[Image: Dreams and Trauma: Commonly Asked Questions]
Is it normal to have positive dreams about abusers?
Absolutely! There are a few different theories as to why we have positive dreams about people who have hurt us. Sometimes itâs the brain processing a memory that was positive, sometimes itâs just that the abuser is symbolic of something (Like a time period in our life or a place.), sometimes itâs the brain working through the positive feelings that we did have about our abusers.
What it doesnât mean is that you deserve the abuse, that the abuse wasnât that bad, or that you werenât traumatized enough. I promise.
Is it normal to have dreams about being abused by people I trust?
Unfortunately this is a really common thing, especially if something about your previous abuse has just come up. This doesnât mean that the person you trust is going to abuse you or that you think theyâre an abuser, itâs just your brain trying to figure things out. It could have been a passing worry or it might be because the person you trust does something that your abuser used to. Even something as benign as whistling while they cook could cause your brain to need to process.
Is it normal to have reoccurring nightmares that aren't about the trauma? Could they still be linked to the trauma?
Yes! On both fronts. Sometimes nightmares are just that, nightmares that donât have anything to do with trauma, they just happen to be happening to a trauma survivor.
On the other hand, especially for survivors who were young when their traumas happened- reoccurring nightmares that arenât explicitly trauma based are actually to be expected.
Children donât process things the same way adults do, and children who are abused often have dreams that are much more symbolic than trauma survivors who were adults when their trauma happened. These dreams may not happen until adulthood, or may have happened as children only to come back later in adulthood as well.
These nightmares may be of being chased, of being attacked by animals, of being buried alive, of being unable to open doors. They may even be elaborate dreamscapes with a story line (especially if the survivor was in elementary school-middle school when the trauma was going on.). If the child was younger, the nightmares may take the form of just shapes/feelings/sounds versus something that is easier to interpret by an adult brain.
Is it normal to be afraid of going to sleep because of the nightmares?
A lot of survivors find themselves anxious when itâs time to sleep. Those suffering from hypervigilance may find themselves worried that something is going to happen while theyâre sleeping (which, to make things worse, sometimes those worries turn into nightmares), or it can be an unwillingness to put oneself in a vulnerable state. But one of the most common reasons? is a fear of the nightmares.Â
Sometimes survivors donât even remember what the nightmares were, they just habitually wake up feeling terrible and the body creates an association that sleep? only means feeling more tired, more upset.
What can trauma nightmares look like?
For some a trauma nightmare is basically a flashback. Itâs reliving the event over and over again- sometimes in crystal clarity. Just like flashbacks when weâre awake, this can happen both in the visual sense and without the visual. It could just be  the physical feeling or the sounds, or anything like that.
They might only involve one or two aspects of the trauma. A survivor of a hurricane may have nightmares that donât involve hurricanes- but do involve lots of wind, or water.
The nightmare may start our realistically and then turn abstract- Â an abuser may turn into a literal monster, things may start to appear distorted as if you were watching the reflection on a fun house mirror, the abuser may even turn into someone else in your dream (or, someone else may turn into an abuser. A nice dream about a walk in the park where suddenly you look over and realize itâs not your friend next to you anymore.)
These nightmares may not be about what happened, but what weâre worried will happen. A survivor may have nightmares about people they love abusing them, or about the abuser coming back.
There are some studies that show that trauma nightmares are different from normal nightmares- they tend to occur earlier in the night and can be in different phases of sleep. Theyâre also more likely to be accompanied by thrashing and body movements.
What if my dreams are really weird?
Anxiety dreams particularly tend to be on the âIâm embarrassed to say thisâ side. The one most commonly talked about is going out in public and realizing that youâre naked/not wearing pants- but it has other forms too. Some people might have anxiety dreams about not making it to the bathroom in time (or barely making it), some have dreams about going to the bathroom and it not being able to flush- or there being too much of it to fit in the toilet. These dreams are often extremely hard to talk about because theyâre usually about things weâre already ashamed of.
Sometimes I wake up and canât move, why is this? Â
Sleep paralysis, while often times very scary, is usually just a sign that the sleeper isnât moving smoothly between stages of sleep. If it happens while youâre falling asleep, itâs a sign that your body relaxed the muscles before you went âunconsciousâ so to speak.  Waking up to being unable to move is usually a sign that you woke up during REM, a stage of sleep where the muscles are often paralyzed.
Is it possible to make the nightmares go away?
Medications to treat nightmares are relatively new but prazosin is showing promise so far.
Some studies have shown that treating breathing problems that occur during the night can also help reduce nightmares.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), EMDR (Eye movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy), Exposure Therapy, Mindfulness therapy have all shown to have some effect on those suffering from nightmares. In general- if youâre having trauma dreams due to PTSD, getting help for PTSD is going to help. It can also help to just try and process the event more on your own. Nightmares and dreams are our brain trying toÂ
Changing the environment in which you sleep may help, including changing the position you sleep in may help. Even if your trauma didnât occur in the location that you sleep- there may be triggers in the environment that you can change. It may help to lock doors or shut closets as well, anything to help you feel more safe.
Journaling at night to âdumpâ the worries and concerns can help. Some find that dumping and then moving on to a more positive type of journaling (such as gratitude journaling or writing out positive memories.) is a better option because it means that the freshest thing on their mind isnât negative.
IRT (Image Rehearsal Therapy) is one of the most popular methods. Basically when the person is awake, the retell/rehearse/reimagine the nightmare in as much detail as possible, and start changing it. Maybe theyâre able to lock a door and get to safety, maybe theyâre able to call for help, maybe a rope comes from the sky and theyâre able to get to safety. But it does require repetition and a lot of it, which someone may find hard to deal with. Usually people in IRT are asked to reimagine the nightmare with itâs new ending every night before bed.
Finding the symbolism can help if itâs a reoccurring nightmare that doesnât seem directly related to trauma. Rather than turning to books about dream symbolism, itâs generally best to ask yourself and explore for yourself what the different things in your dream could mean to you. A therapist who is trained in dream interpretation may be able to help by asking guiding questions if you arenât able to do this on your own.
Keeping a dream journal is a good step if you often find it hard to remember your dreams despite knowing theyâre disturbing. Some people even set alarms specifically to wake them up in the middle of the night and write down whatever it is they were dreaming about. While keeping a dream journal may seem difficult at first, many find that the longer you keep it up and work at it, the easier it gets and the more youâre able to remember. It may help to keep a tape recorder by the bed and instead say aloud what happened since we speak faster than we can write and time is usually critical in remembering the dream.
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