a personal archive

Z. he/they. 20s, doing my PharmD. transmasc + agender + aroacespec. i experience bouts of strong emotion on occasion.

[transmascjoy]

We really do not talk enough about the mental health benefits of having a sickass jacket. Like rn I'm wearing an aviator jacket gotten from the estate of a man who was a pilot in the 70's so it's like. high quality. And it not only looks fantastic but it smells like leather and a hint of cigarettes and it's well-worn but comfortable and durable—I'm soaring. Joyful. I'm in my lane, thriving, feeling like the awesomest guy in the world. And it has a buncha pockets to shove shit in :-]

The oversized hoodie may be a transmasc classic but friends there is such a beautiful world to be discovered if you branch out and find something distinct, stylized and well-fitting.

[is-dannn]

[milocam]

[transloiterer]

shout out to furries for singlehandedly funding my education, i will kiss all of you on the lips

[transloiterer]

cannot believe that I am unable to write gyx/zzl smut but i binge a little bit of b99 out of desperation because i want something low-effort to watch and im suddenly a veritable fountain of ideas

[prokopetz]

Crowdsourced BDSM. Every time you want to crank one out you post a social media poll asking your followers for permission to orgasm. Going on stream with one of those "crowd control" apps that marathon speedrunners use and letting your viewers bid tokens to do psychosexual Bugs Bunny shit to you.

[notlikingbestgirl]

Out of Touch (1080 p)

[transloiterer]

ordered sushi from a place that gave me food poisoning like eight months ago and I'm hoping they experienced personal and business-related (and not fungal/bacterial) growth since then

forgot to buy groceries because i was working and this is the only place open at ass o'clock at night

im not religious anymore but you best bet I'm going through every meal-related prayer my mom burned into my brain during my childhood atm

[enesfwee]

this is pretty much what happened. right.

[transloiterer]

throwing this out there: for some reason i can't tag nor message people (assuming I've been shadowbanned), so please stay on hold while i fistfight tumblr support in the parking lot

[sarrows-show]

I couldn’t pass by this game, I really liked it. Horror without any kind of paranormality, purely psychology and circumstances. A wonderful thing.

I somehow didn’t have enough strength for Swansea and Curly. It’s a pity.

[transloiterer]

i've been having lots of anxiety attacks or just a singular, ongoing one lately. having onecurrently

not great. hands are shaking, very restless, i can feel my heart beating weirdly and loudly in my entire body. am terrified for a reason that can fixed if i stop being stupid.

but also very interesting to experience. am able to get an idea of what these symptoms feel like firsthand

[transloiterer]

just read through the part where sae's dad tears hashida and sae's collaboration piece and i am seething with rage

[transloiterer]

finally got around to reading the blue period manga instead of bingeing the anime again and it is fucking me up

especially the chapters where we see how the parents affect the kids in saeki-sensei's art class

vent (?) incoming

As a kid, I loved drawing and making art in general. I had a lot of art books, reference books, drawing materials—you name it, I had it. It was incredibly magical, to have the power of creation in my hands. Writing just didn't scratch the same itch.

I'd make something, be proud of myself, and I'd show it to my parents. I never showed it to them for praise (which I realize now) but because I loved them so much and wanted them to partake in a shared joy. I eventually slowed down with sharing my artwork when they started to recommend drawing ideas/prompts to me. This was supposed to be fun and they turned it into work.

Once, I was extremely proud of a drawing I'd made. I had followed a tutorial to draw an anime character I'd recently been into, sketched, lined, and coloured it to the best of my abilities. It was the first time in a good two years that I had finished a piece of art. I made the mistake of taking my happy feelings and art over to my mom, where she proceeded to huff out a sigh and say something to the gist of: "You couldn't have made literally anything else?"

I stopped drawing for myself after that. I only drew during art class for assignments. I joined a non-compulsory oil painting class in eleventh grade, and when we were moving away to a new school and a new house, my mom asked me whether it was important for me to bring my sketchbook, and couldn't we just "throw it away? you can always just draw more." This had been the sketchbook I was so proud of for keeping for the first time in years. Heartbroken, I said yes. She ripped it up and disposed of it in front of me. I still regret my agreement.

I recently watched Blue Period earlier this year. It changed me. I began keeping a silly little sketchbook and it didn't have to be serious unless I wanted it to. I started drawing again more often and stopped hiding my art away. I think my brother was happy to see this because he enjoys going through my sketchbooks. I haven't let my parents throw away any of his art. I encourage him to form his own opinions and think about them critically, and most importantly, I let him draw whatever he wants. I never critique unless he specifically asks me for it; i.e., how do I draw a proper form? these shadows aren't lying straight? how do I shade a curved form? etc. Apart from this, I choose to appreciate his work and his genuine wish to share it with me.

He's the same age I was when I stopped drawing. I don't want him to go through what I did.

[pistashxo]

they should invent a corporate negligence that doesn't whisper things to you

[joetastic2739]

Made this for the Wrong Organ discord server

[mrf6414]

the captain and his crew