Godless @tomfoollery - Tumblr Blog

It was a huge disappointment as a child to fall in love with the stars and then find out how much math it requires to get anywhere near them.

alissa-sarahlou

broodingsoul

This is not entirely inaccurate.

skellydun

rip santa.

totallytrailbreaker

Working in Retail in under 3 minutes

deafslut

i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb

lilsnoozyvert

transcript: “So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more. So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects? And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is. So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening? So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”

blessicablimpson

beauty care posts, “hoe tips”, lipstick feminism….fucking kill me. when you’re getting into feminism and Tumblr is full of this shit you kinda fall for it and believe that the most rebellious and feminist thing you can do is talking about sucking dick and giving “hoe tips” or whatever but like…it’s actually fucking sad? it’s fucking sad to read tips about how to keep your eyebrows on fleek while getting the d and your lipstick perfect while sucking the d? it’s actually the opposite of “destroying patriarchy” to keep male validation and beauty our number one priority? your makeup is not threatening to men in the slightest? it won’t change shit?

emolumentsclause-deactivated201

there has literally never been a post on this subject with replies from both sides that didn’t make me want to hurl myself through a plate glass window, and honestly here are things i need to say

beauty and self care are neither inherently feminist or antifeminist. not everything a woman does fits into the feminist/unfeminist binary and saying that does not make me a Choice Feminist so much as a pragmatist who realizes that you make some choices to make living under a patriarchal society easier for yourself, and also because i like skincare and lipstick

if i never see “lipstick feminism” used as a derogatory/condescending term for feminists who are not sufficiently radicalized/angry/woke again it’ll be too soon (it’s also fucking awful because not everyone has the time, education, access to academic texts, or DESIRE to sit around discoursing about what type of feminist everyone should be, and for most women, who are not going to be political activists or radical leaders but who just need to get through their lives knowing that our culture is shitty to women, frankly, “lipstick feminism” is ENOUGH)

the social media culture that has sprung up around makeup is especially toxic to young girls and also not that great for women in general

said social media culture reinforces the idea that there’s only one acceptable way for your face to look and it’s incredibly racist but also just exclusive to anyone who doesn’t fit a very specific set of western beauty standards

that said, that social media culture evolved essentially independent of male influence (specific gurus like wayne goss and jefree star being exceptions that reinforce the rule), and the instagram-age makeup ideal is something that women have basically decided to enforce upon ourselves, and it has less to do with sexual availability with straight men and more to do with social capital among other women (which, in part, i believe has to do with the form of feminism that focuses on how great and awesome and flawless other women are, and places a huge premium on impressing other girls and getting compliments from women in bathrooms, and does not adequately account for the fact that some women ARE just nasty, toxic people whose approval is not worth striving for)

the proliferation of “hoe tips” and focus on maintaining your #aesthetic while also having a vigorous sex life is an inevitable byproduct of living in a decade where women are being told to reclaim their bodies and sex lives as a radical act while also living with the knowledge that every single action we take is possibly being photographed or captured, and from living in an era where social media and the practice of documenting every single thing you do is a necessary form of social capital (is it the NSA’s fault? is it snapchat’s? is it possibly an amalgamation of all of these things distilled into very fucked-up female-targeted messages that both men and women actively re/inforce??)

anyone who thinks that their makeup actually “destroys patriarchy” is living in a weird internet world where “causing radical shifts to the superstructure” and “mildly annoying men” pass for the same thing

i have a lot of trouble with the assertion that desiring male validation is an inherent flaw in the individual rather than a symptom of living in a culture where male validation is treated like the most important thing you could possibly have bestowed upon you

i also have to side-eye anyone who sees sex-positivity as a given in their feminism but “hoe tips” as a form of reinforcing patriarchy because basically what you’re saying is that sex-positivity only counts when it’s Radical (White) Queer People in Portland or whatever – not you necessarily, OP, because i don’t know your life, but this is a thing that i see reflected in a lot of #discourse and it’s gross

but also fuck the idea that sexual availability and being a hoe are necessary parts of being a good intersectional feminist, and fuck the idea that people like the kardashians (who have built a profitable empire on reinforcing those incredibly exclusive standards of what beauty and sexuality should be on a whole generation of women) are any kind of feminist icon

it is possible to be both a willing participant in a culture that demeans women while also still being critical of your own choices and actions

blowjob-proof lipstick is also burrito-proof lipstick

girlbossjodiarias

My biggest issue with most “hoe tips” is a lot of them are yeast infections waiting to happen.

mashingitlikegailthesnail-blog

^ this. Miscellaneous foodstuffs are not meant to go in/near vulvas. Coconut oil used internally or on the labia will give you a yeast infection or BV (I know this bcuz I used to cover my cooch in coconut oil & slide it around on ppl 30-40 hours a week).

I get pretty pissy when ppl act like advice on sex proof makeup is THE WORST example of patriarchy or whatever. It’s actually very practical for sex workers - I’m being paid to be a fantasy, I wear makeup at work to counteract the fact that I have a babyface, I want my makeup to stay put during bookings so I don’t have to reapply on busy days. Literally nothing to do with “real women don’t feel worthy of sex without makeup!!!”. Even outside of work, it’s fucking annoying to end up with clown mouth/lose a fake lash/get glitter in yr eye from fucking someone after a night on the town, especially if they have flatmates who are gonna gawk at you.