Trans Women's Survivor Network

A place for all CAMAB trans people to talk about, write about, and learn about violence, abuse, and surviving.

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

This blog is in archive mode only. Love and apologies to anyone coming here to seek help. We will update if we become active again.

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

[Mod note: we received this submission today, help if you can! :) ]

Hey there! I’m terribly sorry to ask this of you, but after being forced to move out I finally found an endocrinologist…that’s a 3 hour drive away and is not covered by my insurance and I don’t know where to go. I have a donation post here if you could please reblog it that would mean the world to me. Thank you for your time.

[moonlit-wonders]

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

[Image description: A gifset of a person saying, "A relationship that is put in jeopardy as a result of you being more honest is probably not a good relationship to have at all."]

[ayearofthoughts]

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

[Image description: A drawing of the word "No" in capital letters. A heart with two branches stretching outwards sits beneath it, and four flowers sit at four corners of the image.]

[healingphrases]

If you feel extremely anxious and triggered when you tell your story, it may be wise to back off and focus more on building your support system and developing your skills for self-nurturing and self-care. Or you may want to experiment with other ways to “talk” about your abuse - using art, writing, movement, or imagery. With a less direct approach, you may find the experience of sharing your story less distressing and more manageable.

 The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis (via healingphrases)

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

Note to our followers!

So a mod just checked our messages, and there were several messages we hadn't seen stacked up there. Apparently tumblr has not been informing us when we receive new ones for a while, so we haven't properly responded. 

We're really sorry to those who've messaged, and we're going to start checking our messages regularly to make sure this doesn't happen again!

[fka-feminish]

Want to Un-Learn Your Socialized Niceness and Reinforce your Assertiveness?

Practice By Using the Following Phrases When the Opportunity Arrises:

"I’m not interested."

"(Please) Leave me alone."

"I’d rather you not."

"That doesn’t interest me at all."

"You need to stop."

"No."

"That’s not what I said."

"I don’t owe you/anyone an explanation."

"That’s too personal."

"I would like some privacy."

"That doesn’t work for me."

"I’d like to be by myself."

"I’m going to leave now."

These words and phrases might evoke thoughts of reacting to someone bringing unwanted sexual advances. But how can we expect girls and women to be able to say no in such extreme circumstances when we’ve been socialized to avoid confrontation in such “small” circumstances as when a man is talking us when we’d rather be left alone?

You can practice exercising and nurturing your assertiveness (and confidence) by incorporating phrases like this in your day-to-day life.

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

You have every right to mourn the loss of your life, your childhood, your access to goodness and community and wholeness. Your womanhood, to love and be loved fully, to move carefree through your life. You have every right to mourn what has been taken from you. Hold yourselves and each other in your grief. I honor each and every one of losses, and celebrate your strength, beauty, power, and spirit.

In sisterhood, TWSN~

[ayearofthoughts]

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

233/365

[Image Description: A painting of two hands holding each other and the text, "You are not alone, I promise."]

For all of the trans girls and women out there struggling with abuse, violence, and trauma.

[poisondartwolf-deactivated20150]

Self Care for Monsters

This isn’t so much a list of self care activities, more things I wish every monster could hear.

It’s okay to be a monster.

Even if society says it’s not.

Even if you feel like monsters aren’t okay.

It’s okay. You have a right to exist.

Being a monster isn’t the same as being someone who is actively hurting others.

It’s really okay.

You don’t deserve to be hated for who you are.

Nobody does. Including you.

You are not inherently less than others, and you deserve respect and decency.

Even if society disagrees.

You deserve to have a safe space if you want it.

Even if it’s just a small patch, you deserve somewhere to feel safe.

Everyone does.

But sometimes what’s safe for a monster isn’t safe for others.

Make sure people understand about your safe spaces, and that not everyone will be welcome, or even encouraged to share it with you.

But it’s still okay to want to feel safe.

It’s okay to express yourself.

You have the right express your emotions.

That includes anger.

You don’t have the right to harm others in your expressions of emotions.

But you should be allowed to express yourself in nonharmful ways.

Even if your expressions look weird or different or may look scary to others-this goes with safe spaces-find ways and beings you can express things too.

Your voice matters and your opinion deserves to be heard.

You are not less of a person because you are a monster.

People will try to say you are.

They are wrong.

They just don’t want think about monsters as people because it’s messy. 

You matter.

Having violent thoughts does not make you a bad, wrong, or not worthy of consideration.

It just doesn’t.

You have the right to your sexuality, as long as all involved are consenting and no one is being harmed.

Even if it’s weird. Or kinky. Or different.

Having fetishes and paraphilias doesn’t make you a bad person.

Society will judge you for this. You’ll have to be careful who you trust. I’m so sorry.

It’s still okay to have your own expression of sexuality, and your own relationship with sex. No one should force you to change it.

You should be able to receive help IF YOU WANT IT.

Finding someone who will help monsters can be hard.

But you still have the right to competent help. That doesn’t change just because you’re a monster.

You also have the right to refuse help.

Some people would rather stay monsters, and that’s okay.

 You don’t deserve to be demonized.

I’m sorry you’re a scapegoat.

I’ll never know your full story, I just know mine.

You don’t deserve this.

Being a monster doesn’t  mean you need to be punished or hurt.

It’s not easy to be a monster in a world full of not monsters. I wish I could help. I wish I could make it easier for you. All I can say is my inbox is open if you need to talk. I won’t judge you. I won’t yell at you. I’ll just listen.

Good luck.

[dansphalluspalace]

I recently became inspired to write this tip list. TW: Abuse

If you are living with an abusive person (be it a spouse, sibling, cousin, roommate, or partner, and whether it is physical or verbal or whatever), here’s some tips.

1. If the person demands you isolate yourself by deleting things like facebook, tumblr, etc, here’s a tip: Do it, and let them watch you delete it. Then, make a new one and download ccleaner.com. It looks like a regular spyware/adware/registry cleaner remover, and one helpful aspect is it deletes history permanently and basically makes it easier to cover your tracks.

2. This is something a relative of mine did; when they are gone, take out one of the base moldings of the wall. She took the whole thing out so the line from a cut wouldn’t be seen. She cut a low notch/alcove. She hid money, extra things like snacks, and other stuff in there. Eventually, she saved up money to get away. She would use wood glue to put it back to the wall and would pry it off again to fill it in with a shoehorn. Even if you don’t get away, this can be your cubby hole for resources.

3. That same relative hid a prepaid cellphone with contacts in it to make infrequent calls and kept the phone off when hidden away.

4. I am not complete in compiling the survival guide stuff, but here is a copy of First Aid for Everyone in case you cannot go to the hospital for any reason.

REBLOG WIDELY and feel free to share and add on pieces of advice, please.

[salt-water-chardonnay-blog-blog]

Safari’s private browsing mode is very easy to turn on and off quickly. Just check or uncheck it in the “Safari” menu. When it’s on, it won’t save your history or any other information.

[missgingerlee]

Adding…if you think they’ve put a gps on your vehicle to keep tabs on you, most police departments (and some domestic violence units) will help you check. 

Wasp spray. Yes, wasp spray. If things go downhill fast, & you have to get away from a person/have something to protect yourself that looks like just another random household product, wasp spray can help you. It sprays 20+ feet, & it will temporarily blind a person if you aim at the eyes. 

As horrible as it may sound…wear the right shoes as much as you can. Running in heels is hard, & at a certain point function comes over fashion. 

Document, document, document. Have that info somewhere either than your home/computer. Even if it’s an anonymous email account on gmail to yourself. If your computer/camera/phone are destroyed, you don’t want to lose all that info. Thumb drives are your friend, & they can be hidden in all kinds of places. DO NOT KEEP IT ON YOU. 

Screencap things like they’re going out of style. If you’re being sent texts, tweets, etc., you want to be able to show them in case your abuser decides to go back and delete things at some point. 

If they have access to your banking information, whether it be by seeing/finding paper statements or having access to your online banking info or having a joint account, your movements around your town/where you are traveling to can be tracked. If you can use cash for things, do it. 

Know alternate routes to get to/from home from places you frequent, as well as police departments, etc. Sometimes losing somebody following you on the road comes down to you knowing more ways out than they do.  

Gaslighting is real. It can make you begin to feel like you are going crazy, because your entire reality can be used as a way to control & frighten you. You know you. Trust yourself. 

[bebinn]

Here are some ways to protect your internet activity

Hide an extra set of car keys.

Along with the practical shoes tip, try not to wear many necklaces or scarves - they can be used to choke.

Keep the car backed into the driveway, with all doors locked except for the driver’s side, and with a full tank of gas.

Arrange a code word or signal for neighbors and family if you are in trouble and need them to call the police or get help in some other way.

Identify safe rooms, where there are no weapons and ways to escape. If an argument occurs, try to move to that area.

For people in domestic abuse situations and victims of stalking, keep a small bag packed in a safe place with:

Money and bank info

Medications

Birth certificates and passports

Social Security #s

Extra keys for neighbors

Kids’ items

Important numbers: law enforcement, friends and family, attorneys/prosecutors, medical care, child care, pet car, creditors

If possible, a change of clothing

This website has more suggestions for safety strategies and steps to take when leaving.

For more support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

[fromonesurvivortoanother]

Although GPS was mentioned, there are a few other ways someone can track you:

All iOS devices (ipad, iPod Touch, iPhone) after 2nd generation can have the Find My iPhone app installed, and then someone with access to the iTunes account connected to that device can track it. There’s also a similar app for Macbooks now.

A lot of other smartphones have similar features.

Even if you have Find My iPhone turned off, some apps (such as facebook or instagram) have location tracking whenever you make an update or post…check your settings app to turn off that stuff.

Feature phones with GPS functions or software can be tracked also.

Some car anti-theft services have tracking that can be used, especially if the abuser is the owner of the car.

One other thing:

If it’s an emergency and you have no way to call for help, get to a public school, fire station, public library, or similar building, and try to open the locked doors. Most of these places (especially in larger towns and cities) have automatic security systems which will call the police to go and check on them.

[healingphrases]

[TW: child sexual abuse] Many survivors hold particularly shameful feelings if they needed attention and affection and did not fight off sexual advances because of those needs, or if they sought out that affection. The closeness may have felt good to you. You may have adored your abuser. You may have loved feeling like Grandpa’s special little girl. Women say, “I’m the one who asked for a back rub,” or “I kept going back,” or “I climbed into bed with her.” But you were not wrong. Every child needs attention. Every child needs affection. If these are not offered in healthy, nonsexual ways, children will take them in whatever ways they can, because they are essential needs.

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis (via healingphrases)

[scaronhiatus]

FoS: I don't owe you the truth.

Here’s something I’ve seen a lot of in fiction and in real life and I am done with it.

I don’t care if someone is your best friend, or your partner- they do not owe you the truth about -everything-.

Whether its someone coming out as on the LGBT Spectrum and getting the ‘But I’m your friend- why didn’t you tell me????’

Someone being a self harmer and people seeing scars and getting offended that the other person didn’t come to them with it.

Or revealing their history of sexual abuse only to have the other person get angry that it wasn’t something they talked about before.

Someone not disclosing everything about themselves- is not them /lying/ to you. It is not some great break of trust.

It ranges anywhere from manipulative to downright abusive to the pull the ‘I’m your _______ (best friend/spouse/family) you HAVE to tell me.” It is beyond manipulative to pull the ‘if you won’t tell me- I’ll leave.’ or ‘if you won’t tell me- then you should do ________ to make up for it’

The whole idea of ‘if you weren’t doing something wrong- you wouldn’t feel the need to hide it’ or ‘if you hid it you must be ashamed of it’ is also just as messed up.

[bitter-cup-deactivated20170625]

Coping Skills:

DBT self soothing techniques

PTSD Forum: Self Care

ED Recovery: Self Soothing Techniques

Addiction Recovery Coping Skills

99 Coping Skills: Things to do Instead of Cutting

Invisible Disabilities Association of Canada: Coping Skills

Meditation & Relaxation:

Tips to Start Meditating

8 Ways to Make Meditation Easy and Fun

18 Minute Guided Meditation: Blissful Deep Relaxation

1 Hour Universal Mind Meditation

Guided Meditation for Sleep and Good Dreams

Guided Meditation and Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

1 Hour of Nature Sounds

1 Hour Rain

Foundations in Flow Yoga Class

Heart Opening 30min Yoga Class

10min Shoulder Yoga Routine

9min Yoga Breathing Exercise (Pranayama) 

Kundalini Yoga Breathing Exercises (3 min)

Crafts:

Make Origami

DIY Home Spa

Nail Art Tutorials

Chevron Friendship Bracelets

Glitter Jars

Learn to Crochet

Learn to Knit

Turn an Old Shirt into a Tote

Easy Sugar Cookies (Vegan recipe here)

Garland Decorations

Games:

CandyStand

Dress Up

Neopets

Big Fish

Videos:

Bad x Factor Auditions

Fussy Bulldog Puppy

Funny Baby Videos

Amazing Dubstep Dance Crew

Lip Dub Proposal

World’s Largest Rope Swing

Epic Trick Shot Battle

Cheetah and dog friend

Baby Animals

[unapologetically-human]

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.

Daniell Koepke (via 691180)

[ayearofthoughts]

[transwomenssurvivornetwork]

[Image description: A drawing of a megaphone with the words "don't belittle me" in all caps stretching out from its mouth with a picture of the world behind it.]

[healthofmind]

Self Soothing -- Sensory kit

This is a method I learned in DBT, I think its also used in CBT. The idea here is to alleviate distressing situations with soothing ones.

A big problem I face in the world with anxiety is the external onslaught of sensations. I’m not asking for a loud noise to startle me, or for a stranger to yell, or any other external sensation that produces extremely strong negative feelings.

A good way to combat this is by keeping a bag full of things that will give you strong positive feelings from external sensations. Of course this takes a good deal of self awareness, and take the time to learn what feels good and what doesn’t.

Focus on one of the 5 senses at a time, and figure out some things that you know you like from each of those categories: Sight, touch, taste, smell, and sound. Or, something very strong— you may not find mints enjoyable, but the strong taste can calm your body’s responses by having something physical to focus on.

Some common ingredients to a successful Sensory kit

Sight:

Use things that are your favorite color.

A wallet-sized picture of someone or something you enjoy

Landscapes are common.

Baby animals!

Funny photos

Pictures—! really you can go all out with this, because you can take photos of anything these days. 

Blowing bubbles

Positive affirmations

Touch:

Travel-sized play doug, or putty

Soft objects

Stress relief Magnets

Stress balls

Tactile beads

Wood, metal, etc.

Rubber bands

Rubbing stones

Beanbags

Kneading eraser

Taste

Sour or hot candies.

Gum

Mints

A favorite snack

Smell

Aromatherapy oils

Travel sized scented hand sanitizers

Lavender is quite popular

Perfumes

Menthol, commonly used for soothing colds.

Scratch and sniff stickers

Sound

Clickers

MP3 player playlist

Music boxes

Nature sounds

Classical music

Running/moving water

Bells

Sensory kits can be any size that fits your lifestyle. As a student I’m in many different places and need something very easy to carry around and keep inconspicuous. But if you’re stationary a lot of the time, in a cubical or working at home, you can go a little larger and keep it in a safe place.

Even the container you choose will be sensory-pleasing! Its important to find something that just looking at it fills you with a sense of pleasure.

When a distressing event occurs you can pull out one of your sensory-soothing items and use it to alleviate the stress of a situation. This works for anxiety, anger, depression… any strong, physical emotion!

I’ll post some pictures of my own sensory kit later. If you have your own, or have some ideas that aren’t listed here feel free to send them to me! c: