Too Many Eggs In My Pudding! @toomanyeggsinmypudding - Tumblr Blog

Was drunk and bored and getting annoyed at the ridiculous coverage of the US election so I decided to fix the place.

I'm from Australia where we only have 7 states, as such I have the (objectively correct) opinion that 50 is too many states, so I decided to cut it down to 10.

A few notes on my improved US map:

•Despite Illinois making the cut, Chicago is now in Michigan, due to the state getting the entire bank of its namesake.

•Boston is also in Michigan due to special exception.

•New York is now the capital of Pensylvania

•Yes that's how you spell Pensylvania

•The border of California is just roughly the Rockies, no need to overthink it.

•Making Florida bigger actually dilutes it's power, but Texas must be abolished

•Colorado should still be a rectangle, that's my mistake, I just couldn't be bothered fixing it.

•Alaska has been returned to Canada with a hand written apology

•All the random ass islands that the US forgot to pretend they didn't colonise have gained independence

Please let me know if there are any more improvements you can think of.

Edit: As a number of you have mentioned, Alaska never belonged to Canada, and giving it to them would be incredibly wrong when the native people have been trying to gain independence all this time.

Luckily, the apology note got lost in the mail in all the turmoil, so Canada never realised they're meant to have Alaska now. The Alaskans just start quietly self-governing and hoping the US and Canada don't notice, then after a few years they declare independence.

disease-danger-darkness-silence

OP where do you think Boston is located.

blujayonthewing

it's an unincorporated territory

paperjoshi

why is New York the capital of Pensylvania it's not even the capital of New York

kevinbikes

Taking a piece of land that is almost entirely texas and calling it new mexico is peak comedy

thestuffedalligator

If I ever wrote a superhero story I’d want there to be a recurring shitty C-list supervillain in the background whose power was changing something’s colour and all her villainous plots would be colour-themed things like “If the city council doesn’t give me a million dollars, I will turn the city of GREEN Bay into the city of RED Bay!” and she’d turn the Golden Gate Bridge magenta or whatever.

So it’s all low-stakes villainy, but everyone absolutely hates fighting her because her very shitty superpower works really really well, and there are dozens of background characters who’ve fought her that are just permanently green now

thestuffedalligator

#the wildest thing about this is that it COULD be incredibly powerful #you turn solar panels white they aren’t gonna work anymore and that’s gonna fuck up your whole grid on a very Temperature day #you can blind people the same way #turn some water red. make your own murder scene #fuck up traffic and hide warning signs. or fences. or a building #blackmail your local hidden spy facility with neons #absolutely demolish a politician’s career because who can take a bright lime guy seriously? #red tides are devastating for a tourist beach economy #that sort of thing. you get it #but the point is she’s got all the tools and she’s hitting the nail with a wrench for no reason

@hedgewitchnecromancer yes exactly. “You can alter any material on the fly and you’re using it for superpowered vandalism?! You could destroy the environment by changing the colour of chlorophyll!”

“But I don’t want to destroy the environment. I want to turn Yellowstone purple.”

omicheese

#‘she’s got all the tools and she’s hitting the nail with a wrench for no reason’ is a great way to describe it

wilwheaton

“The Trump administration’s decision to publicize something like Alligator Alcatraz is not just a useful weapon that they can now threaten their enemies — and Elon Musk — with. It’s also a distinctly new form of propaganda. Something they seem to have picked up from the video tours of Centro de Confinamiento del Terrorismo (CECOT) in El Salvador. The concentration camp reimagined as a hype house. A place to make content, both real and AI-generated, that glorifies the power of the state. What Democratic super-poster Will Stancil described this week as “pornography for Trump’s sadistic base.” But also content that desensitizes you. That normalizes state violence and, most importantly, turns it into a meme. Trump’s administration knows that most effective propaganda of the 21st century is viral, ephemeral, and, crucially, stupid. Something CNN hosts can joke about on air, distracted by how idiotic the name is. How goofy the T-shirts are. Completely removed from the human misery happening behind closed doors.”

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Trump’s big, beautiful gulag

This is what Republicans voted for. This is what they wanted.

Don’t let anyone tell you they didn’t vote for this, they actually voted for [low taxes | strong defense | the party | the price of eggs| some other bullshit], and now they are horrified. They never wanted masked thugs to terrorize and kidnap an innocent mother while her children watch. They never wanted masked vigilantes to terrorize entire communities and beat fathers bloody in front of their families.

They never wanted any of this, they tell us, and maybe they didn’t want it, but he promised it, and his base held up signs celebrating it. He promised to inflict this terror and this sadistic cruelty on as many people as he could, and that even if they say they didn’t want this to happen, his repeated promises to do exactly this certainly weren’t enough to stop them from voting for him.

So many people who voted for him like to pretend that they aren’t Nazis; it’s the MAGA extremists who are the Nazis. It’s not this guy who lives in the middle-class suburb! This guy goes to church and takes his kids to soccer practice! He was appalled by January 6 (though he’s rewritten almost all of it in his head into something less violent). He doesn’t support those MAGA people; in fact, he’s embarrassed by them!

Deep breath. Okay. Hey, buddy, I have some news: there is no difference between you and them. You’re just as deplorable, and you do not get to pretend you didn’t vote for this like they did. You may dress nice and check all the “good neighbor” boxes, just like a lot of Germans did in the 1930s, but you don’t fool me.

Whatever justification you invented to feel good about what you did, doesn’t matter. It’s the result of your vote that matters, and you voted for terror, suffering, and incompetent malevolence aimed at the heart of our Constitution.

I will never forget this. I will never forgive you for the suffering you enabled.