Go away. @torrentialasshole - Tumblr Blog

I never thought it'd be so difficult to retrieve a laptop from a small number of waterbirds.

#They stole my fucking F9 key.#I don't even know what it DOES but it's GONE.#On another note this laptop is a hell of a lot sturdier than I thought it'd be.#Heck it's probably sturdier than I am.#Barely even fuckin' dented.#I fucking hate ducks.#The literal spawn of Satan.#All those demons and shit that people CLAIM to be the spawn of Satan?#Fucking NOTHING on ducks.

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:dolorificphalerate replied to your...

okay well i was trying to be tactful but. i was BALLS FUCKING DEEP IN FALK’S CHOICE ASS. like, most of today. and yesterday. and the day before that. ask falk, he’ll attest (even if it’s only by stammering, i guess.)

you know. i’m just being BRUTALLY HONEST HERE!

also who said it was beki anyway. i mean, i can’t defend her, i wasn’t balls deep in her. uh. anyway.

#dolorificphalerate #ew it smells so bad in here heGGSGDK CIGMY ME OWD

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:dolorificphalerate replied to your...

well that’s my alibi. anyway i wouldn’t settle for such a small stunt, jeez, i’m offended. maple syrup is CHILD’S PLAY. no offense to the culprit.

You wanna know what's NOT child's play? Having to fuckING CLIMB INTO A DRUM OF IT TALLER THAN YOU ARE TO FISH OUT YOUR FUCKING SHOE, ONLY TO FIND OUT IT'S TOO LATE ANYWAY BECAUSE WOW, GUESS WHAT? SYRUP RUINS PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

#dolorificphalerate #I had to go alchemise a WHOLE NEW SET OF CLOTHES do you know how FUCKING INCONVENIENT THAT IS?

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:Stop.

honesty is the best policy.

Incorrect.

#dolorificphalerate

Stop.

cryfify-deactivated20161026

You know what I don't even need fucking shoes I don't need to walk I don't need to touch the ground ever again.

#Fucking ruin my stuff? Fine whatever fucking a+ is what I think go on destroy EVERYTHING I own DO IT FUCKING DO IT

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:dolorificphalerate replied to your...

alright jeez.

maybe when you find out who’s doing it, flood their house with something. you know. for revengesies.

maybe juice. juice will work.

Except you seem to be forgetting that IF you weren't involved (which, by the way, I'm still calling bullshit on to be COMPLETELY brutally honest), then there's at LEAST a 50% chance that I'd be flooding my OWN house with juice as a result.

#dolorificphalerate #Fucking bullshit is what.

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:dolorificphalerate replied to your post:OH MY...

haha what no. i’ve been occupied. i’m just laughing because something’s happened and i want to know what, so i know how hard to laugh.

so what happened? eheh.

Mhm, yep, that sure sounds like an enticing idea. I'd LOVE to tell you ALL about it over tea and biscuits and fucking tiny-ass little cupcakes.

#dolorificphalerate

dolorificphalerate replied to your post:OH MY GOD.

haaaaaaaaahahahahahaha what’s happening now, prisspants.

I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE THIS AS AN ADMISSION OF GUILT, WHEN DOES DROWNING SUIT YOU?

#dolorificphalerate

OH MY GOD.

#WHY.#JUST.#OKAY NO FUCKING WHY?#SERIOUSLY?????#WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM.#I AM GOING TO FIND WHO IS DOING THIS.#AND I WILL DROWN THEM IN A LAKE.#FILLED WITH SYRUP.#SO THE METAPHORICAL SHOE WILL BE ON THE OTHER METAPHORICAL FOOT.#WHILE THE LITERAL SHOE CONTINUES TO FLOAT IN THAT.#TUB.#FUCKING.#HOW IS THERE EVEN THIS MUCH MAPLE SYRUP LEFT IN EXISTENCE.#WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER ALCHEMIZING SO MUCH OF IT WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.

I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT BEING MORE EXPLICITLY CLEAR EXCEPT THAT I AM NOT AND THAT WAS A FAKE APOLOGY.

#Like all apologies if we're going to be COMPLETELY clear on everything here.#But that's neither here nor there.#What IS here are the VERY REAL THREATS I will have to make if this keEPS HAPPENING.

Alright.

I guess it has to be MY fault for not being more clear, so let me fix this obviously horribly tragic wrongdoing.

Not only do I not want SYRUP in my shoes, but I don't want ANYTHING in them. ANYTHING IN MY SHOES EVER. LEAVE MY FUCKING SHOES ALONE. STOP PUTTING SHIT IN MY SHOES. IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

#I ///CANNOT/// BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS.#..AGAIN.#And that was a SARCASTIC blame acceptence just BY THE BY.#THIS IS IN NO WAY MY FAULT AND YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PEOPLE.

shitshitshitshitshitshIT THEY GOT IN FUCK NO BYE FUCK GHGH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

dolorificphalerate liked your post:Don’T YOU FUCKING DARE I WILL FUCKING END YOUR...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

#dolorificphalerate

Don'T YOU FUCKING DARE I WILL FUCKING END YOUR ENTIRE LIFE STOP RIGHT NOW.

dolorificphalerate liked your post:dolorificphalerate replied to your...

DON'T YOU LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING PILE OF CAT VOMIT.

#dolorificphalerate

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