when your partner is a childhood sexual trauma survivor
be patient. lots of times we may have unhealthy and complicated relationships with sex & the way we view ourselves and sensuality
understand that you're not at fault. crying during sexi timez or having to stop in the middle & having breakdowns are all due to our trauma n what we associate with intimacy
things can get ugly. every so often we might have a breakdown over what's happened to us. we feel violated, robbed, dirty, tainted, like our body isn't ours, we crave the innocence that was stolen from us.
even if we're recovered or recovering, it still comes up. its something we carry everywhere we go, we can't forget about it. as much as you wish we could just get over it, we can't. we've tried. it doesn't work that way.
hypersexuality & sex repulsion. we may go through cycles of being constantly h0rny or completely uninterested in sex- especially around trauma dates. it's our body & minds way of coping, they're on their own timer.
we're frustrated and tired too. it's so defeating when we have to stop in the middle of it. it feels like SHIT when we can't please you. you might feel unwanted or like we're not attracted to you, but we are. we have this mental block that's preventing us from doing what we want to do & enjoying it. it's completely our own thing & not bc you've done something.
if we have to stop, pls be understanding and gentle. it can be very easy for us to feel guilty & at fault over it.
please don't be angry towards or threaten to hurt the abuser(s)
very minuscule things could trigger flashbacks or breakdowns, we can feel pathetic for it, just pls don't view us as weak
we may change very quickly. while you miss the person we were a while back, chances are we do too. you are not the cause of these changes, it's apart of healing & possibly connected to trauma dates
it gets worse before it gets better. trauma-based/centred therapy is extremely difficult to go through. we may have more breakdowns, outbursts, flashbacks, etc. but it will get better as it goes on.
please believe, support, and listen to us. we've dealt with victim blaming (including from ourselves), ppl telling us we're lying, questioning ourselves on if it even happened, hate, etc.
take care of yourself. your happiness & well-being are extremely important.
don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help. we know this all affects you too. if you need to look in to counselling or support groups for yourself- please do. we'll support you 100%
don't forget or neglect your own boundaries. your limits and needs are equally important as ours.
know that we're still the same person from before you learned what we went through. we are not victims. we're survivors, we're human beings.
