Twenty-Eight and a Half Weeks

My life between poopie diapers ;0

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Twins Become Terrible Two’s

Grandma’s Perspective

Well, we made it…all of us…together…Spencer and Miriam Factor made it to two years old. Two years old and amazing! They had their birthday party in the same place they had it last year, but it was not the same. Not for them. This year they danced, and ran, and jumped—unassisted. In fact, they were so fast, no one could catch them.

All children are miracles, but these two are miracles squared. First, it’s a miracle that they were born at all…conceived and carried to a viable birth. Then, it’s a miracle that their mother survived all that along with them. And last, but not least, it’s miraculous how they are thriving…adorable, intelligent, active, disobedient two year olds. What a marvel!

They loved, and took part in, everything about their party this year. They were, and continue you to be, a joy to watch.

My Perspective

“No, I don’t want to” is now the most popular statement in my house. At this time two years ago these babies were barely five pounds and had just learned to regulate their body temperatures enough to move out of their incubators.

But now that time seems so long ago, so far in the past. And when I look at them it’s hard to remember them looking like that or being that small. They are now smart, funny, stubborn, lovable, exciting, ever-changing, challenging two year olds and every minute their awake – and even sometimes when they’re sleeping – they’re reminding me.

For their second birthday, we decided to have it at their favorite indoor gym – we practically live there. It also happens to be where we had their party last year, but the differences between their first birthday and their second were glaring. This year they could throw, run, jump, scream, paint, sing and dance. This year they could communicate what they liked and didn’t like, what they wanted and didn’t want. This year they were children, last year they were babies.

I cried the day before. The day of their party also happened to be their actual birthday and the fact that they were no longer going to be babies, that that part of their life was over, that we had actually survived infancy was a lot to take in.

Turing two meant that they were officially not preemies anymore. They had ticked every box to move away from their premature status. They were smart, developmentally equal if not advanced and physically strong. In fact, when we went for their two year checkup we learned that Miriam was fiftieth percentile for height and twenty-fifth for weight and Spencer was twenty-fifth for height and fiftieth for weight for their chronological age!

They’re miracles.

It brought emotions of what could have happened, what does happen to so many and how fortunate and blessed we are to have come through it.

Whenever I tell them to clean-up their toys or finish their vegetables and they respond, “no, I don’t want to,” I try to remember how lucky I am to have come through that tumultuous time virtually unscathed. Although the 45th time you hear that phrase in the span of an hour (remember I have two so that’s only 22.5 times each which is NOT an exaggeration) it is certainly difficult.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Costa Rica - A Grandmother’s Interpretation

Six months ago our daughter and son-in-law announced that he was going to spend a week in Costa Rica as part of his MBA program at NYU.

“It’s like spending a semester abroad”, our daughter quickly explained seeing our shocked expressions.

To my ear that first week in January would consist largely of his going to class a couple of hours a day, acquiring credit towards a degree, and mostly playing around in a foreign country. Well, I thought, that’s fine and good for a twenty-year-old full-time graduate student, but he’s a thirty-two-year-old father of two. It’s a dumb idea.

A thousand thoughts began rushing through my mind. How would she manage? Would the three of them move in with us for a week? How would that work? The kids would not have their normal surroundings or schedule. On the other hand I didn’t want to go live with her for a week. Her building doesn’t allow dogs, and I’d be out of my surroundings and schedule. My resentment began to build.

Then they explained that while he’d be getting this semester’s worth of credit for one week, she’d stay home, have her nanny come, and pretty much have a normal week. It would go quickly. I decided to believe them.

Well, she and the twins ended up spending four of the eight nights he was away, at our house. Everyone got up at six and were in bed by nine. She also nearly had a breakdown. The wear and tear on all of us was enormous. The kids kept calling for “da-da,” and, silently, we all were too.

On the plus side each of the rest of us got to spend quality time alone with the twins without one or the other parent hanging over our heads, my daughter got the intermittent relief of family, and he got a semester’s worth of credit - while hang gliding and power sailing through Costa Rica. Not a bad week’s work.

So, this is family. We support one another so the whole may thrive. I just hope the intensity diminishes as my age advances.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Dada’s In Costa Rica - A Mother’s Interpretation

BEFORE - ANXIETY JUST KICKED IN        

I can't believe this day is actually here. We've been talking about it for at least a year, but now that it's actually here, it feels different. No, no we're NOT having another baby (phew!) - Jeff just left for a class abroad. “Class” is a loose term since it's only a week long, but that week will amount to a half a class's worth of credit and bring us one step closer to finishing his freakin' MBA.

It's not like it's really taken him that long in the grand scheme of life. I mean he's been going to school at night, part-time, and working, full-time, and all-in-all it took him 4 years.

The concept for this class, and classes like it, is called "Doing Business In" or DBI. It allows both part and full-time students to take a one to two week class in another country. It’s like a super accelerated semester abroad, where the student hopefully comes away with connections, shared experiences and knowledge about their host country.

Jeff and I both decided not to go abroad in college for various reasons, and on some level, I think Jeff has always thought that he missed out on something. (For reference Jeff has very intense FOMO so he always thinks he’s missed something!) So when he found out that this was an opportunity - about a year into his program - he started talking about it non stop. For one reason or another, like deaths or surgeries or the birth of our children, there was never a time frame he could commit to, until now.

He started planning and mentally prepping for his trip almost a year ago, and because we started planning so far in advance it always seemed far in the future. That is until the day actually came, January 1, 2017 to be exact, and he boarded his first class ticket (don't be that impressed he somehow checked every day until a first class ticket was going for only $350) on route to Costa Rica - leaving me with the twins for 8 days!

AFTER - SOMEHOW STILL ALIVE WHILE WRITING THIS

Well, I made it! I decided to keep everything for the twins as normal as possible. Luckily school started again on the third, so Jean came Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, like she normally does, and took them to school. Also, thankfully, January second was a Monday, and technically the business holiday, so my Dad and sister were off of work and there to help me and my Mom with the kids.

Unfortunately the twins don’t sleep very well in my parent’s house. Even though they go there all the time, and they sleep in their own cribs. Part of the reason may be that they need to sleep in the room with us and at home they have their own room. Additionally, the room we all sleep in has a TV. They are used to having noise around them all the time, so when they sleep on the second floor of a house where they can’t hear people rustling and the TV blaring it’s hard for them to feel safe. So we started to turn the TV on to keep them company - and when you start something with a toddler it’s literally NEVER ending. Now every time they even pass the room Spence says, “Barney!” AHHHHHH! (Perfect, something else they can discuss in therapy later…)

On top of everything both twins got really sick just as Jeff was getting ready to leave. Whenever they get a cold, they get bronchitis. Usually it’s Spence that starts to wheeze first, but this time it was Miri. By the end of the week we were up to four albuterol treatments a day! Thankfully by Saturday (1/7) they were all better, just dry coughs. And the coughing all night didn’t help them or me get a good night’s sleep either!

Well, I didn’t sleep well for a variety of reasons. I kept hearing creaks and cracks in the apartment and when we were at my parents I tried to keep the twins from waking up the entire house at 6am when they felt they were “all done.” Also, Jeff is usually the one that wakes up with them and changes their diapers and starts breakfast - one of his very few jobs. Look, I can do everything in the morning - change their diapers, make everyone breakfast, feed them, dress them, brush their hair, make sure they brush their teeth, make water cups and prepare snack - for a few days in a row, but after day 4 I started to lose my mind.

I really started to feel exhausted on Thursday - I made it pretty far - but that day it hit me like a TON of bricks. Then it freaking snowed, and not one to three inches as meteorologists predicted - it snowed 3-6 inches. That’s the difference between the sun melting the snow and getting out the snowblower. Of course I didn’t bring their snow pants or boots, because it wasn’t supposed to snow that much! So they just had to watch the snow from the comfort of their grandparent’s home or, when we had to get out because we were going to kill each other, from the comfort of the concierge desk at the Garden State Mall.

My parent’s saw that I looked like a mess on Sunday night and decided that it would be best if my Mom took me back to the city on Monday instead.

Everything was going well until apres nap. Then shit hit the fan! Miri is like me, she needs sleep. Spence is like Jeff, he needs sleep but he denies it. All of a sudden the lack of a proper nap for at least three days in a row and a lack of a super tight schedule around the holidays finally hit and Miri went crazy. Crying and clinging and wanting me to pick her up - but I had to collect everything to go back to NYC. As soon as my Mom started helping me pack Spence realized he wasn’t getting enough attention so he got into the action screaming and crying “up, up, up!” I CANNOT pick up both at the same time any more. My mom took Miri I picked up Spence and then the dog started going berserk.

So, there we were with two toddlers having tantrums and a dog barking and jumping for us not to leave (fyi - this is not a norm for the dog, she doesn’t like it when people leave but she doesn’t usually protest).

MEANWHILE - Jeff has spent the last week visiting coffee farms, animal reserves and the rain forest. He also took time for excursions including zip lining, ATV riding and whitewater rafting. WTF.

Look, I’m glad he had a good time, since if he put me through this and didn’t have a good time, I would explode.

I was definitely resentful, but we decided he should go. I honestly don’t know what I was hoping his trip would be - a constant classroom lecture? Slightly less exhilarating?

All I know is I am VERY, VERY grateful he’s home and my heart goes out to single moms everywhere.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Sleep Training and Pacifier Weaning - A Grandmother’s Interpretation

Sleep. That elusive treasure all parents long for, and few get enough of.

When we brought our eldest daughter home from the hospital she slept beautifully…during the day. Little did we suspect this was to be her pattern.

Craving sleep at night—like most people—we tried everything. Rocking her, singing to her, feeding her just before putting her down for the night—all to no avail.

Then, when she was just a few months old a pediatrician of some note came out with a book with a method for “sleep-training” your baby. It became the rage and bible for sleep problems. All our friends were doing it, and most boasted of remarkable success so we decided to try it.

Well, simply put…it sucked. She wouldn’t sleep, and the crying—during which we went in time and time again, as suggested—never stopped. In the book he spoke about increasing the increments at which you went in to soothe the baby. We thought we followed his rules, but she never, EVER stopped screaming. I’m not talking crying here. I’m talking SCREAMING. Turning blue screaming.

We sat in our bedroom—which was right next to hers—with pillows over our ears. She would scream for ten minutes and one of us would go in, gently lay her down, pat her back, and leave. Another ten…go in, gently lay her down, pat her back, leave. We did this over and over again increasing the time between going in and soothing her as he suggested. She WOULD NOT be soothed. Eventually we brought her into bed with us, and…everyone slept. This pattern went on until she was about ten years old. Of course she got too big to fit in the bed with us, and a baby sister arrived in a couple of years to usurp her position, but the two of them slept in our room for many years. In some cultures not only is this practice the norm, but is encouraged as a way to draw families closer together.

Well now that baby has a baby—two, in fact.

Two years ago (twenty-two months to be precise) our daughter Reena became the mother of twins. She is an attentive, creative, patient, and all-around great mom. I really admire her. Since she was a child she’s been very disciplined. This, like most human characteristics, has positive and negative effects on her behavior.

Most recently, it’s encouraged her to begin using the “sleep training” ritual as a way of having the twins do important things in tandem. For those of you with any experience with twins you know this is the only hope there is of you have any kind of a life. After all, one baby napping at a time would not allow mother to accomplish any tasks without one or the other on her hip.

She first told me about this when the babies were seven months old (or four months gestationally) and I shared my experience with this method with her. She said she was not pleased with my alternative and, in fact, said it wouldn’t even work for her because both of her kids were the same age. One could not be asked to sleep on the loveseat while the younger one continued to sleep in the parents’ bed. It simply wouldn’t work. She also recounted to me all the times my husband stubbed his toe trying to maneuver around a sleeping child on the floor before firmly announcing, “I’m selling the house! Who needs all this room? We can live in a studio!”  No, my solution did not appeal.

After a week or two of what seemed like unbearable crying the twins did settle down and a schedule was established. I praised her stick-to-it-ness and actually had a new-found admiration for her mothering skills.

Fast forward to now. The twins are beginning potty training, using utensils, and having a story read to them at bedtime instead of having a bottle. They seem to be adjusting well to most things except one—the loss of the pacifier.

Spencer never used a pacifier so he had no habit to break. Of course he had always been the more difficult of the two to settle down to sleep, while Miriam happily grabbed her “paci” and settled down easily sucking away. This might have gone on for a long time had it been her thumb. It wasn’t, though, and so was easily removed. Easily removed but there was hell to pay for its removal.

This has been much worse than the first sleep training. Miriam screamed so much for a few days that she lost her voice! It would have been funny if it weren’t so sad to see her opening her little mouth to speak and no sound coming out. This, too, went on for several weeks. I had no suggestions for my daughter. I knew she didn’t approve of what her father and I did to solve the sleep problem, and it wasn’t even a possibility for them since their apartment too small and kids the same age.

So the crying raged on. It’s been several weeks now and I think it’s settled down a bit. There was a point where Spencer, unused to Miriam screaming for so long, would wake up and scream along with her. He was always so easily awakened anyway. It was quite a ruckus those two would kick up every two hours. I did question my daughter’s sanity as well as come close to losing my own.

This will not be her last challenge as a mother. Those of us who have grown children know this. Those of us who are raising children will find out soon enough, I’m afraid.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

They’re 379 Months Old and They Use Pacifiers - My Interpretation

Whenever I speak about or introduce the twins, the first question people ask is how old they are.

Recently while speaking about them I said that they were almost 22 months old. The man I was speaking to looked me in the eye and laughed, “they’re almost too old for months.” Ah, shit, that’s true - they’re almost two years old! And there’s some unwritten rule that after two you stop counting months, right?

Turning two means that as a mother and a child you have to stop doing a lot of things. It’s the symbol that you’re no longer a baby, that you’re now a full-blown toddler. So the, so called, “terrible twos,” comes with a lot more than tantrums. It comes with an introduction to potty training, your first dentist appointment, saying a final goodbye to your baba and parting ways with your first friend, the pacifier (in our house affectionately call paci lassie.)

Ah the pacifier, right now it’s the bane of my existence. There are so many crutches to give your baby while they’re developing so that they learn to sooth themselves and detach themselves from the mother with whom they spent the last ten - or in my case seven - months.

So I’m sitting on the couch about 20 yards from my baby’s room listening to her cry for hours and hours (not consecutively, I’m not a monster) because she has never and, if she had her way, will never sleep without her paci lassie. I’ve written about how hard it was to sleep train Spencer and how easy, at the time, it was to put Miriam down. Little did I know just how attached she was to the pacifier and how big a role it played in her “good sleeping” skills.

About a week ago I cut a bit off of her pacifier, following directions online for how to wean your baby. She took it, took a suck and handed it back to me, with a face that said, “what’s this, this isn’t my paci.” Thinking that maybe I cut off much, I proceeded to cut an additional pacifier, and again she took it - anticipating that sweet, sweet feeling - and again she handed it back to me with the face that said, “are you fucking kidding me?”

Literally since that day she has cried for at least an hour before going to bed at night and for most of their one and half to two hour nap. Worst of all, Spencer isn’t used to Miriam crying so he’s been waking up too. And in the spirit of, let’s call it brotherly love, he has joined in, screaming and beating his hands against the fake plywood walls. She wakes up frequently throughout the night and whimpers or cries for twenty minutes to a half hour, and then falls back asleep. Then she wakes both herself and her brother anywhere from four to five thirty in the morning.

I am NOT good without sleep. I know a lot of people say that, but I literally have a chronic condition that makes me more tired than the average person and if I don’t get sleep at night I’m not only a zombie but I’m in terrible pain, and I’m a huge bitch. That has been the story of my life for the last week.

Jeff’s side of the bed is closer to the door - not by accident, people - and so he gets up a lot with them throughout the night. However, he’s been away a couple of nights for extended job interviews and he comes home most nights after they’ve gone to bed. This means that I am the one that listens to them screaming the majority of the time.

And I mean SCREAMING. She is stubborn - I have no idea where she gets that from - and she WANTS her paci back. So much so that she has literally lost her voice. She can’t speak. She can’t fucking speak. I mean add insult to injury. I’m already the worst mother in the world because I took away her most valued possession and on top of that I’ve caused her to lose her voice. What the fuck! That’s not fair. I’m trying to help you!!!!!

I know that sticking to my guns and teaching my kids how to be good sleepers, ones who are comfortable enough with themselves that they can sooth and comfort themselves to sleep is extremely important.

I was raised in opposite way. In today’s terminology the way my parents raised my sister and me would be referred to as a version of “attachment parenting.” We co-slept in my parent’s bed and when we got too big, we slept in their room. I remember it vividly. They had a loveseat in their room and so my sister and I would switch off who got to sleep on the loveseat and who slept on the floor. My dad would come home every night and would have to navigate around me and my sister to get to his side of the bed. And every night he would scream, “why do I have a house, I could live in a studio apartment.”

Our decision to sleep train with cry-it-out, is not a dis on my parents or attachment parenting - and some day the twins may sleep in our bed, I don’t know. What I do know is that for my parents and for Jeff and I our sleep training “methods” have been purely practical.

1.  As opposed to my parents, and many of my friends in similar situations, I actually do have a small one-bedroom apartment. My children couldn’t have their own room or rooms even if I wanted to. They live in a NYC junior four “room,” which in their case means that the walls are made of plywood and they stop 12 inches from the ceiling due to building requirements. Therefore, they can sense everything around them. When they first came home, that was a good thing since they had spent so long in the NICU falling asleep to beeping sounds, people talking and bright lights. But as they get older it means that they’re aware that we’re not going to sleep and, in turn, they think they may be missing out on something.

2.   My parents ended up having two children, but like most, they started with one - we did not. Try rocking two infants to sleep at the same time by yourself! Twins are simpatico in a lot of ways, there’s the natural ways and the ways developed by the way you raise them. I chose to do everything the same and at the exact same time. It was efficient, and most of all, it allowed me to have some time to myself. If I had a whole staff maybe my feelings would be different, but alone and sleep deprived, I opted for identical schedules.

3.   Since they were premature I always worried, and to this day still worry, about their health. Sleep is a necessary component to overall health and neural development. So sleep they must.

4.   I NEED SLEEP. Nuf said.

In short, if I had it to do over again I don’t think I would have ever given her a pacifier. That being said at the time it was a necessity. As premature infants they lacked force behind their suck and the nurses at the NICU use the pacifier to help them practice - and to very nicely shut them up. I’m POSITIVE this will not be the greatest challenge I will have to face as a mother but all of these little challenges make me more resolute in my parenting philosophy and in my abilities as a mother.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Advice from a Mother for 18 Months

The twins recently turned 18 months. Many tears were shed - all of them mine. Through the tears and the realization that my little babies weren’t “little” babies anymore, I spent a few minutes reflecting on what I’ve learned throughout my extensive time as Mother.

These are my top ten pearls of wisdom…

1. During the first few months, especially right after your baby comes home from the hospital, make sure you shower at least twice a week. 

I know that that sounds like nothing but the thing I literally cared the least about was showering. If I found myself with a free minute or two, I usually passed out, or, God forbid, made myself something to eat that didn’t come out of a wrapper. Home cooking and luxuriously long showers were the farthest things from my mind. I promise it will be for you to, to greater or lesser degree. My advice, aside from the twice a week rule, is to invest in a good dry shampoo.

2. Have a subscription to every streaming service.

Not only will you have downtime with a newborn - because they really just eat, sleep and poop - they become a toddler really fucking fast. I’ve posted about TV before, and how it’s an integral part to our family’s routine. I know that not everyone feels that way, and that’s cool, but at least get Amazon Prime. With that you get 2-day shipping on most items and an automatic subscription to their music and streaming services. I say to get all the streaming services, because things between the major three are getting pretty crazy. Netflix used to be the biggest in town, but now that they have competition they’re losing shows - like Daniel Tiger! It moved to Amazon Prime. Do you know the revolt I would have had on my hands if I didn’t have a subscription to Prime and was able to switch right too it? What if I had to sign up and go through all of those forms while my kids were waiting for Daniel. Mahem, I tell you, mahem!

3. Sleep train at 4 months with cry-it-out.

I know what you’re thinking, “I can’t listen to my baby cry, that’s cruel.” Believe me I felt the same way when I started to sleep train. My son was a terrible napper from the day he was born. Literally. When you would enter the NICU, which at the time was a vast open space, you could hear my son crying. He sounded like a billy-goat, so it was very distinctive. In between feedings, if he wasn’t being held, he was crying. It was weird because he seemed to be born with a circadian rhythm. Maybe it was the predictability of the NICU schedule, or just something within him, but he knew when it was day time and he, very vehemently DID NOT want to nap. Now as a baby you don’t have a choice. Not only can’t you get away because you’re immobile, but you need naps. You need sleep. And a preemie REALLY needs to sleep. Worried about their neural development, like a crazy person, I read blogs and sleep training books, but I really didn’t find a style I liked. To me attachment was a bit too much and certainly too hard with twins and cry-it-out felt cruel - especially since I still had guilt about not being able to keep them in utero. So I developed a “modified” cry-it-out, where I would literally stand next to his crib and pet his head throughout his entire nap. All the naps. It was fucking exhausting. Also I read that sleeping in a stroller or car isn’t a deep REM cycle, so I literally didn’t leave the house for three weeks, since every time we walked in the stroller my incredibly overtired son would instantly fall asleep. Look I lived, and eventually he learned to nap - on his own terms of course, and never as long as I or his sister would like (she’s my amazing napper :)) - but I also learned that cry-it-out wasn’t so bad. He was fine and I was burnt out. He needed to learn to sooth himself. As soon as I left the room and made him rely on himself he got it. But, it never ends. If he really doesn’t want to sleep he won’t and he will cry, and I let him. Sorry folks but really he’s just being difficult, I have a monitor - he’s fine.

4. Start your kids on a sippy cup at 7 months.

I know, it sounds crazy, and way too early - and when the Mom who told me first told me, I thought it was nuts - but, especially with a boy, it took more than a couple of months to master the skill. The introduction was gradual. In the beginning we would only introduce the cup one to two times a day. Miriam took to it right away - I mean the girl drank from a juice box at 8 months, so she didn’t need a lot of coaching. Spencer on the other hand...but I’ve heard from a lot of moms that their sons took a while as well. I recommend starting with a weighted straw - like the Munchkin Click Lock Weighted Flexi Straw Trainer Cup.

5. Prepare a restaurant “To Go” bag.

We’re a family that loves to go out to dinner. Before we had children, we would go out to eat at least once a week. Living in NYC most, if not all, restaurants are equipt to handle children. Generally speaking we go to “kid friendly” restaurants, but we really take them everywhere - we even took them to eat at Boulud Sud, which is only considered “child friendly” if you're a Kardashian. So I always have a bag prepped with bibs, placemats (the kind you stick onto the table), toys (there are even some with suction cups so they can’t throw them on the floor, books and high chairs. The high chairs may seem odd, but first, you don’t know who sat in those high chairs before your kid and what they did in them. And second, my kids are prone to licking things - at least I know that the last person to lick their high chairs was them. And lastly, since my kids were small - and really all kids are small when they first begin to sit up - and they couldn’t reach the table from the standard high chairs restaurants carry. Since these lobster chairs attach to the table, they can always reach. We have the Phil & Teds, but there are lots and lots of versions to choose from.

6. Always take hand-me-downs!

Believe me people, unless you have a friend or family member on their last kid, with a plethora of clothes and a child the same sex as yours - the hand-me-downs eventually stop coming. Or at least they stop coming in mass quantities. In my opinion there are no garments more more useless than newborn clothes - and my kids wore newborn and 1-3 month clothes longer than most. All newborns do is eat, sleep and poop, and if your baby is anything like mine, they will invariably throw up, drool or explode on every outfit you put them in. When the twins were born so many generous people gave us clothes for when they came home. And I passed the favor along handing their clothes, both new and used, down to friends. Take clothes even if they’re the wrong size or gender. (Believe me if you have no more clean onesies, that clean pink frilly lace onesie you never thought you’d use, is looking pretty good for your beloved son. He will have NO idea, promise.) My recommendation would be to join a Mother’s group online or distribution list. On the UWS there’s a MeetUp where people post free or drastically reduced items. Take advantage of people’s generosity. There is no point in buying any more than 5 outfits in newborn or 1-3 months.

7. Buying the latest toy is NOT necessary

I should really listen to this piece of advice. Buying the newest and best for your child is very tempting - as parents we always want them to have the best and anything that will give them a competitive edge. However, what I’ve learned - from many, many experiences where I didn’t have enough toys to keep my kids occupied for very long - tupperware, straws, water bottles (even better if you can fill them with beans), plastic cups, boxes and pretty much anything we would call garbage (except for plastic bags of course) are just as good, and sometimes a better, toy to your child. Go figure!

8. Designate some “me” time.

When I first had the twins and they were in the NICU, I felt guilty that I not only couldn’t be with them, I also had all this free time on my hands. Friends, family and, especially, the NICU nurses told me to go out with Jeff, see a movie or go to dinner, just the two of us or go get my hair done or get a massage - but I inherently felt like I would be judged and viewed as a bad mother. I’m out having a good time and my kids are in the hospital...felt incongruous. That fear definitely haunted me even after the twins came home. Although there were times where I could, at least, get a manicure, I felt like it was frivolous and would take time away from time with my babies. I didn’t even get a part-time nanny until the twins were 8 months old. With Jeff working full-time and going to get his MBA at night, it was just me and the twins a lot, and although they’re cute, they frown upon bringing your screaming, pooping, constantly eating babies to the salon when you get your hair done. Also if it wasn’t down the block, how was I going to get there. Needless to say as they got older, I realized that I was losing myself. I’m a person who loves to get pampered. I love having makeup on and doing my hair even if no one’s going to see it. I wear mascara around the house. My nails have been painted since I was 7, literally. So not having these things was changing my self image. I had turned into a cow. Not because I was fat, but because all I did was eat, sleep and milk myself.

9. When it comes to groceries - know your prices.

This lesson goes beyond the first 18 months of motherhood and it’s something my mother has been harping on for years. Every family braces themselves financially for a child, but when we learned we were going to have twins we couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much money it would take to feed, clothe and house both of them. Although we did as much as we did to save money, make our own food, take hand-me-downs, ask for discounts wherever possible, we still had to cut our discretionary fund and really study our grocery list. As the babies got older and began solid foods I did make most of what they ate - boiling, blending and freezing peas, carrots, squash, blah blah. But then they got into puffs and yogurt chips and squeezies and any snack they tried at their friend’s house - and that shit gets expensive. A few tips I learned to get the best prices.

-  Take out a Target Card - 5% off all purchases and Free Shipping

I breastfed (pumped) for four months and by the end we already had to supplement with formula. We started with the powder, but then I found out about the ready-made. We would get cases and cases of Enfamil Gentlease delivered every month. Also during some promotions you can gift cards for your purchase.

-  Walmart

Look at their roll-back deals - you may be surprised by what they have

I always buy my applesauce pouches from here. The Motts Naturals are cheaper than they are anywhere else - around $2 a box (4 to a box).

Various baby snacks - puffs, yogurt chips, etc. - but always check the price listed against a quick Google search before purchasing, they’re not always the cheapest.

-  Jet

They sell Costo products, their water wipes are amazing. They’re inexpensive and good for everything from runny noses to cleaning their highchairs.

Various baby snacks - puffs, yogurt chips, etc. - but always check the price listed against a quick Google search before purchasing, they’re not always the cheapest.

-  Boxed

Cool start-up where you can order bulk items.

The baby products they offer changes often so check frequently for your baby/child’s favorite snacks.

10. Enjoy every stage, it flies by.

Look I know that not everything on this list is revolutionary, and this is probably

the least, but I had to say it. With preemies you’re always waiting for them to do the next thing - lift their heads, roll over, sit up unassisted, scoot, crawl, walk. As a parent you’re always trying to make sure they can catch up to normalcy as quickly as possible. And I don’t think I truly enjoyed each stage as much as I could have. I was also unbelievably tired - sorry Moms that doesn’t go away, and according to my parents it never does, yikes. Even though every stage comes with its own challenges it also comes with its own distinct set of wins. Take a step back on a weekly basis and congratulate yourselves on what you, your baby and your family have accomplished that week - I bet you accomplished a lot more than you realized.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Real Moms Don’t Let Them Watch TV - Ugh FU!

I haven’t been diligent about writing in 2016. I take that back, diligent isn’t the word, I just literally haven’t written anything in 2016. I started this post in my mind over a hundred times - but, as time went on and I got farther and farther away from the last time I posted, I felt that there was just too much to cover to ever begin writing again.

Why because like most artists I am insecure and mask those insecurities with excuses, a part of my personality that I am trying to overcome. Therefore, here’s the last six months in a nutshell.

Since the last post on New Year’s Eve, the twins turned one year, we went back to visit the amazing doctors and nurses at the Mount Sinai NICU (Exhibit A), we threw them an amazing first birthday party (nautical themed, ridiculously cute and most elements custom Etsy creations - Exhibit B & C), my freelance job officially ended, both twins crawled, cruised and now genuinely walk (we lovingly refer to them as “Frankenbabies”), we started looking for a house in Bergen County, NJ, then we signed them up for a pre-two’s program and decided to stay in the city until next May (search now on the backburner), the twin’s appeared in episode 17, season 6 of Blue Bloods as crying baby (Exhibit D), I started working on my small business venture and was promptly thwarted by another freelance opportunity (I shall return to it!), Spencer became a full-fledge toddler, tantrums and all, Miriam discovered and immediately started her love affair with watermelon (Exhibit E), we welcomed our wonderful new nanny into the family, we started swim classes - and didn’t cry (Exhibit F) and last - but definitely one of my biggest accomplishments - I took the twins to the Central Park Zoo to meet our besties, by myself (it’s the farthest I’ve ever taken them without an escape root, meaning on foot and with no one to help me there or back in case shit went down!) All-in-all a hell of a six months!

Well...now that we’re caught up, it’s time to delve in to TV, an acronym that scares a lot of parents - and I don’t know why. When I’m home, the TV is on if not all, then most, of the time. I watch so much Bravo that I thought at least one twin’s first words would be “Andy Cohen!”

When they first came home, TV was a way for me to keep from going insane. I felt, like I’m sure a lot of new parents do, that not only was I alone with companions that couldn’t communicate, but that if I didn’t have ambient noise the voices in my head telling me to go to sleep might take over. Also, I have to say that NICU babies are different, they’re used to, and even crave, a certain level of noise and light.

Even now, the kids need noise to feel comfortable. They sleep with noise machines and night lights and we’re in a small apartment so they can pretty much hear everything that goes on around them all the time.

When they were six months old we let them watch a children’s show for the first time, Daniel Tiger. They were thrilled. We sat them in their Bumbo seats, since at six months they both still couldn’t sit up, and plopped them in front of the TV.

Both Jeff and I had grown up with TV as a mainstay in our households and for me it didn’t seem so wrong to expose my children to educational television - but in the back of my mind it did lead me to question my parenting skills.

There are so many studies and theories and “parenting styles” and some say it’s ok to integrate educational TV - honestly how do we really know. Frankly speaking everyone I know loves TV and we’re all really awesome with high IQs, great jobs, loving families and acceptable levels of physical fitness. One of the biggest conclusions the whole TV debate has led me to is that I’m going to fuck up my kids in one way or another - it’s literally inevitable.

As they’ve grown we’ve integrated TV into their routine more and more, mostly because it calms them. The repetitive nature of children’s television together with the valuable lessons on letter, numbers, colors and friendships keep them entertained and allow us and their other caregivers to catch our breath. They love shows with lots of singing - Baby Genius nursery rhymes, Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, Bubble Guppies and The Fresh Beat Band.

So to each his own, but honestly if you don’t let your kids watch TV, you probably shouldn’t come over… :)

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Hello 2016

Originally this post started a lot differently. I actually started it many, many, many times over. 

I was going to begin with Thanksgiving, and all the trials and tribulations of bringing your infant twins to your childhood home. Having two of everything. Hosting Thanksgiving at your parent’s house. Your cousins flying in from LA, and meeting your children for the first time. Blah, blah, blah…

And then I got a freelance job and lost track of time and space, yet again. Balancing a job, being a Mom and maintaining your household is very difficult and women who do that are AMAZING! I enjoy it, it makes me feel like an adult again. I can have conversations about current events, I’m in creative meetings again and I get up every day, put on makeup and actually leave the house – by myself! But I do miss the twins SOOOOOO much. My nanny sending me pictures throughout the day is the only thing that keeps me going.

Somehow the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas went so quickly. I feel like I just blinked and the month passed. My two week freelance job turned into a month long freelance job, yay, and I’m coming back after the new year as well.  

The twins have grown a lot too. They’re standing, starting to pull themselves up and really acting like toddlers, especially Spencer. He is a toddler. He has to touch everything, eat everything and grunt about everything. Miriam is funny, she doesn’t really want to, but her brother’s doing it so she can’t let him have fun without her. She has to do everything he does which usually leaves me draped in baby, spit and whatever they were eating.

This has been the hardest year of my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself though. I’ve learned patience and I’ve learned how to balance. Both literally, balance two babies on me at the same time, and balance my life – trying to do nice things for myself and keep my identity semi intact and be a mother at the same time.

I can't tell you how many women I've met while walking with the twins that have told me that they want or have wanted twins. If they already have a baby it's wanted and if they are yet to have their first, it's want. The women who have a baby always go, "I always wanted twins, but now that I have a baby I don't know how I would do it with two!"

All you need to do is spend two hours with my twins to decide that you definitely don't want twins. Don't get me wrong they are amazing and pretty well behaved babies. It's just SO much work!

If you have a baby, think about doing everything you do times two. Two babies to breast feed, two babies to change every few hours, at least 2-6 poops a day to clean up, two babies to clothe and bathe and rock to sleep. Two, two, two!!!!

I know that Jeff and my family understand how hard my job is and they compliment me a lot – but, when something becomes part of your everyday life it's hard to stop and appreciate it.

So after the holidays and spending time with my family – fighting, making up, playing, fighting again, loving, laughing, shopping and eating – I finally realize what my new year’s resolution needs to be…gratitude. I know it sounds like Ghandi, annoying, yoga shit – but it’s true. I am so lucky.

My family actually likes to spend time together, I have two children (when one or all of us could have and almost did die), and even though I’m always in pain, to greater or lesser degree, and I have issues that make me tired, sad and sluggish, I have two things that pull me up and out of bed every day. Just one look at their faces and although I’m not healed, unfortunately, I’m alive – I have a purpose. Thank God for them, my family, friends and, even, Jeff. 

I’m a big baby and I’m crying as I write this. Happy New Year!

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Freelance Gig

Washing my hands brings me back to the NICU. Just the act of running my hands under warm water and lathering up in anticipation of touching something so fragile and so dear, makes me emotional.

So as I wash my hands in the bathroom of the McGarryBowen agency it makes me pine for my children.

It's the first time I've left them so that I could go to work. The first time leaving them with Carla was so hard, and I was jut going to go to the gym and take a nap, the thought of actually having to think and interact and pretend to be some semblance of my old self if frightening.

The night before I was so incredibly nervous. In true advertising form I got offered the freelance position literally the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. So as I'm scrambling to pack for two infants and two adults (because face it Jeff is my third child) I'm suddenly thrown into the mix of the outside world.

At first I was shocked. I didn't even interview, everything was done through a recruiter and I knew absolutely nothing about what I was going to be doing except that it was heavy in TV production and I knew the client. In the past I would have jumped at the opportunity - but now I wasn't climbing the corporate ladder anymore and for the first time in my entire career I had the upper hand.

Statistically women don't negotiate, which is why, according to a lot of pundits we make so much less than men. I'm a terrible negotiator, so I can see the truth behind those stats. I always end up feeling bad. It's probably how society tells us as women to react.

Anyway, luckily Jeff is a master negotiator. When I told him about the position and that I was on the fence, he told me to set whatever terms I want - I have the power!

So I thought about my babies and how much I wanted to be with them and asked for, terms that fit my lifestyle...and they accepted.

This is my first week of a two to three week stint working four days a week, Monday through Wednesday in the office and Thursdays from home.

The minute I accepted I regretted it! What did I do? What was I thinking? I can't leave them for a collective twelve days!

Of course it's hard for any parent to leave their children and go to work, but for me, and possibly for other NICU parents, it's especially hard since I had to leave them when they were born.

It's so traumatic to not come home or be in the hospital room with your child. Honestly, I've never visited someone who's just delivered so I don't know what it's like to have your baby in the room with you - only from the movies - but I do know what it's like not have them. It's surreal. It feels like you didn't just give birth. Like you didn't just have this being that's been growing inside of you taken away.

Every time I leave them - even if it's just for a few hours, I feel myself preparing for them not to be there when I get back. I know it sounds sick, and honestly, a bit insane, but every day walking into the NICU I was nervous they wouldn't be there and that same fear fills me every time I get home from being without them.

However, crazy aside, I know that they're in great, capable and loving hands and thankfully Carla sends me about 10 pictures a day with updates on how they're doing. And of course, as kids do just to pluck the heartstrings a bit harder, they both got sick over Thanksgiving.  

It's weird, of course I miss them terribly, but working is a LOT easier then being their only source of entertainment. Believe me I'm tired - I mean I'm a terrible judge because I'm always tired - but when I get home from work at 5:30pm it's so early relative to when I used to get home from work (around 9pm) and they're so tired from a full day of playing that I get to finally take part in some of the fun things and not just all the work.

If I can continue these freelance gigs I know it will be good for me and them in the long run. Good for me because I'm not laying idol waiting for them to go to school and them because they're getting used to Mommy not always being right next to them.

Almost one week down - one/two to go

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Carla

Since the twins came home from the NICU I’ve been taking care of them, primarily, alone. 

For about a month I had a night nurse a few nights a week. It allowed me to sleep through the night and not go completely insane. Also my Mom has helped a lot coming in to keep me company, feed a baby and, once in a while, let me take a nap.

However, I fought getting official “help.” I felt like I asked for this responsibility and now I had to just deal with it.

I had unrealistic expectations of myself and my family. I had dreams that overnight I would turn into a combination of Betty Crocker and Suzie Homemaker and that my family would move in with me, take over feedings and I would get a few minutes of the day off.

Honestly, what was I thinking?

Finally I broke down and put up a posting on Care.com for a part-time nanny with experience with twins and premature infants. I got a lot more responses than I thought I would and got about 5 real candidates that I felt comfortable interviewing.

After many scheduled and canceled appointments with different candidates I finally interviewed Carla. I had had a feeling just from her picture that she was warm and kind and when she came here I was blown away.

Miriam, my little New Yorker, is very discerning and doesn’t usually warm up to someone until she’s spent a lot of time with them. She liked Carla off the bat. It was her approval that gave me the reassurance I needed to hire her.

After checking her references and arranging her days, she started. From the first day she was great with the twins. They loved her.

I cried. This was the first day they were happy with anyone that wasn’t related to me. This was the first time I handed my kids over to a new person. Spencer cried all day too. It was rough on us. Not because Miriam isn’t sensitive but because Spencer is much more in tune with me.

Although it was hard for me to let go I could see, even after one day, how beneficial it was for them to be cared for by someone other than me or family. It’s the first step in separation but, I realized, I will always be their Mom and they will always come back to me. It has been a great step for all of us, helps us grow up and have separate experiences – something that we need to start as they get older :(

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Boddlers

I’ve decided to coin a new phrase – Boddlers. Similar to “tweens” this is the space in between being a baby and a toddler. You can’t do anything, like crawl or walk (or in my baby’s case really sit up without falling over) but you want to do everything. You grunt and cry and carry on. You don’t like to nap, you’re getting teeth – seemingly forever in the making and you’re learning new things about your voice everyday – like how to scream, trill your lips/blow bubbles and say consonants.

Now this is a VERY bad day in the life of twin boddlers and their poor mother.

The day starts out like most, bottle, play, applesauce, nap. Mom decides not to take a nap like she usually does with the babies because she’s gonna try something new and see if she can last from 7am-12am without a nap – this has only been tried a handful of times while the twins have been alive.

The morning nap is fairly successful but, because Spencer hates to sleep, only lasts 45 minutes. So we play, have a bottle and get ready for our movement class. Go to class, and the fire alarm goes off. Both babies start screaming. There’s no fire – it’s a fucking drill – but the fire department supposedly didn’t tell the school what time the drill would be so they couldn’t cancel class in advance. We wait for 30 minutes to see if the class will go on. It won’t.

Go for a short walk and Miriam falls asleep in the stroller, so when you come home and put them down not only does Spencer scream because he’s overtired and hates to nap, but now Miriam screams because she was woken up. This goes on for a half an hour. They finally fall asleep and sleep for an hour.

They wake, have a bottle and we go for a walk. Miriam falls asleep in the stroller at the end of the walk (literally for 5 minutes). We get home, they’re put down and the screaming begins. This time Mom only lets them scream for 15 minutes. (I fucking give up – you win!)

Wake up have a bottle – and at the end – both kids explode! Two blow out diapers. Spencer’s is so bad that it gets all over his highchair and all up his back. The onesie cannot be salvaged. Both need to be bathed it is too much poop for all the wipes in all the world – it’s everywhere – even on his feet.

Two baths – mind you with diarrhea everywhere, so their tub and the big tub has to be cleaned in between babies – lotion, hair brushed, diapered and clean! Then each baby has a night night bottle and is finally laid to bed completely exhausted a full hour before their normal bedtime.

Mom then has to Clorox the bathtub, the floor (where Spencer blew out his diaper further while walking to the changing table) and the baby’s tub for the third time. Then Mom gets to finally sit down, eat dinner and decompress – that is until she has to wake them at 10:30pm for their final feed.

Things missed today:

1.    12:30pm and 4:00pm naps

2.   Lunch solids and dinner solids

3.    Any hope for sanity

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Believe it or not this was my vacation list - for NJ!

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

First Family Vacation

The responsibilities of vacation began for me about a month before we actually went anywhere. That’s when I started thinking about, buying and packing for said vacation.

You’d think we were going to Africa, but really we were going two hours away, down the Jersey shore. (Only people actually from NJ say going down the shore, so understandable if you thought that was incorrect English.)

Even though the shore is so close, and yes they have a Target, I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough of the things my kids need, love and want – like formula, diapers, swim suits, floaties, etc. and honestly I was afraid to find out what would happen if they didn’t have these items. So I meticulously began creating list, after list, after list like so many moms who came before me.

When I started laying everything out, about a week out from the trip, it literally looked like I was taking the whole house. How could two “things” that collectively weigh less than 30 pounds need so much shit?!?

Jeff really couldn’t help me. Between finishing up the school year and work he was swamped and when he had a second off I wanted him to spend time with the babies. So I packed for two adults and two children.

We’re very fortunate and my parents own a Marriot timeshare so we arranged to stay in a Villa. It’s a resort, so it has food on site, a pool, a gym and even a spa – but best of all it has a kitchen. This was clutch (do people even say that anymore?) and I found it to be the most important thing when traveling with two infants.

We were thankful for the full kitchen when it came to heating up their formula, making their solids, feeding them and most importantly, the kitchen had a washer and dryer attached and we could wash their clothes. For the first time we had a washer and a dryer that belonged to us and we took full advantage of it!

It seemed like laundry was the afternoon/evening activity. We tried to go out to dinner once with the kids all bathed and in their stroller, but I think I’ve taught them too well how NOT to sleep in the stroller. Really shot myself in the foot with that one. All the experts say that sleeping in the stroller is not a deep sleep and as a mother of preemies I wanted their brains to develop as normally as possible – thus good sleep is very important. Little did I realize that teaching them not to sleep in the stroller would mean that I really couldn’t go out to dinner with a sleeping baby anymore.

Also, on my vacations in the past we would go exploring – checking out what the town has to offer. This was very different. No dinners out, no exploring. The most we did, that deviated from their normal schedule, was go swimming in the afternoon. It really was the same day, different background.

I did meet another twin mom, who had 10 year old g/g twins. She said that she used to call her husband, when her twins were under 3 years old and say, “today my suicide level is xxx” fill in the blank. I liked that a lot – I’ve definitely stolen it a couple of times. But that after they passed that critical 3 year milestone, they became best friends, great travelers and partners in crime. It’s getting to that point with twins that’ the challenge. One baby is hard, but two – when one stops crying the other starts, one is clinging the next day the other is, there’s really no break. And then when I do get a break, for some unknown reason they both nap at the same time or someone takes them for a walk to give Mommy some time to herself – I miss them. Motherhood is confusing!

But aside from the fact that I couldn’t do whatever I want – which after this long with the twins I don’t know that I’d know how to do – it was a pretty successful vacation. We were able to enjoy our family and be together for more than a long weekend, something that, believe or not, we hadn’t done since they came home from the hospital. With the crazy lives we live it’s hard to believe how fast time is flying! It’s great that we got the time together and the pictures and the memories to prove it.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

#Blessed (But Still Things are Hard)

Just because you post your pictures of smiling, happy babies on Facebook and just because you have a great family and amazing miracles for children, doesn’t mean that you always have it easy.

Life is fucking hard! And often times I think that going to work at a day job would be a lot easier than raising my children.

That thought, although pretty much true, makes me mad at myself. How could I be unhappy or not completely satisfied every second of every day when I have the life I always wanted. Granted God works in mysterious ways, and I never thought I would have two infants at once, but I always wanted children, a home and a husband.

It seems that almost every interview either ends or starts with the question, where do you see yourself in 5 years. When I look back at my life 5 years ago, I never would have imagined I would be here now, so how the hell do I know where I’m going to be in 5 years? I barely know where I’m going to be in 5 days.

When I was younger I wanted to be a Broadway actress and giving up that dream and quitting the Boston Conservatory was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I had a nervous breakdown. How could this not be my dream anymore? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? What I learned – not very quickly J - is that I don’t know, and that’s ok!

Just like I can’t be happy every second of every day, even with my VERY good, VERY happy life, I can’t predict the future either. I can just take every moment as it comes. There are going to be good moments, great moments and shitty moments. My babies are going to laugh and then cry 5 seconds later, and that’s ok.

The thing I have to keep in mind is that I’m alive, my babies are alive, we have a wonderful life filled with amazing people and experiences and seriously, everything’s gonna be ok.

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Sleep Training

There are a few terms that are terrifying for every new mother; and sleep training is one of them. 

For Miriam I really wasn’t worried that she was getting enough sleep for her development, however Spencer developed what could only be described as a fear of napping, and it only got worse and worse, over the course of his fourth and fifth month. It seemed that he could stay up all day. He hated napping. But it seemed like a fear, because he would fall asleep and then he would wake up screaming – almost like he had a bad dream. That then evolved and he wasn’t going down for naps at all. He would get tired, then smile and you would think he wanted to stay up and play.

At first I thought it was due to his reflux, that maybe it was bothering him while he slept. But when it started to get worse and worse and he cry for an hour to an hour and half, right through his nap-time, I started to get concerned.

With a preemie you have to go by their gestational age, as opposed to their chronological age, and the experts say you can’t start sleep training (or telling your baby when to sleep) before they turn four months. Although they weren’t quite four months chronologically, they had developmentally jumped a month forward, so I felt like that combined with his complete lack of naps, gave me the permission to start sleep training before they were technically four months.  

I have to say that sleep training was extremely difficult. Sitting there and listening to Spencer cry non-stop was very emotional. The books and the experts say you can’t pick them up – even though that’s every parent’s instinct. I’m not a fan of cry it out (COI) and I my ideology doesn’t align with attachment parenting either, so I decided to try a method that’s in the middle. You still don’t pick the baby up when they cry (!) but instead of leaving them to cry by themselves you go to them and “shhhh” them to sleep.

With Spencer this “shhhhing” including petting his face and head and holding the paci in his mouth, so that he couldn’t spit it out. The worst idea I had was keeping them together cosleeping during this training period. Miriam would fall asleep and then Spencer would wake her up hit her, kick her or just plain annoy her while she slept.

The funniest thing is that twins aren’t affected by each others cries when there’s nothing really wrong. Of course, over time I’ve learned their cries, but I took a lot of cues from their fellow twin. If the twin actually got upset while their sibling cried I thought there may actually be something wrong, if they were able to sleep through it or actually laugh while their sibling cried, I knew it wasn’t a big deal – they were just tired or annoyed.

Week two of sleep training already started to go better. He started to know when he was tired, and not only know but let me know. He and Miriam started to understand the sleep cues (i.e. putting them in their sleep sacks, turning on the white noise machine, dimming the lights) and toward the end of the second week they actually started to get tired at the times designated for naps.

That was also around the time when I decided that they couldn’t sleep 12 hours at night. I found a schedule online from Dream Team Baby (www.dreamteambaby.com) that spoke to me. It had time in place for four naps, lots of bottles and three solid meals a day. It also called for a baby who was four months to sleep for 10-12 hours. We had been “dream feeding” the babies at 10:30pm and then they would sleep until 6:30-7am.

I thought I should follow their decree and push them to 12 hours. I wouldn’t say it failed miserably, Miriam woke up a few times between 3 and 4am, and it seemed like they just needed a little bit more food to sleep comfortably. So at the end of week two, I said, fuck it and reinstituted the dream feed. It was actually nice because we get to say goodnight to them and Jeff always gets to see them even on days he has class and doesn’t get home until 10pm.

Spencer is now a champion napper. It’s still very hard for both of them during the last nap of the day, which is to be expected, but he now can put himself to sleep and he has even dropped the pac

The best part about twins is that they’re different people. The worst thing about twins is that they’re different people. LOL – that wasn’t a typo. It seems that Miriam is starting her difficult napping time – oy pray for me!

[twentyeightandahalfweeks]

Teething Is Shitty

One of the hardest parts about teething as a – besides just teething in general, which sucks ass – is that chronologically they’re old enough to teeth, but gestationally they lack dexterity to hold teethers. In our case Spencer started teething at almost six months, but gestationally he’s only about three months. They have caught up a lot and seem to developmentally be at a four month level, however that still doesn’t allow them the ability to grab and hold. On top of that, Spencer hates ice, teethers, dishrags and pretty much everything! He has diarrhea about four times a day and only finds relief from Tylenol, during the day and Motrin at night.

To top it off, I’ve been reading lately all about how babies are supposed to be on a napping schedule by the time they’re four months (the twin’s gestational age) and it’s scaring the shit out of me. Of course there are many schools of thought for sleep and teaching babies to sooth themselves to sleep. There’s the Ferber method, the Sears method and the Pantley method. And there’s blogs and books and tapes and opinions up the fucking wazoo. 

Just looking forward a couple of weeks, Miri is about two weeks behind him, to when they’re both teething and I’m eating so much cake already I’m going to gain 20 pounds!