CHARLES BUKOWSKI reads IGNIS FATUUS from the cd AT TERROR STREET AND AGONY WAY, uncollected in his books.
I THE ONLY SOLITUDE IS SLEEP OR DEATH
II WE WERE NOT CLEVER ENOUGH- KIND TO OTHERS AND CRUEL TO SELF WHEN SELF ASKED FOR MERCY AND WAS DENIED
III THE HOLIEST PRIVACY REMAINS WAITING ON US, AND ALL THAT WAS MISUNDERSTOOD OR ABANDONED WILL COME TOGETHER.
IV LET MY FAILURE BE YOUR FORTUNE: THIS THAT WAS BROKEN IN CARELESS ERROR–LET IT BE KNOWN THAT TO KNOW YOUR OWN DEATH IS TO DIE TWICE: ONCE REALLY AND THEN HARDLY AT ALL.
V LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THERE IS NOTHING AS UGLY IN ALL IT’S TANGENTS AS THE HUMAN BEAST–A TRICK SET AGAINST THE BLOOD OF YOUR SOUL.
VI LET IT BE KNOWN THAT SOLITUDE IS THE ONLY MERCY AND THE ONLY LOVER.
VII LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A MAN NEED NOT BE CHRIST TO BE CRUCIFIED; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A MAN CAN BE CRUCIFIED EACH DAY, EACH MOMENT EACH BREATH;–TO SLEEP AND AWAKEN AND BE TORMENTED AGAIN; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A MAN CAN DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND STILL FEEL THE PAIN AND KNOW HE IS DEAD AND STILL FEEL THE PAIN AND KNOW THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO AND STILL FEEL THE PAIN. LET IT BE KNOWN.
VIII LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE TEMPLES ARE NOTHING AND THE BELLS ARE NOTHING AND FAME IS NOTHING AND VICTORY IS NOTHING AND SEX IS NOTHING AND THAT SOLITUDE BRINGS MADNESS AND THE CROWD BRINGS MADNESS AND DRINKS & EATS THE BODY LIKE A TIGER; THAT THERE IS NO VOICE TO SPEAK WITH, NO EAR TO HEAR.
IX LET IT BE KNOWN THERE WILL BE OTHER MEN SUCH AS I– LIFTED FOR THE LION’S MOUTH, BURNED DOWN BY FALSE LOVES, TRICKED BY KINDNESS, MISSILED BY INTELLECT, DIZZIED BY POESY, SACRIFICED FOR PROFIT, USED AS CHEAP LABOR; AND THESE WILL BE THE KINDEST OF THE HAPPENINGS COMPARED TO WHAT WILL ENTER THE EYE AND THE EAR AND THE BRAIN AND SEEP TO THE INNARDS TO BEGIN THEIR DEATH-WORK. I PITY ALL SUCH BROTHERS OF MINE WHO WILL FOLLOW ME IN THE CENTURIES, UNABLE TO LOVE BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO LOVE; UNABLE TO KILL BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ALIVE; FOREVER HANGING AND BLEEDING AND DIZZIED BY THE BEAST-HUMAN, THE WALLS, THE GARDENS, THE SUN, THE FLOWERS, THE KISSES, THE FLAGS, THE SEAS, THE ANIMALS, THE FOOD, THE LIQUORS, THE PAINTINGS, THE SYMPHONIES, ALL USELESSNESS.
X LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MOST MEN LOVE WHAT THEY CAN SEE AND THEY CAN SEE EACH OTHER AND THEY LOVE THIS BECAUSE THEY SEE VERY LITTLE.
XI LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM BITTER AND DAMNED AND TIRED AND USELESS; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT WHEN THE FINAL HOPE GOES THERE REMAINS BUT A STARING AT THE DANCE AND A WATCHING OF THE FEEBLE INTERCOURSE OF THE IDIOTS WITH VERY LITTLE NOTE TAKING.
XII LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM DEAD BUT THAT THERE IS NO ANGER; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MOST MEN ARE DEAD MANY YEARS BEFORE BURIAL; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MANY MEN DIE IN CHILDHOOD, THAT MANY MEN ARE BORN DEAD– ALTHOUGH THEIR PARTS MOVE AND THEY MAKE SOUND AND GROW AND ADVANCE INTO ADULT BEHAVIOR AND DO THE THINGS OF CIVILIZATION; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THESE MEN NEVER EXISTED AND THAT THEIR FUNERALS WERE EXTREME FARCE, AND ALSO THE DEAD TEARS FOR THE ALREADY DEAD; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE WORMS THEMSELVES WERE NEARER TO TRUTH IN THAT THEY DID NOT CRY.
XIII LET IT BE KNOWN THAT BIRTH IS NOT HOLY, THAT DEATH IS NOT HOLY, THAT LIFE IS NOT HOLY; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I HAVE BLED WITHOUT CROWNS, THAT I WILL BLEED IN A MOMENT, THAT I WILL BLEED FOREVER RED RED RED AND THE HAWKS WILL DANCE WITHIN MY BONES AND REJOICE; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I DO NOT DIE FOR MAN’S SINS BUT THAT I DIE FOR WHAT MAN IS AND NOT FOR WHAT I ALMOST WAS– THEY TOO LITTLE OF ANYTHING, AND MYSELF JUST LIFTED ENOUGH TO SEE THE HORROR, TO SICKEN AND GO MAD AND WILT.
XIV DO NOT TAKE AS PERSONAL WHAT I SAY ABOUT LIFE ALTOGETHER, UNLESS, ON ANOTHER PLANE, YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A DEFENDER OF LIFE AND MAN WHICH IS ONLY ANOTHER NATURAL WEAKNESS OF THE SPECIES LIKE A RAT GUARDING IT’S NEST AND FOR WHICH I CAN NOT HOLD YOU TOTALLY TO BLAME.
XV THE ONLY SOLITUDE IS DEATH; BUT NOT THIS DEATH, NOT THIS DEATH, NOT THIS DEATH…
The text as originally published in FESTUS 1965:
THE ONLY SOLITUDE IS SLEEP OR DEATH
WE, WERE NOT CLEVER ENOUGH-
THE HOLIEST PRIVACY REMAINS
AND ALL THAT WAS MISUNDERSTOOD
OR ABANDONED WILL COME TOGETHER.
FORTUNE: THIS THAT WAS BROKEN IN CARELESS
THAT TO KNOW YOUR OWN DEATH
IS TO DIE TWICE: ONCE REALLY
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THERE IS
AS THE HUMAN BEAST–A TRICK SET
AGAINST THE BLOOD OF YOUR
SOLITUDE IS THE ONLY MERCY AND THE ONLY
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MOST MEN
AND THEY CAN SEE EACH OTHER
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM
BITTER AND DAMNED AND TIRED AND
USELESS; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT
WHEN THE FINAL HOPE GOES
STARING AT THE DANCE AND A
WATCHING OF THE FEEBLE INTERCOURSE
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM
DEAD BUT THAT THERE IS NO
ANGER; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT
MOST MEN ARE DEAD MANY YEARS
BEFORE BURIAL; LET IT BE KNOWN
THAT MANY MEN DIE IN CHILDHOOD,
THAT MANY MEN ARE BORN DEAD–
ALTHOUGH THEIR PARTS MOVE AND
THEY MAKE SOUND AND GROW AND
ADVANCE INTO ADULT BEHAVIOR
AND DO THE THINGS OF CIVILIZATION;
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THESE MEN
NEVER EXISTED AND THAT THEIR FUNERALS
WERE EXTREME FARCE, AND ALSO THE DEAD TEARS
FOR THE ALREADY DEAD; LET IT BE KNOWN
THAT THE WORMS THEMSELVES WERE NEARER TO TRUTH
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A MAN NEED NOT BE
CHRIST TO BE CRUCIFIED; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT
A MAN CAN BE CRUCIFIED EACH DAY, EACH MOMENT
EACH BREATH;–TO SLEEP AND AWAKEN AND BE
TORMENTED AGAIN; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT
A MAN CAN DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND
STILL FEEL THE PAIN AND KNOW HE IS DEAD
AND STILL FEEL THE PAIN AND KNOW THERE IS
STILL FEEL THE PAIN. LET IT BE KNOWN.
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE TEMPLES ARE NOTHING
AND THE BELLS ARE NOTHING AND FAME IS NOTHING
AND VICTORY IS NOTHING AND SEX IS NOTHING AND
THAT SOLITUDE BRINGS MADNESS AND THE CROWD
BRINGS MADNESS AND DRINK EATS THE BODY LIKE A
TIGER; THAT THERE IS NO VOICE TO SPEAK WITH,
THERE WILL BE OTHER MEN SUCH AS I–
LIFTED FOR THE LION’S MOUTH, BURNED DOWN
BY FALSE LOVES, TRICKED BY KINDNESS, MISLED BY
INTELLECT, DIZZIED BY POESY, SACRIFICED FOR
PROFIT, USED AS CHEAP LABOR; AND THESE WILL BE
THE KINDEST OF THE HAPPENINGS COMPARED TO WHAT
WILL ENTER THE EYE AND THE EAR AND THE BRAIN
AND SEEP TO THE INNARDS TO BEGIN THEIR DEATH-WORK.
I PITY ALL SUCH BROTHERS OF MINE WHO WILL FOLLOW ME
IN THE CENTURIES, UNABLE TO LOVE BECAUSE THERE IS
NOTHING TO LOVE; UNABLE TO KILL BECAUSE THERE IS
NOTHING ALIVE; FOREVER HANGING AND BLEEDING AND
DIZZIED BY THE BEAST-HUMAN, THE WALLS, THE GARDENS,
THE SUN, THE FLOWERS, THE KISSES, THE FLAGS,
THE SEAS, THE ANIMALS, THE FOOD, THE LIQUORS,
THE PAINTINGS, THE SYMPHONIES, ALL USELESSNESS.
BIRTH IS NOT HOLY, THAT DEATH IS NOT HOLY,
THAT LIFE IS NOT HOLY; LET IT BE KNOWN THAT
I HAVE BLED WITHOUT CROWNS,
THAT I WILL BLEED IN A MOMENT,
THAT I WILL BLEED FOREVER
AND THE HAWKS WILL DANCE WITHIN MY BONES AND REJOICE;
BUT THAT I DIE FOR WHAT MAN IS AND NOT FOR WHAT I ALMOST WAS–
THEY TOO LITTLE OF ANYTHING,
AND MYSELF JUST LIFTED ENOUGH
DEFENDER OF LIFE AND MAN
WHICH IS ONLY ANOTHER WEAKNESS
LIKE A RAT GUARDING IT’S NEST
AND FOR WHICH I CAN NOT HOLD YOU
THE ONLY SOLITUDE IS DEATH; BUT
NOT THIS DEATH, NOT THIS DEATH, NOT THIS DEATH…