Dead Girl 🫐

I was born to love, I crave to love, It fills my heart, it does just right I love to love, ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦. I hate to hate ┆・━☆・*。 ・゜ °。+ * 。 .・゜ ゜｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ。 ﾟ。 -blue girl💙

[perfectfeelings]

“You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart.”

— Louise Erdrich

[tokyo3smee]

Poker Joker

Moonlight blasting into people’s eyes

Memories are what I live by

Stuck in time

Stuck in my mind

The fear of knowing most of the time you’re always right

The loneliness that kicks in every single fucking night

An urge to be something beyond human, because nothing has ever sufficed

Dreaming about a “fantasy land” that I created in my own “delusional teen daydream”, because I wanted to be ahead of my time

I wonder why the clock hasn’t stopped, why it keeps ticking, like a reminder, that sometimes, something’s, never end up right

That one sentence a friend once said “some people might just not even have a purpose” runs through my mind

The world kept spinning for everyone, but I was always, stuck in wishes, desires, and every memory that lies

Stuck in my own misery, shame, embarrassment, agony, pain, distress, and every word in the dictionary to describe a pathetic extended life

What is my purpose ? Was it just to always cry ??

Why did I portray myself so weakly, and continue to do so

More so, why is that all people ever see in me

Why don’t they see the real me

Why am I always shouting and begging this fuckin’ world to accept me, to listen to me, to at least even fuckin’ understand my reasons why

I always felt like a problem

I always pulled the unlucky card

[tokyo3smee]

I have this dream

A dream where I walk along the beach, and I’m tall

And beautiful

I’m free, I’m divine

I hear the waves clashing, forming my favorite lullaby

Wishing to drown into that great blue ocean

Wishing it’d eat me alive, and left nothing but my mind

I think the most beautiful part of my body is my brain

I wonder the why’s, the when’s, the where’s

I wonder, I wonder, all the time

I go deeper into the water, that’s now eating me alive

Yet I still sympathize

Thick clouds, hovering over my body, telling I might just not be what they want

And the thunder, injecting my veins, telling me to get up

I feel the drops of rain, hit my skin, making me glow in blue wishes

I wanted to be everything

I wanted to be a desire, to be admired

[tokyo3smee]

[thehopefulquotes]

“Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves.”

— Don Miguel Ruiz

[2014-is-back]

TY FOR 9K!🌸🌺🌷🌻

[2014-is-back]

Freezing cold February 🍕

[wifeoflilpeep]

[tokyo3smee]

I attract “Red” people

What I mean is, it often happens to be their favorite color, or the way their hair is dyed, or a close shade

Blue people, belong with Red people

I’ve seen it in shows, in my life, in lots of small things through my eyes

We attract each other like magnets

We’re like galaxies, merging together, and creating one and only one of it

Being red means being strong, being open, unique, and socially inclined

At least in my reds, it’s been that way

Being blue means emotional, shy, reserved but still open to those we choose, and stick by

We balance each other out

Very close to “perfection” if that sort of thing existed for our kind

Every red I got close with, I’ll never forget, because they were my “perfectly one of a kind” match

I’ve always mentioned, my struggle to connect with the human race

I can’t just “be-friend” anyone

It’s not because I don’t like people, I love people, but for some odd reason..I can’t connect with many I come by

I can laugh with people, and maybe have a nice time, but no matter how much I try, my heart feels disconnected, unlike my mind

I believe I simply wasn’t made for lots of others

I was crafted just for some, and only them

Reds ignite me

They provide fuel to the fire I hide inside

They give me a mirror, a mirror no one else can provide

One where I see my true beauty

They simply teach me to allow myself to shine

They’ve taught me, I’m more than just my outside

Red people are beautiful, at least to me they are

We’re equally passionate, but different about it

My passion comes with emotion, sometimes my flaw

I can lack logical thinking, because my heart and mind are at war

Their passion comes with intelligence, but even that can cause them to have their faults

Balance is needed in life

Emotions and Logics

No matter what though, we never stop learning, and no one needs another person to succeed, or to be something

However, when we merge, and become one, it’s like magic

I’m water, they are fire

Yet ironically perfect for each other

[omnivise]

From Shadows to Spark

Once I was chained in overthinking's grip, A cold shell, judged and lost in the mist. Stupid stumbles, hesitation's cruel bite, Guilt whispering doubts through the endless night.

But look now-I have shattered those heavy chains, Free-minded wanderer, dancing in rains. I talk without tremor, no self-doubt's sting, Observe the world quiet, let judgments take wing.

Not the hardest worker, not yet the best, Dream job distant, productivity's test. New Year's fire flickered, achievements on hold- But today, I ignite, brave heart, fierce and bold.

From past self to this, I have climbed mountains unseen, The best version rising, wild, alive, and clean.

[stlamb]

[2014-is-back]

embracing all of 2016 this new year

[tokyo3smee]

I can’t remember when I stopped writing with love, when did I start hating the world back

I used to say “just because they hate me, or say mean things, doesn’t mean I have to treat them that way”

I grew so bitter, so so bitter

Maybe I’ve had many “reasons”, but that’s not who I am in my core

“I love to love, I hate to hate, it’s the reason that I break”

I used to break for others, because I loved them, I loved people for what they were, not for “what they can be”

I loved people for their “flaws” their “sins”, because that makes you human, that makes you unique

I loved how people broke, and how with just the right amount of love, they can outgrow

How they can heal from their sadness, if you just give them a little or loads of love

It’s the reason I used to be so kind back then, I wasn’t “naive” I knew that giving so much could break me, and maybe they wouldn’t “get better” just because I didn’t give up, but at least they weren’t alone

I’ve always known what it’s like to need a shoulder to cry on, but not find one

So instead of doing what everyone does, I had promised myself to never give up on anyone

To never hurt anyone, because I preferred being in agony for others, than letting them feel the pain

I think people are beautiful, because they break

You have to break in order to grow

I think it’s sad, that many people believe “you can’t force someone to want to get better, that’s on them, so if they refuse my help I’ll move onto the next”

I hated that mentality

I don’t give up on anyone, on anything, which is why I used to be so passionate about my dreams

Giving up on things is pathetic

Giving up on people, shows you don’t know better

Everyone deserves love, everyone deserves to feel acknowledged,

To be appreciated is to be seen

To be seen is to be loved

To be loved is to be free

I love to love, I hate to hate

I might have to pick myself up on my own, my depression has eaten me up, eaten me to the bone

I didn’t want to do it on my own, but it’s how things have always been, I can’t change my destiny, but I can help people if I get better

I can do so many great things for others, because I’m one of the few people who never give up on them

I stayed alive for so long, because I had my biggest motivation to keep living, that reason is human beings

I wanted to help people, to show them they are worthy, to show them they can be loved, because I’ll always be there when they need me

The most beautiful thing about me was, I didn’t do it expecting anything, and I knew the risks I was taking, I know maybe they wouldn’t thank me

But god..I loved what the universe created.

[tokyo3smee]

Every shade of blue

Vibrant, and sometimes mute

I was born in a sea of blues

I was drenched in the deep oceans made of those who cried, and often use

My vessel itself wasn’t blue

I was born with dark eyes, easy to hide every time I cried

My hair dark, almost black, hiding my face as I pass by

I hid from the world as a child, i guess..when you notice how different everyone is from you, you realize why they never talk to you

I wasn’t as sad as I am now, I dressed the same as everyone else, in fact..all I wanted was to look, and feel like everyone else

I cried oceans, because I wanted them to not look at me like I wasn’t worth their devotion

I’ve cried for years, I’ve screamed for a lifetime, yet somehow, everyone’s ears, and eyes seem cut off

My tears are made of an acid that seems to penetrate my skin, causing my acne

My shouts have caused damage

My hands grab the items that one day will cause my liver to give out on me

And the best of all, my mind, is the place no one ever acknowledges

Maybe if I stopped speaking the world would care

Maybe they’ll never care, and I have to find my own comfort

[tokyo3smee]

Mi corazón siempre estará llorando

Las personas me destrozaron

Y mis memorias son un supuesto algo

Deseo poder empezar otra vez

Tristemente, no existe “otra vez”

Y a todos tus errores los has castigado

Te pones en tu cuarto

Sencilla, triste, deseando ser algo

Deseando que la gente no tu hubiera arrinconado

Deseando que nadie te hubiera dicho que nunca ibas a ser algo

Las lágrima que salieron de mis ojos me quemaron la piel

Tal vez soy una desquiciada

Soy solo una persona que todos los demás crearon

Nadie me dejo ser pura, todos me despreciaron

No los extraño

Mi corazón se me está congelando

[tokyo3smee]

Being a writer

Meant every word I wrote, or spoke was filled with passion

You could feel my writing, it was like someone starving for something

I noticed everything that made someone beautiful, when I love someone, when they open their hearts to me

I feel this sudden motive

They glisten

They glow

They shine

They’re alive

They are beautiful, humanly beautiful

In every curve of their face, body, I find beauty in all

In every electric touch, or laugh

I love everything about the people I’ve been close to

I guess overtime, you really do outgrow people

I find that so sad, because everyone I’ve kept in my heart will always have that special place just to themselves within me

Unfortunately sometimes things don’t just break, they shatter

And although you can fix things, and be on good terms

Maybe things just simply won’t ever be the same anymore

The spark is there, but it’s not as bright

The trust has been broken

The tears have been shed, and I’ve written poems

I’ve written about how much certain people broke me

They’ve probably broken, because of me too

Maybe they haven’t, because for some reason I never matter to others as much as they matter to me

It’s definitely heart shattering

To look back on every memory shared, and yearning for that person, and the person is still here

They’re still well, and breathing, alive, but not alive with you

They aren’t sharing their story with you anymore

Sometimes things shatter, but if I’ve learnt something

When the light touches every piece of what we once were, of every memory, every touch, or hug

Every kiss, or moment of bliss, shattered glass will glitter

We were once a pair, we were beautiful

We will always be, everything about us will always simple be gorgeous

Maybe things aren’t the same anymore, and they never will be

I’ve changed

I’m sure others have changed as well

We’ve evolved in our own ways

This poem isn’t for someone specific, to be honest, it has multiple recipients

I’m sorry, I’m sorry we couldn’t keep our glisten within us

Our shine will always be very much alive, even if we’ve chosen our paths

I write poetry, because I once loved

I believe after everything that’s happened for the past 3 years, has shown me, maybe even I lost a part of myself

I don’t see a sparkle around everyone anymore

Just a few, and even then it’s not as easy as before

I lost a big part of who I am

I still love, but I don’t love as often, I don’t love the same, my heart is officially locked away

I think with my brain now, not my heart

That was really hard to do, and part of me never wanted that to happen, I always wanted to fully love everything, and everyone around me deeply

Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way, I had to face reality eventually, and be disappointed

Life is beautiful, but it’s not all unicorns

It’s not a fantasy, and life, life has a lot of suffering

Humanity is greedy, shallow, unkind, selfish

Humanity ruined the beauty to them

And I don’t think I can forgive them

I don’t hate them, I just hate what they did to each other, not to me

Even with my heart locked away, I still put people before me, just not all the time anymore

I’m able to think for myself even if it kills me within

Being born selfless, and forced to be selfish, was so cruel of the world to do to me

My heart always breaks, but there’s nothing I can do, I can’t change something that humans chose

I can’t change morality’s rules

Being a writer,

Means sometimes you have to face reality

You can’t live in your pages

Being a writer means breaking

[tokyo3smee]

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr, OMG THIS IS SO CUTE IM CRYING🧎‍♀️

I love tumblr, I promise I’m gonna bring this back one day guys, I HEAR YOU 🩵🩵