Too Many Games

I'm  playing all of the games from the "1001 Games You Must Play Before You Die." You might be asking yourself, who has time for all these games? The answer is no one silly; because we're all too busy with real life things like girlfriends and eating...

[too-many-games]

Weekly Roundup (3/28 - 4/1)

Weekly Roundup (3/28 – 4/1)

Once again, enjoy the saltest posts from four weeks ago! This week I insulted someone’s hard work from behind a computer screen. Celebrate my bravery by showering me with love and affection! Or just read my opinion piece about Freedom Planet, either one works. Why Every Video Game Doesn’t Need a Story (Especially ‘Freedom Planet’) Link to post: http://moviepilot.com/posts/3844510 I really tried…

View On WordPress

[too-many-games]

Weekly Roundup (3/18 - 3/22)

Weekly Roundup (3/18 – 3/22)

Are you ready to hear the hottest news from three weeks ago? Well your horrible taste in content will finally be fulfilled, because you’ll find below everything I put out from March 18th up until March 22th. How To Battle Professor Oak In ‘Pokémon Red,’ ‘Blue’ & ‘Yellow’ Link to post: https://moviepilot.com/posts/3823121 Man people love Pokémon, especially the original ones. I follow this guy…

View On WordPress

[too-many-games]

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Do you like fart jokes, making fun of people, and lying to your friends? If so, you might want to see a counselor, but in the meantime you also might want to check out Jackbox Party Pack 2. Jackbox Party Pack 2 is a set of five multiplayer games where you use your phone as the controller. Those games include: Fibbage 2, Earwax, Bidiots, Quiplash XL, and Bomb Corp. All of these games are…

View On WordPress

[too-many-games]

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Do you like fart jokes, making fun of people, and lying to your friends? If so, you might want to see a counselor, but in the meantime you also might want to check out Jackbox Party Pack 2. Jackbox Party Pack 2 is a set of five multiplayer games where you use your phone as the controller. Those games include: Fibbage 2, Earwax, Bidiots, Quiplash XL, and Bomb Corp. All of these games are…

View On WordPress

[too-many-games]

Video Gaming’s Missing Experts

Video Gaming’s Missing Experts

Video games age like fine wines, but their experts have aged like smelly, moldy cheese. As the video game industry is aging, games are quickly moving past the benchmarks that Mario and Pac-Man set in the early 80’s. Graphics are constantly improving to the point of photo-realism, stories and becoming deeper and more meaningful. Even the audience is starting to shed its neck-bearded and nerdy…

View On WordPress

[gamer-guff]

[voidwish-deactivated20170416]

[too-many-games]

How I run this blog

[too-many-games]

#50 - Star Wars

Even though we have more Star Wars games than Jabba the Hut has chins, most of them still can’t match up to this 1983 arcade classic.

In this game, you play as Luke Skywalker during the battle for the first Death Star. You shoot TIE- Fighters, destroy turrets, and ultimately blow up the big-ass Death Star. It had 3D vector graphics, a full soundtrack with music from the movies, and digitized voices clips of lines from the movie. Man, this game is fucking cool. Not only did it technically blow its contemporary arcade games out of the water, but it totally succeeded as a Star Wars game.

This game reminds me a lot of the most recent Battlefront release, and that’s not a bad thing. Even though these games aren’t the deepest experiences, they capture the essence and the feeling of Star Wars perfectly. Even though one round of Star Wars lasts five minutes at most, they’ll be some of the most exciting five minutes that you’ll ever get with an arcade game.

[too-many-games]

#49 - Archon

In an age so full of remakes and re-imaginings of old ideas, it's refreshing to see that in 1983 people were still rehashing the same old crap. 

 This game is like chess, but with fantasy characters and real-time fight sequences. It’s simple enough to pick up and play relatively quickly, but complex enough to really sink your teeth into it for a couple of hours. This game also had a sequel, which is a little weird to me; what if they made “Checkers II” or “Chess: Awakening?” Eh I wouldn’t put it past people these days. Hell, if Gem and the Holograms can get a modern reboot, why not Connect 4?

[too-many-games]

#48 - I, Robot

Have you ever seen those internet ads that say things like, “HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR?” and then have pictures of things like birds with beefy man arms? This game is kinda like that, except in 1983. I think the creators might have gotten the “i” part of the title wrong; the main enemy is literally a gigantic eyeball that you have to shoot with lasers. I don’t recall that ever being a part of the Isaac Asimov original, but I guess literature is meant to be interpreted different ways.

Despite its apparent illiteracy, the game is actually pretty good and ahead of its time. In an era of mostly 2-D shooters and platformers, this game was fully 3-D. It may look like hot garbage now, but back then this was pretty impressive.

[too-many-games]

Behold his glory

Original Painting:  Ian Malcolm: From Chaos by John Larriva

http://www.inprnt.com/gallery/jlarriva/ian-malcolm-from-chaos/

[too-many-games]

#47 - Utopia

Holy shit I would rather take sniff some elephant poop than play this shiny turd again.

It’s a strategy game that has all of the rules and nuances of a modern strategy game, but with the graphical power and expressive skill of a pocket calculator. I really think if this game was made ten years after it came out, it would have done much better, but it was limited by the technology of its time. It was a nice attempt at a really complicated and strategic game, but not one that you would want to be playing at any point today.

[too-many-games]

#46 - Time Pilot

I don’t think that I could have come up with a more eighties-style title if I tried. Wait, lemme try: how about Spacecop III: Reckoning, or maybe Neon Punishment Squad, or how about Pee-Wee Herman’s Hanukkah Special? Nah, those all lack the honest simplicity of “Time Pilot.” You know exactly what you’re getting just by the title; you’re a pilot traveling through time. And you probably shoot ships. But that’s just a guess.

[too-many-games]

#45 - Tron

Tron stands out as one of the rare movie tie-in games that isn’t a piece of total garbage. I remember when the Iron Man game was coming out near the release of the first movie; everyone was so excited to fly around and shoot lasers out of their hands, feet, nose, and left eyeball. We expected Tony Stark under all of that armor and shiny packaging , but instead we got Grandma Jean and her arthritic knees in a Party City Iron Man costume. That shit was cray.

Tron on the other hand, was actually pretty good. You play four different game modes that mirror scenes from the movie, and they each play pretty well. I didn’t feel swindled and taken advantage of, and I left my play session with some dignity this time.

[too-many-games]

#44 - Sokoban

I had never heard of this game before playing it, but upon my first playthrough I found out that this was one of the games packaged with like every graphical calculator when I was in high school. Not this exact game of course, but some bastardized cheap knock-off. This game is like your older brother that got straight A’s and played on the football team, while the calculator version is like your little brother, the one that picks his nose and wants to be a “Sanitation Engineer” when he grows up.

Anyway, this game is about pushing boxes into the right places and solving puzzles, so not that far off from your typical sanitation engineer. Maybe your brother had something right after all. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

[too-many-games]

#43 - Xevious

Xevious is another top-down space-ship shooter, but I have the sneaking suspicion that this game knows that I shit all over its space shooter brethren. This game started to break my balls two seconds into my first round; ships were flying all over the screen like overweight farmers in Walmart during a Black Friday sale. Maybe I played a particularly hard ROM or something, but this may have been one of the hardest games I’ve played in a long time, and I was that guy who played Dark Souls with a Guitar Hero controller. That’s totally true, I definitely didn’t just play 10 minutes of Dark Souls and then cry about how sad my life is. Only losers would do that. And I’m definitely not a loser, because I write about video games on the internet.

[too-many-games]

#42 - Q*Bert

It’s a shame that Q*Bert had to go down the unfortunate road that many former stars eventually go down; while once he could have dated four ladies at once and had million-dollar contracts collected like Pokemon cards, now he just huffs glue in the back of a Kia Soul, regretting his decision to ever do that crappy Adam Sandler movie.

At least he can still be remembered for what he once was. The original game isn’t terribly complicated, but the game it's surprisingly hard. I hope that’s not because I’m becoming a washed up old gamer, just like poor old Q*Bert. Maybe it's time that I hung up my keyboards and admit defeat…

Nah playing video games is the only reason I have to live, I think I’ll stick with ‘em.