Just venting in the void don't mind me.
Is it wrong to have passing privilege? To have a preemptive 'opt out' from every fight with a transphobe so many other trans girls fight every day? Is it internalized transphobia that I'm More comfortable being perceived as fitting the binary in my day to day interactions, or is it akin to survivors guilt that makes it feel like betrayal.
It feels wrong to meet a new friend who is out and proud about being trans, tell them I'm trans too, and yet ask them to not out me. Maybe I've had bad experiences with chasers, maybe I just don't want my right-wing town to turn against me because of something on facebook. Maybe it's a secret third thing.
It feels like being closeted all over again in a much more confusing way. It feels like betrayal to see others fight 'phobes and just "sit it out" - and it especially feels wack to ask them to enable my continued "protection" when they've either opted to fight the good fight or have no choice themselves.
"Don't add me on facebook, you're too clockable and my conservative coworkers are gonna catch wind that something's up"
It shouldn't be this complicated to feel more comfortable being at less risk of being hatecrimed?
Passing, I'm pretty sure, is the goal of tons of trans goals. It's like the end goal. Why should I feel guilty for attaining it? Yet I still do. There's the ones that couldn't care less, too. They're out there loud and proud making us more normalized by setting an example to the 'phobes. Honestly that's the good fight that needs to be fought, but I don't have it in me. Trauma response? Maybe but I shouldn't need an excuse to sit it out without guilt!
It feels weird to claim solidarity and allyship when I receive near none of the backlash they do for existing. It feels weird to call ourselves the same label though our experiences differ greatly.
*screams infrustration*
*stops, clears throat* thank you for coming to my ted talk.













