Ivy

It takes a village to eat my ass

[hatethetrip]

[bugslurper]

everyone in this Target wants to have sex with me I just know it

[mjalti]

[bunjywunjy]

oh it totally does, but you can’t hear it because space is a vacuum and sound can’t travel through a vacuum! 

and that’s a good thing, 

because the roar of the sun would clock in at around 120db heard from earth, about the equivalent to having a train’s horn go off three feet from your face. 

constantly. all the time, even at NIGHT. there would be no escape.

[zeyrablue]

this is simply terrifying. how do you erase knowledge please ?

[kedreeva]

NASA actually recorded the sun, if you want to hear it:

And they recorded the planets too:

[shanakin-skywalker]

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that Binghamton University researchers have been working on a self-healing concrete that uses a specific type of fungi as a healing agent. When the fungus is mixed with concrete, it lies dormant until cracks appear, when spores germinate, grow and precipitate calcium carbonate to heal the cracks (x)

[dammitradar]

What could possibly be more cursed than mushrooms growing bones to heal the chasms in the road

[saturniidae-served-cold]

What could possibly be more blessed than mushrooms growing bones to heal the chasms in the road

[officialsolluxcaptor]

THIS OFFICE HAD ITS BLINDS UP AND THIS IS WHAT I SAW

[officialsolluxcaptor]

i’m losing my mind. this is a high rise office building on the upper east side of manhattan. and the only piece of art on the wall in this office is a bikini clad anime girl with humongous bazookas that are bouncing out of sync. this can’t be real someone wake me up

[the-four-humors]

I know this print, it’s actually considered a fine art piece! It’s clearly based on Takashi Murakami’s live-sized statue ‘Hiropon’:

Which, yes, she’s skipping rope with milk that she’s lactating from her bazongas. It’s actually part of a set, the other one being titled ‘Lonesome Cowboy’:

Which features a Cloud look-alike lassoing with his cum. 

Murakami is well known for taking ‘low art’ subject matter (anime, hentai, penises) and placing them in ‘high art’ contexts. I actually saw Hiropon in personal with my own two eyes at the Denver Museum of Art back in 2009. A lot of what he does is satirical, and it’s honestly pretty funny to see pictures of his artwork in American museums, surrounded by confused white baby boomers. 

That said, without the context, it DEFINITELY slaps you in the face and makes you question what the fuck is going on. Had I not found out who he was in college, Hiropon would still haunt me as the most confusing thing I’ve ever seen in a museum. 

[officialsolluxcaptor]

god thank you for explaining this but also i’m still being slapped in the face as i type

[detestable-tall-man]

[not-uu]

What you think are drunk texts are just me dissociating at three in the morning

[lizthecrab]

Hormone replacement therapy but I take pure adrenaline

[lizthecrab]

The two genders: fight or flight

[killthegod]

[whatshehassaid]

*psychic trying to read my mind*

my mind:

Oh, it’s 𝓃𝑒𝓌 the shape of your body, it’s 𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 the feeling I’ve got and it’s ₒₒₕ, wₕₒₐ ₒₕ it’s a cruᵤᵤᵤₑel summer. It’s 𝓬𝓸𝓸𝓵 that’s what I tell ‘em, no 𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔰 in breakable heaven but  ₒₒₕ, wₕₒₐ ₒₕ it’s a cruᵤᵤᵤₑel summer with you. I’m drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar ᴏʜ said “ᵢ'ₘ 𝒻ᵢₙₑ”, but it wasn’t true I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you and I, snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate ᴏʜ and I screamed 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕀 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕒𝕚𝕟'𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕕?Ｈｅ　ｌｏｏｋｓ　ｕｐ，　ｇｒｉｎｎｉｎｇ　ｌｉｋｅ　ａ　ｄｅｖｉｌ

psychic: what th e fuc k

[gothyeehaw]

if you’re going to be mean to frogs log off

[75orchids]

Me: reblogs cute picture Me: the government is corrupt and wants nothing more than to kill you Me: reblogs funny post

[cephalotodd-deactivated20190310]

big bang theory is awful for obvious reasons but honestly shout out to them for inventing “bazinga” so i have a word i can drop into any conversation for a one-hit kill

[schmuddel]

“Bazinga” and “everypony” are the closest we will get to real-world dragon shouts.

[nyanbinyuri]

[toastbutteregg]

or me after being dramatic every time i have my period

[theonion]

[swallowstosea]

Songs from 1989 as penguin classics // inspo.

[lunar-resonance]

things I’ve said that my students have found funny:

You’re not allowed to die in this classroom

If you yeet any of the lab equipment across the room, you will be yeeted to the principal’s office

[on how old I am]: I lost count after a few thousand years

whenever they do an online lab: this is better than fortnite isn’t it

[to a student, upon realizing they completed their practice problems all wrong]: that’s a rip in the chat

If it wasn’t for strong force holding your atoms together your matter would disintegrate away like when Thanos snapped his fingers

In the event that the sun does blow up, the good thing is light takes seven minutes to travel from the sun so you wouldn’t see the explosion coming to incinerate you

[to two students who love to get under each other’s skin]: this is your lane (I traced a circle around their desk) and that is yours (as I traced a circle around their desk) stay in them

You’d probably turn into spaghetti if you went into a black hole but it wouldn’t the edible kind

[when checking in on groups] is everything gucci

[a student asks me if I could look something up on my computer when I’m taking attendance]: I don’t know what the internet is