few things make me want to eat glass more than thinking about s4 cas just not understanding what he was feeling and standing close to dean because he wanted to be near him and not knowing what that meant, or even thinking to examine it that much. and he says things like “can i tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul” and “i would give anything not to have you do this” because he feels so deeply connected to dean and he hasn’t had the opportunity to repress yet. and so he just says what he feels and he doesn’t get it. like i very much believe cas was fully in love with dean by on the head of a pin but didn’t have the foggiest idea that that’s what it was. i don’t think he even began to realize that it was A Whole Thing until sometime during s6 and i don’t think he knew to put the word love to it until like season 8. and so for such a long time he just allowed himself to feel all of the incandescent, all-consuming love he felt for dean unreservedly because it didn’t occur to him to question or hide it.
@tradwifecastiel EXACTLY. he just thinks dean is beautiful and it feels good look at him.
#cas feeling lots of things and have little or almost no idea WHAT IT MEANS HE JUST IS FEELING LOTS OF THINGS #and it’s churning around inside of him and he knows it’s a transgression against heaven and his superiors are getting c o n c e r n e d #but he also knows it’s good feelings and Dean is so good and how could something good be a transgression #poor Cas he was so overwhelmed and discovering things about feelings because of Dean (via @dotthings)
Castiel has been in love with Dean since Heaven & Hell when he gets jealous of Anna kissing him
