Tommies

Queer first.

[tomtommies]

Tommies

In 18th century England lesbians were called Tommies.

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CHAPTER 3. Retail - Part I

Since we’re on the topic, retail shops are something that runs deep in the veins of the family. It is part of our tissue as much as blood or sweat.

My grandfather (mom’s side, dad’s side is a bit trickier. Yeah, yeah, later again, no time now) was a retailer and started off selling clothes in a van at street fairs. He was a tall man, big hands and heart and an even bigger voice and belly. People would stand by and listen for hours on end just because it was so very entertaining. It was a free auction show for all and (hopefully) a profitable engagement for my grandfather and his boss.

My grandfather’s boss was a man by the name Cardoso da Saudade. He was a family and business man and quite a household name in his hometown. He owned a retail shop that would sell selected items at street fairs. That man was my great-grandfather and my grandfather would later marry his daughter.

It was a risky move, falling in love and marrying the bosses’ daughter, specially in 1950’s Portugal but he pulled it off big time and that’s when Fernandes and Emilia became a thing.

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Chapter 2. Boy or Girl

Before everything started my mom carried me on her for 8 months (yes, I was born one month too soon, rope around my neck, remember!). During that time my mom had the chance of finding out wether I was a boy or a girl but she choose not too, which is a fairly common decision amongst soon to be moms.

Now the thing is, my mom chose not to know but she also chose to guess and assume that I was going to be a boy. So she shopped (kind of) accordingly:

The day I was born I was dressed up in green and the day after that in yellow - there was no pink, which was highly uncommon for a newborn girl back then.

By the time I was two I had a killer beije suede jacket, Levis jeans, checkered diesel shirts and converse trainers. I was the coolest boy in town - except I was a girl.

Now, just to make things clear, my mom didn’t dress me solely in what you would then call boys clothes, I had sweet dresses and sick jeans at the same time, but I guess those first few months made a difference in how I now perceive the world - blessed mom.

It helped, of course, that my grandmother owned a kids clothing store, full of the latest trends from the best brands. I was the owners’ grandchild, I had to look and play the part - I modelled the looks on a few occasions and I like to think I was the Cindy Crawford of toddler modelling (ah, if only I would recall those early years of free unwanted fame).

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Chapter 1 - April 1992. Part II

The first person to see me after my mom was my mom’s best friend - and my second mom - Iracema. She was there before my dad and I’ll be forever grateful for that. She might have not realised it at the time, but she was teaching me about friendship even before I was able to understand I was alive. She was always there - even when she couldn’t, but we’ll get to that later.

I have seen pictures of that first day out in the world, my mom’s eyes puffy from the lack of sleep and the surgery, my aunts and family smiling in excitement with the first girl in the family.

My parents had a small photoshoot days later, me already at home, all lying in bed, me in the middle - the type of photoshoot you’ll regret years down the line but that you’ll always hold near and dear because it was the first.

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Chapter 1 - April 1992

My dad went to the auto stand and picked up the car. It was a brand new Pegeout, the best you could get at the time if you were working a government job and staring a family: Soft grey seatings, heating system, cassette player and a lot of luggage space to fill up during the holiday season.

Check the front mirror. Smile. Side mirrors. Sits straight up and smiles again. All set.

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I was born on April 21st 1992, at 12:00pm. 47cm and a little over a kg of rice - that’s how my mom puts it. I was born at 12:00 and I believe that defined my life: I was born hungry.

When I was born the Queen was celebrating 66 and I was just starting. By the time the Queen was 91 she was older but I was still just starting.

I came into the world via c-section, umbilical cord around my neck and a sense of urgency to it all. There I was, not even being yet and already wanting more. I wanted to live and I believe that defined my life: I was born wanting more.

My mom didn’t see me straight away after the delivery. She was highly sedated and I had to be rushed to the NICU. When she woke up she was still not allowed to see me and I wonder what my thoughts were those first few hours of my life. How daunting and wonderful everything must have been. The colours and the people and the faces and the sounds - a psychedelic techno party at age zero.

When she woke up the doctors would still not let her see me. She had to try several different people until a nurse decided to brave off and snatch me on to my mom’s lap for a second. When she woke up she asked the doctor if my tiny feet were looking like tiny perfect feet, because that meant I was ok and didn’t have paramiloydosis, which was a big worry at the time.