Existential Crisis
For years I’ve had this nagging idea that I was supposed to do something else. I’d often tell myself, something big or great. I’ve started so many hobbies over the years that I’ve learned to “do” a lot. I’ve not become “great” at any. Once I learn something new, I realized that this new thing wasn’t going to fill hole festering hole. I would stop and go to the next new thing. The emptiness was and is always present. For years (off and on) I wake up and lie in bed thinking, what reason do I have for getting up and living. I’ve thought many times about suicide. Became preoccupied by the idea of it. I know I’m depressed and have anxiety. I am NOT however, suicidal. I just wanted purpose. I need a great adventure. I need to be remembered. I need to know that when I’m gone, I’ve left my make and people knew I was was here. Google this idea and you will find a good bit about it. People sharing their feelings and thoughts. They are all in the same boat with me. The one thing you will not find is, good advice for how to fix this. People love to talk. But, fall short on action. It seems that all over the “net”, courage lacks conviction. I’ll continue to suffer this malady with a bulk of the population without answers or solutions. Okay, rant over.
