[tofuskinny]

Just an FYI my main is @sommarcigarette so it probably says that’s who followed you

About me:

29, American, lesbian

I live with my husband, his cat and his three birds. We have a strictly platonic marriage, my husband is technically bi but functionally gay and I’m theoretically lesbian but functionally ace. I’ve had body image and eating issues my whole life, but only developed an ed around 13. Dx mia at 15 with treatment for a year.

Stats:

5’8 (173 cm)

Hw: 390 lbs (176.9 kg)

Lw: 140 lbs (63.5 kg)

Cw: 362.5 lbs ( kg)

Ugw: 110 lbs (49.9 kg)

[anon-moonandstars2]

[tofuskinny]

I think about how people have said “yeah of course nothing tastes as good as skinny feels when you’re British” and now my city is apparently in the top 15 of best food in the world. Like yeah of course it’s hard to eat less when I’ve got so many amazing options. Maybe if I lived somewhere where everything was boiled and unseasoned I’d be skinny too.

[flutteringgg]

🩵💙

[anon-moonandstars2]

[tofuskinny]

Been reading up on borderline personality disorder,and I definitely think my husband has it. It explains so much. Like I can’t even count the number of times he’s cried at the thought of me abandoning him or told me he’s worried about that when he’s literally been living with my family for the last decade and I’ve always factored him into my future goals and never until a couple days ago ever mentioned or acted like I’d ever leave him. Or the reckless driving that’s so bad I have panic attacks as a passenger. The random binges on food, alcohol, or weed but not having any consistent reliance/problems like an alcoholic or someone with BED would have. Being knowledgeable and proactive yet maxes out credit cards and lets bills go to collections over purchases so stupid like vanity plates or automatic qtip dispensers. Having extreme anxiety and anger over things that yeah are stressful/annoying but will be relatively small like someone forgetting to put an out of office notice on their email.

We had a really good talk the other day before I realized this and suggested he seek therapy and made it clear that I will NOT be putting up with his emotional blow ups and WILL leave if that continues, but now with this new insight idk if that’s enough. I feel bad and definitely think people with personality disorders deserve love, but idk how to live with someone sooooo dependent on me that they genuinely would consider offing themselves and their pets if I left yet will scream at me when they get overwhelmed by starting a new job or moving.

Sometimes I wonder how much of my mental “disorders” are not actually me having genuine psychological disorders, but are me not realizing/having to cope with severely disordered close family and friends my whole life and not knowing what normal behaviors and relationships look like.

[slightdamage]

[anon-moonandstars2]

[tofuskinny]

I want to run away. I want to be unknown. I want to not fail at every single goal or dream I ever have. I’m never enough.

[diivinekisses]

[tofuskinny]

I’m already skinnier than I was for all of 2025, -1lb more and it’ll be all of 2024 & 2025, -21lbs and it’ll be all of 2023-2025, -23lbs and it’ll be all of 2022-2025 which is definitely doable this year!

Now to add 2021 to the list it’s -75lbs and 2020 (which is already the lowest since 2016) would be -85lbs and I’ll still try, but that seems like a loftier goal.

Covid really fucked me over by making the gym unsafe, cause I could only maintain home workouts for so long.

[tofuskinny]

I feel bad for not being more comforting to my husband who is clearly going through it, but idk I just have so little tolerance for someone getting all riled up about how they were wronged by an employee not going above and beyond. Boomer behavior.

We were going to go out to eat, but I guess I’m skipping dinner instead as I wasn’t reacting how you wanted me to to your vent. Whatever. Going out to eat would’ve given me too much of an excuse to binge anyway.

We didn’t fight or anything and I know his anxiety and stress is through the roof, but this interaction has only further shown me how much I just don’t give a fuck about coddling a man.

[tofuskinny]

Even though I’ve lost 23lbs, I won’t feel like I’m actually losing weight until I lose another 63 more. And it’s not that I’m not proud or happy already, but at my size 10-15lbs could literally be water weight. I know the sentiment is the same for many of us in the community, but very very few people are actually at my size and it just adds this whole other layer of grief and isolation. It’s so fucking embarrassing genuinely being the size everyone’s demons make them feel like they are.

[tofuskinny]

Hard to believe that a large sweet potato is equal in calories to two slices of cheese… suspicious.

[imdecaynlost]

[thinner-flower]

[florial]