add another clove of garlic im not driving
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add another clove of garlic im not driving
I bet octopuses think bones are horrific. I bet all their cosmic horror stories involve rigid-limbs and hinged joints.
To an octopus, a human is like a thinking being with blood-stained coral growing inside it.
I need to sit down and breathe into a bag for a while.
Its parts were obscenely limited in their movement. Each hinge could open or close only a small amount before reaching its limit, yet by working in concert they demonstrated unexpected dexterity, moving and manipulating the objects before it with cunning equal to my own. It was more torso than limb, as though a seal had been stretched and warped, given long grasping tentacles filled with bones like bars of coral. It’s head was most horrid of all, flat and ovoid, jutting out too small from the trunk as though it belonged to a beast half its size.
The thing rose upon its lowermost appendages, two long trunks that ended in flat, protruding flippers that branched into stubby, grasping mockeries of a sucker. It’s triple-hinged uppermost limbs were similar, but the ends branched into five smaller tentacles, each with three hinges of their own.
I froze, as the thing’s gaze fell upon me and it opened its hideous fish-jaw, filled with thick, many-shaped teeth like white shards of stone, and spoke in a shrill, discordant babble. I felt its horrid dry grip on my flesh, as those hinged appendages closed on me like the legs of a crab.
I felt the heat of its body, tasted its noxious, oily flesh through my touch, and prepared for the end, and all went black as a swoon overtook me.
I awoke, some time later, the cold and comforting water, banished back to the comfort of the sea and the dark. I should be grateful I am alive. I should cast aside the experience like a half-remembered dream.
I shall never again go swimming in search of lights above. The last thing I recall before the darkness took me was my right eye popping free of the thing’s grasp enough to see into the distance for one brief moment.
I saw thousands of lights.
ok so it turns out “horror but it’s about something mundane from the perspective of a non-human animal” fucks severely
- A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers // kagonekoshiro
honestly out of all of the methods of computer virus delivery out there the 'random mysterious USB stick left on the ground' is the most likely to fool me. no thoughts, head empty, plug that fucker in and unleash a modern day pandora's box on my hard drives
and even more amazing was the day Link realised he [redacted] him back
You'll notice that people do this in multiplayer games for much the same reason!
Neurotypical writers giving advice: Be realistic with your goals. Try to outline or write a little every day. Refill the well. Get yourself a cup of tea and write for 30 minutes until the tea is empty. Check in daily with your accountability buddies for the next three to six months.
ADHD writers giving advice: Put on a movie that matches the tone of your novel to kickstart your dopamine and get into hyperfocus, then put a song on loop on noise-cancelling headphones, livestream your writing session so you feel watched and owe someone accountability, and write as much as you can for as long as you can. Don't forget to eat, sleep or drink. Now go write that novel in 5 days.
you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern. it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this
This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now
chainsaw woman chainsaw woman
IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN
thanksgiving is a time to squanto
Bringing this back because this post is a holiday classic
Diet culture is hilarious and rad actually
rethink your weekend. Harder liquor on an emptier stomach is just what you need. Trust me, I’m a doctor.
Twitter becoming a funnier, more chaotic site than Tumblr was not on my 2022 bingo card but here we are.
It’s a hellscape over there
game: has any kind of elemental based fighting system
me: apply pokemon logic
To be fair Pokemon element logic is rooted in normal logic.
yeah, everyone knows a wrestlers biggest weakness is the local pigeons
go outside and try to suplex a bird
tell me how bug resists fighting
go outside and try to suplex a bug
Pokemon Heritage Post