Iâm about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:
It may sound woo woo but itâs an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.
Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they arenât just things that happen for no reason.
1. Pause and notice youâre having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that itâs there. Donât label it as good or bad.
2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like youâre vibrating? Does it feel like youâre numb all over?
3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what youâre feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?
4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but theyâre still valid. You donât have to justify what youâre feeling, itâs just valid. Tell yourself âyeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.â Or something as simple as âI hear you.â For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say âYeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. Thatâs valid.â
5. Do something with your body thatâs not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.
6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)
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