about the worst date ive ever been on....
So I went out with this moderately OK looking dude last night. Full of himself for no obvious reason, but whatever, I was horny.Ā
So weāre starting to take clothes off, makeout and whatnot, and heās just kind of flat-handedlyĀ rubbing a large circle on my pussy. Then he kind of wraps a finger around the general middle of my pussy and just starts likeā¦.pulling on it like heās trying to open a hatchback trunk from the side.Ā
OK so fine, no dice on fingering, better ride that dick, right? I hop on his absolutely average in every possible way dick and try to get off as fast as I can by really grinding the shit out of it. Fam, I have one objective at this point: get off and leave.Ā
So iāmĀ riding this completely average dick as hard as I can like itās the fucking saltine challenge and cameras are rolling, and I do *not* lose. Heās pretty much doing nothing but holding the backs of my thighs. Lightly. Ā Iām just trying to do whatever I can to use this joystick meat puppet inside me and have no interest in seeing again. Bad person? Fine, but I was honest about this.Ā
Ol boy leans up and whispersĀ āWelcome to your new addiction.ā
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO STIFLE EXPLOSIVE LAUGHTER WHILE YOU ARE RIDING SOMEONEāS DICK!? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE STRENGTH I HAD TO MUSTER.Ā
āWELCOME TO YOUR NEW ADDICTION.āĀ
You can say that shit when I am knocking on your door at 2 am because my phone died at the bar and Iām NOT going to be turned away from that dick.Ā
You can say that shit when I am leaving work in the middle of the day to come fuck you even when I absolutely should not.Ā
You can tell me that when I see a sausage in the deli case that looks like your cock and have to go rub one out immediately in the Kroger parking lot.Ā
But THAT SHIT?! Between the abject lack of technique and the absolute averageness of the dick in combination, this was like being told to give a Citgo a five-star review on Yelp. This was a 99-cent bag of salted Jays trying to plate itself on white china and call itself gourmet. This was a used 98 Camry tryna fetch a New Ferrari price. And to that I say:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no sir.Ā
I left with my shoes untied. I left with my keys clipped hastily to my belt loop so I could button and zip my jeans while going down the stairs. I HAD TO GO.Ā
I HAD TO CALL SOMEONE AND TELL THEM.
And now itās here. Congrats, guy. You are literally so bad, youāre greatā¦for a story.Ā
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
stormborns
izzy806
germansingergirl
2087
