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Colossians 3:18-4:18

Read Colossians 3:18 - 4:18 in two or more Bible versions. Here is a chart of Bible versions that shows their nature along the spectrum of Word for Word (direct translation from original Hebrew and Greek) and Thought for Thought (paraphrased). Try picking a version on each end of the spectrum, like ESV and NLT. For help on choosing a bible version, click here: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/bible-versions/

Pick out the keywords in the passage. What are words or phrases that are repeated more than once? Write them down with the verses where you found them. If you need help picking out keywords, click here: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/keywords/

Using your keywords, summarize the passage in three sentences or less. If you want to go the extra mile, summarize it in a single sentence! Here’s a link to a special tool you can use to summarize more thoroughly: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/summarize/

Pick out some verses that are difficult for you to understand. Look up some Cross-references to get more context for what Paul is talking about. For help on how to find a cross reference, click here: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/cross-references/

Now, try to answer these questions based on the passage. If you don’t know the answer, don’t worry! This is what Bob will be covering in his message on Wednesday.

In Col 3:18-24, Paul lists several “rules for Christian households.” What is the common theme between the rules he lists for each group of people? How does Paul’s point apply to our lives in the present day?

In Galatians 5:1 Paul writes, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free," but in Colossians he wants to make it clear that the freedom we have in Christ does not free us from our obligation to human authorities.

Paul discusses the importance of wisdom in the way we speak to those outside the Christian faith in Colossians 4:5-6. Think about the way you speak to others about your faith—how do you think your words affect those around you in regards to their view of God and Christianity? Even outside of direct discussions about your faith, how might your words and actions change someone’s view of Christianity that you may not have realized?

What is Epaphras’ role in Paul’s outreach to the Colossians? Since Paul mentioned this specifically, what does this say about its value? How does this role translate into your everyday life?

Colossians Week 3

Recap: Last week Bob talked about Colossians 2. He taught on the importance of standing firm and not being swayed by deceptive philosophies, as well as the completeness of the work Jesus has done to save us and disarm the enemy. Knowing that God has not only saved us, but taken away the power of the enemy in the world, we have freedom to live fully for The Lord! This is exciting stuff, y’all.

For this week, read Colossians 2:16 through 3:17 in two or more translations. If you want help choosing Bible versions, you can follow this link: www.reachingher.com/her-resources/bible-versions

Pick out the keywords in the passage. What are some words or phrases that Paul uses more often than others? Write these words and phrases down along with the verses where you find them. If you need help picking out keywords, click here: www.reachingher.com/her-resources/keywords/

Using the keywords you picked out, summarize the passage in three sentences or less. Click here to get resources to help summarize more thoroughly: www.reachingher.com/her-resources/summarize/

Pick out verses that are difficult to understand and look up some cross-references to get more context. Usually filling in the gaps of our information can help us figure out what the Scripture writers are trying to say. For help on finding a cross reference, click here: www.reachingher.com/her-resources/cross-references/

Now try to answer these questions about the passage. If you don’t know the answer or are unsure, don’t worry about it. These are mainly to get us thinking in the right directions, so as long as we’re inquiring into what the Lord wants to teach us through the passage we’re on the right track. Daniel will address these topics Wednesday in his talk.

Paul begins verse 2:16 with “Therefore…”. What prior passage is this referring the reader back to?

How do Paul’s warnings about new moon festivals and the worship of angels in verses 2:16-23 still apply to our lives today?

What does Paul’s phrasing in 3:1-4 say about our current spiritual status?

If Paul talks about “putting on the new self” in the past tense in verse 3:10, why do we still struggle with sin?

How to the “do’s” of verses 3:12,13 add complete the picture of the “don’ts” in verses 3:5-9?

What does it mean to “let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts”? (verse 3:15)

What does it look like to “do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” as Paul talks about in verse 3:17?

Eat the Book Week One: Colossians Chapter 1

Last week at Wesley, we began a new series called Eat the Book. Over the next few weeks, the Wesley student body will be studying God’s word in depth on Wednesday nights and hopefully throughout the rest of their week! Bob’s heart for each of us is that, by the end of this series, we will have the confidence and desire to look to the Word to connect more deeply with God.

Starting in Colossians 1, Bob set the scene for what we will be studying over the next three weeks. Paul, the author of Colossians, starts off the letter by reminding the people that God is the one who gave him authority to instruct and advise the people of Colossae. What is important to note is that Paul did not claim to have any power or influence on his own… he fully acknowledged that it all came from God! Then, in verse 3, Paul reminds the people of Colossae how thankful he is for them and how much he prays for them. An important takeaway from verse 3 is that Paul prays. It seems so simple, but that one distinct aspect of Paul is what birthed the world-changing ministry that we know him to have had today. The power of prayer cannot be overlooked or ignored- it is essential as the foundation of any ministry.

Moving into verses 4-5, Paul encourages the people of Colossae in how much faith and love they have. This passage is extremely important because it teaches us a commonly overlooked truth - faith in God and genuine love for people only come when we first put our hope in eternity. In these days, there are so many people, lifestyles, and circumstances that beg us for our hope; But in reality, God and God alone in the only keeper of hope that will never fail. Paul then prays a powerful prayer for the Colossian people. He prays, “We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding” (verse 9). Bob encouraged each person in the audience to not only pray that God would should them what to do/not do in life, but also to fill them with a knowledge of who He wants them to be. We cannot live lives that are honoring to God if He will not show us what is pleasing to Him first! It is in this tension that God can use prayer and His word to know us His will.

Finally, Bob concluded the night with verses 15-20; the collection of these verses is referred to as a “Christological Passage” because it states exactly who Christ is and what Christians believe about Jesus as God. I would highly encourage you to read these verses on your own, because the implications that Paul makes about Christ in the passage will send you reeling… God is just too good, too powerful, and too loving for us to even comprehend. Bob concluded the night with his main point of the night - Jesus, dying on the cross as fully man and fully God, is God’s eternal yes to humanity. Nothing can, is, or will ever be able to take that away. God is already all in for you. His hand is extended, there is no turning back. Jesus is your guarantee that God will always accept you and wants to be with your intimately forever. No matter what.

To listen to Bob’s full message, click here.

If you have any questions about last Wednesday’s message, contact [email protected]

Day Two, Three, Four...

We had an awesome time at Day One last Thursday night. It was a great start to the year for those who signed up for LEAD/Grow 2016-17!

But what now? Day One day come and gone. Are you going to wait until August to experience more of God? Are you going to miss out on what He has the lsat 3 weeks of the semester? Are you going to try to coast through summer and hope nothing bad happens? Or are you going to see just how amazing life can be when you live every day pursuing God? Are you going to make the effort to see just how different, how much better, your life can be if you spend the next 3 weeks and this summer going after more of Him?

Life isn’t supposed to be lived in spurts when it comes to your relationship with God. Day One isn't supposed to be followed by a break until “Day One Hundred and Fifteen” or whatever. Day One is supposed to be followed by Day Two, Day Three, Day Found, etc. And you don’t need some event in order to experience His presence. He is with you wherever you go and will meet with you whenever you seek to meet with Him.

Your experience August-May will be impacted by what you do the next 4 months. Go after God and see just how good life can get!

Colossians 2

Recap: Last week Bob taught on Colossians 1 and discussed Paul’s apostolic prayer in which he outlined Paul’s desire to see the gentiles, and therefore us, live lives worthy of God by knowing who God is and what He wants for us. Bob applies Paul’s goal for the Colossians to us by showing us that Paul is basically inviting people into full maturity as believers.

Read Colossians 2 in two or more Bible versions. Here is a chart of Bible versions that shows their nature along the spectrum of Word for Word (direct translation from original Hebrew and Greek) and Thought for Thought (paraphrased). Try picking a version on each end of the spectrum, like ESV and NLT. For help on choosing a bible version, click here: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/bible-versions/

Now, try to answer these questions based on the passage. If you don’t know the answer, don’t worry! This is what Bob will be covering in his message on Wednesday.

What does Paul warn against in verse 4 and again in verse 8?

Do you think this was something that the church in Colossae was struggling against?

How can you guard yourself and your walk with God against these things?

Read verses 13-15. Paul says this immediately after warning against false teachings. What does this tell you about Christ’s authority over such things?

What “rules” does Paul allude to in verses 16-23?

Because of what Christ did on the cross, explain why you think we do not have to live under these rules. What does Paul have to say about it?

Is sexlessness a word?

We are taught not to have sex outside of marriage. Not so much by our culture, but hopefully at least by the church, if not our parents, friends etc. The people who don’t want us to be sexually active in our romantic relationships before marriage preach abstinence. But where is that getting us?

First, it provides mixed results at best. Preaching abstinence might help you out and it might not. But, more than likely, even if it helps you, it will be because you feel like you have to do all the right things or God will be mad at you. If you’re going to do something, you should always do it for the right reasons. You should pursue not having sex before marriage because you love God and believe that His way is best for you. It shouldn’t be because someone told you to do it, or because you think God is going to be mad at you if you don’t. These reasons won’t empower you, they'll just scare you in “right behavior” at best. On the other hand, if you offer your relationship as an offering to God and pursue His best for you, you will find yourself being able to resist things you couldn’t otherwise.

Second, it may very easily teach us that sex is bad. Go ahead, think “don’t have sex, don’t have sex, don't have sex” over and over for the next 6 months and see how you view it after that. Adopting the mindset that you shouldn’t have sex will extend beyond your dating and engagement relationship into your marriage...and that ain’t what you want.

There is a very basic principle of life found throughout the Bible: you reap what you sow. If you sow abstinence into your relationships, that’s what you’ll reap. Now, not having sex might seem like a great goal right now, but you probably don’t want that to be a goal of yours in marriage. So, how do you reap sexlessness (as if that’s a word) before marriage and a great sex life in it?

Self-control and purity.

If you sow self-control and purity into your relationship, you will reap “abstinence” now and sex later. And not just sex, but healthy sex - which is what great sex is all about. Great sex has little to do with what/how you do it, when/how often you do it, or where you do it. It has to do with the fact that sex is an expression of a healthy relationship based on love and submission to one another. If you sow self-control and purity, you will keep yourself from sexual sin now and empower yourself to self-control yourself right into having sex that is an expression of pure love once you are married.

Colossians 1

Context: Paul never visited Colossae himself, but he had friends from there (Philemon and Epaphras). Colosse was a city in decline, as travelers were no longer using the route that passed through their city. It is believed that Paul wrote the letter to the church in Colossae around AD 60 during his first imprisonment in Rome (same general time period as Ephesians, Philippians, and Philemon).

If you want to learn more about Colossae and the context of this letter, find a study bible or do an internet search.

Read the passage in two or more Bible versions. Here is a chart of Bible versions that shows their nature along the spectrum of Word for Word (direct translation from original Hebrew and Greek) and Thought for Thought (paraphrased). Try picking a version on each end of the spectrum, like ESV and NLT. For help on choosing a bible version, click here: http://www.reachingher.com/her-resources/bible-versions/

Now, try to answer these questions based on the passage. If you don’t know the answer, don’t worry! This is what Bob will be covering in his message on Wednesday.

In verses 9-12, what does Paul pray for the Colossians? What does this tell you about Paul’s heart for his brothers and sisters in Colossae, whom he has never met? How can you apply this prayer to your own life?

What does Paul say about suffering in verses 24-27? What is the purpose of suffering for a Christian?

For help answering this question, look at some cross-references like Romans 5:3-5 and 2 Corinthians 1:3-11.

In verses 28-29, Paul prays for the Colossians to grow in maturity in Christ. What do you think this means? What are some ways you personally want to grow in spiritual maturity? (Be encouraged! Philippians 1:6)

Bible Study Tips

Bible Tips

Let’s be real, the bible can be intimidating. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is God- breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” So we know it is helpful to our lives, but so often we try to read it and leave more confused than inspired. So I want to give you a few practical tips on what to do before, during, and after you read the Bible that will hopefully make the task a little less intimidating.

• Before you read the Bible:

Before you read the bible start by asking the Holy Spirit to help. Hebrews 4:12 says, “the word of God is living and active sharper than any double edge sword.” When we say the bible is a “living book” we mean that the Holy Spirit can take the words of text and turn them into a conduit to know God. Anytime you are reading the bible, start by asking God to help you understand what it is saying and how to apply it to your life.

• While reading the Bible:

There are 3 great questions to ask yourself while reading the bible.

1. What was the authors point?

While you are reading the bible it is important to remember it was not written to you. It was written by people of a different time for people of a different time. And so the first question to ask yourself when reading scripture is, “what point is the author trying to make?” Sometimes you may be reading an Old Testament book that is more of a story, and the meaning is straight forward. Sometimes you will be reading an apostle admonishing christians about eating food sacrificed to idols, and it will take a little more time to unpack. Taking the time to understand the context of the scripture and deciphering the verses original intent will go a long way in helping you understand the bible. To help understand some of these things I would encourage you to check out the resources found on biblegateway.com or simply buy a good study bible.

2. How does the authors point then apply to my life now?

There is a topic that the writers of the New Testament took very seriously, that topic- circumcision. You may have had many trials in your life, times where you have questioned God, but I bet none of them had to do with circumcision (especially if you are a female). So since circumcision isn’t a hot topic like it was 2,000 years ago is there anything to be gained from studying the scriptures that talk about it- YES. Behind anything that seems confusing or different there is a principle/motivation/point the author is making that is applicable beyond just their time. Wouldn’t you agree that it is important for people to know that just going to church and going through the motions doesn’t make you a christian? Of course. Well, you could have learned that point from Romans 2 when it talks about circumcision.

3. What does this scripture teach me about God?

The bible is our primary means of building theology and knowing God. Every scripture understood in the right context somehow points back to God and His character. So while you are reading always ask yourself: what does this tell me about God, about His character, about how He treats people, and about how He says the world works.

• After reading the Bible

After reading the bible here are a few helpful questions I ask myself to summarize (To be clear, I did not come up with any of this, it is combined from a number of lists I have heard).

• Is there a command to obey? A lot of times in scripture God tells us what to do and what not to do. It’s a good idea to heed to His instruction.

• Is there an example to follow (or not follow)? If you are reading a narrative about someone, what actions did they do that pleased God, what didn’t?

• Is there a promise to claim? Did God reveal something about His character, or something He said to be true? You can now claim those promises and make them the lens through which you interpret the world.

• Is there a sin to avoid? God loves us in spite of our sin, but He doesn’t love it when we sin. So He usually does a good job telling us what to avoid.

• Is there a principle to follow? The bible is filled with timeless truths of how God created things to work. God gives us the wisdom throughout scripture to help live lives that honor him.

Bottom Line: Just start. The more you read the Bible the more natural it becomes and the more God will use it to transform your life.

Blogs for Eat the Book

Hey everyone! With our upcoming series, Eat the Book, we will be doing a Bible study on the blog! Today we have some Bible Study tips to kick this off! We’re really excited to see the Bible come alive and for Jesus to speak to us through it!

He’s Here to Help

Lets be real for a second, the thought of marriage in general is a little intimidating. One person knowing every part of you - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thats personal stuff!

Not to mention thats an incredibly big decision - the most important outside of salvation.

And we, a bunch of early 20-year-olds are supposed to make this decision?

Dear Lord help us!

With this in mind, I can’t help but wonder why we try to exclude God from our dating lives. Not completely, of course, we are Christians after all. Maybe our way of including Him is not dating people who “aren’t Christians” and knowing the lines and how far is too far and all that jazz.

But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there? How do we go from meeting someone, to dating to “oh yeah, this is a really good idea for the rest of my life.”

Here’s the thing: God created this whole process. This is all his idea! Let him help you!!

Now, I DO NOT mean that God is necessarily going to tell you who to date. Girls, if a guy comes up to you and says, “Hey, I was praying the other day and God told me to date you,” run. Very fast! Do not date him. He is just trying to hide his feelings behind a “commandment” from God, and thats not a great start.

Guys, same for girls. Don’t over-spiritualize it. Let God in, yes!! Don’t blame God for your feelings or attractions to another person.

What I mean when I say “let him help you” is this: let God into the process of you becoming the person he wants you to be in a relationship. That way, when a relationship comes, you’ll be able to do it really well and you will have already been listening to God so listening to him in the context of a relationship won’t be a new idea for you!

Please notice that I didn’t say “when the ONE comes”, I said when “a relationship comes.” The idea of “the one” is incredibly stressful and it would be so easy to miss the mark. The truth is, there are lots of people you could date, marry, and have a really full life with! Marriage isn’t about a soulmate or the one, its about two people making a commitment to God and to each other to love and serve them for the rest of their lives!

So, take the pressure off of you right now. Let God shape and mold you into the person he created you to be. When you start dating someone, let God in that too! Get married, love and serve that person for the rest of your life, and live a life committed to God.

Hope in the Waiting

“A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” - Proverbs 13:12

When it comes to marriage, a lot of people are heart sick.

Why? Proverbs tell us it’s because their “hope” has been deferred, or put off until a later time. They want to be married and their just not. But not only are they not married, some don’t even see the potential for it. It seems like such a distant reality, if it will ever be a reality at all.

But does it have to be that way? Does waiting for marriage have to make our hearts sick?

There is a difference between a “hope” as something we desire and hope from God. The second has much less to do with our desires and much more to do with a good gift provided by a good Father. It is something given to us as an assurance of God’s goodness and faithfulness. With it comes peace, joy, and a way of experiencing life that is satisfying because it is rooted in Jesus, not our status, situation, or circumstance.

When it comes to marriage, God wants to use the waiting to develop an ability for us to have Hope, even while the things they hope for have yet to be fulfilled. When you have His hope, you’re capable of exchanging your heart ache for joy and peace in the knowledge of His goodness and faithfulness to you.

So, how do you get this hope? That’s the best part! Your good Father gives it to you. This doesn't mean you stop wanting what you want or you have to lay it down and tell God it doesn’t matter to you anymore. All you have to do is be open to letting His hope impact you more than not having what you hope for. You can’t muster up that kind of thing for yourself, you have to ask for it and He’ll fill you with it!

Here’s a thought that I think is filled with a lot of hope: Every day you spend not married is a day closer to the day you will be and a day to prepare for when you are.

Every time you wake up in the morning and go to sleep that night without being married, you are that much closer to the day you’ll be married. And you can’t deny that because it’s definitional. You’re getting closer!

The real question is, what are you doing with that time? Are you letting it pass by? Are you wasting it?

Each day you spend not married isn’t just a timer counting down the hours until your wedding day, it’s time to become the type of person you want to be. You might need a little more time before you’re ready to get married. Now I don’t mean ready in the sense of you wanting it. I mean ready in the sense of being prepared for that kind of intimacy, commitment, and selflessness necessary to make a marriage work. It is also time for your spouse to become the person you want them to be. Time for them to grow and mature so they are prepared for the kind of intimacy, commitment, and selflessness necessary to make a marriage work.

Unless you’re already married or are getting married tomorrow, you’ll spend the day without having the thing you desire. But, if you have Hope from God, it won’t make your heart sick. And, if you spend the day growing more and more into the person God wants you to be, you’ll be a day closer and a day more prepared for your marriage. That way, when your longing is fulfilled, your marriage will actually be a tree of life for you.

Wednesday Night Recap - 3/23

Netflix and Chill: Engagement and Marriage

In Week #2 of Netflix and Chill (the series), Bob addressed challenging questions that students have asked about engagement and marriage. From “how to know who is the one” to “what do you believe about submission in marriage”, the questions represented a wide variety of topics in which our generation desperately wants to know the truth. In classic Bob fashion, he cut straight to the point, but as always, his honesty was laced with love and gentleness. In Q & A format, Bob offered the students tidbits of wisdom that have positively impacted his marriage and many others throughout the years. One of the most important takeaways of Bob’s talk was that students must learn to view their past, present, and future relationships through God’s lens of grace. Meaning that, regardless of what they did, are doing, or will do in relationships, God’s mercies are renewed towards them every day and there will always be another chance to listen to God and to obey what He says is best. So, for the students whose lives (or parent’s lives) contradict what the Bible says about honor, love, and commitment in marriage, there is no condemnation. If anything, Bob’s message offers hope to each student by reminding them that God is always able and willing to step in and make things right… it is never too late to do things God’s way.

To listen to Bob’s Q & A on Marriage and Engagement, click here.

Have more questions about last week’s talk? E-mail [email protected], and the staff at Wesley will do their best to answer your questions.

See you next week!

Fake-Dating

The following was written as a collaboration between two staff members who in the past have had an unhealthy fake dating relationship but have since recovered their friendship and are excited to help others avoid making their same mistakes.

Sometimes maturity looks like saying “I could do that, but I won’t.” The inverse is also true: “I could not do that, but I will.”

It’s true for brushing your teeth and protecting other people’s emotions.

This lesson in maturity is abundantly relevant to the world of dating and not dating and everything inbetween.

When guys and girls get together sometimes they date and that’s a great thing. Dating is an important part of a healthy community and many dating relationships lead to an even more intimate relationship - marriage. Another thing that happens between guys and girls is what can be called “fake dating.” At it’s root, fake dating is an unlabeled romantic relationship. It is an attempt by two people to reap the benefits of emotional connection, and maybe even physical connection, without accepting the necessary responsibility of commitment.

How do you even spot a fake-lationship?

From the outside it looks like the couple is dating. They act like they’re dating, they hang out like they’re dating, and they count on each other like they’re dating; but they refuse to define their relationship as dating. The couple continues their journey into the land of ambiguous behavior and vulnerable emotions. Fake dating is like playing with fire while wearing a blind-fold; potentially fun, but a terrible idea if you don’t like getting burned.

Sometimes couples will admit to close friendship. Sometimes they’ll even call themselves best friends. But ask yourself the hard question- how great of a friendship do you have if you can’t (or won’t) admit the truth?

What’s even the problem with fake dating?

It’s a good question: why can’t two adults just hang out?

It is totally fine for two adults to hang out. It is totally inappropriate for two adults to act like they’re dating when they are not dating. Every time you spend time with someone, you are building a relationship with them. Make sure you are building relationships on a solid foundation. Creating and staying in relationships where there is an unmatched level of intimacy and commitment causes unhealthy interactions and connection.

The negative effects of fake dating are not obvious right away. In the moment, it’s a blast. In the moment it feels great to have a friend that wants to spend time with you, especially one of the opposite sex, but not worry about all that complicated relationship stuff.

The negative effect of fake dating is seen when the expectation that has been established through behavior is not met. When you spend time with someone regularly you are communicating “I want to spend time with you and you are important to me.” When you spend time with someone regularly you develop trust and learn to count on them. When you open yourself up to someone emotionally, you are giving them a piece of your heart. You should never give someone a piece of your heart unless they are committed enough to the relationship to be trusted with it.

How Can I Avoid Fake Dating?

You have heard it said “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” but I tell you “clarity is the powerhouse of a healthy relationship.”

Clarity is the strong foundation that healthy relationships are built on. The best way to avoid finding yourself in a fake dating relationship is to communicate clearly. For example, if you want to ask someone out: ask them out. Do not ask them to coffee. Do not take up baking so you can go borrow their Kitchen Aid all the time. Do not get your friend to invite you to their friend’s party so you can have another casual conversation so you can determine if they are definitely your future spouse.

In fake dating there is confusion. There are questions left unanswered. Do they like me? Do they want to date me? Am I not good enough for them? Would they date me if I was a Linguistics major?

Clarity removes confusion. Do they want to date me? Yes. Do they like me back? Yes, they said yes to the date.

Don’t fall for the trap of fake dating. It seems easy in the short run, but it falls apart quickly.

If you find yourself fake dating, stop. You deserve better than fake dating. You deserve someone who will hold your heart with care. Talk to you your fake boy/girlfriend and say these words exactly: “Hey, we need to talk about what kind of relationship we are building because I don’t have clarity on that.”

Also tell them to read that great post about fake dating on the Lead/Grow Blog.

How Can You Fix A Fake-lationship?

The best thing about a fake dating relationship- yes, there is room for redemption- is that it can be fixed. This fixing might not be easy and it will definitely take a dose of humility, but it can happen. We’re living proof.

Since you’ve had the hard conversation of figuring out what is going on, you then get to move forward to restoration.

Most of the time that means you have to ask yourself “What situations led me to being in this mess to begin with?” Once you answer that question, you can figure out what boundaries you need to establish with this person and within yourself.

Boundaries are going to look different for everyone. What works for some people, won’t work for you, and vice versa. That’s okay, because we are different and respond differently in various situations. But the most important thing with boundaries is that you have them, you communicate them, and you guard them (even when it’s hard.) You do that so you never find yourself in a position where you are continually living without clarity within your relationships.

Clear boundaries are absolutely a solution and will work well for many people. Some people, however, need to let go completely of the relationship that left them confused and hurt. It is not a less than option, if it’s the healthiest choice for you to make, then make it. Forgive them and move forward, trusting God for the good things He has promised.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

Let’s use the analogy of a table for this one. Look at the importance of the strength of a table when you put an entire Easter lunch on it. You want that table to hold the weight being placed atop it.

Same with relationships.

Think about the first time you decide to tell the person you’re dating something very personal about yourself. You wouldn’t do that on a first date. You would wait until you know you trust that person and feel comfortable with them knowing this thing about you. The foundation of your relationship should be strong enough to hold the information shared. This strong foundation will not happen overnight. Strengthening of your relationship will come with time. It’s a process that is worthy of your patience.

Plain and simple, your level of intimacy should match your level of commitment. No one is the exception to that rule.

xoxo B + H

You’re A Whole Person, With or Without Them

Have you ever watched someone start dating that incredible person, then becomes obsessed with that incredible person to the point that they lose themselves and the only identity they have is that incredible person’s significant other? Have you ever dated that person? Have you ever been that person?

How unfortunate is it when people completely lose themselves in a relationship and never really find themselves again (whether or not the relationship works out)? And I’m not talking about the “lose yourself”, head-over-heals, world series kind of stuff. I’m talking about the “lose yourself” as in losing your identity and the things that make you, you!

Instead of continuing on a rant about how annoying this is or how sad this is or what a waste this is, etc, I just want to cover some quick truths that are true literally all the time - whether you’re single, dating someone, going on dates, or married for 20 years.

You are a whole person through Jesus Christ, not through a significant other or spouse.

I think its easy for us to forget this or avoid this. We can experience loneliness, etc, when we are not in a dating relationship with someone else. But loneliness is not the same as incompletion. You could be surrounded by people and feel lonely. You are whole and perfectly complete when you allow Jesus to fully know you and fully love you! These aren’t things we have to earn, these are things we get as a part of his family.

Your identity is in Jesus and who He says you are, not in your relationship status.

Jesus made you and therefore gets to say who you are. He doesn’t give us a heavenly identity just for that to be taken away by a boy or a girl we are dating. The things he gives us and calls us are eternal; relationships, even marriage, are only until death do you part.

You are too important and too special to him for you to forfeit your identity or belittle it to an association with someone else. Your purpose is too great to sideline yourself early on. Know yourself, be yourself, don’t lose yourself.

Seeking fulfillment or identity from any source other than Jesus will leave you empty and strain any relationship.

You were created for intimate relationship with God. He created you with every intention and every plan to fulfill the desires he put in your heart. We were made for him and he is enough for us. So many of us try to fill up on saltines when in reality we were made to be filled with a 5 course meal!

Being in a committed relationship will look differently for you than you being single, no question about that. But who you are does not change. Your God-given identity is as constant and complete as the God-given love we receive every single day. The world needs what you have, don’t lose that in the midst of a relationship.

A Different Way to Live

Joshua 6- Jericho

Incredibly early in scripture we are introduced to this idea that we fight battles differently than the world does. We have the Lord and his strategy. Our true strength lies with the presence of God (the arc of the covenant they carried around), not in some physical strength or weapon. Its different, we are different.

God’s people are the most "set apart, not like the others" people ever. Literally belonging to the Creator of everything. Since who they are is “not like the others” the things they do and the way they go about things is also “not like the others."

The way they get food - manna from Heaven

The way they cross bodies of water - dry ground right through it

The way they wage war - walking and shouting

But what about us? God’s people now, in 2016.

The only thing that separates us, that makes us different, that makes the way we live different, is God. Same for the Israelites - they were different because of God’s presence with them. Just like they obeyed everything the Lord said, we should obey everything the Lord tells us.

So many times we are frustrated with our walks with God. We feel like we are trying to knock down giant walls and break heavy chains and get our prayers past the ceiling. We get frustrated because we feel like we are “losing” in some way. We are trying to attack the wall, but the reality is, God is the one who brings it down.

Let’s look deeper, what is God telling us to do that we are not doing? In what way are you being disobedient? Is it something you haven’t given up? Is it something you haven’t given your all to? The difference in whether or not our “Jericho walls” fall is our obedience or disobedience to what the Lord has said.

Our weapons are different than the world’s - we see that in Jericho and we see that in 2 Corinthians (10:3-4). We have the FULL armor of God, we have his Holy Spirit, and we have radical power in obedience.

I know obedience isn’t a sexy Christian discipline, but honestly, thats how we access the powerful weapons Jesus has given us. Obedience is what allows us to be on God side and He always wins.

The Israelites trusted, obeyed, let the Lord fight with and for them, and the walls came down.

Tomorrow, let’s say about today that we trusted, we obeyed, we fought with what the Lord gave us, and the walls came down.

You Are Not the Exception

“I am not the exception. You are not the exception. Those are both true statements. But just because they are true, doesn’t mean they are easily believed.

For the majority of my life I believed that I was an exception. I knew the Holy Spirit could fill people. I knew God could heal and He could give people spiritual gifts. But I wasn’t people. I was me – and I was an exception.

During my two years as a freshley small group leader I saw God move. He moved through my girls. He moved through my co-leaders. And looking back, I now know that God used and moved through me during those two years, but if you would have asked me how God was using me back then? I probably would have shrugged and uncomfortably answered with a vague “oh ya know, God’s doing God” (a slight variation on the beloved teen saying “you do you”).

Back then a friend of mine could touch someone’s shoulder – pray for them to be filled – and God would fill them. My co-leader could ask for God to use them – and He would. But if the tables were turned (and someone had their hand awkwardly on my ski slope of a shoulder) – I didn’t believe the Holy Spirit would fill me. And if I was the one praying, I knew nothing was going to happen. No one would be healed. No one would be filled.

I was unusable.

By thinking that God wasn’t going to use me, I was placing a limit on Him. Because I believed God couldn’t move through me, I was limiting His ability to do so.

Then I became a student discipler. I still didn’t think God would use me to minister to someone. To pray for someone and have their circumstances change. But I was willing to try. The day before I had my first discipleship meeting I told God, “I don’t think you will use me, but I am going to make myself available for you to.” And by opening myself up to Him. By saying yes. I removed the life-long limit I had placed on God.

And you know what – He used me. And as an intern He is still using me.

It didn’t take any radical encounters. Or a super spiritual dream. One day, I just said yes. I removed the limit I placed on God and gave Him room to move. And He used the space I gave Him to work in and through me.”

This lesson is one that most of us, if not all of us, will have have to learn at some point in our lives. It is so easy to see the world around us and imagine others are experiencing something different than us - something more or better. God wants to fill every single one of us with His Holy Spirit and He wants to use every one filled with His Holy Spirit to minister to others. The truth is, the only way for us to be an exception is if we make ourselves so. God never will. Our prayer for you is that you would see that you are very much a part of the family of God and, therefore, have full access to what is available to His children. No exceptions.

Circumcision Again?

Joshua 5:2-9

So far in Joshua we have seen God’s people come to the edge of the Promised Land He has for them. They sent spies into Jericho and, with the help of Rahab, they have seen the city and are confident God will help them conquer it. Then, they cross the Jordan as God miraculously stops the flow of the river and makes a path of dry land. They are ready to go to war!

But before God is going to lead them into the Land, there’s just one issue to take care of - the men need to be circumcised.

Why? Why is it that every time God makes great promises to his people He asks them to ... well, you know.

Here’s the answer: before God can give us the promises He has for us, we have to be made ready to receive them. And in the Kingdom, readiness has to do with righteousness. Not righteousness we do for ourselves, but righteousness God does for us.

Circumcision isn’t about the physical, it’s about the spiritual. It is about God using their obedience to set them apart and make us righteous. So that’s why God commands His people to be circumcised before they enter the Land. He doesn’t want them entering as people who are like everyone else. He wants them to enter as His chosen people, holy in His sight.

Check out verse 9. Here we see the whole point of the deal. In their circumcision, He “washed away the reproach of Egypt.” He was severing from them (interestingly accurate, yet a little too graphic...sorry) the worldliness they experienced in captivity. God’s people needed to be cleansed of the Egyptian way, will all their false gods and human sinfulness. So He asked them to do what He asked their father, Abraham, to do - set themselves apart. And as much as we may not understand it, circumcision is what accomplished it.

So, let’s move past the act and apply the concept. What needs to put “cut off” (sorry again) from your life in order to set you apart? What shouldn’t be there in order for God to make you righteous? This is a huge deal people it is vital if we are going to be the people of God. Circumcision may still not be ethically relevant, but having hearts that are surrendered to God sure is! Furthermore, being made righteous by God is what is going to allow us to receive what He has for us. Before we can move into the plans and purposes He has for us, He has to make us right for them.

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