toprewolfington

[toprewolf1]

Lately things have felt not entirely real. It’s becoming harder to tell when I’m depressed and when I’m okay. Goal: stop mindlessly looking at my phone for hours on end. Focus on my reality. It doesn’t matter if my reality is ‘real’ as long as it’s mine.

[toprewolf1]

I know the abyss is looking into me but I don’t care anymore. 🦭

[toprewolf1]

Expectations for the year:

Writing, travelling, graduating from uni, trying to get published, making the place I live in look cute. Dealing with the things that make me scared and trying to do the things that I want the most while also trying not to fall behind into the void.

[toprewolf1]

🦢”predicting decadence”🦢

🩰🎧the virgin suicides📓🖤

One of the few books that has changed me. I want Eugenides to narrate the moment of my death.

[toprewolf1]

The feminine/academic constraint—a dual desire for both exquisiteness and literariness, perfection in both mind and body.

📓: Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse

Re-reading The Virgin Suicides (Eugenides)

Essays done, working on last notes, editing stories, preparing to move houses and trying not to overthink.

[toprewolf1]

June 2025

🖤Halfway through my uni writing course🖤 artwork, Thin Ice by Miles Cleveland Goodwin and L’advertissement by Serafino Machiati.

[toprewolf1]

Life, made up of facial routines and reading Nabokov. Drawing of Annie Blackburn.

🎧Sofia Isella

🎧What a Wonderful World, Louis Armstrong

[toprewolf1]

🎧Black Milk by Massive Attack

🎧Dove by antihoney

I want to both cut all my hair off and grow it down to my legs 🎼.

Essays:

> close reading of Steinbeck

> memory in the philosophy of mind

> video on Black Swan🖤🦢

[toprewolf1]

🎧: keep your eyes on me boy, Nessa Barrett

books: White is for Witching, Dior biography

Uni📓:

> wrote essay on the mind-body problem

> notes on Pearl

> wrote a short story about a murderer

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

outfits: Mostly black leggings & grey jeans

> short black velvet skirt

> pastel pink cardigan

> leopard pyjama pants

[toprewolf1]

How far back does a baby harp seal’s memory extend?

[toprewolf1]

s•y•l•v•i•a p•l•a•t•h

• I shut my eyes, and all the world drops dead (I think I mind you up inside my head).

• I have time… I must tell myself I have time.

• Is there no way out of the mind?

• I inhabit the wax image of myself… I entered the stomach of indifference, the wordless cupboard… my mendings itch. There is nothing to do.

• Photographs visit me—my wife, dead and flat, in 1920s furs, mouth full of pearls.

• Perfection is terrible…

voicelessness. The snow has no voice.

[toprewolf1]

february, 2•0•2•5

Winter in England, Emily Brontë, book shopping, fur coats, classical art, David Lynch, Dior, Vanille Noire perfume, brown mascara, candles, crystals, blackened roses, coverless vintage books, Swarovski necklaces… 🌫️🤍🌫️

[toprewolf1]

The grand and the mundane.

[toprewolf1]

My head is the museum.

[toprewolf1]

“I found myself in a strange deserted city… underpopulated by war or disease. … [In a glass case was] a machine revolving slowly on a turntable, a machine with metal parts that slid in and out and collapsed in upon themselves to form new images. … History passing beneath my very eyes, changing every moment.

‘I thought I’d find you here’, said a voice at my elbow.’”

[toprewolf1]

Eighteen 🌑

Nineteen 🌘

[toprewolf1]

🖤Henry Winter and Sherlock🖤. Minds consumed with the desire to reach the zenith of human knowledge. (and they both kill dogs.)