So here's my take on Harry and his foot in mouth comment on Buck being the donor for Theo: while his comment was a little stupid and slightly thoughtless, it also makes sense if you take in the fact that this is the most time Harry has spent around Buck in the whole series. Harry does not have the relationship that Chris or Jee-Yun have with Buck. Hell Denny is supposed to be Chimney's godson and before Denny went looking for his bio dad in season 6, I don't think he and Chimney had any scenes together (unlike Buck who made gingerbread houses with Chris AND Denny in season 3). Harry has only spent time with Buck in family settings with the rest of the 118+family and since Harry was a child, they didn't really interact. As Harry pointed out in the finale, the 118+ is made up coworkers, kids and partners. You either have a kid or are a kid and for the longest time, Buck was the outlier. Yes, Bobby and Athena were parental figures but they were not his actual parents. Buck is a grown man so he's not someone's child and while he loves Chris like his own, and Eddie is his partner in all but name, he's not an official member of the Diaz family. Buck straddles the line with each family group in a way none of the others do. Part of the family, but also alone.
With Harry and even May and Ravi its different. Harry and May are in the Grant family circle, Athena's kids, even though theyre also adults. They're firmly established in a family group. Neither are parents and up until May started dating Ravi, they didn't have partners, specifically partners that fold into the firefam like Karen, Maddie and Athena do. As for Ravi, he may be a firefighter and part of the group but the show has had him on the fringes for years. He wasn't there for the blimp, the lightning storm, the cruise ship. By a miracle he was at the bridge collapse but it wasn't until Eddie left that Ravi started becoming a more prominent figure and even still, he has become what Buck has been, the outlier who straddles the line between part of the family and a solo act with no child or partner. As he has said in season 4, he's not technically with them. He even considers quitting before Buck stops him and he gets a chance to make a stand as part of the family by being willing to commit treason, taking the vaccine for Chimney when the Army told him not to. And now he is dating May which solidifies him more firmly into the family. Fingers crossed in season 10 he gets his own storyline instead of being the unwilling third party in Buddie drama or May's boyfriend.
Back to the donor arc and Harry's perception of Buck: as previously established, Buck and Harry did not interact outside of family settings when Harry was a kid. Buck was present for Harry's abduction and rescue but he did not play a significant role and it did not effect him the way it did May, Athena, Bobby and Michael. Likewise, Harry left after season 5 and did not return until season 7 or 8, some time after the cruise ship. Even then, Harry didn't interact with Buck, even when Bobby and Athena lost their house in a fire, not even during Bobby's funeral. This is the first season Buck and Harry actually interact without others as a buffer. Buck actually interacts with Harry more than he has with May (who was an adult and a dispatcher in season 4 and 5 before she left and periodically came back in 6 and 7). Considering the timeline of events, Harry would not have much knowledge of Buck's life growing up beyond what May or Chris might tell him (assuming Chris and Harry were friends which has been very unclear honestly), or what he might overhear between Athena and Bobby. He was in Haiti during the lightning strike and the donor arc and Buck was very tight-lipped about that entire situation until Connor and Cameron blurted their business all over the station. Except for Buck telling the team the pregnancy worked, Buck didn't share any info until the birth on his couch. Of course Harry wouldn't have known, hell Christopher probably didn't know. Buck wasn't going to bring it up until there was no choice. Harry's surprise at this makes sense.
What doesn't make sense, or at least is a little annoying is his surprise that someone would choose Buck to be their donor. Not including Buck's very attractive physical characteristics, there are plenty of reasons someone could want Buck as a donor and Connor (as manipulative as it sounded at the time) pointed this out when he spoke to Buck. Buck is a genuinely good person ( it pissed me off to hear Chimney say he couldnt believe he was actually saying it considering Chimney is no paragon of goodness himself, season 1, 2, 3 and 4 definitely come to mind). He's kind, he's loyal, he is fiercely protective of his loved ones and will go through hell for people he cares about, even people he barely knows. He's brave, he's goofy, he loves with all his heart, he loves kids and animals, he's open hearted and open minded. Why wouldn't someone want him to pass that on to a kid? So asking "why Buck" when Harry and everyone else on the team has been a recipient of the love and dedication that Buck shows on the daily, is a little insensitive. Especially when Harry just spent the whole season flopping around like a fish out of water, trying to figure himself out while hiding from his mom, grieving his stepdad and putting up with Chimney coddling him and being worried about nepotism (something Buck would be no stranger to as Bobby's pseudo-son while also being the punchline of Chimney's insensitive and unnecessary jokes). Harry was the one who chose to confide in Buck about Bobby dying, Athena in space, and feeling powerless. Harry chose to go to Buck instead of literally anyone else in the firehouse to train him for the CPAT, to tell Buck about the criminal record. Buck was the one who had faith in him, listened and consoled him, tracked down the chief so Harry could tell his side (and it worked!), who gave him a safe place to hide even if it meant pissing off Athena, and then tracked down Athena to explain how Harry needed Athena to support him even if she didn't agree with his choices (parallel to Buck needing Bobby to have his back even when he didn't like his choices). Buck was the only person throughout Harry's journey training to be a firefighter who wholeheartedly was there for him. Everyone else had their own things, hiding secrets and dealing with their problems separately instead of as a family. Buck was there for Harry like Ravi was there for Buck. And when Chimney was treating Harry the way Bobby treated Buck during the lawsuit, Buck supported Harry. Hen may have been the one to speak to Chimney but there is not a doubt in my mind Buck would've been in Harry's corner, making sure Harry wasn't wasting away at the station.
The last few episodes prior to Theo's return probably marred the image of Buck a little but his dependency in my opinion was primarily a Healthcare system failing. I don't know who thought strong opioids were a good thing to give to someone who had been kidnapped, tortured and traumatized after surviving a car wreck, and discharged maybe a day later but that was an incredible mistake. Furthermore this show has a horrible habit of brushing off trauma and injuries like they're nothing, only for them to come up in very bad ways later on. How did anyone on the team think that Buck or Eddie for that matter would just be okay after what they went through? After Hen's illness, after space and Bobby and knowing what caused his addiction, why was no one checking in? Why was no one paying attention? Did they learn nothing after Hen's illness, hiding the pain, the doctors appointments and her rant about no one checking on her (which was wrong, Buck and Eddie asked how she was doing at least once, and there were grief assessments after the funeral)? It is just too easy for these guys to slip through the cracks because no one actually pays attention until it all goes to shit and then they're wondering how it could have happened and excusing it with "we couldn't have known". Yes, yes they could have because that is literally what always happens every time. Right under everyone's nose something bad happens and then they're shocked that it did and wondering how they missed it. No one pays attention.
Much like how Harry and Chimney and apparently others have not been paying attention that Buck has actually grown. He's not who he was in season 1. While he may backslide sometimes as humans do, at his core he is genuinely good and has been a constant for everyone he cares about whether they acknowledge him or not, whether they let him or not. His contribution to the team is as essential as anyone else.
Harry acknowledged later that Buck suffered a loss, and its not even his first loss of someone he cared about but it did go a long way in pointing out that while what happened may not have affected Buck alone, he was still affected by it and deserved someone seeing it and being with him in it without making him feel bad for being sad. This is the way you sit with someone in their grief. You acknowledge it, you support it, you find common ground but you don't make it into a trauma competition or fling accusations about how a person chooses to grieve or the level of attention they pay you in your grief. You give equal care that you would want someone to give you in return. This definitely was a moment of growth and maturity for Harry, understanding what loss looks like on others and how grief effects people differently after he spent the beginning flinging Athena's grief in her face.
I think Buck will be a great source for Harry to learn from. His humanity, his devotion, his selflessness, his vulnerability. Buck has always been a multilayered person, someone who is able to evolve multiple times over a series that has so many people who don't really change over the course of time. They're so set in who they are and where they are in life and so their storylines aren't as earth shattering as others. Some people are steady and not so easily shaken up on their path in life which is why controversial characters and controversial arcs exist. That being said, can Buck please stop being the show's punching bag? Can we stop trying to kill the characters? Can we go back to the core foundation of this show which is first responders who are a family bound by more than just DNA. Its been 9 years and some of these guys have barely said more than 20 words to each other (looking at you, Maddie and Eddie, Ravi and May, Harry and Buck, Eddie and Karen, Buck and Karen, Buck and May, Denny and Chris and Harry and Mara etc). Can we stop sidelining Karen and the kids, and May and Ravi? What's the point in having these characters if you're not gonna use them, especially Chris who is supposed to be a main character and has been seen maybe 10 or 12 times in 2 years? Can we stop wasting time with new (or old, do not bring back ex boyfriends or girlfriends) love interests that no one actually wants on the show and are just gonna get booed and heckled until they leave a season later? Can we address the elephant in the room and stop tiptoeing around the important conversations that need to be had? Stop with the bad jokes and quips from Chimney because I'm starting to wish it was him in Bobby's place if he's never going to stop being an insensitive jerk. Stop giving Eddie half-assed storylines that never amount to anything except making him miserable and putting distance between him and the people who are supposed to have his back. Stop causing animosity between Buck and Eddie and quit minimizing the value they both have in each other's and Chris's life. Stop making Maddie cry every episode and find a storyline that actually works for her character instead of being tedious. Same for Hen. Seriously, find better storylines. Stop wasting the budget on obnoxious, high intensity rescues that last 3-4 episodes, stop the 2 minute happy ending montage instead of actually putting effort into making a satisfying conclusion of an arc, stop leaving things half finished and unspoken. Hoping for a better season this fall but still being cautious.