a giant lamp / of light, it is voltage, / it is more like a lantern / than like a house poem excerpt, stephen ackerman source image

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@ttlenigerian
a giant lamp / of light, it is voltage, / it is more like a lantern / than like a house poem excerpt, stephen ackerman source image
I want more. I want to be surrounded by those who are positive and invested in me; I want to be positive and invested in others. I want to laugh really, really hard, a lot. I want to let go of the things not meant for me – friendships that are not fulfilling, relationships that are painful, memories that haunt. I’m ready to write more, create more, read more, adventure more. I’m ready to embrace and enjoy life for what it is and push to have positive experiences.
boys are waste of time, learn languages
Dear Whoever,
I’ve randomly decided to start blogging my thoughts, feelings… ect. Poetry is normally my go to, but at this current time in my life, it’s not working out. Don’t get me wrong, it will always be my 1st love… I just want to say more… and not in a poetic manor. I also think there are a lot of other folks out here that can relate. Maybe. - So, why not sit still once or twice a week and just write… write whatever my heart feels. I could be talking to thousands of people or nobody at all, but who cares?
Today, I want to talk about LOVE, and accountability. I know… I know, I let that same sigh out with a heavy ass eye-roll. I guess… I guess I just don’t understand at times. I LOVE love, but for the life of me I can’t seem to figure out why LOVE doesn’t love me. No… don’t do that… don’t leave, please come back. This isn’t some depressing ass blog or a cry for help, I’m legit just spilling my thoughts. It might get sad, but I promise you there’s a silver lining. There’s always a silver lining. <3
So, when I say “love doesn’t love me”, maybe I’m talking about the countless relationships (platonic & romantic) that didn’t work. But, I’ve learned something. I have learned that I, Alexandria has toxic ways. Now wait a damn minutes, you ain’t about to judge me, okay? I’m HEAR to say that everyone, including yourself has a little toxic in them. Just like that one saying “everyone can be a little crazy”. Now, you can be at a point in your life where you aren’t as toxic. & I greatly applaud you for that. I applaud you for growing, for healing & for understanding… cause well, that is the 1st step. Accountability. Not a lot of folks can admit when they are wrong, let alone admit when they are accountable. Trust me, I was one of them. It took me a good while before realizing - BITCH YOU REALLY NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
It was a little over a year ago, when I first realized how toxic I can be. I was rolling around in the front yard of my ex’s place, tussling with her. All because she hurt me, because she cheated, because she lied & continued to fucking lie. & for the longest, I used that as an excuse to go off on her. I used it as an excuse to HURT her. I said mean things to her, things I didn’t mean & I watched my life spiral out of control. & you should NEVER allow somebody to have such an impact on how you react to things.
We have got to start worrying about ourselves, and not others. What do I mean by this? Well, what John does… shouldn’t be any of my concern. I just need to make sure I’m doing my part and being a decent human being. I can’t blame John for being as ass, that’s him. We often blame everyone else. “Well, he cheated on me so-” so nothing. LOOK… we have got to get to a place where we cry, but we walk away. We accept & we heal. — Our own thoughts is what causes us to react the way we do. & to be honest, it’s a lot of unhealed trauma as well. “But they didn’t have to treat me like that” - STOP! Sorry, just practicing for myself… you know, trying to knock those excuses that are not justified, out of my head.
It’s time we really fall in love with ourselves. It’s time we HEAL from our childhood trauma. – Hell, it’s time we heal from all trauma… cause baby, love is going to come & it’s going to be so fucking beautiful. Just trust the process.
until next time… LOVE & LIGHT
-Signed, a strong black woman doing the work. <3
Another kind of painting : Nature's humble designs | By Rafael Guimarães
Understand that certain spaces are not meant for you and act accordingly. I don’t know if it was the alienation experienced in high school or what, but you are not owed anything in spaces built by and for specific groups. Especially when it is obvious that it is not the actual humanity of said group you are interested in, but rather in making sure you aren’t left out, again.
your thoughts are powerful. they give rise to energy shifts. they can take you to extraordinary places. they materialize. they attract whatever it is that you focus on. they dictate the narrative that you live. keep this in mind. you can cultivate your deepest desires; your wildest dreams—no matter how life has been thus far, you have the ability to rewrite the script.
If any progressives following me haven’t abandoned the democratic party yet here is another wake up call.
What do i do instead?
Leftist organizing free from the burden of attempting to carry a corrupt center-right party that demands your vote while also actively disregarding your politics.
Ceasing to identify with a political party with which you have no common ground is a good first step all in itself.
There is no wrong place to pray. I pray at my desk, on my living room floor, on the couch beside my dogs, in my bed, beside my bed, in the bathroom, in the shower, in the car on my way to work, walking down the street, in the morning when I wake up, in the evenings before I fall asleep. There is no wrong way to pray. I pray with my eyes, closed, with my eyes open, with my knees on the ground, standing up, sitting down, curled into a ball, holding my own hands, moving my hands around, raising my hands in the air, holding someone else’s hands. There is no wrong way to say a prayer. Some days I repeat myself over and over, some days I cry, some days I get angry, some days I tell Him everything, some days I can’t seem to tell Him anything, some days I use flowery language, some days I use foul language, some days I use hardly any language. Help me, I whisper. There is no wrong place to pray, there is no wrong way to pray, there is no wrong way to talk to our Creator, our Father, our best friend, our God.
even nestle isn't the problem, even trump isn't the problem
it's the fabric, the tapestry, the systems, the logics, the conditionals, the overarching mold upon which these unfold
the underlying internalization of these things, I don't know I can't explain it
but like, it's not the dramatis personae, not the individuals, but the fact that it's allowed to get that far in it's own logic —that intense
it's the generalized conditioning which conditions itself:: an impulse compounded
like, people who decide to privatize water would be laughed off, chased away, or mocked otherwise, rendered inert, not encouraged
or allowed to be embolded by circumstance
==
it's the lack of that
like, overriding and accepting one's own self, subsuming it to the greater whole and accepting that other
I don't know
The first words that came to mind for me were “momentum,” “inertia,” or “flow”—but after giving it a bit more thought, they probably don’t capture what you’re trying to get at at all. It’s not only that the “problem” resists change, but that it feeds into itself, accelerating. It cycles, spirals. Repeats, but more so. But not in one big cycle: many small ones, a maelstrom of eddies and currents that push on the storm as a whole. The individuals—Nestle, Trump—are mere lightning bolts: startling, but hardly capturing the scope of the danger.
Then again, the “problem” you’re talking about certainly isn’t a force of nature. It’s a human creation that can be dismantled... But it’s a folly to think that dichotomy means anything: that humans are apart from nature (let alone beyond it.) Still, one can only get so far comparing people to meteorological phenomena.
Back to cycles and repetition: the system encourages individuals to behave a certain way, rewarding them for it, and individuals participating in that behavior validate, perpetuate, and strengthen the system, allowing for more enticing rewards. But the “system” is not only the corporations and government: its those close to us who believe the best way to live is by falling in line. It’s a web of social connections link the individual to all of the other systems.
Perhaps the “lack” is not cutting the strings of this web. Or that the strings are nearly invisible, so one can hardly know that there’s anything to cut. Or even that one is in the web at all. This invisibility is why its so easy to get caught up in, to become entangled in. It’s difficult to tell if one is free from it even after trying to cut free of it. It’s difficult to not get caught up in it again even if one was free.
==
And now I’ve lost it. I’m not exactly sure what I even had there. I just got caught up in your musings, particularly the description of the problem as “fabric” and “tapestry,” so I went on with my own imagery.
while there's a lot that I like here, what really stuck out to me is when you said, "falling in line", because that's it
that's the problem; that there's something to fall in line to
that that is even a possibility to begin with! that very simple presupposition that automatically forecloses other options! how fundamental it is for ~~all of this~~
it dictates even how we approach it and describe it
How clever!
Thank you
please take a moment to really appreciate the argument of why "most cops don't live in the cities they oversee" needs to be addressed
full video here
[transcript:
Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: what percent of the police live in the city?
mayor: about 5% or so
Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: 5%, so 95% don’t live in the city.
mayor: yes.
Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: so when you say that the vast majority of the percentage goes towards salaries, et cetera, fringe benefits, that means that they take their money on 81, go to outside the city, pay taxes in those communities that have some of the best schools while we have an underfunded school district--
someone else: $60 million up.
Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: so i just want to put into context what we’re talking about, because it’s really easy to say, mayor-- and with all due respect, i like you. but that was a very politician answer.
mayor: sorry, what specifically?
Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: the, “we will consider, and we will look.” what we’re saying is we’re not interested in considering and looking. what we’re saying is, actually, there’s $50 million. commit to $20 million cut, because we’re sending money-- as the mayor of Syracuse, when you don’t have a tax base, you’re sending money out of Syracuse. and not just for 30 years-- for the rest of their life because their pensions, their health insurance, their families. so we are funding for other people’s communities to have the promise of the American dream while we are denying it in our community. that’s the context that you, as the mayor, have to look at this under.
so when we talk about renegotiating union contract, what we’re saying is you can’t play around with, “maybe, um, we will--” no. y’all got to go, because you don’t provide a service that is beneficial to the community, that is meaningful to the community. the services that you provide criminalize our community, impoverish our community, reallocate resources to suburbs. we are actually funding the suburbs, both in our police departments and in our schools.
and to be clear, just to be clear, it’s not just the fact of, like, the percentage of people. we’re also funding what race of people are on the police force, the percentage of race of teachers, as well, superintendent, board president. so we want to put in context, because it’s not just a class issue. it’s a race issue. we’re telling black and brown people and poor people, you don’t matter. the devil’s in the data and in the details, mayor. respectfully, it is not acceptable for us to be here considering.]
pres. trump sent federal troops into portland to squash the protests and they shot someone in the head with an impact round last night and shattered his skull. his blood is still on the sidewalk outside the federal courthouse. they are not like local cops and they are NOT fucking around. they carry ARs with live ammo and they are merciless. i am very sincerely scared that federal forces are going to instigate a kent state type situation by killing protesters as an example sometime between now & november and i am very scared it’s going to be here
Video of the protester who was shot being carried away by medics while bleeding everywhere (obvious TW). He is alive but was in critical condition when he arrived at the hospital & needed extensive facial + skull reconstruction surgery. At the time they shot him he was standing on the sidewalk with both hands holding a boombox above his head Video of a federal officer kneeling on someone while he has a seizure; they did not allow medics to help him. There is word that this person may have died but afaik that is still unconfirmed Video of federal officers chasing & assaulting medics tending to an unresponsive protester Video of 15 feds forcibly arresting a disabled trans person and taking away their service dog for the crime of writing on the federally owned sidewalk in washable sidewalk chalk
Full live tweet thread of the night (7/11/20) with a lot more video footage, especially of the absolutely ludicrous amounts of tear gas they used
sorry for the long post—i am not sure how much national coverage this is getting and i really want people to know what’s going on here. they are behaving like an occupying army & treating citizens like enemy combatants
So the secret police are coming for citizens in the US?