i’m starting to realize the “friendship where we bully each other” thing is a complicated subject for me, because as a survivor of bullying and my interests being mocked for basically my entire life, i don’t really find it funny or endearing when pals do it. i don’t mind gentle insults and inside jokes, but idk, there has to be a point where you go “maybe i shouldn’t cut on my friend’s new oc or special interest” and stop yourself. i think we should all try a little harder to know that boundary and not put our friends in those situations
My best friend and I used to greet each other with insults (“hey bitch!” “wassup slut?”) and generally poke fun at each other all the time. It’s how we showed affection, just constant little pokes and prods and minor nuisances. But I noticed that these exchanges were wearing her down through little behavioral ticks, like she’d go quiet or her laugh wasn’t as bubbly. So I changed how I show her affection and now scream “hi Dawn I love you :D” at the top of my lungs when I say hi. And I hear her stifle a giggle and she answers with either “love you too” or “hiiiii, love you!!!” depending on her mood at the time.
It’s fine to have a close friendship where you can pretend to be mean to each other and you both understand that none of that meanness is real. But the second it starts to feel real to either of you, that behavior should change.
i think that like, little jokes and ribbing can be okay but you need to make sure you’re not always bullying someone about the same thing constantly
like joking ‘hey idiot!’ is fine, but if you call one of your friends stupid all the time and literally never let them have any identity other than ‘the stupid one’, thats not a joking friendship. that’s actual bullying.
It’s the difference between teasing and bullying.
It’s all about boundaries
If I have ever teased you and it felt like bullying please accept my sincerest apologies and also let me know so I can respect your boundaries and never do it again
I've always always always been the butt of the joke in any friend group I've ever been a part of. Literally Every. Single. One. Idk what it is exactly, if it's just that I give a vibe that immediately screams "this person is very chill and can easily laugh at herself / take a joke" (which is true) or if it's that I'm the type of person were chaos just kinda follows me around and that plus my ADHD results in me getting myself into a lot of wacky situations (also true), or maybe im just generally kinda playful and goofy and people feel comfortable poking fun at me (lovingly.) I don't mind it most of the time, I honestly take it kind of as a compliment because you wouldn't openly tease someone like that if you weren't close with them and didn't care about them enough that the affection behind it wouldn't be obvious (unless you were a real asshole, which some people are but i know my friends aren't those types of people.) That being said, there are some lines that really hurt when they are crossed. I'm totally fine with people teasing me for being clumsy or having no sense of direction or doing something weird/ silly/ chaotic. Hell, even my height is fair game. Hell, even my SEXUALITY is fair game (only cause we're all queer). But implying that I'm actually dumb rather than just haphazard or ESPECIALLY that I'm annoying / a burden / unwanted will fucking kill me. Like, downward spiral, full on self loathing RSD pit of despair. Because the main thing I'm insecure about is that people don't like me. Nothing in the first group for me feels like it lowers others respect for me or desire to be around me - on the contrary I feel like people enjoy being around me because I make them laugh and I'm in on the joke. But something like me being annoying or unintelligent makes me feel like I'm unwanted. As someone who basically has a doctorate in self deprecation at this point, the important thing is to know your boundaries. Know what is it you value in yourself as a person and what is inconsequential to your perception of your own self worth. Of the things you value, what are you most insecure about. Set those boundaries, understand why you have them, and don't let the people you love cross them.
