MUSINGS | VISAGE | PLAYLIST | PINTEREST BOARD | CONNECTIONS
FULL NAME — Antonio Sebastián Beltran. NICKNAMES — Toni, Beltran, Bel, Rio (family). FACECLAIM — Alfonso Herrera. GENDER & PRONOUNS — Cis man, he/him/his. SEXUALITY — Undefined. RELATIONSHIP STATUS — In a relationship with Roman Daniels. AGE — 41. BIRTHDAY — 08/28/1983. OCCUPATION — Retired musician, industry lyricist, composer, & guitarist. NEIGHBORHOOD — Oak Gardens. LENGTH OF TIME IN BLUE HARBOR — 2001 - 2006; July 2024 - present
BIOGRAPHY—
TW: DEATH, GRIEF, CANCER, ALCOHOL & DRUG USE
Antonio Sebastián Beltran doesn’t remember much of his hometown. Born in Monterrey, Nuevo León, one of the largest cities in Mexico, he can sometimes remember the smell of freshly baked bread in the morning and the sound of the horns outside his family home’s window. Maybe he’ll be lucky enough to get a glimpse of a grandmother he knew for five years of his life, or a troupe of cousins around his age running around a backyard, kicking around a ball. But five years is all he’d know of Monterrey before his parents packed them up and moved them to San Antonio, Texas, eager to provide a better life for their only son.
Having to learn how to speak an entirely new language fluently was difficult — English was taught back in Mexico, but not in the capacity it would have needed to be taught for Antonio to hold a conversation with his new classmates. Many kids in his predicament would perhaps turn on a couple of American TV shows, learn that way; but Antonio always connected more to music than he did anything else. Through different bands and musicians, he began to learn the English language in melodies and rhymes. Eventually, with this and through an ESL program at school, there was hardly anything left in his accent but a small twang of southern every once in a while when he spoke in English.
In music, Antonio found his solace, his passion — for his tenth birthday, his parents put together as much money as they could to buy him a guitar; he began to teach himself with the books he’d find at the school library, by watching performances of his favorite bands on TV, even by strumming it every once in a while to play by ear. His talent was undeniable — a natural, his father would call him. A sensitive soul, his mother would say. Both things true enough, though said with two entirely different tones. His father’s with pride — his mother’s with worry.
Middle school and high school were a time of self-discovery for Antonio — he learned what he liked to play, who he was, the kind of music he wanted to make. He also learned that when it came to love, it seemed his heart did not discriminate, nor did it even have much of a preference. This is something he kept to himself for a very long time, despite his mother’s suspicions — if he could like girls, after all, he may as well stick to them. It’d be easier on his parents. It’d be easier, really, on him, too.
He’d be in and out of bands growing up. Nothing serious, just groups he’d be invited into that would eventually die out. He never really expected he’d be able to make a career out of music, mind you — for a long time, he considered it a hobby. A passion, sure, but not something he’d eventually be able to help his parents out of debt with. And so, whenever the rest of his peers in high school would talk about “making it big,” Antonio kept his feet planted firmly on the ground, enjoying his time with the music, and expecting little else.
The decision to leave Texas for Illinois was a tough one — he’d received a full scholarship to Blue Harbor University, which was a fantastic opportunity and less financial stress for his parents, but the thought of leaving them to fend for themselves worried him more than sated him. Eventually, his parents convinced him to go—and this would turn out to be perhaps both the best and worst decision of his entire life.
He met Harrison Morrey on a cloudy Tuesday afternoon, strumming his guitar in the quad in between classes. He’d struck up a conversation in the only way Harrison would be able to — charming, inviting, familiar. He’d never met the man before in his life, and yet they spoke like they’d been friends for years. Harrison was a captivating man: handsome, delightful, and most of all, fucking relentless. Toni must have said no to his offer to join a band about a hundred times before he eventually wore him down; caught him in a vulnerable moment, sitting in the school’s catholic chapel, praying for his parents, for his family back in Mexico. Feeling, in that moment, especially lonely. They shook on it, Harrison grinning brightly at him and promising him this would change his life.
He was right.
Becoming a part of Amethyst would bring about not only the best era of his life — befriending his fellow bandmates, finding a sound he felt at home with, writing songs, making a true career out of it all — but also the worst — falling in love with a man who would never love him back, experiencing highs and lows he’d never experienced before, and eventually losing it all to one cruel fated night.
Before losing Harrison, Antonio was mostly the calm in the storm — he dreaded doing something, saying anything, that might jeopardize the dynamic they’d established as a group. Most of his bandmates would probably call him the centered one, the unbothered; and for the most part, they were right. He’d lived his life this way, and he wasn’t about to stop doing so now just because a handsome, tall brunette had captivated him so deeply he fancied himself in love. It was better, then, that he stay out of whatever drama might be brewing outside of his own emotions; better, then, that he be the solid ground any of them could stand on, when they needed to.
But losing Harrison changed him in unimaginable ways. Elijah, the man his heart had belonged to now for years, up and left without a single word — leaving him heartbroken in more ways than one. Left behind with Roman and Kaya in an attempt to pick up the pieces of what they knew, he came to find out grief did not become him. In his attempt to continue to be the rock he’d always been for his friends, he’d eroded, becoming more and more a shell of the man he’d once been. His guitar began to collect dust, the guilt of being able to play when Roman was no longer able to and Harrison was no longer around to witness it too much to bear, and despite his best efforts to keep up the facade, it all became too much.
A year ago, he received a phone call from his father. His mother had been diagnosed with stage four breast cancer — the outcome did not look good. As Roman packed up for Blue Harbor, Toni packed up for Texas, claiming he just wanted to spend time with his folks, refusing to let any sort of vulnerability show. The deterioration of his mother was quick — six months, and she was gone. It turns out, even with all the money he could throw at the best doctors, the best hospitals, the best treatments; it was never going to be enough to save her. He didn't tell a soul — didn't reach out to Roman or Kaya. God forbid he'd touch Elijah with a ten-foot pole. He and his father traveled back to Monterrey for the first time in nearly four decades to bury her alongside her parents. His father stayed there; Toni, lost and confused and alone, returned to Texas.
Perhaps this was, indeed, his breaking point. Desperate to pick up his guitar again but unable to do it in a sober state, Toni began to drown his sorrows in alcohol and marijuana. If it was the only way to find his muse, to forget about the pain of losing a best friend, a mother, a would-be lover — then so be it. He’d do it. And he’d do it again. And again. And again.
It was during one of these drug-induced hazes that he suddenly decided he needed to be in Blue Harbor again. Perhaps there, he thought, he’d be able to find closure. Perhaps there, he might find his muse without the help of drugs and alcohol. He’s always been great at pretending, at faking himself solid; maybe he’d find that ability again. Maybe he’d find a purpose again. Maybe, smack dab in the middle of his beginning, he could find a suitable ending for himself.
PERSONALITY & MORE—
For the most part, he’s a laid-back, funny guy, who’s had to learn to roll with the punches. Never mind that he’s clinically depressed right now — we won’t look into that.
Despite the fact that he often finds sexual partners to have one-night-stands with, it’s arguable whether or not he actually enjoys the sex he’s having. One might argue he’s acting on auto-pilot, after all these years.
He is deathly allergic to mushrooms. But he doesn’t always carry around his Epi-Pen. Read into that what you will.
Has a cat named “Moon” after one of Amethyst’s most emotionally-charged songs. Yes, he and Elijah wrote it together. Yes, he also mostly wrote it about Elijah. No one knows this. (Especially not Eli.)
Once broke his arm falling off the tree that sat between his and his childhood best friend Izzy’s windows. Despite this, he still holds a lot of love for that tree. It had to be chopped down a couple years back — he and Izzy both have matching picture frames made out of the wood, along with matching tattoos of it.
He’s trained in traditional karate and boxing — neither of these condone violence for the sake of violence, so he’s a pretty peaceful dude. Unless you really want to try him.
The very first song he learned how to play on the guitar was “Happy Birthday,” so he could sing it to Izzy on her birthday.
Has a dedicated “weed room” that his cat is not allowed inside so she never inhales the substance. He loves her a lot.
Can’t cook to save his life.
His humor is dry and sarcastic, though he tends to get a bit sillier with his closest friends.
Is a big Britney Spears fan.
He doesn’t hate writing pop music for pop artists; he mostly hates that he can’t do that and also write his own music, because of Everything That’s Wrong With Him.
He does have a lot of songwriting credits across the industry — some you might even be familiar with!
Along with songwriting, he’s a casual poet — fills a lot of journals with his poems and his thoughts and usually just stuffs them in a drawer.
Met his favorite guitarist, Eddie Van Halen, a couple of times during Amethyst’s prime (before his death). He still tells the story about how Eddie profusely complimented his guitar skills several times, both in private and in public interviews. (One of them is framed.)
Spends most of his time nowadays around Roman Daniels, ex-band mate and best friend. They bonded throughout the years after Eli and Harry became close, and Antonio doesn’t plan on leaving him any time soon, if he can help it.
Hates vodka.
Is a pretty solid darts player. Shit you pick up on the road, I guess.
Can play the piano pretty decently, after Elijah taught him. He’s got one in his house, but he doesn’t touch it. Mostly.
Loved Harrison Morrey with all of his heart like a brother, but they probably had the most tense relationship out of everyone in the band. Harry could never bullshit Toni the way he could most people, which irritated him. Not that anyone else noticed — Antonio was always good at keeping the peace.
He is fiercely loyal and protective of the people he loves.
Hasn’t spoken to his father since his mother’s death. He’s avoiding the topic altogether — maybe even her death, in general.
Speaks fluent Spanish and has also written songs in Spanish for Mexican artists — though they usually approach him outside of his network, asking as fans.
Doesn’t really consider anywhere “home” anymore. He doesn’t think he’d miss any place more than another if he moved around — unless he was leaving people behind.
Is sometimes polite to a fault.
