The reality of a teenage girl

This Blog is about life of a teenage girl after turning 13

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You know it's weird when you experience trauma and your brain just doesn't want to forget the first few days and just keeps repeating the images in your head

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update still get flashing images mid exams and almost cry myself to death

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fate is never controlled. I stand by this,

I can write an essay about control. more specific how it is taken away very brutally most of the times. should I ?

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I really fucking hate people

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You know it's weird when you experience trauma and your brain just doesn't want to forget the first few days and just keeps repeating the images in your head

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I was so right to be scared of 17.

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Painting my nails just honestly shows me how little patience and mental stability I actually have.

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School breaks

Whenever school sends me into holidays, I obviously feel relieved. However, the moment I wake up with no plan and nothing to do for school and nothing to do that I don’t want to do in general I just wither away in sadness. I hate this. Because I just know that as soon as I get to relax and put away this feeling of inner chaos I must go to school again and get back into it. Having 3 weeks off school sounds like a lot to parents and teachers and probably also Americans but you have to keep in mind that from those three weeks you can already take away the first week cause its Christmas and there are parties to endure, family dinners / lunches and gifts to deliver even to people that you don’t really like but they always gift you something so naturally it is expected to give something back. Then New Year’s Eve comes, and everyone becomes even more annoying cause in Germany we have this firework rule. Everyone is allowed to set them off. And then your cooling off period starts and then you only have one week left and getting anxious about starting school again because you haven’t properly relaxed yet and that’s what school breaks are for so why I am not chilling why???? I have the time, and I have the essentials, but my body just can’t calm down.

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Teenage love

Why is it so hard to accept that someone might love me or okay maybe love is a bit far but someone liking me romantically is so unnatural to me its mental.

There are so many people that can relate to this certain problem. When I have a crush someone and then that someone shows any form of feelings back, I lose interest.

I am bisexual however there are no girls in my area and honestly that is a whole other chapter of my life. 

Boys are stupid anyways so there is no way I am going to enter my first relationship at 17. I mean I am old enough, but I have been for a long time and all these boys they have been nothing but immature and weird. They don’t deserve anyone. I don’t even know if the feelings that I have are real and not just an empty void I’m trying to fill or pressure to get into a romantic relationship because in my mind dating as a teenager sounds so good in theory, but if I think about it twice what would dating a person you don’t want to marry someday actually do? I mean if you don’t see a future with this person then why do it? “Do it for the plot!” is what my friends say, and they are right and I will but I already know I’m going to cry about him and I feel like that is so embarrassing and humiliating especially because I am well aware of this future scenario so if I end up being right this will be hurting more than I already estimated.

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Guilt

A feeling of remorse or regret. Interesting to look at the difference in genders. Sometimes I feel like boys don't have the privilege to feel guilty and yes feeling guilty is a privilege! It means you have a consciousness and can be a decent human being. (a feeling of worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person - Cambridge dictionary)

you might be thinking to generalize like this is wrong but today a boy tried to spit on the ground which of course is already egocentric and disgusting enough as it is but not only did he spit in my direction instead of the other direction facing bushes but also directly onto my blouse. I was wearing my new blouse that I was so proud and happy to wear but that boy had to ruin it.

(I'm saying BOYS not men!)

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Talking to people in bookstores…

wow I haven’t been on here since school has been a pain recently so yeah im sorry but im back!

I wish at this point i could put a photo of my cat but i sadly don’t have one so you are just gonna have to imagine :)

Today i want to write about something that came to my mind yesterday when i was out with my mum. I am an ambivert. For those who don’t know what that means it basically the mixture between introvert and extrovert. That’s me. I have a social battery that gets emptied very quickly when being with people. Often after 5 hours of school that’s when i start to go quiet cause i just don’t want to waste anymore energy. I hate talking to strangers. I would rather not go to the doctor and live in pain for a few days than make an appointment via a call. Or id rather starve than call the pizza guy. I cannot change that however yesterday when i was at the bookstore (my fav place on earth) I realised something or lets say I did something unexpected. I overheard two girls talking over a book that i had wanted to read but i was to afraid to actually buy it since i did not find a lot of good reviews and i love the author and didn’t wanna ruin her books for me. Anyways i overheard them saying how they had read it and immediately i went “And?? Is it good? Cause i have been thinking about getting it!!” And i said it with so much confidence and enthusiasm like i did not recognise myself. And they were so nice and started telling me that it was really good and i should definitely get it. That whole interaction was so wholesome that it made me realise talking to people in bookstores is one of the best and comforting things in my human experience.

Ok if you actually read all of this rambling and yapping i wanna thank you and i wish you all the best in life. Bye! <3

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“You’re a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do!” ~Maggie Smith

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Greetings :)

Hello! I hope you’re having a great morning/day/evening/night wherever you’re at right now. TBH I don’t know how all of this works and if anyone will ever read this but ever since I’ve read “Solitaire” by Alice Oseman (great book btw!) I’ve always wanted to start a blog on tumblr idk if this is just another silly dream of mine but as Laufey said “keep on going with your silly dream.” So im just going to listen to that! So yeah i felt so pressured about my first post on this but in the end i decided to just start writing and I mean it’s kinda working. Oh and i should probably mention that English is NOT my first language so please be kind if i make mistakes but feel free to correct them. (I like learning new fancy words btw) Ok idk if this post is already too long so i will just quickly tell you what kinda vibe im going for here! I like reading, art, music, studying/learning and i like thinking about the human brain! Feminism is also a big topic for me so stay tuned for that!) Ok that was really briefly written but it should work. I hope people find comfort in going on this blog and reading through it and i hope that one day i might even have a little group of followers that enjoy my writing and aren’t annoyed by my yapping :D Ok byee (I need to think of a better “outro” —> going on my ToDo-list for this project)