can i be close to you

Victoria Bender 17 years old Junior At Jamestown 06/30/13

[hannahgalion]

HEY THERE... REMEMBER ME?

Got an email on my old email (for this account) that this account turned 3 years old as of a couple weeks ago..  The weirdest feeling of nostalgia hit me. I had such great times here that no one except you guys will understand. I don’t know what I’m doing right now to be honest.. I know you guys probably won’t see this but if there ever is a wanderer and you happen to stumble upon this little post, know that you are missed and loved. 

XO to the greatest and such kind hearts that I have met on Jamestown. Love, Stella. 

[toribenderarchive]

I’m sitting wake at 5am on a Wednesday in my parents’ house and suddenly felt an urge to login to Tumblr and feel like I was 15 again and loving rp’ing with you all again. Thank you Stella for posting this, made me emotional in a sappy nostalgic kind of way. Thank you everyone else at Jamestown for all the great memories and friendship you gave me. You were all such a huge part of my high school years and it meant the absolute world to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Love, 

Jen

[toribenderarchive]

Text To: Ashton

Tori: It's officially been one year since our fifth monthaversary, which also means it's been three hundred and sixty-five days since the first time I told you that I love you. Right then I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I did, but I hope you know I've meant it more and more every time since.

Tori: I love you.

[blahblht23-deactivated20160426]

[toribenderarchive]

The Blue In Your Eyes || Ashori

[ashton--fields]

Climbing into the driver’s seat, Ashton pulled the strap of the seat belt over his torso and buckled himself in, then proceeded to do all of the other necessary requirements before the two could officially be on their way. He accepted Tori’s offer to hold hands by placing his right palm over hers, his fingers easing themselves into the gaps. Any opportunity to be closer to her and to feel the warmth of her skin he would gladly take without hesitation. As cheesy as it may have sounded, it was the truth. He justified his corny thoughts by claiming that being in love had made him even more of a hopeless romantic, that being in love made him want to be overly cheesy and made him want to express his emotions with affection. He fancied knowing she could also feel the spark of electricity every time they touched. He enjoyed knowing that she felt safe and loved and happy the same exact way he felt all of those things, too.

How their anniversary just so happened to fall on an evening where everything seemed perfect must have been a sign of some sort, he thought. The temperature was not too hot nor too chilly, and the air wasn’t thick with a miserable humidity percentage. It was an ideal night for a midnight picnic under the stars. The boy was eager to reach Los Angeles so they could lay out the blanket, eat the food they had packed, and cuddle up next to one another without a care in the world. He’d been craving another one of their romantic nights out, and was satisfied with the date they had spent time planning together. He wasn’t sure whether he preferred to surprise Tori or if he liked making a game plan beforehand better. The plus side to choosing a destination together was that there were no doubts in his mind concerning the possibility of disappointing the girl with the choices he had made. The very last thing he ever wanted to do was let her down, so this had definitely relieved a good amount of stress he was under. Enough pressure was already coming from the fact the pair were ringing in their one year anniversary, and that this date celebrating such a milestone had to be the best one yet. Despite how nervous he was, he knew that having her as company guaranteed they’d have an amazing night no matter how it could play out.

Ashton’s ability to concentrate solely on driving was becoming more challenging as the minutes passed by, which he had Tori to thank for. He had found himself constantly peeling his eyes from the road ahead of them to steal a glance in her direction. It was nearly impossible for him not to, she looked beautiful and lost in her thoughts as she stared out the window. On occasion, he’d catch her glancing toward him, too, and it caused the corners of his lips to turn into a slight smile. He felt childish for giggling and looking away whenever their eyes met, however he blamed it on how he was a true kid at heart and didn’t feel too immature anymore. As the smooth sound of fresh pavement transitioned to gravel, the brunet drove at a slower speed, cruising around the deserted area until he could spot an appropriate place to park. “We’re here!” he exclaimed, the enthusiasm clear in his tone of voice. The vehicle halted, and he was forced to disentangle their comfortably locked fingers in order to put the car in park. “Ready?” he asked for the second time within the past few hours, his body turned in his seat so he could anticipate her reaction.

[toribenderarchive]

Doing their traveling while it was later in the night, the stars already adorning the sky with their brilliance, made the journey a lot easier than it would have been had they gone earlier when cars still dotted the road with more frequency. The traffic in Los Angeles was never really gone, but luckily they weren’t going into the heart of the city and it was nice to cruise along with having to stop all the time due to traffic lights, stop signs, traffic jams, and pedestrians. As the drive continued, Tori wondered why they had chosen to go so far off for their outing, but she was enjoying the ride nonetheless and it just gave them more time to enjoy each other’s presence which was always welcomed. She’d been mostly quiet throughout the car ride, but for her she didn’t need any words to fill the silence; there was nothing awkward about it like there would be with so many other people. But she was comfortable with Ashton, and the perfect conditions the night had to offer made it all the more enjoyable.

Tori’s eyes lit up as the vehicle came to a stop while she sat up in her seat and did a quick scan of the surrounding area through the windows until her gaze found Ashton. A grin spread across her face and she suppressed an excited squeal that sought to escape as her enthusiasm increased, now they could begin what they had actually planned out instead of just riding along pavement. “Ready,” she replied in a voice that was a little too high-pitched and gave away her excitement before undoing the seatbelt and turning to let herself out of the car. It was nice, being out far away from their everyday lives at the academy and feeling like the entire world was theirs for the night. The brunette made her way around to the back of the car where the trunk was to wait until it was opened and the blanket and food they had carried with them was revealed after spending a few moments to look around once more.

After taking the blanket into her hands from the trunk, she again looked over at Ashton and it suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t even said some of the most important words of the night and now took the chance now to say them, “Happy  anniversary, Ashton.” The word felt so different now that they’d been together long enough to actually use it in its proper meaning—not a ‘monthaversary’ or something like that, or worse, celebrating weeks as some high school and middle school couples seemed to—but an entire year had gone by that she had been able to call Ashton Fields her boyfriend and enjoy everything that entailed. She hoped there would many more nights like this to come, because it was almost impossible to imagine not being able to being able to go to him whenever just to tell him how much she loved him or be wrapped up in the arms that truly felt like where she belonged. As many hectic things that could happen in her life, he was someone to always be there for her that she knew she’d always be there for as well. It may have been a year, but she was just as giddy as the first week.

[toribenderarchive]

The Blue In Your Eyes || Ashori

[ashton--fields]

As Ashton stood in the doorway, his smile grew until the tops of his cheeks extended just below his eyes. He was familiar with the dorky grin his girlfriend hid from his sight; it was the same one she had buried in his neck or had formed once their lips brushed and pressed against each other. And, truthfully, he loved it. He loved the way she beamed and how it radiated. He loved the way her nose scrunched up whenever she giggled, the crinkles by her eyes prominent. He even loved the sound of her laugh, her voice in general being one of his favorite sounds to fill his ears. He had known her cerulean eyes, the bridge of her nose, her soft, brown locks since the beginning of his days at Jamestown, and he had fallen in love with them all. Seven months had passed since he vocalized the three simple, yet pensive eight lettered phrase, his only regret being it had taken him forever and a day to come to the realization that he was, without a doubt, in love with one of the best friends he had. The boy was well aware he’d been lucky to be in a relationship with someone who had his full trust and who had supported him through rough patches in his life. People had always told him falling in love with your best friend was possibly the most amazing feeling in the world, and he believed it. Nothing could make him happier than the girl whose hands were falling from the back of his neck down to his own hands, he knew that for a fact.

He squeezed each of her hands, the tips of his fingers applying pressure to the back of her palms. “Are you hitting on me?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow. It was tough to pretend to be serious when all he wanted to do was burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. Even when their teasing wasn’t all that humorous, he found himself laughing like a boy with a brand new crush on someone who thought everything that they said was downright hilarious. He couldn’t help it, and he knew it was a bit ridiculous and obviously over exaggerated, but Tori was too adorable and too funny to not giggle around, or at least he thought so. Admiring the fond look in her eyes, he felt the urge to kiss her, so he did just that. The trail of quick, closed mouth kisses began as he placed his lips to her forehead. He peppered them down to the tip of her nose and then to her cheeks, taking a pause before her lips were met with his. He kissed her properly this time, and then repeated the action. And he did it again. And again. And again, and again, and again until he was smiling too wide to pucker his lips anymore. Feeling the softness of her lips and being reminded of the taste they left him with was thrilling; a certain spark of electricity ran through his veins every time. Ashton didn’t know his body had so many nerve endings.

"Now I’m ready," he announced, glad to finally step out of his dorm room and into the night hand in hand with Tori. With each step they took, they became closer to the actual beginning of their date which had only increased Ashton’s level of excitement. Celebrating a one year anniversary with Tori was surreal, it seemed like they had been together for only a couple of months. None of his previous relationships had lasted this long, nor were they anywhere near as significant as he felt the relationship between the two of them were. Nobody had ever made him feel the way she did, she was the first girl he knew who could speed up the beat of his heart just by looking at him. Approaching the car, he used his free hand to unlock the doors and to also open the passenger side. "It’s no horse and carriage, but it has great horsepower. I promise."

[toribenderarchive]

Tori was quiet as the two of them left the building and walked out to the car that would soon be transporting them a couple hours north to Los Angeles, still speechless after the onrush on kisses that took place outside of Ashton’s dorm room. A subtle smile had remained on her face even after her head had stopped swimming and been brought closer to reality again. The warm air of a summer night in California that they were surrounded with once stepping outside was a refreshing feeling down to her very core as she filled her lungs with each breath, especially after feeling as if she’d lost the ability to breathe for a while after coming into Ashton’s presence.

She was pretty well accustomed to the small gentleman-like gestures Ashton seemed to always do for her, but she still found it absolutely adorable that he cared enough to put in the effort to think to take the time for things like opening doors for her. She laughed as his pun and joked back, “I don’t think carriages have anywhere to plug in a GPS or a phone charger to let it serve as one, so I think we’ve got it better than the royals.” The main event would be when they arrived at their destination, but Tori was almost as excited for just having two hours to themselves in mostly silence aside from the sound of their voices. It wasn’t like they’d be taking back roads or any scenic routes to get from San Diego to LA but that didn’t take away from the enjoyment of the traveling. She climbed inside her side of the car and feelings of excitement were renewed again that she knew would probably reappear every time they’d gotten significantly closer to getting to walk around the city where everyone who was anybody in the entertainment business resided, as well as most of those who were seriously pursuing a career in that industry.   She’d done some sight seeing in the  famous city before, but that was during the day and not with someone who enthralled her so much that she’d go anywhere on earth with or for.

After adjusting her seat to be slightly more reclined for the somewhat long journey, Tori watched Ashton with a fond smile, almost forgetting to even put her seatbelt on. She only remembered to do so once he had buckled his own, and kicked herself mentally for being so liable to completely losing her train of thought around him, but it was unavoidable. It was nice to just observe him sometimes, appreciating everything from how his voice would go up a couple pitches whenever he was excited before he seemed to consciously go back to his normal pitch to how his eyes looked especially beautiful under the dim lighting in the nighttime that would catch them in just the right way so that they sparkled more than the overhanging celestial bodies. Whenever she was caught in her simple watching, her cheeks reddened despite her mental commands for them not too, but it was a still a habit she kept up. Tori laid her left hand between their two seats with her palm faced upwards so that she could hold Ashton’s hand again whenever he was done adjusting the gears out of park and subsequently out of reverse as she began looking outside the window as they were to leave San Diego for the night and see a little bit more of the state. 

[toribenderarchive]

The Blue In Your Eyes || Ashori

[ashton--fields]

It was hard for Ashton to believe he’d already spent an entire year dating Tori. Twelve whole months had gone by that he was able to kiss and hold and love and share everything with a girl he never once thought would reciprocate the strong feelings he developed over the course of their relationship. He was thankful to have someone in his life who gave him a reason to get out of bed every morning, someone who made him feel important and truly content. Nobody had ever given him that kind of love and attention before, not even his parents, which only made his admiration for her grow. There was something about her that tugged at the corners of his lips no matter what. Simply being in her presence could turn his day around. She had beauty, class, intelligence, and was additionally one of the most compassionate people he knew. How he ended up being lucky enough to be with someone as wonderful as her was beyond him.

Pacing back and forth with both his cellphone and set of keys in hand, the boy waited for the sound of her knuckles placing a knock on the door. He was anxious to head out and explore yet another foreign city with her. Every couple had something they did exclusively with each other, and Ashton was starting to think venturing out into unfamiliar territory was theirs. The last time the two of them left San Diego, they had spent hours near the beach just laughing at each other and appreciating how easy it was to be around the other person. He recalled the stupid, immature prank they pulled at the sandwich shop and smiled to himself. Tori used to be so bashful, and even though he was sure she hadn’t fully gotten over her reserved nature, it was hidden from him a majority of the time. They were comfortable with one another, and in all honesty that was the number one thing Ashton looked for in a relationship. It was nice to have someone you could be no one other than yourself around. He hoped he had something to do in regards to breaking her out of her shell, but only because she had helped bring him out of his, too.

The soft tapping coming from the front door caused his nervous walking habit to cease. The beat of his heart sped up, thumping so harshly against his rib cage it was almost painful. He continuously reminded himself that there wasn’t much to worry about, but he couldn’t help the feeling that had been to blame for the knots forming in his abdomen. Taking a deep breath, he swung the door open a little too excitedly. The intake of air he had taken prior to coming face to face with Tori was useless; her appearance had robbed him of every last ounce of oxygen in his lungs. Her hair fell past her shoulder, meeting the top of her dress which had complimented her eyes—or perhaps it was her tanned skin or the curves of her body—either way, she looked stunning. Ashton realized, suddenly, after some time, that he most likely looked dazed and lost in thought. He began to speak, failing to avoid stuttering. “Hi,” he greeted, “you—you look.. incredible, really.” The boy shook his head, embarrassed of how idiotic he must have sounded. “Are you ready? Not that you don’t look ready or anything, because you do, but just to make sure. I mean, I’m totally ready whenever you are.”

[toribenderarchive]

Standing with her hands clasped together while her eyes focused on them before Ashton came out, Tori was surprised by the sound of the door being opened and her gaze quickly went to the boy who stood in the doorway. Her thoughts were just a simple ‘wow’ as she quickly scanned his appearance until her eyes met his.  She couldn’t contain the small closed-mouth smile that began forming on her lips, so she raised one hand to cover the grin that must have looked silly in her opinion. Without fail, she seemed to have to take a few moments of silent admiration and flushed cheeks each time she saw the brown-haired boy. Part of the rosy hue in her cheeks came as a byproduct of the self-conscious feeling she had over not being able to run to her dorm to fix any mishaps in her wardrobe choice or styling decisions with her hair and face, but mainly it was just the fact that she was in his presence. Her smile only grew into a grin when his words let her on to the fact that the seconds of astonishment that she had in his presence weren’t unrequited—even if she couldn’t wrap her mind around someone like Ashton ever giving her a fraction of the attention he so willingly offered despite there usually being no reason for her to go over to see him or talk to him beside simply wanting to be around him and hear the voice that soothed her so much.

“Hey,” she breathed in response as the hand that was placed over her mouth moved to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear then fell down to her side. One step closed the minimal distance between them and Tori stood on her tip toes momentarily to close the short difference in their heights to place a kiss on his cheek as her arms were placed around his neck loosely prior to dropping them to hold each of his hands in her smaller ones. A giddy feeling arose in her as the contact elated her emotions, and she maintained eye contact as she replied, “I didn’t know you could be even more handsome than usual, is this level even legal?” followed by a soft laugh. The way he had ranted on amused her, but she knew if she had spoken first than she would have stumbled over his words much more than he had and found herself enamored of even the smallest things he did. She usually managed to try to sound like she was more confident around him than she really was, but inside she was more like a little kid who had no idea what to say to their playground crush and was almost too nervous to approach. “I’m ready as long as you’re totally ready,” she answered him with a couple nods of her head and somewhat of a giggle emitting from her lips.

One of her hands released its hold on his; however, with her other she just let go for a moment to turn, allowing her to intertwine her fingers with his as she now stood by his side. She beamed up at him before taking a step in the direction they needed to head to get out to the school’s student parking lot so they could begin the adventure they had planned specifically for the celebration of an entire year of being together. She had cherished every single one of the days that had passed since this date in 2013, and she knew tonight would just be another great memory of getting to spend time with Ashton. As young as she still felt, it never mattered how adults seemed to constantly deny the possibility of being in love as a teenager. As she felt the warmth of his hand in hers, it was more than obvious to her that there was no word better suited to describe the strong feelings she had for him than love. 

[toribenderarchive]

The Blue In Your Eyes || Ashori

Several makeup bags laid open on Tori’s bathroom cabinet as all the makeup she owned cluttered the surface alongside various hair-styling tools and products that she didn’t even know she had until earlier that evening. “How do other girls do this whole looking like they didn’t try thing?” she whispered to herself as her eyes scanned the familiar face in the mirror that was still completely bare despite her time running short. She didn’t want her makeup to look like she had just gotten ready for prom or a red carpet, but that didn’t mean she was about to walk out with nothing on her face on a night as important as this one. Sure, Ashton had seen her looking like a mess more times than she cared to count, but the least she could do was try to look a little nicer than usual on this date that marked such a special event. She’d already picked out a simple strappy floral summer dress to wear for their night out, but that was only half the battle won. Now she’d have to try to get her hair to cooperate with a curling iron as well as attempt to follow a tutorial on YouTube to get the “effortlessly beautiful” look the video claimed to be able to help her master.

As the brunette managed to get the last section of her hair to curl to her general satisfaction, her eyes wandered to the clock on the bottom right corner of her computer screen where the video she'd been watching as still open. There were only fifteen minutes between now and when she was supposed to meet Ashton, the realization of which made her heartbeat speed up even more than it already had in anticipation for this day. “Three hundred and sixty five days.” The words ran through her mind as a smile came to her lips. It had been that long since the night that would go down as one of her fondest memories—the day the boy she now had fallen head over heels in love with had told her how he’d felt and when she’d been able to admit to the feelings she’d be harboring for him as well. If anybody had told her 366 days ago that today she’d be getting ready for an anniversary date with the one and only Ashton Fields, she wouldn’t have believed them. But it was real, even if would feel like just like a fairytale if she wasn’t lacking the fairy godmother that would’ve made her struggles with eye shadow monumentally easier.

It took Tori a solid five minutes after telling herself she was ready and needed to leave her dorm to finally set foot out. That time had been spent in front of her full length mirror debating on a last minute change into a black dress or putting on a different pair of shoes and trying to think if there were any last touches she could make to make herself look nicer for the evening. Finally she pushed herself to go lest she be late, and began walking towards Ashton’s dorm. She hadn’t even begin to let herself think about how nervous she was about giving him the present she’d prepared, that was a worry for later. With a shy knock on the door, she reminded herself that she’d had fun tonight regardless of what happened as long as the boy on the other side of the wall was by her side and that was enough to have some of the nerves subside while excitement took their place. 

[govnomagic]

[toribenderarchive]

@torigami: In this day and age birthday selfies are basically a requirement so here ya go #SeventeenForever

[weekendplaylist]

Visit Original Link

one // ed sheeran

[palvinsbarbie]

[toribenderarchive]

Prom 2014

[hauteadore]

[ashton--fields]

You’re probably right. The next time I come over, I’ll bring the bread and the peanut butter if you’ll make sure to have plenty of Nutella ready. I don’t even try to make excuses anymore because they’re all pretty stupid. I just eat it because it tastes good. Oops? I don’t know, I think it’d maybe taste a bit different. Even if it didn’t, it still looks unappealing in my opinion.

[toribenderarchive]

It's a plan; I pretty much always have some Nutella over here so no worries about it not being stocked. That's a good philosophy, but I've got my excuses ready for any criticism of my eating habits. The other day I went to Chili's and they put everything except condiments under the burger, so just a warning in case you're considering going there.

[ashton--fields]

Plain peanut butter is amazing, too. I wonder what it would taste like if you got a spoonful of peanut butter and a spoonful of Nutella and ate them at the same time. Oooh, or you could put them both on a piece of bread and make a sandwich. I’m pretty particular about a lot of foods, really. Like, why would you put cheese under the hot dog on the hot dog bun? Just doesn’t make sense to me. 

[toribenderarchive]

We'll try that someday, I'm picturing something similar to a reese's peanut butter cup, but with a twist. It's just another excuse for me to eat unhealthy, but I'll take what I can get. I guess some people just want the layering of flavors to be different, but for me personally I think it'd taste about the same either way it's just a matter of what's the usual way and what looks odd.

[ashton--fields]

No. No, no, no. Don’t throw that out, it’s actually pretty good and I can eat it by the spoonful if I’m hungry enough. I think it would drive me insane. I’m glad putting everything on top of the meat is what’s normally done. 

[toribenderarchive]

That's the only way I do eat it, honestly. I'd rather use plain peanut butter on my toast, though really all Nutella is is a way to get you to eat lots of chocolate without making yourself feel as guilty. Are you this particular about all foods, or just burgers?

[ashton--fields]

Then you’re even more dead to me. 

[toribenderarchive]

Well then, I guess I'll throw out my nutella so I make sure not to go down that route. Can you imagine how odd it'd look though if fast food joints started doing their posters like that?

[ashton--fields]

If you place your condiments and vegetables on the bottom of your burger, you’re basically dead to me.

[toribenderarchive]

But what if you're trying to be a hipster?

[acegalionarchive]

I only have the regular Sims 3, mostly because the extension packs are so damn expensive. It’s the most addictive game I’ve ever encountered and I need rehab.

[toribenderarchive]

I left my games back home; it protects me from allowing myself to get back into it. I'd recommend storing them somewhere they're out of sight, out of mind.