tofu

-random seventeen shenanigans-

[tofu-u]

Chan: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast.

Soonyoung: Several traffic violations.

Seungkwan: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Seokmin: Roughly seventeen cans of energy drinks.

Seokmin: Oh also, that’s not our car.

Chan:

Chan: Hyung is gonna kill you later. Good luck.

[tofu-u]

Seungcheol: okay guys, I’ve never really asked this but, what do y’all identify as?

Jeonghan: gay.

Seungcheol: ah okay, but I already kne-

Joshua: American.

Jun: a cat.

Soonyoung: a tiger.

Wonwoo: dead.

Jihoon: a threat to society

Minghao: a skinny legend.

Mingyu: Handsome

Seokmin: Hungry. When is the pizza comin-

Seungkwan: Vernon’s

Vernon: Seungkwan’s

Chan: a dinosaur

Seungcheol:

Seungcheol: dinner’s cancelled

Seokmin: but hyung, you didn’t say what you idnetifed as.

Seungcheol: doesn’t matter anymore.

Jeonghan: ..well as long as it’s not straight, it’s fine by me-

[tofu-u]

Seungkwan: *sneezes*

Joshua:

Seungkwan: you’re not going to say bless you?

Joshua: I don’t bless you, god does

[tofu-u]

Soonyoung: Can I get a pet?

Jihoon: Fine, but you’re going to be the only one taking care of it. What do you want?

Soonyoung: A tiger.

Jihoon: Wtf? Are you insane? Of course not!

Soonyoung:

Soonyoung: Okay so there may be a slight problem

[tofu-u]

in seventeen’s groupchat

Seungkwan: I wanna kill myself

Wonwoo: relatable

Minghao: lmao

Jihoon: mood

Hansol: lol

Chan: dang

Seokmin: oof

Soonyoung: rip bro

Jun: noice

Mingyu: cool

Jisoo: okay

Seungcheol: you said that last week

Jeonghan: Seungkwan, stop messing around we all know you wouldn’t

Seungkwan: y’all fucking suck

Hansol: love u too bae

[tofu-u]

Jihoon: fuck.

Seungcheol: we have to work on your cursing, Jihoon.

Jihoon: Why? I’m good at cursing already.

Seungcheol: I give up.

[tofu-u]

Soonyoung: When are you ever going to ask me out on a date?

Jihoon: You seriously want me to ask you out on a date?

Soonyoung pouting: Yes..

Jihoon: Fine I will..

Soonyoung: Really?!

Jihoon: Yes.

Soonyoung: Omg it’s finally happening!! I didn’t expect thi-

Jihoon: Please get out on Monday the 20th of December, 2021.

Soonyoung: ..What?

Jihoon: Oh look at that! That happens to be today, so please get out, I’m trying to work on my music.

Soonyoung: I meant ask me out on a date, Jihoon.

Jihoon: I did ask you out. I asked you to get out of my studio, so get the fuck out.

[tofu-u]

*Soonyoung and Jihoon shopping during valentines day*

Soonyoung: Jihoon, look at that tiger sweater! It looks so pretty…

Jihoon: Okay, and?

Soonyoung with puppy eyes: Can you please buy it for me for valentines?

Jihoon: What do you think I’ll say? Guess.

Soonyoung: Yes?

Jihoon: Try again.

[tofu-u]

Minghao: Jun.. why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Jun: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Minghao:

Minghao: Jun, I wrote sanitise..

Jun: Same thing?

[tofu-u]

Seungkwan: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Wonwoo: I do have a sense of humor you know

Seungkwan: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Wonwoo: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

[tofu-u]

Soju: *is mentioned*

Dino: Hyung pl-

Woozi: *electric shaver noises*

[tofu-u]

Flight attendant: before landing, make sure all small objects are safe and secure

Hoshi: *faces woozi*

Woozi: don’t you fucking dare

Hoshi: *tightens woozi’s seatbelt*

Woozi: i have my guitar and i’m not afraid to use it-

[tofu-u]

Namjoon: Ok Jungkook repeat after me,

Jungkook: Ok

Namjoon: T

Jungkook: T

Namjoon: H

Jungkook: H

Namjoon: R

Jungkook: R

Namjoon: O

Jungkook: O

Namjoon: W

Jungkook: W

Namjoon: Now put it all together...

Jungkook: ...

Namjoon: Jungkook no...

Jungkook: ...

Namjoon: DON’T DO IT JUNGKOOK

Jungkook:

Jungkook: YEET

[tofu-u]

Jin: The stars are beautiful tonight

Jungkook: ...

Jungkook: Those are pictures of you on the wall-

Jin: No Jungkook, they are stars. Clearly, I haven’t taught you well enough because you don’t even know what a star is

Jungkook: ...ok-