? After Ed has already goaded his friends into beating him to death? Ed can STILL think of reasons he wants to live.
And they're not complex things! Warmth, good food, good sex. Ed loves the little pleasures that make every day more enjoyable. And, yeah, his mind immediately shuts him down and reminds him he doesn't think there's anyone waiting for him, but Ed is still hesitant. "I feel like I'm supposed to choose to live," he says. He's trying so hard to find reasons to stay alive.
I love so much that Ed had to be thrown off that cliff. He's fighting the whole way down. He's just committed suicide but he doesn't fucking want to die.
It's such a lovely depiction of someone coming back from suicidal ideation. All Ed needed was anything he could hold onto to give him hope that there's something worth sticking around for. And when he has something to hold onto? He grabs it so fucking tight.
And now? He knows there are plenty of people looking out for him. His days are full of warmth, good food, and orgasms. He's getting to actually plan that fantasy he was crying his eyes out about at the start of the season because he thought he could never have it. He's getting to believe he can have the life he wanted.
It's so hopeful and lovely. No one else is doing it like OFMD
















