small pieces of sand fall through
I know I can’t save them,
but I close my fingers together
As tight as I can to try anyway.
There’s this feeling in my chest,
it’s as if there’s this wet cement
sludging its way through my veins.
When it reaches my heart it hardens
into a thick block that slowly
grows heavier and heavier until
every time I breathe my lungs
scrape the bottom of my heavy
I see the sand and the sludge
The weight of this thing I can’t control
it will kill me if I let it.
I’m standing in a doorway
with a foot on either side, and
“go forward” no “go backward”.
Every word adding another layer
to the brick forming in my chest.
Nothing but pieces of the sand left.
I bring them to my heart.
I’m hoping they can heal me.
I’m hoping they can fix this heavy
With two feet still stuck on
I can feel my lungs now being sliced
by the razor edge of indecision.
I need to pick something.
Every breath is painful but I can’t get enough air.
In a moment of bold bravery,
I push myself through the door.
The feeling in my chest is gone.
My lungs are healed and everything
I am free of every burden.
Letting my lungs expand into every empty space
there’s a catch in my breath.
A small, almost invisible drop of cement
I step back but now there’s no door.
Slipping through my fingers.