Tramp with a T

I'm a travelin' woman (and you're in my way)

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The train is so packed with so many gross people touching me - pretty sure I just got the clap Contracted: on the Red Line, where that shit spreads

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Allergy season is no stranger, but I can honestly say I've never seen someone actually carrying around (and using...) a full box of tissues before Spotted: at South Station, where we're allergic to the world

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Continuing the day's white trash theme... Two drug-addled hot messes, with a young boy in tow, step on the foot of some equally-trashy guy who has his legs sprawled out on the T aisle. They start flipping out at each other in front of said going boy, saying things like "like get a bigger penis if you're gonna wear skinny jeans". Their disgustingness aside, I think it's time we start requiring licenses to procreate. And breathe. Effective immediately. Spotted: on the Red Line, where Darwin's theories have no place

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Super creepy guy beside me won't stop singing a suitably super creepy song out loud - dude this is the damn T, not an audition. Spotted: at Park Street, where the show tickets are always free

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But first lemme take a selfie Spotted: on the Green Line after 10pm - where else?

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Nothing like losing power on the commuter rail while in the dark tunnel of Quincy Center! Oddly cozy, though. Spotted: on the Greenbush Line, where they taunt you with naptime atmospheres

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"Nah, I don't need to hold onto the pole!" said the idiotic woman, right before she went flying, scuffed up my fly new Toms, and sheared a layer of skin off my foot. Spotted: on the Red Line, where life's a balancing act

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Second ass in my face in less than 12 hours. For fuck's sake. Spotted: on the Red Line, where there's always a bad moon rising

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Just actually growled at a guy who keeps shoving me with his ass. Got an apology out of him after jabbing him with my elbow like 50 times. Word of advice: when I'm sitting in the end seat, it doesn't mean you can crawl into it with me. Your ass isn't supposed to sit on top of my shoulder. Spotted on: the Red Line, where personal space is relative

[trampwithat]

Two well-dressed, middle-aged businessmen on the commuter rail just offered us their seats... This is the first time in history this has ever happened. Ever. How sad is it that my mind is still blown like 10 minute later? Spotted: on the Greenbush line, where chivalry, apparently, isn't actually dead

[trampwithat]

Shitty preteen boys are talking about "pulling out last minute and jizzing on her bellayyyy" and getting their "d's sucked." And that is how you know who's a virgin and has never even seen a pair of boobs. Spotted: on the Red line, where virginity is lush and alive

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I'm honestly not sure what's worse - screaming into your phone on a packed train at 7:20am or wearing Mickey Mouse leggings. Both, however, should be punishable by death. Spotted: on the Red Line, the happiest place on earth

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The busker playing super sad French songs at South Station really expresses my sorrow over waiting 12+ minutes for a Braintree train at rush hour due to a disabled train at Central

[trampwithat]

Woman beside me on the commuter rail just pulled a Blackberry out of her purse. I can only assume the feeling of pure joy and fascination I felt was the exact same feeling a paleontologist must experience when he watches someone unearth a dinosaur skeleton. Spotted: on the Greenbush line, where everything's pretty much a fossil anyway

[trampwithat]

Bangarang, Rufio!

Spotted: on the Red Line, where we never grow up

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Nothing like rolling some cigs and lighting up on the T to really kick off the weekend. Spotted: on the Red Line, where "Light Up the Night" takes on a whole new meaning

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Not the first topic that springs to mind for a musical, but to each their own Spotted: on the Red Line, where inspiration strikes (and is quite possibly fatal)