Trisha's Outlet

This is my story of my life!

[trisha88130-blog]

So my daughter is 12, her ex step mom is still a part of her life cause she lives with her dad primarily. This woman treats my boys like crap while treating my daughter like gold. And then has my own child hating me.. I gave my daughter a neckless and while they were in town for her ball game the other day she brought my daughter to my house they busted the neckless and threw it in my yard... Who does that??? Who encourages a child to treat the woman who carried them and gave birth to them that way. And her dad does nothing because she is his cash cow.... I gave him these babies... Not her... Money isn't everything. Love and respect is.. And this man, he is a decon in his church and comes at me screaming and cussing... Seriously... Like he needs to step back and find some Jesus before he talks to me.... I'm just sick about it all... Fed up... Tired... Torn down.... Cried out .. They are telling my kids all I have ever done is get high and fall asleep... I did drugs while I was pregnant.. Today they told my son I followed the ex step mom around yesterday but actually I was working all day... I need a lawyer... Or something .. Because enough is enough.. Isn't it mental abuse what they are doing talking to my kids about their mother like they are. Filling their heads with lies to try and make them hate me and themselves look better... I have no problems telling my kids I have never been perfect. After a surgery (when they already moved to their dad's) I got addicted to my pain meds. It lasted two weeks and I reached out for help... Yes I have made mistakes... I'm not perfect. I hate cleaning house every day so I don't have a spotless house. I don't put away laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer... I go to bed with dirty dishes... But I love my kids more than anything in this world... But what I would never dream about doing is telling them lies or hurting them by making them hate the half of themself that is their father to only make myself look better or to feel better about myself... I feel like it takes a very insecure person to need to do this... But, I will be going to court... One way or another... Enough is enough and its time I stand up for myself and show my children bullying in no form is okay... No matter who it is... My 15 and 13 year old boys are so angry because of this.

[trisha88130-blog]

Support, unsupported...

So it's been three weeks since my gastric sleeve surgery.. I've lost 25 lbs and can definitely begin to see it in my face... And in my mood swings... I haven't seen my therapist since my surgery and I am feeling it too... Not her fault or mine. Just so hard to make times work...

My family said before the surgery they were going to support me on my journey... But while I feel like they just don't care by bringing fried chicken, fries, McDonald's, all this junk in the house and eat it in front of me. And my daughter even makes jokes about it. I took my 15 year old son to get some things while he was here and he didn't even want to get anything I couldn't eat too. How is it my 15y.o. son can be more compassionate than the adults? At least just eat it in the other room...

I also have beem putting in the work to lose the weight. So every 10lbs, every 5... Its something big for me... I'm proud of myself. I haven't been able to lose more than 10 ever... So now being down where I am, I am so proud but I feel like that gets taken from me when someone in this house says "I didn't have to have the surgery and I'm losing so much weight..." To just think the surgery was an easy way to lose weight it wasn't. It was scary, it was hard to go through and my life changes are forever a part of who I am now...

I just wish I had more support....

[trisha88130-blog]

2 weeks😳

I am two weeks from surgery... I'm scared... I kept asking myseld am I making the right decision. This is a huge surgery and anything could go wrong.. And the pain afterwards.. I'm terrified of the pain.. After I had many surgeries almost back to back I found myseld addicted to the pain pills.. I don't want to have to take those. I don't want to slip again.. But I'm so scared of the pain.. Today in Sunday school I taught the teens that God provides... We talked about the story of Joseph and how God provided during his times of need. Then the Pastor gave a sermon on how we only need faith. Going over the story in Matthew 8 where they come accross the storm on the waters and Jesus asked His men who were freaking out "why are you so scared,you who have little faith..." Jesus calmed the storm.. He was in the boat with the men; they had no reason to fear. Because God provided... These stories are something I need to remember.. I need to have FAITH for Jesus is going to be in that OR with me... I need to habe FAITH because I know my God will provide for me. Do you ever feel like you got slapped by the Bible?? I do all the time.. Like "🤦 wake up do you not hear Jesus talking?"

[trisha88130-blog]

Our baby boy is here... He arrived on January 18th and has spent most of his life in the hospital thus far... As my daughter was giving birth her fever began to spike to 101.9.. So because the fever the immediately started IV antibiotics and blood work after he was born. The Dr wanted to see white blood count levels of 3-4 but they we're 48... So to be sure it wasn't too serious the did a spinal tap to get the culture. And cathed him for a urine sample. But then he went into respiratory distress and they had to start him on oxygen. By the next morning his oxygen was being tappered off and his white blood count was dropping... By that evening he was out of harm's way... So another 24 hours on antibiotics and then he was taken off his IV. The next day was about keeping his blood sugars up on his own. By Monday evening we were home!!! But here we are Wednesday and we have a follow up. Now his bilirubin levels are critically elevated and he is being put back into the hospital... I won't leave the hospital, I won't leave my daughter.. She is a first time mom and for the most part on her own at 18... And even at 18, no matter the pain, being sick, being in physical pain or pain watching her child even get a blood draw makes my heart hurt for her still... I wish I could wrap her up and hold her to my chest and rock her pain and saddness away just like I use to.

[trisha88130-blog]

The day has arrived!!!

It's 4:15 in the morning as I sit here to write this... Last night a little before 9p.m. my daughter's water broke. So now we are here in the hospital... Everyone is asleep. They gave my daughter an epidural... Just seems like everything is moving so slowly now.... I am ready for my grandsons to be here.

[faithprayers]

God loves you

[via-crucis]

[ryanmaherfaith]

Comment AMEN 🙏 Credit @trustgodbro ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ #Jesus #Christ #Bible #blessed #Christian #BibleVerseOfTheDay #Church #Scripture #BibleVerse #BibleStudy #jesusfreak #hope #gospel #Quote #RyanMaher #BibleQuotes #God #Love #JesusChrist #GoodNews #BibleVerses #GodIsGood #Christians #BibleQuote #Relationships #prayer #faith #encouragement #Pray #ChristianQuotes

[trisha88130-blog]

The baby is on his way...

So it will be happening soon. My daughter will go into labor and we will rush to the hospital and I will become a grandma. Now I look back and wonder have I prepared her? I know I made my share of mistakes but have I taught her enough to be ready? But is anyone ever really ready?? I don't know if I was "ready" for my second, third, or fourth child. It comes rather you are ready or not and when it happens you just go with it. I pray for my daughter. 18 years old and she is doing this on her own. Her baby's father is off doing drugs and sadly though this is his fourth child and he is 24 he isn't ready to "grow up"... That's another thing. She gives him so many chances to be there. I have to call him when she goes into labor. A part of me wants to pull him away and just tell him he gets one chance. No mess ups. No making this about him or stressing her out that he isn't paying attention to him. I want my daughter to enjoy the experience of her baby being born. If he goes to acting like an idiot I will want to kick him out... I know I wish someone would have my daughter's father! Today we went and picked out the coming home outfit. It's adorable... She is 75% thinned out and dilated to a one as of last week. It's getting close to time... Soon I will see this chunky monkey... I think I'm just as nervous even as a G'ma as I was as a mom... But I'm really ready for him to be here with us...

[ryanmaherfaith]

Comment AMEN 🙏 Credit @trustgodbro ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ #Jesus #Christ #Bible #blessed #Christian #BibleVerseOfTheDay #Church #Scripture #BibleVerse #BibleStudy #jesusfreak #hope #gospel #Quote #RyanMaher #BibleQuotes #God #Love #JesusChrist #GoodNews #BibleVerses #GodIsGood #Christians #BibleQuote #Relationships #prayer #faith #encouragement #Pray #ChristianQuotes

[trisha88130-blog]

Weight

So, I grew up as a tiny girl.. Even after having four kids I was thick but not no where the size I am now.. I have battled the weight for the last six years.. I have done Herbalife, I went vegan, ate small portions and almost starved myself... I ran so much on the treadmill that I got stress fractures... So, all this with no success.. It's a cycle... A horrible, viscous cycle! It started when my thyroid started getting worse.. Just a little here... And then I started having seizures and then there was a bit more... And then I had surgery after surgery after surgery... One for a cyst in my breast, another was my partial thyroidectomy and then there was the hysterectomy.... After my hysterectomy I got a lot bigger.. At that point it was like I couldn't keep the weight off at all and the more I put on the more depressed I got which led to even more problems!!! I eat my feelings and when I'm depressed there are a lot of feelings to be ate! And then I don't want to do ANYTHING! So all those calories aren't even being burned off... Now I am at the biggest I have ever been. 230lbs and only standing at 5'1".. I went to see a Bariatric Surgeon about the surgery.. I am a perfect candidate for the gastric sleeve.. But my insurance denied me... Which guess what, made me depressed! So you know what happened next, right?! I am not a quitter! So I appealed the decision my insurance made!! My goal is to lose the weight and get my R.A. into remission... Anyone with R.A. can tell you it's so much harder when you're carrying the weight of two people.. I know losing weight will help with my depression and anxiety... And, most importantly, I will live a healthier life for my children and grandson... Being here is important to me.. So, today I got the decision of the appeal back! I was approved! I am getting my surgery!! I have a lot of feelings now but it's weird cause none which make me want to stuff my face with food! I have a feeling of excitement, thankfulness, a bit fear but overall readiness... I can't wait to begin the process of moving into the new year on a new path! I was hoping to have the surgery and be healed before the baby gets here. But everything is so close... So I am looking to see if we can schedule it for the end of February!

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

[trisha88130-blog]

The beginning...🤔🤔

So, here I am. I've been wanting to do a blog for a long time. BUT, I wasn't sure if what I had to say was anything anyone would even want to hear? But truth is we all have something to share, maybe it's meant to only be shared to make a difference for one person but if we don't share it how can we ever make a difference for that one person. I guess I can start by introducing myself! I'm Trisha! My friends call me Trisha... Some of my other friends call me other things but that's for a later day... 😀 I'm a mother to four children. 2 boys and 2 girls. My oldest daughter, Brooke, is 18 and she is going to make me a grandma about two months before she turns 19. So in about a month I will be "Gma" to a little peanut! Next are my two boys... Logan just turned 15 and Lakota is 13... Lakota is on the Autism spectrum, but he is one of the funniest people I know... Then there is my Miss Sas! Oh Lord, help with me, help me, help me with this child .. She will he 12 in a couple of weeks and acts like she is 16... Or let's just say she tries to.. I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Hashimotos... I started having psuedo seizures the day before my 29th birthday. Basically my nervous system is saying "Oh Heck No" to my brain when it comes to stress... And sometimes, anxiety and stress and depression gets bad... In some cases, like mine, these can be brought on by some kind of trauma in my life. That's a story for another day though... This is introducing me to you... So, I am an advocate for a Sexual Assault Service and I love what I do. It's rewarding... I teach the teens on Sunday mornings in Sunday school and I find that sometimes. They teach me more than I am teaching them. My dream is to have this non-profit organization called the Bear Project to serve my small community.. And then branch out... It will be a rec center for families with disabled children.. Sports, crafts, tutors all ran by volunteers. A place where we could set up theater night so that you don't have to deal with the jerk in the back yelling at you when your kid gets over stimulated.. I want to be an educational advocate so that parents don't have to face IEPs and feel like they have nobody on their side.. I want to just make a difference in the world, even if it is a small ripple. That is my ultimate dream.. Well other than raising good human beings! So, in this blog I want to be raw... And tell everything as I feel or how it felt.. Tonight I will just finish up here. Hope that if you read this that you don't take away pain, hate or sadness but hope and be encouraged to not give up!