Totty poetry

posting poems and drawing 🏳️‍⚧️

[totti-e]

If poems are posted one after another it may be normal, I am importe my own poems from high-school here

[totti-e]

[totti-e]

Hyper

I want you to put your head between my thighs

And lick those lips when they are dry

I want you to kiss me and say I'm the bestest boy

When I'm on a leash and acting coy

I want you to handle me roughly and make me swear at you

Make me bark and moan when you bite me there too

Put your hand on my throat and don't let go

Let me press against you more and vow

Then I'll feel desirable again

Until I'll too suffer from this part of my brain

[totti-e]

The cookies

You can't eat, no

The cookies

You can't eat, tho

You're still tasting

You're mouth is full

The fridge is full

I must eat again

I don't feel the pain

Eat

I wake up

Starve

I throw up

Eat, this word is making me crazy

I hate this melody

I hate this reality

I hate dreams too

I hate the cookies

I hate the fridge

They stand here, they tease

My mind is loud

It makes me want to puke out

Eat is all I hear

Eat is all I want to write

It's driving me crazy or near

Please someone end my plight

I'm going to tear my skin appart

If someone don't stop this part

[totti-e]

When the shadow came, the night began

The waltz kept going as the flowers stand

Here, between two hearts so confidant

Light was, but only reminiscent

In the quiet of the night

Everything appeared as light

The couple's steps grew fonder

Like a spirit hit by thunder

The moon kept an eye on the lovers' tango

As the flame grew tired of the tempo

They were left, the two strangers

Right there, under the hollow of the covers

[totti-e]

I want to shred my skin into pieces

This rage inside of me which I cannot place

Makes me want to forget every inches

Every part, every lasting corner of this face

Every curve, every smile, every sound

Sounds that are so loud

And where peace cannot be found

The fatigue of looking in the mirror

Feeling like a patchwork of blood and flesh

With these old scars that still feel fresh

To find out to what your head is attached with horror

Feels like waking up with somebody you never knew

Who forced into you bed and violated you

And you know she will stay for a good amount of time

Since to society we are nothing but a mime

[totti-e]

I push myself

But that's never enough

I keep pushing, pushing, pushing

But the more I push, the less I see the way behind

Almost as if I was slowly becoming blind

The achievements and how proud I had been

In the past, only feel like the sound of wind

And I keep pushing, and I keep walking

Pushing, walking, pushing, walking, pushing

No one is on the route, I can never get enough

And I must not do good

For I must do better 

Better than any latter 

And I must get over my mood

Pushing myself and so on

No matter the hardships 

No matter if I'm alone

I'll be noticed, I'll be fine, I'll be happy

But I have to be perfect, so people will love me

And so I continued pushing,

And so I continued walking

Pushing, walking, pushing 

I'm getting tired, I don't want to lay

I found people on the way

They praised me but I could not see

All the efforts I have made to deserve this

The path has started to erase itself behind me

And at the start, I must be

For I have forgotten time and I believe, got crazy

I see their praising gaze turning into concern

It's almost like I have forgotten to learn

So I push and I walk

I push and I walk

Until I found someone to talk

They asked me if I was fine

And I was telling them everything's in line

They asked me to speak honestly

So we sat down under a tree

And after some time I talked earnestly 

For the first time I felt my feet

Burning at the stake 

As if the ground they meet

They have never felt

Although, the ground, they had walked awake

But maybe that's what it feels like to have some self-respect

I walked enough, pushed enough

And for the road ahead 

I need to rest and get my head laid

[totti-e]

Parade on May

Tall, lanky, somber

Quiet is the danger

Silence, they are lurking

Heavily, through the shadows they're walking

They are profaniting our flag

With their black boots and white teeth

They tear us off with their filth

And with the last scent of a cigarette drag

We're all already 6 feet underneath

[totti-e]

Anger

When YOU wanted me to get FINANCIAL aids

I asked for SUPPORT

I gave you my COMFORT

YOU gave me away, half DEAD

When I told YOU about my problems

YOU turned them away

And I have never felt so much SHAME

To have YOU tell me I'm OKAY

YOU told me to STOP skipping classes

But I never drank your GLASSES

YOU told me to get reorientation

YOU want me to get into tourism formation

But I never chose it, I never WANTED it

You never WANTED things for me

YOU wanted them for YOU

and that is why I'm leaving the tea

The party is over, that I sue

Because when anything you ask is about YOU

Anything I could do is to lie to you too

[totti-e]

Eyes

I don't like having eyes on me

It makes feel sick

Like I have no privacy,

It gives me the ick.

I feel them in the street

In my home, in the pit

I started to believe in the ghost of the deceased

And it makes me paranoid

To be watched

And somehow getting attached

Of the inexistent stares in my home

That doesn't make me feel, oh, so alone

[totti-e]

My mother's a spider

A big black widow

Always looking for the window

The window that would let her into my heart

And control me until I rot

She's always playing with my feelings

Because of hers, she has no understanding

She's an immature bitch

Thinking She's better because she's an old witch

My emotions she doesn't care

Because her problems are her welfare

Add a little victimisation there

Until my nerves are cooked rare

She forgets everything and twist reality

Which must be useful

When you're talking behind everyone's back so easily

Than stab me with your horns like a bull

Misgender me, dismiss me, ignore my need

But just know, now you have no golden child to feed

[totti-e]

TW dysphoria

I look at my hands

And tell myself that it's too delicate

It's too soft, small and it feels like a gate

Preventing me from seeing the end

I visualise myself with a man's chest

and I feel joy, euphoria even

I feel like I found myself in heaven

But then it comes back like a pest

I keep remembering that this man isn't me

That this isn't my body

And it hurts so bad

And it makes me sad

I want to be tall and lean

With long hair

And everyone would say I look fair

No one would be mean

People would look at me and think: "that's a handsome man"

And I could be free from being a woman

If only, if only

[totti-e]

I fell in love with a dream

Sometimes I wonder why my heart gleams

Like a light getting out of my ribs

Just when I touch his limbs

I want to treat him like the most beautiful star

As he is the prettiest by far

I want to hold him for all eternity

Because he's the remedy

To this poison sickening me

[totti-e]

I'm killing myself

Trying to be somebody else

I can't change my face

On which tears are left

My hair I hate so much

That I don't want to touch

My jaws, my eyebrows my lips

Are all looking so dull

And not to talk about my hips

Which won't take no tips

My hair's a mess

My eyes are tired

My brain's near death

And I want to be desired

[totti-e]

I can't ignore

Make it stop, make it stop

These unbearable thoughts

Make it stop

Or I'll jump over the top

Please help me, please hold me

So close, so tight, so free

Make the thoughts stop

Make my mind work

I can't bear this anymore

I might as well dump

At the sound of the drum

I can't bear the thoughts anymore

So please help me make it stop

[totti-e]

Suffocating

Oh, God!

How horrible it feels

When I have no daffodils

And no ,ever so precious geod

I cannot write to the wind

Nor the sea, nor the sun

Nor the moon, nor the sand

Nor the Earth so down below

Beneath our feet, so hollow

For who am I to write

When my chest feels so tight

Tight with melancholy and thoughts

Unbearable thoughts, so insatiable thoughts

Lord it feels so low

Oh God! Oh God!

[totti-e]

Space

Space is a promise

One that does not lie

One that does not fly

Serenity is its keys

But as pretty as it seems

Time and life are not its themes

Since oxygen is unbearable

For this veil of the night

And life impossible

For the humans that search light

One serenity could not be disturbed

With any of the rules, the world offered