EclipseoftheHeart

Euphoria Eclipse is my drag persona and also a big part of my personality.

[typicalhomogem]

So lots to think about ...

[typicalhomogem]

That moment when u think about who's in your life.

[typicalhomogem]

Time is an amazing thing. U live and learn. And you heal and move on.

A new chapter of my life is starting and I honestly am so happy. I cant wait to see what unfolds.

[typicalhomogem]

Time heals. And conversations soothe. I appreciate the closure so my eyes can truly see MY future clearer. I don't think ill ever lose my love for you but I know I can still love you and support you in the decisions you make for your life. <3 im lucky enough to still have u in my life. <3 and ill cherish every memory we make as friends. And I do mean when I said today. That if life wants us to be together ill be open to that. But I want you truly happy with love. And if being in love with me wasn't the happiness you needed to make your life full, ill stand by you and support the adventures you choose. I promised you to stand by you through good and bad. And ill promise you now that ill still do that as your friend. Im excited to see this new chapter. (Its still a chapter of us. Just in a new context: a rewrite if you will. <3

[typicalhomogem]

[typicalhomogem]

You'll always have my heart, and for that it hurts.

[typicalhomogem]

Ugh. One day youre planning to marry someone and the next you're not and they have a girlfriend. What is wrong with me ...?

[typicalhomogem]

Do you ever think about the feelings you'll have if I wasn't there ? You know I put you above any other person always bc you are my heart and soul. You are my best friend and I wanted you forever as my husband. I just need clarity bc the love I have for you is driving my mind insane. I feel close to you, connected to you. I miss your cuddles, your kisses, date nights, Adventures, goofiness; I miss all the wonderful things I got to see everyday.

I will continue to push myself forward wherever the road takes me and build a life of solidarity. I will make a home that is full of warmth, and if we reconnect, ill invite you into it to share bc I want you and I to live happily ever after.

[typicalhomogem]

If tonight has proved anything its been a couple things. 1. We still have each other's backs. 2. There's still a comfort between us. But I realized tonight no matter what I do to correct the wrongs I've made and how much i stay and comfort you, you will never view me like you used to. You won't be there for me emotionally when I need you. You never talked to me or embraced me like you do her. But I do hope that the communication continues to grow so you can be truly happy. Thats all I've ever wanted for you.

To be continued... from the mind of me on party 🥳

[typicalhomogem]

[typicalhomogem]

Life... its such a crazy thing. Looking back at my 6 years with you, there were crazy, good and bad moments we shared. Obstacles we overcame. Trust broken and renewed. All I ever wanted was you. But more importantly I just wanted me to be all you wanted. <3 I understand at times it was tough. Learning yourself as you aged and myself as well. I really do hope for another chance at that happiness again. I'm not quite sure that I'll be able to properly function without you as my husband to be. But ill try if thats what you want. I love you and I'm fully committed to you. I'll never stop believing in possibilities. Call me optimistic but I do believe that love is enough. I want to grow with you , learn from you , evolve bc of you as well as you me <3. You deserve the best in life and thats all I've wanted to give you. But for now, I have to focus on me and soon I do feel that limitations will form that ill have to prevent from being there like I used to. Not bc I don't care or want to, but bc its necessary to break bad habits especially bc we aren't together. I want you individually to be the best you can be and maybe one day you'll find your way back to me.

[typicalhomogem]

[typicalhomogem]

I feel empty.

[typicalhomogem]

I miss you. More than words can describe. I still can't believe you fell out of love with me or so it seems.

[typicalhomogem]

Ups and downs. Thats me. I use this outlet as a form of expression. Sometimes I feel so lost. I think I'm doing good but every now and then I feel like I'm losing myself. Staying hopeful and positive takes a toll on me. I'm battling with being ppls friends. I love hanging out and its been really good for my psyche. But after recent events, I can't help but feel so much pain, disrespect and the need for comfort. And you're not able to give it to me. Regret is all I feel and I don't know how to fix it. I know I should move on maybe, but I can't help but hold on and wait. I know in my heart you're my everything and my one. Maybe it is the right person just wrong time. But seeing everything romantic u do for someone else triggers me bc it makes me think about all the times I felt 2nd and what led to the resentment we had. All I want is you next to me every night. Holding me, being my pillar. And I want to be yours. Forever. U say sometime love just isn't enough but I truly feel thats a lie. I feel love has a way of reconnecting and finding ways to learn and overcome. I keep hoping that maybe during this time thats whats happening. I'll never wish ill will upon happiness. But it doesn't me I don't wish you weren't still mine. I feel like I messed everything up. You used to try to show me so much love, and I got wrapped up in other things. I let negativity come between us and cause us to disconnect. I wanna marry you and feel I always will. You were the best thing that happened to me. You pushed me to be a better person and gave me so much love. You made me aspire to achieve more out of life. You always compared your life to mine and it made you feel sad. But money, college etc never mattered to me. I love you through and through, the good and what u deem the bad. Rylan, I hope that life is making us grow at this time so we can be stronger together. I know things ppl say about us probably causes you to put more walls up and I understand that. I understand that we have many walls to overcome before we can even consider another chance. I hope we can get another chapter in our story. I know you love me, i just wanna know if you're still "in love " with me. Things around me are just moving so fast and it makes my head spin. But I've said it before, I do believe in finding love again (with the same person). And I will wait for you. I said yes on that day and ill keep that promise until I feel there is no hope. You are my light, my love and my soul mate. I truly believe that. If you read this and wanna talk about it, I'm open to it. I know Saturday was alot to talk about but it warmed my heart to have that time to really connect and talk to you. I know we may not be there yet to talk about everything but you're eyes lit up to me and I felt compassion and love flowing from them. <3

I love you Rylan. And I'm taking each day as it comes, trying to become a better and stronger person bc of you. <3

Til the book is opened again. <3

[typicalhomogem]

I feel this. <3

[typicalhomogem]

I think to myself, maybe we are still capable or sort of doing this.