[blodwyrm]

snapshot from one of Oscar’s memorial paintings i did last year!

[tulipsacademia]

Lovely March!

I shared the first draft of my research proposal and received feedback suggesting that I connect sources more than present them. Anyway, I was so nervous sending, so I'm glad at least they didn't say it was bulsshit but just kept mentioning I’m on the right track.

Then, I’m almost finished with my English C1-level classes and have made a very nice postcard for my teacher with a letter. I love giving personal gifts.

Now I'm very busy working on my research design and have to develop the theoretical section within two days! It's the first draft, so I guess anything would work. Besides, I developed a very nice conceptual framework, so it's just about connecting the theories to the concepts I’ll be using. Btw, I finally found a very nice website that explains the theoretical framework. I feel like I'm spending too much time figuring out which section should include what, but I'll still be able to write effectively once you start, right?

Wish me luck!

[tulipsacademia]

Weeks That Feel Like Months

Oh my God, what a month! So much can happen in just two or three weeks of a PhD journey. The language and writing-oriented courses I’ve been taking are going great. Besides, I finally found a rhythm in reading literature related to my subject and have been maintaining an annotated bibliography. The paragraphs where I brainstorm are hilarious; it’s just me talking to myself in a Word file.

But today I felt a great sense of recognition. I shared some updates with my supervisors and they were very pleased to see that I’m making significant progress in my thinking. They even asked to access my annotated bibliography, which I provided (oops, my personal diary is about to go viral!). I also expressed some insecurities regarding data collection for the mapping, but they came up with great ideas that enlightened me. Now I have more confidence to give it a try.

What helped a lot was my own suggestion of two readings beforehand (recommended if you're looking for some direction in supervisory meetings). Although we didn’t fully focus on them, we eventually drew connections to my research and I learned about new concepts. There’s definitely more reading and thinking to do in the upcoming months, but I plan to collect other types of sources as well, such as statistics and media. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to try out new things; it really matters.

In this post, I’m sharing two other things. On the left photograph is a lovely miniature library from a museum visit (yes, I’m still participating in other artistic and social activities once in a while) and on the right is my mental support for this period: The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami. What a read! I know he's popular, but this is the first time I’m actually reading his work, and wow, it feels like therapy. I’m glad I also got his novel After Dark because I might not be able to stop myself from reading more of his work.

Anyway, it’s been a while since I posted here, but this is all I wanted to share. Thanks for reading if you've made it to the end!

[tulipsacademia]

Month 3 - Small Upgrades, Shared Struggles & Living in the Moment

I finally have everything I need to work comfortably from home, and it truly makes a difference. My eyes are much happier with a bigger screen. I didn’t realise how much strain I was dealing with before.

Last week, I met several fellow PhD candidates who started around the same time as I did. It felt refreshing and reassuring to talk with them and realise that we’re going through many of the same struggles and adjustments. Hearing how others organise their work was especially helpful. Some of them keep track of literature in an Excel sheet, which makes so much sense. Since I’ll be working on this topic for the next four years, having a structured overview of sources feels essential. During my bachelor’s and master’s degrees, it wasn’t as necessary, but now this method will really help. I started using it yesterday, and I can already see how useful it will be once I add more sources.

I also decided to enrol in a language course because I feel like I could use the boost. I had my assessment this morning, which helped clarify where I stand and how the course can support me. Hopefully, I can join the next group starting next week. The woman who assessed me was incredibly kind. We even ended up talking about personal perspectives. I shared why I enjoy engaging with people of all age groups in research and how that connects to my own interests. She said it made her happy to meet someone with such thoughtful views, especially compared to the negativity we often see in the news. That small moment really stayed with me.

This week, I’m also attending a few workshops that focus more on personal growth than professional development. The quote from last week’s workshop (“If I had my life to live over…”) resonated deeply with me. Over the past few years, I’ve been trying to focus more on living in the present, and this feels like another gentle reminder to keep doing that, especially during this long and sometimes uncertain PhD journey.

What do you think my next post should be about?

[tulipsacademia]

Things I Planned to Do (and Didn’t) — and Why

Lately, I’ve been noticing that not doing something can be just as intentional as doing it. So here’s a small counterlist: things I planned or wanted to do, but ended up approaching differently — and why that felt okay.

• Joining a fitness / dancing group I genuinely thought that dancing would support me both mentally and physically. But once I really checked in with myself, I realized I didn’t feel comfortable exercising indoors at the moment. Instead, I chose something that feels more natural to me: biking to the station (about 20 minutes) rather than taking the tram. It’s movement, fresh air, and it fits better into my daily rhythm.

• Rushing my research proposal to enroll in a course I initially felt pressure to quickly finalize my research proposal so I could enroll in a course. In the end, I decided to write a very brief research proposal (more of a summary of my project) and submit that instead. I’ll see if it works. For now, it felt better to move forward imperfectly rather than freeze.

• Disenrolling from a writing course I considered dropping a writing course because I felt like I didn’t have “enough” material yet. However, I joined the first session anyway and I’m really glad I did. It encouraged me to think, reflect, and write, even without a polished project. I’ve decided to continue the course, but with less pressure on myself.

• Staying for the social activity after the PhD formal gathering I had planned to join the social activity after the formal PhD event, but I ended up leaving right after the official part. It had been a very busy week, I was carrying around my new digital tools, and I have a long commute. It felt good not to force myself to stay longer at the university and instead go home earlier.

I’m learning that adjusting plans isn’t failure. Sometimes it’s simply listening more closely to what I need in that moment.

What about you? Have you changed any plans lately and felt better because of it?

[tulipsacademia]

Month 2 - Recognizing the Struggle

These first two months have been a period of adjustment for me. I’m currently adapting to a new faculty, which feels quite different from what I’m used to. It has been a time of learning how to work with my supervisors, understanding my research project, and getting used to the dynamics of the research team.

One of the biggest changes has been realizing how much responsibility and autonomy comes with being a PhD researcher. It’s exciting, but also a little overwhelming at times.

Another small but frustrating thing is that I still haven’t received my university laptop or the monitor I requested for working from home. Hopefully, I’ll get the laptop next Wednesday — fingers crossed!

On a brighter note, last week I attended a workshop. It wasn’t directly related to my research, but it felt really refreshing to work on more personal and professional development topics with other students and PhD candidates. I would definitely recommend checking out the workshops your university offers if you feel like you need a boost or some inspiration.

That’s all for now. What are others up to?

Looking forward to my next update 🌿