Literal Trash

Just a trash can of beautiful bullshit

[teathattast]

[iwanttobearealbanana]

me: *turning on my light because it’s dark*

moth:

[teathattast]

lämp time

[deadsquid]

i saw a version of this with all moths so i fixed it.

[ilovesloane]

i couldn’t make this shit up even if i wanted to 

[ithelpstodream]

[theotheryongbok]

My man Jesus

[funnysowhatever2-deactivated201]

What story is that?

[ffermented-salmonella-deactivat]

Matthew 18:9

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

[beachfox-deactivated20181218]

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

[dinosaurrainbowstarfish]

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

[corporationsarepeople]

“Did I fucking stutter?”

[redandpointy]

Canon Jesus is so much better than the fanon.

[mockwa]

I told you, no more fighting

[just-shower-thoughts]

It’s okay to take a 5 minute smoke break, but taking a break to go outside and breath some fresh air is a different story.

[trashcanowonders]

As a manager at my place of work I always tell new employees: “Yes people take smoke breaks, but if you need to sit down for five minutes you have every right to get as many breaks as an addict.”

[parkchanwoohoo]

I don’t believe in astrology but one time when I was in college I was complaining about how dumb astrology was and after a while someone on the train went “Shut the hell up and let people have fun you Capricorn sun, Virgo moon bitch” and I was like what the fuck

Then I went home and looked it up and they were right so I don’t say anything anymore

[trashcanowonders]

Serious Inquiries

So I have been dealing with a family member. She is very mentally ill, however refuses to get help. She is narcissistic and doesn’t realize it. Her mental illness has lead her to: verbally attack people who have nothing to do with the situation that caused her to fee so anxious, threaten her family members, physically abuse her boyfriend for reaching out to people she doesn’t like, stalk her old workplace and has been jailed (and bailed out) over stalking/ domestic abuse. She refuses to get help because to her that means “her family would win”. So my question is, after attempting a friendship with her, I have become exhausted and mentally unstable myself trying to convince her to get help. She has verbally attacked me, threatened me and is spreading negativity in my name on social media. How do I go about this situation and or relieve myself of the mental stress it’s brought me?

[shogas]

me, getting chased around my house by a murderer: alexa play what’s new scooby doo by simple plan

[asexualbookbird]

me: look at this book i just bought!

someone: ive been meaning to read that let me know how it is!

me: bold of you to assume i’ll read this right away and not let it sit on my shelf for ten years

[aflairformisadventures]

I’ll hate the goodbye.

[onlinedaddy]

i do not understand the big obsession with pop punk 

[realfriendly]

i cant hear you over how much i hate my town

[trashcanowonders]

Sorry I can’t hear you over “CIRCLE PIT CIRCLE PIT!!!”

[truckhole-deactivated20181203]

pro tip, u do not have any banter about chip cards that your cashier hasn’t already heard just do not say anything about the chip to your poor cashier, if u even think about saying “it’s different everywhere you go!” theyll hope u die

[strongbadgmail]

don’t ever banter with a cashier. they want you to die as soon as you walk in

[strongbadgmail]

being on register is like playing a game where youve heard all the possible dialogue already and youre just smashing buttons so the dialogue goes away faster

[trashcanowonders]

Unpopular opinion: I actually really really enjoy talking to my customers because they all have something different to say. One time I listened to an elderly man tell me all about how he was drafted and his wife waited at home for him and how he was so excited to come home and meet his baby so I gave him a discount and how his baby grew up to join the military because he admired his dad so much. I’ve heard elderly men talk about how they don’t understand why tattoos aren’t allowed in the workplace and how he thinks everyone has a right to education. I’ve had a woman who looked 40 tell me about how she had just turned sixty and that she felt old so I told her she didn’t look a day over 40 and honestly seeing them leave smiling is the greatest feeling to me.

[dovesnest]

[valtsv]

DILF (Director I’d Like to Fight)

[trashcanowonders]

Did you say WES BALL?