BFRB Awareness: This Is Me
What is your first name? Erin
Where are you from? Rural Illinois, now living in the Big(ish) City
Your hobbies/interests/career? Animals, science, ethology, photography, hiking, tumblr, and cinema
What BFRB/s do you have? Trichotillomania and to a much lesser extent dermotillomania
How old you were when your BFRB/s started? 12. Mine onset January of 7th Grade. I am now 28. I have lived longer with my BFRB than without it.
The worst part of having a BFRB? You mean aside from the defeated self confidence, the deflated sense of self worth from not having hair, the loneliness of being bullied all through your teen years, the shut downs from crushes and paralyzing fear of dating, the anguish of feeling ugly and unwanted and a failure after looking in the mirror the day after a particularly long pulling spell, the disappointment of waking up after dreaming about having long, full hair, and the annoyance of being occasionally misgendered? I’d have to say the inability to wear cute barrettes and bows. I’m all about the cute accessories.
The best part of having a BFRB? I kinda feel like this is a hollow question. I’ve persevered and become a strong advocate for breaking the stigma of mental health, which is super important, but I’m not going to lie and think I wouldn’t be happier or more self-actualized without my BFRB. I guess the BEST thing is that I’ll be able to sit down and write my book on it one day. I want to write a book that explores the condition itself, it’s research, the stories of people who cope with it, and the stories of loved ones. I want to be able to normalize this as best as I can. I think having TTM has given me a voice to speak up and speak out about things that are important to me, and it has given me the fortitude to do better every single day.
What is the ideal reaction for someone to have, when you tell them about your BFRB? The ideal reaction is the one I encounter the most, actually - “Really? I know someone who does that/I do that/can you tell me more about it?” I know a lot of people may not like it, but I’d rather people ask questions than think things that are insensitive/not true.
Something you would like to tell people who just discovered the BFRB community? First of all, I’m SO GLAD you’ve found the community. Please, please take full advantage of asking questions. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. This age of social media blows me away, that we can connect like this. When I was growing up and coming to terms with TTM I was lucky that I had learned about my condition through happenstance previously. This was in 2000. I had a name for what I was doing, but nobody to connect with. Nobody to log on and understand what I was going through, and no way to anonymously speak about the nightmare I was living through. Please, take care of yourselves and reach out to friends. You are not alone, and you have so many wonderful friends to lean.